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Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Tuesday June 19 2018 - Let downs and c**** (The real and proper Day 2470)

Our Mozzer (as @Alfsbutton) entered The Wrong Arms yesterday evening dressed as Mike Bassett and announced, "As England will be playing football tonight I will be selecting my all time England 11 shortly."

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Mozzer then added, "This is not in position order."

We were then treated to the following:

"Number 1) Gary "I'm still 28 really" Lineker. Much like Joyce he never missed an easy target. Also like Joyce he is paid by the bucketload for doing very little and using his name famous decades previously."

"Number 2) John "I feel no guilt" Fashanu. For reminding us he was almost as bad at football as he was at being a brother."
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JOHN FASHANU - SHIT BROTHER

"Number 3) Rio "I discovered the alphabet aged 11" Ferdinand. His brain learnt the way to kick a ball and then promptly decided to learn nothing else."

"Number 4) Carlton "please don't play me" Palmer. Reminding us that ample legs does not equate to mesmerising grace."

"Number 5) Bobby "national icon" Charlton. Who made it acceptable to have a ridiculous hairstyle and still maintain some standards."

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"Number 6) Steven Gerrard - for without football he would surely be serving life in prison for aggravated burglary at his mothers house."

"Number 7) Michael Carrick - for being as boring and uninspiring as his name would suggest."

"Number 8) Kieron Dyer - The one man who must have suffered more sudden illnesses than I."

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"Number 9) Emile Heskey - reminding us playing a house as a striker is not necessarily a good idea."

"Number 10) Ashley Cole - for breaking the heart of the nations princess."

"Number 11) The Neville's - just look at their smug ugly faces."

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"Number 12) and English by my honour. Bert Trautmann. Broke his neck and carried on playing. Much like my life from 2008."

Following the announcement of the Number 12 I replied, "Tweet of the day", to which Our Mozzer came back with, "This was all an elaborate set up for my punchline."

The incorrect use of an apostrophe for the Nevilles left me wondering if someone else had posted this tweet, but even lyrical geniuses make the odd mistake....as do hairy backed bloggers.

When Kev (@MozzaKev) asked, "Who's the one player you wish was English?", he received the unsurprising reply of, "George Best."


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I interjected that I thought OM had a soft spot for Rio Ferdinand, and got the reply, "Has he not made the team?" 

I also enquired, "This is your 'All time 11'? All time WHAT?", and got the reply, "Let downs and c****..... and there you have your next blog title."

I pointed out that that could have been the title of Monday's blog, to which OM replied, "Change it immediately", but I didn't, I have saved it for today.

Alexander Burley (@AlexanderJB89) responded to the Bobby Charlton tweet about maintaining standards with a ridiculous hairstyle by tweeting, "Thought that was you". I expected Burley to have his head ripped off for such impertinence, but Mozzer must have been in a good mood, as he wittingly replied, "I do not have any standards".

Dan Birch (@danbirch1) tweeted to state that he was surprised Mozzer hadn't picked Beckham at Number 7, to which M replied, "He is not a let down as I never expected anything from him. He is a c*** but everyone knows that."

When Boozey Kerry (@eponymousgeek) asked, "No Joey Barton?", Alf replied, "He is a captain of a different team".


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I don't think Mozzer's 'All time 11' would be very good, especially as he didn't select a goalkeeper. The actual England team won last night's match against Tunisia 2-1. I still believe.

All the excitement of the World Cup reminded me that in 2006, I wrote a new version of Three Lions, and not only recorded it and sang it on my local radio station, but also performed it on Meridian Television. I tweeted one of my verses, which went:

"Out in Japan it was going to plan
And Beckham was our ma_a_an
When he scored, we all roared
We thought that this time
At last we can win, and at last we can sing
But Brazil did their thing
But I'm still singing

Three Lions on the shirt...."

My tweet got the following response from Alf:

"Christ."


This morning I woke up to discover that the Twitter Police had suspended my account for alleged 'hateful conduct'. They cited two tweets I had sent to a Moz Army member called, Matt (@Matt_1976), in which I had called him a, "ginger cunt". There was NO hate whatsoever in either of the tweets, but Twitter obviously don't believe in free speech, and don't care about context.

I don't think for one minute that it was Matt who reported me; especially as he has spent the last two/three weeks calling me every name under the sun - he gives as good as he gets. I am pretty sure that it is the MozArmy Commander General, Julie Hamill who has reported me. She has turned her group into exactly the same sort of group as Morrissey-Solow, i.e. full of Moz haters, and she bans and censors any Morrissey fan who doesn't agree with her point of view. These aren't Morrissey fan groups, they are Morrissey hate groups. You couldn't make this up. One can only hope that Johnny Rogan gives Hamill a lift up the M56 after he has picked up LizzyCatMoz.

Mozzer took to Twittter at 1:52 PM today to respond to my free speech being taken away by the Twitter police. He tweeted, "And now he knows how Tommy Robinson feels."


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