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Thursday, 17 November 2011

Following the Mozziah Day 64 Thursday 17th November 2011

Roses devoid of thorns! That was The Mozziah's instructions wasn't it? Well it would appear that the Texans have taken the instruction two steps further and are throwing roses devoid of petals or indeed a f*cking stem! And what is The Mozziah doing with this whole collection of non existent roses? He's crushed them, before they crush him, and is bringing out a brand new range of perfumes, just in time for Christmas. The Mozziah's Perfume Range is to be called 'SELF'. Firstly we have 'DEPRECATION' for day time wear, a subtle stench that is intended to drive everyone away, but in fact, it's vulnerability brings people closer. Then we have 'LOATHING', especially for the evening, which has a repulsive kick to it and is designed to make you feel nauseous and full of hatred. Finally there is 'ISH' for that special time when one is under the bed sheets, alone! Of course 'ISH' should not be confused with Katie Price-of-Fame's new product 'FISH'. Who put the 'F' in ISH? Katie! As well as the perfume range, an announcement is imminent about a UK Tour for 2012. The Mozziah, as always, is hand picking every venue and is making sure there is a combination of iconic venues that he hasn't played before and some old favourites. The Mozziah is at war with himself, searching for a 'Title' for the tour, having been inspired by Motorhead's 'No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith'. The Mozziah can't decide where to finish the tour and is considering reopening Morrisseys World just to have a poll. The options are as follows; Number 1 is to finish the tour at Swindon Leisure Centre, the venue where The Mozziah collapsed on stage. This option would particularly fit in with The Mozziah's 'dark side' and he would call the tour, 'Back To Swindon - In Search of Death'. Number 2 is to finish the tour at Carisbrooke Castle on the Isle of Wight, the place where King Charles I was imprisoned. The thought being that because The Mozziah 'pulled out' (was he ever booked) of playing the iconic Isle of Wight Festival in 2005, this would give him the opportunity to not only play there, but also tie it in with Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee and call the tour 'Locking Up The Monarch - Again'. Option Number 3 is to finish the tour at Gt Yarmouth Pier, the scene of the now 'infamous' left leg touch. Playing up the pier very much fits in with The Mozziah's love of 'Carry On'/'Kiss Me Quick'/'Seaside Humour' and the tour would be called 'Going All The Way - Back Up The Pier'. Option 4 is to play at Britain's longest 'Place Name' which is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and call the tour 'In Search of A Mouthful'. I personally would like to see a fourth option which would see the tour incorporate the decrepit, Victorian football ground at Portsmouth, called Fratton Park. The tour could be called, 'Who Put The Rat In Fratton'.
  So, what else has been happening? The John Lewis advert has now had over 1.5 million hits on Youtube but Slow Moving Millie, the singer on the advert, has been 'very' slowly moving up the itunes chart, and is currently sitting at number 33. In Twitterdilly, The Buckster has been bouncing in and out, posting Youtube videos for all the regular followers. He seems to be the 'Virtual Face' of The Mozziah, who has not been seen in Twitterdilly for a few days, one can only presume he is preoccupied, or just plain bored with the whole thing! Perhaps he is regretting ever starting his blog and the whole 'Secret Society' thing. One or two of the regular followers are losing the faith and are in need of a 'sign'. Personally, and perhaps rather selfishly, I would prefer NO signs and let the whole thing to continue to build slowly. The ONLY thing The Mozziah EVER promised was to appear, before Christmas, wearing a rose. If he does....Viral!
   I have been busy posting all the Youtube video footage I can find from Austin, and there were some truly fantastic performances, particularly of 'Everyday Is Like Sunday' and 'Still Ill'. Back on twotter, I have been blocked by the G*ardian's deputy editor Kaff Vinegar, (@KathViner), I can't imagine why. That makes it about six G*ardian journalists who have now blocked me, and I thought journalists were supposed to be thick skinned? I have also been blocked by @UncleSkinny, the regular So-Low user who won Mastermind with the specialist subject of The Mozziah. Why would he block me? I can only guess it is because I blamed him in my blog for giving the wrong information about Jesse being blocked at immigration. These 'Quiz Types' can be SO touchy when they get something wrong! I am also still blocked by Johnny Marr, understandably & deservedly, and I am also still blocked by @Msjulie73, who I presumed was Mozziah 'Super Fan' Julia Riley, but I am informed by other twot users that this isn't the case, so I've no idea why she's blocked me or who she is!
  And tonight, the tour moves to Dallas, a great place to start a conspiracy or in this case, a secret society. So can we expect roses? YES, YES we can. We know that @MancLadMozFan will be there with his rose and it would appear he is also on tour with the man I believe is the administrator of MW, @Banjaxer. All eyes will be scrutinising tomorrow morning's Youtube clips, The Mozziah's 'Secret Rose Society' starts here. Could this blog end up being the modern equivalent of Hichens 'The Green Carnation'? Will The Mozziah play Carisbrooke Castle and then be led down the road to Parkhurst Prison, the former home of all three of The Krays? Come to think of it, you could actually imagine The Mozziah getting himself banged up in Parkhurst, just to tick off another iconic venue to perform in! Jailhouse Rock, Mozziah style.
  COME ON DALLAS, SHOW US WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF. *Goes off singing* Dear Hero in Prison, with all the new crimes that you are perfecting, oh I can't help quoting you, cos everything......

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