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Thursday, 3 November 2011

Following the Mozziah Day 50 - Thursday 3rd November 2011

The Mozziah is back! *Waves Palm leaves* And just in the nick of time, my internet addiction is now getting out of hand. I've seen it happen in other people's lives and now it's happening in mine.Today is my 50th day of 'Following The Mayhem', as Buck calls it, and I really, really need to get a grip on reality. I started this blog as a way of releasing my own thoughts about the brilliance of The Mozziah creating his own satirically real website, a website that STILL, even the most ardent of followers are not really sure is REALLY run by The Mozziah. Just for the record, IT IS! Having said that, even I, the one who 'Reads the Signs' could not tell you exactly who does what and who has what involvement, although I do of course know the main characters, you can't hide genius. Two days ago, MorrisseysWorld re-opened, well sort of, it still says at the top of the page that it's closed and none of the 'old' blogs have been reposted, but The Mozziah has reopened the website to once again chastise somebody who has been silly enough to email him pretending to be from the REAL Camp M (lol, I've just read that back, 'the real camp M', Kenneth would've been proud!) The Mozziah has also returned to twitter with what appeared to be what I call 'Auto-Quotes', wittiscisms that I believe he feeds to the admin guy to tweet. The Mozziah rarely interacts with other tweeters when these are posted. But then the REAL Mozziah appeared as he took part in a Q&A session. You can tell this is really him because the wit is quick and sharp, like no other. I had spent virtually the whole day on twitter  when the Mozziah turned up, and I didn't bother asking him a question, I left him to the masses. I had vowed to myself, just before he appeared, that I would leave twitter for at least a few days and also leave this blog. Then HE turns up, the whole point I'm here writing this in the first place. So NOW what do I do? I hauled myself away and didn't go back on all evening. I then peaked in this morning and The Buck Toothed one had been on, leaving youtube clips, especially for me. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! The temptation now of course is to spend yet another wasted day on twitter, hoping that The Mozziah and his Mad Eyed Chambermaid of a son turn up again. But THAT isn't real life is it? And even if I do carry on 'living' in twitterland, how long should I stay there? How long should I continue this blog? It could go on forever, in which case I'm doomed. Or is there a reason I'm here in the first place? I'm a great believer in fate, although at present it could very well be mooning back at me. I tried to explain the absolute beauty of that line to somebody this morning, 'Fate Mooning Back at Me', but they just didn't get it and asked me to put Rihanna on. In fact, I, and probably most of the people reading this, have spent our adult lives trying to explain the beauty of The Mozziah's lyrics to people. Spending our lives 'defending' him. 'Explaining' him. Of course, it's a waste of breath. If you have to explain The Mozziah then they just don't get it, and never will. I only have four Mozziah friends. These are 'special' friends who I only ever see when we go to concerts. None of my day to day friends 'get' The Mozziah, and I quite like that, he's mine, but I'm happy to share him on concert days, in fact I HAVE to have like minded people around me on concert days, there is NOTHING worse than attending with somebody who is non plussed. Mozziah friends are similar to fellow supporters of your football team. Whether it's actually at a football match itself, or on a beach somewhere in Torremolinos, if you are with a fellow fan, all be it that they are a complete stranger and in all likeliness a complete neanderthal, you would stand shoulder to shoulder with that person, because they 'Are You', they wear the badge. My four Mozziah friends 'wear the badge', or in actual fact a Mozziah/Smiths T shirt, and we always go to at least two concerts per tour. It is always me who choses which ones, and I am also the one left to try and beat the system by getting the tickets. I wonder if The Mozziah has ANY idea what we go through on the morning of the first day of ticket release. My ritual is to set up as many people as I can grab on their pc's, laptops and phones, and as soon as the clock hits 9am, we're off. Who can get through first? Engaged on the phones, no surprise there. The website has stalled, again no surprise. Refresh, refresh, refresh and suddenly you're in. Blind panic, don't mistype your credit card details. YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN CONFIRMED. Yahoooo. Text mates, 'Hi, got tickets, we're going to Gt Yarmouth, Up the Pier'. Texts come back, 'Well done, but WHY Gt Yarmouth?' Of course it's not always Gt Yarmouth, for us it's usually London. Earls Court, Ally Pally, Forum, Albert Hall, Festival Hall, Wembley and of course my favourite The Palladium. I chose Gt Yarmouth because I loved the idea of The Mozziah playing up a pier, how very 'Carry On', which is why of course he chose it. These venues and record labels aren't all luck you know, our genius of a Mozziah plans everything to the last detail, it's all part of his one man masterplan, so when he's filling you with his self deprecation, just remember, his is one of the most gifted and fulfilled lives of the seven billion currently on this earth, although of course, he'd never admit it, well, perhaps the gifted bit. So me and my four Mozziah mates set off for the concerts with our six tickets, I always buy an extra one, always in the belief that another of my friends will have 'found' The Mozziah, they never do. We play the CD's at full volume in the car on the way there and at volume 11 on the way back. We sing every word of every song at the concert, and occasionally get thrown out, well just the once, which reminds me, the time I did get thrown out, from 'Up the Pier', it dawned on me that I had a spare ticket still in my back pocket. I walked back down the pier, chatted briefly to Sebastian's grand parents (scroll back through the blog for that story) and then casually walked back to the entrance, new ticket in hand. 'Sorry Mate, you can't come in, you've just been thrown out.' How did he know that this sweat covered 'Meathead' wearing a 'Shoplifters/Elvis' T shirt was the same person as the sweaty 'Shoplifter' they'd just removed? They're not as thick as they look you know. In fact, he was very pleasant and we chatted away as I listened to a muffled  'Some Girls Are Bigger' in the back ground. Bol*ocks, I'd missed 'Some Girls', oh well, I'd hear it at Salisbury, I didn't, but the compensation of 'Teenage Dad' more than made up for it.
  I've rambled again, why am I here? That was the question I was asking. I have deluded myself enough to believe that 'something' will come of this. I am happy to receive job offers from The Mozziah or The Buckster, but have decided to rule out offers from The Gu*rdian, Mike Joyce or Conor McNic*las's defence team. Tomorrow's blog, if I do decide to continue and if other events don't dictate otherwise, will see my directing debut for a video, for The Mozziah single that for some reason never got released. It is the one song that all of the regular twitterers seem to like, why WASN'T it ever a single? Have you guessed what it is yet? And now, to reality or twitter? I've just peaked in again. Somebody has stopped following me for blocking their timeline with all my drivel, I don't blame them. Somebody else has chastised me for my mocking of twitter users, again, I can't argue. And another has posted youtube clips trying to lure me back. What to do? The devil will find work for idle hands to do.

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