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Friday, 11 November 2011

Following the Mozziah Day 58 Friday 11th November 2011

0800 GMT: Today is 11/11/11, or as the dumb ass Americans are already insisting on calling it, 11/11/11. I was awoken by a warm tongue caressing my left ear. I turned my face and the tongue swept gently across my lips and darted up my nostril. I opened one eye and smiled at that beautiful whiskered face. Mrs Rat? No, she'd shaved, it was the bloody dog, today is his birthday. I bid him an 'Unhappy Birthday', scooped him up and carried him downstairs, where at FULL blast I unleashed his birthday song as I danced around the kitchen, elbows and arms flailing a la Mozziah 1980's style, and bellowed out every word as loud as I could. I LOVE that song, although it has to be said, the dog winced and bolted back upstairs when I yelled out the line, 'I say no, I'm gonna kill my dog'.

So, overnight my dog has gone from being seven, to fourteen. I feel I've aged just as much since I started writing this bloody blog. It's alright for old Mary Poppins, who keeps opening and shutting 'her' blog, some of us feel an obligation to our fans to keep 'giving'. 'We love your blog', they tweet to me and 'Haven't laughed so much in ages' and 'You're really talented' etc etc etc, Oh the pressure to perform, to entertain, to amuse.

Last night I sat watching 'Sarah Beeney's Restoration Nightmare', a programme in which the presenter, Sarah Beeney (funnily enough), tries to make the viewer feel sorry for her as she runs out of money restoring her multi million pound mansion. Silly mare, she'd have been better off spending the money on restoring herself. Just what is that lump on her bottom lip? I can't concentrate on her bathroom taps and marble fireplaces, I'm fixated by the bloody lip. Anyway, I was sat there last night watching 'Beeney's Lip' and thinking to myself, I have absolutely NOTHING to write about on my blog tomorrow. I'm all dried up, a spent force in the autobiographical/satirical world. Up until now it has flowed and when I did occasionally run out of things to say, I would just rewrite The Lord's Prayer or something. So now what? The concerts don't now start until Monday, thanks to old 'Borderline Boorer', MorrisseysWorld is completely shut down, (without even a link to this blog anymore, which I have to say is a major inconvenience as I used to sign in to this via MW. Mozziah, may I make a polite request that you add me back in? With nothing else on there, it should boost my readership no end!) and I'm bored of twotter.

However, I decided to take a peak into Twitterdilly to try and inspire me for my blog and I'm glad I did. It is like going through the back of the wardrobe in 'The Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe', a completely 'different' world to the world you move about in, in real life, but a world that is none the less full of 'real' people who's minds you engage with. I have learned in the last eight weeks, that if you use twotter properly, you can fill your timeline with like minded people, with like minded interests, in my case, the Mozziah. Most people seem to use twotter to follow meaningless celebrities who tweet about nothing! What's the point in that? I haven't found Aslan the lion in my Twitterdilly Narnia, but there ARE a couple of cats called Heather & Liz in the back of my wardrobe, I hope they don't break through into the 'real' world, my dog'll kill 'em. Actually, he'd probably either ignore them, or hide!

So, what did I find in Twitterdilly to inspire today's blog? Our old friend, G*ardian deputy editor Kaff Vinegar (The Acid Queen). She had posted a tweet which read, 'Just appalling. John Lewis Christmas ad campaign will feature Please Please Please Let Me get What I Want :(((' I immediately asked Kaff to explain herself and she tweeted, 'It's such a beautiful song, makes me sad to think of it being used to flog stuff'. I now have a topic for today's blog, I'll be back later.

1100 GMT: I cannot stop crying, I am an emotional wreck. The Mozziah has posted a tweet of the new John Lewis Christmas ad. It is a really, really moving advert that features a child desperately waiting for Christmas to arrive while The Smiths song 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' is sung in the back ground by 'Slow Moving Millie'. I have watched it about five times now and I am seriously, seriously sat here crying. it isn't the song that has got to me, although of course it is a beautiful song, it is the sentiment behind the advert. The boy is waiting for Christmas to arrive in order to GIVE a present to his parents, NOT receive one. In this modern 'Take Take Take' society that we live in, it is a beautiful twist that they have come up with in the advert.

Kaff Vinegar's words from yesterday are now ringing very hollow but is she sorry now that she's actually SEEN the advert? NO! She is calling it 'Depressing'. For f*cks sake Kaff, 'Depressing?' ARE YOU BLIND? I've accused Kaff before of not LISTENING and now she's not WATCHING. The message CLEARLY says how important giving is, not necessarily presents, just giving. The Mozziah would've wanted to know every detail of the advert before agreeing to let them use his song, and he would've LOVED the message. Kaff Vinegar just sees a slant, the chance to offer an opinion.

And what happened as soon as Kaff had given her opinion? One of her two bit G*ardian hacks called @SimonNRicketts responded by tweeting, 'The John Lewis ad was going to use the Smiths song: "I guilt-trip my parents, making them feel inadequate unless they go into debt for me." I don't believe Mr Ricketts can actually have watched the ad as there is nothing to suggest that kids are ASKING for anything, I believe Mr Ricketts just wanted to impress Kaff with a witty remark.

Now, regular readers of my blog will know that I believe I am quite a skillful negotiator and debater and I pride myself on being able to 'beat' people with words, but sometimes one just can't be bothered, especially if your 'opposition' is just far too dense to debate. Sometimes, just sometimes, you just have to say it as it is, so I replied to @SimonNRicketts with the following tweet, "Hi Simon, loved your last tweet, you are a very funny man.....oops sorry, my mistake, wrong words, 'an uneducated Cunt'". I have now been blocked by Mr Ricketts!

  So, that's todays blog. Buck has been back on twitter leaving Youtube offerings, mum also made a brief appearance, and amusingly posted a clipping of 'Mouldy Old Dough'. I hope The Mozziah isn't regretting giving permission for 'Please Please', yes there are people saying he shouldn't have done it, but it has exposed a beautiful song to a new audience and has been done in the right way. This isn't a song selling car insurance, it's selling a 'lost message' to a 'lost society'..... And what with Christmas & everything coming up, the extra cash does of course help!

  And finally Esther, and finally Cyril, I have had a brilliant idea for the song 'Trouble Loves Me'. Much as I would love The Mozziah to release it as a single, the reality is, it would do a 'Glamorous Glue' and not get noticed, so how about it being offered to Russell Brand & Jonathan Ross to record for Comic Relief? I am smiling to myself at the thought of Ross opening up with a, 'Twubble loves me, Twubble needs me', as he and the Mad Eyed Chambermaid are joined in the video by Andrew Sachs. It's a winner I tell yer, a 24 carat gold winner.

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