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Monday, 28 November 2011

Following The Mozziah Day 75 Monday 28th November 2011

I have sent The Mozziah an email, it read as follows:
Dear Mozziah, I have just been reading through the comments on So-Low, a place I only ever used to visit to find out the set lists from your concerts, should I call them concerts, or do you prefer performances, why is it you dislike the word 'gig', everybody else in the rock 'n' roll industry seems to prefer gig? Anyway, I never used to bother reading through the comments on the So-Low site, as invariably the comments were nothing to do with the concert/performance/gig/event, I like event, a much stronger word, I believe the big conked Gallagher brother once referred to your concert's as 'events', probably the wisest thing he's ever said, he's in my bad books at the moment for saying you perform Johnny Marr songs, they are YOUR songs, a song is 'A short poem or other set of words set to music', therefore, your poem equals your song, not Johnny's, he's an instrumentalist/musician. I'm not saying Johnny didn't have a major input by putting music to your poems but the music is NOTHING without the words, there are very few 'instrumentals' that get to number one are there? Of the 1,178 UK number 1's, I reckon no more than about twenty were instrumentals, in fact, I will attempt to name them all; the first ever was 'The Theme From Moulin Rouge' by Mantovani, Eddie Calvert had a couple thanks to his 'golden' trumpet, was it golden? doubtful, and in fact one of his number ones 'Cherry Pink & Apple Blossom White' had already been a number one for Perez Prado. Right, that's four so far but we are still talking about the early 50's, when nobody had anything worth singing about. Russ Conway banged out a couple of number ones on his (golden?) Piano and then of course The Shadows came along to have five number ones, purely because the public were relieved to not hear Cliff. 'Wonderful Land' was good though. Jet Harris branched off to had one with Tony Meehan, oh and I forgot 'On the Rebound' by Floyd Cramer, so that's thirteen. Damn, I also forgot Winifred Atwell's 'Poor People Of Paris', I must confess a soft spot for Winifred, are you aware of her work? The first black artist to have a number one in the UK and still the only female instrumentalist to have a number one, perhaps Madonna should try it, she could just mime along and do us all a favour. Telstar of course, which incidentally was also the first 'tune'/record (not 'song') to go to number one in the US by a British 'band' , and finally from the sixties, a deserved number one for Hugo Montenegro with 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly'. Only two 'Seventies' number ones that I can think of, 'Amazing Grace' and 'Eye Level', we used to always watch Van der Valk in our house, did you? I can't think of any number ones from the nineteen haties and in fact, the only other two I can think of since the seventies are 'Doop' by Doop and the song from the advert with the little yellow glove puppet. So that's twenty, not a bad guess but I may have missed some. I doubt it though, I own every number one single, I don't know why, just something that happened. I'm a bit obsessive with my number ones. It's getting harder and harder to keep the collection going because of downloads, some artistes don't even bother with cd's anymore, let alone vinyl, not like you Mozziah, you always release on vinyl, don't ever stop that will you? Supposing you get a new record deal that is, have you got one yet? Was I correct with my guess about London/Fontana? If you have signed, please release 'Action' as a single, or in fact 'People Are The Same', that's really grown on me? Do you care for feedback on songs? No I don't suppose you do, why should you, it's probably fair to say you know what you're doing. You do know what you are doing don't you? I seem to have digressed from the point of this email, 'So-Low', the only reason I have been reading through the comments on that dreadful site, is to try and understand why you hate it so much, and now I see! It is pure vile, a place full of racist comments and unbelievable scathing abuse toward you, from so called 'fans'. I cannot for the life of me understand why these people bother to take the time to criticise the person they supposedly worship and why oh why do they criticise the set list? Would JC's disciples or followers have criticised his sermons or preachings? Would dear Oscar's followers have criticised his prose? It's bad enough having The G*ardian, ENEMY and the rest of the press criticising you without your 'fans' doing it too, I feel your pain, I really do, 'I've been stabbed in the back so many, many times'. I am all for freedom of speech but most of those comments on So-Low should be removed, if not for being vile and racist, then for no other reason than being completely irrelevant to the thread they are on. Until I had read on MorrisseysWorld about David Ts*ng, I had no idea who he was and I still have no idea who Kewpie is, and have no desire to know, although I presume he is some sort of moderator. Mozziah, I don't want to have to go to So-Low to find the set list from each of your 'events', I want to go to a properly run, properly moderated site that is first with 'accurate' set lists and news and removes anything that is vile, racist, non topic related or unjustly critical of you. I don't want to know what songs 'Derek from Dulwich' wants in the set list, if you played every song that every person desired, you'd be there all night. I will never again criticise our vicar for not chosing 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' at the annual carol service, although if we don't get 'Ding Dong Merrily On High' this year I swear I'll never go again, especially as it's getting so hard to park and there are so many dinosaurs in the congregation, and you always get the feeling they think they're 'superior', just because they're older and been there longer than you. Sorry, back to you Mozziah, (or was I referring to you?), what is all this criticism about the length of your sets? Surely people understand you have to protect your (golden?) tonsils and that playing longer sets could damage you? Years of yodeling takes it's toll on a throat and you are 'King Yodeler' Mozziah.
  Enough of my waffle, the point of this email is to ask you to bring back MorrisseysWorld as soon as possible. I'm sure Mozziah you have a master plan and it will return at a specific moment. I'm sure you are helping to bring down So-Low from the inside but please, please, please make it happen soon. Let 2011 be the last year that any of us ever have to visit So-Low. It will of course continue but we can all ignore it and it will eventually wilt and die.
 We await your 'sign' oh Mozziah.
  I'll dedicate to you, all my love, my whole life through, I'll love you forever and ever.
Ps Please could you add Trouble Loves Me to the set list?
Pps And Death of a Disco Dancer
Ppps Teenage Dad would also be great
Pppps November Spawned A Monster would also probably help to keep the natives quiet
Ppppps Reel Around the Fountain is always a crowd pleaser
Pppppps National Front Disco would really cap it all
Ppppppps I don't suppose there's any chance of a Christmas show with a sing-along of Ding Dong Merrily On High thrown in for good measure?

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