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Thursday, 20 October 2011

Following The Mozziah Day 36 Thursday 20th October 2011


What the hell is all this excitement about The Stone Roses reforming? The amount of press they're getting, the fervour among the music journos, I just don't get it. How many work of art pieces of poetry have they ever written? How many albums did they actually do? Do you know, I honestly believe I can only name two of their songs; Fools Gold and Waterfall, oh and the one about straps cutting me like a knife. Nope, just googled it, that's Fools Gold too. That's too, not two. Not like Gary Glitter's Rock & Roll Parts 1 & 2. Or indeed Ian Dury's Reasons to be Cheerful, part three. What happened to parts one & two of that song? Now, Ian Dury, that's a comeback gig I would get excited about! Clever Trevor, Clever Bastards, Hit Me With Your Clever Stick, clever bloke that Dury. Ian Dury, 'injury', do you get it? All the Punks were at it you know, false names. Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious, Poly Styrene and of course, my old squash partner Ed Banger, real name, Edmund Garrity. I met Ed many years after his Slaughter & The Dogs and Nosebleeds days and he was the mildest, nicest guy you could ever wish to meet. I've met a number of 'old rockers' over the years and the beauty of them is that they always believe there's a comeback just around the corner. When I met Eddie, he was playing in a duet called Blue Caboose, playing Rod Stewart songs on the pub circuit. I had no idea he had once been the guy that my hero, 'The Mozziah', had probably once looked up to. I've never heard The Mozziah mention Ed but Ed was a huge part of the Manchester music scene just as The Mozziah was trying to make it. It is well documented that The Mozziah took over from Ed when he left The Nosebleeds but I remember when, as an excited 21 year old, I asked Ed if he actually KNEW Morrissey? He told me they'd never met. I had missed the whole of the Manchester punk scene, with the exception of the mainstream bands like The Buzzcocks, who'd made it on to Top of The Pops. Ed always said the Buzzcocks weren't really part of the 'proper' scene anyway, he'd say, 'They're from bloody Bolton'. I still have my copy of Promises in it's black and purple picture cover, and of course the back catalogue that I then 'had' to go and seek out, including the superb 'What Do I Get'.  But as I said, I'd missed the whole Manchester punk scene and had no idea that this squash playing, Rod Stewart singing, mild mannered man, was in fact one of THE main players from that time. For the few years that I knew Eddie, and his wife Lyn, he would play me his old records and show me the photos, beautiful photos of spit flying through the air at him. I asked him what he thought of the spit thing, he said he didn't even stop to think about it, it was just the thing you did. The crowd spat at him, he spat back. The crowd threw beer bottles, he threw them back, and that's how he got his name. I don't want to think about how John Lydon got his! Eddie had a whole box of the record 'I've Just Had my Car Nicked', I don't think sales had been that great, and Ed kindly signed one and gave it to me, along with a signed copy of the catchy ditty, 'Kinnel Tommy', go on youtube it, you won't regret it, and if you do, put on 'Where Have All The Boot Boys Gone', which you really won't regret! Despite having the experience of trawling through Ed's life, I didn't appreciate it back then, after all, he was just the bloke from Blue Caboose who used to beat me 5-0 at squash every week. I was disappointed that Ed had never met The Mozziah, The Smiths at that time were (as they & The Mozziah still are) my life. They were everything. I think Ed tired of me going on and on about The Mozziah but on one occasion when I was rabbiting on about the Smiths, Ed said to me, and this is honestly true, 'Although I never knew him, I knew people who knew him, and they told me he was different. They said he was a poet and by all accounts, an absolute f*cking genius'. It takes one to know one, I miss Ed and hope he is doing okay after his illness. I always got the feeling Ed thought that The Mozziah had taken his crown, but God he was a good squash player....and yet another f*cking City fan! Stone Roses? I'll be washing my hair.
 So, let's catch up on yesterday, it didn't go viral, no surprises there, young Josh was too busy at the launch of Football Manager 2012 with his mate @ajhalls1, a guy called Andy Halls who is a trainee journalist at The Sun. AJ tweeted, 'At launch of Football Manager 2012, free food, beer and a pub quiz,  yes please'. Now I'm not being funny, but if that was on offer to me, I too wouldn't have bothered with a major scoop about a secret website belonging to a Global superstar either. Anyway, back to my yesterday, not Josh & Andy's, although, I wonder what the pub quiz was about? Shit, I wish I was a trainee journo. I wonder if there were any questions on 70's pop? What if they asked, 'What was the first number 1 single to have a synthesizer played on it?' *Puts hand up* 'Miss, miss, me miss, me miss, was it Are Friends Electric by Tubeway Army? *Looks smug* 'What do you mean Chicory Tip's Son of My Father? Bol*ocks'. Where was I? Oh yes, to my second home, the internet. First stop, MorrisseysWorld. Since it 'closed' on Sunday I hadn't been checking it out as oft I should, so I took a peak. Now I get the feeling someone is definitely playing tricks on me. I am sure I'd read every little scrap but I found even more articles, including the ones mentioned by Bruce Springsteen in my blog yesterday. Is someone adding these and back dating them? If that is the case, has this site really been going two years or has material been added and just given an old date? Either way, the added content is honestly among the funniest things I have ever, ever read. The Mozziah, if it is him who is writing this stuff, although I now believe some of it is Brand, is an absolute comic genius. Perhaps a team of like minded geniuses? Talking of which, you may have noticed that my own writing has improved beyond belief since I started this blog. MorrisseysWorld has inspired me to write, write stuff that has been locked up inside me for years. Yesterday on twitter, Russell Brand made me cry. Not with laughter, proper cry. A regular tweeter called @StillICling asked me if I was a professional writer? Old Buck jumped in first and posted, 'I'll answer that one, yes.' Russell Brand thinks I am a professional writer. I'm crying again now at the compliment, I'm not lying. An emotional wreck, well okay not the full wreck but a scratch to the bonnet at least. The truth is, I should've written for a career, I honestly believe that, but the reason I never did is because I never needed to, I was never pushed. (I am releasing information about myself that I never intended to but the anonymity of a blog is great for 'letting it all flood out', I recommend it). You see, I became financially comfortable by thirty five, thanks to boyish good looks and charm. No, I wasn't a rent boy, alright, just charm, oh and an astute business brain. And no, I'm not rolling in it rich, merely comfortable, I therefore simply didn't need, and couldn't be bothered, to write. It's oft said that money goes to money and there is a lot of truth in that. Once you have a bit of money, if you use it wisely, it allows you to make more money. If you have nothing, it is hard to get out of the gutter. At the beginning of '85 (yes, Meat is Murder time), I was penniless and on the dole. I pulled myself from the gutter, actually that's unfair, it wasn't a gutter, far too middle class for that, I pulled myself from the havens of my comfortable & penniless bed and slowly 'made my way'. I would imagine, that like money, the same can be said about writing. Whether as a poet, a song writer, a script writer or a comedian, that first piece of work is the hardest. It may take a long time to make it from the gutter or comfy bed, but when you have made it, it is far easier to keep making it. Surely the best historical evidence of this is Adam Ant's 'Ant Rap'. Having had two of the biggest selling number 1 records ever; Stand & Deliver and Prince Charming, Monsieur Ant followed it up with one of the worst songs in the history of vinyl, and yet it still reached number 3 and sold bucket loads. The first million is always the hardest. So lodged away inside my head, is an In betweeners style sitcom for thirty five year olds, dozens and dozens of songs,  (although it has to be said that most of those were from the 1980's and are firmly stored away at the very back of my head. Of course it isn't always good to let 'everything' slip out of your brain, go and Youtube Seona Dancing and you'll see what I mean. That could've been me!)  and also the whole stage musical of The Life of Brian. I still have to work daily to earn a living & anyway, even if I didn't have to, what else would I do all day? The honest answer is, I've just been too lazy to write, that is until I found a subject that has given me the passion, a passion that, for most of you reading this, is a passion just like yours. And this brings me on to my second outpouring of tears yesterday, how can you go months and months without crying and then have two bouts in one day? Tiredness doesn't help! I read Russell Brand's story from Q magazine entitled, 'Why I Love The Smiths'. I don't buy Q and had never read this article, which was printed last August. I read it through twice and burst out crying, Brand you b*stard, I wish I'd written that!
 Right, tears dried, pathetic girlyness over, back to the reason we're all here, The Mozziah. As I was saying earlier, I had visited MorrisseysWorld and was trawling through the comments on the last article and there, written on the 18th Oct by Anonymous was this entry, 'Ghost of Bobby Driscoll calling.....When can you have me on the Big-Screens at your show Morrissey? Nico, Jobriath, Elvis too. Good night and thank you.' Now I know for a fact that a lot of these anonymous comments are actually the writer, ie Morrissey/Brand/Mikey What's his name, you know, the guy in the Bans Committee thing who doesn't seem to have featured in the plot at all, Bracewell, that's it *pats self on back* so it makes sense to presume, this 'Screen request/prediction' has been placed for us to see, YES, a sign. Although as Esther Rantzen used to say, 'unless of course, you know different'. * Turns to the left* 'Cyril'. (I'm sorry to all the Under 40's, you'll have to find that one out for yourselves). 'Cyril' they cry, 'Who's Cyril'?
 And finally Esther, What exactly was ODyrbrm? Well, in the words of Beyonce, to the left, to the left everything you want in a box to the left. Got it yet? Right, eyes down (literally -YOUR PC KEYBOARD) and look in. (I love bingo me). O, go 1 step left on your keyboard = I. D, one step left =S. y, one step left = t. As Rolf would say, 'Do you know what it is yet? r, one step left = e, b =v, r = e and finally m = n. ODyrbrm = I Steven. I must have been a wally to have missed that one, if nan were alive, she'd turn in her grave ; )
*Goes off singing* That's life, that's what all the people say, you're riding high in April, shot down in May.


  1. I Steven...I am grinning from ear to ear. Thanks!

  2. I have to congratulate you TRB for keeping up on the happenings of Morrissey's World. I'm only taking it in passing. My time and mind is preoccupied. You are like my Daily Mozzer, keeping my up to date on what is happening. It is sad what is happening between the fellow followers. I don't like to see drama, and it is distracting everyone from what is happening. Colonel Qaddafi died today. The world is moving fast, and we can't afford to lag behind now. Keep it up TRB. Your hard work is more than appreciated; it is adored.

  3. I think he's doing alright!


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