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Monday, 26 December 2011

Following the Mozziah Day 103 Monday 26th December 2011


My name is TRB and I am a Mozaholic. I am serious about this, it is not my attempt at humour, I have become addicted to either the internet or Morrissey or both and I HAVE to kick this habit/habits. The fact that I can admit to myself that I have an addiction is definitely a step in the right direction and the fact that I have just called him Morrissey and not The Mozziah is another step. Unfortunately, as I type this I am listening to a song called 'Never Played Symphonies' by, eh, Morrissey. It is a bit like turning up at an AA meeting with a can of Special Brew in your hand. Perhaps, before I can conquer the addiction, I need to try and find out how I got here. I'm sure that had I found during the cricket season then none of this would've happened, you see, in the Summer, cricket becomes my whole life, I would have been far too busy to spend all day, every day on the internet and in the make believe world of Twitterdilly and I'm sure I would've simply read some of the content of MW, had a little chuckle and then for convenience sake, dismissed it as a hoax. This addiction definitely WOULDN'T have happened in the cricket season, you see cricket is the meaning of life, indeed if there was a God, which there isn't, his sole purpose in inventing mankind, would've been so he could watch cricket, oh and listen to Morrissey....SHIT, we have some way to go to beat this addiction. Unfortunately for me, I found MW in September, just after the cricket season had finished and The Mozziah addiction has grown stronger and stronger with each passing day. The next cricket season doesn't start until the end of April, so I now have four months to shrug off the addiction, rather than let it grow stronger. If I let it grow, I know what will happen, instead of spending my Summer days chasing a leather ball around a field and sipping ice cold beers in the balmy evening sun, I'll be stood outside the High Court in London in the pouring rain with a Blue Rose pinned to my lapel, holding a placard reading 'The Mozziah Is The Light - The NME Will Burn In Hell'. I will be on the BBC news and in the daily newspapers, my friends and family will disown me, I will be branded a nutter and I'll become the laughing-stock of my village. But then surely Simon Peter and the other disciples would also have had to suffer this mocking and humiliation when they followed the teachings of JC? Hold on, the very fact that I keep referring back to The Mozziah in comparable terms to JC shows my addiction/loss of grip on reality runs deep, I need to go right back to the beginning as the first stage of my therapy to find out how I got to this place and perhaps if I can understand how HE gripped me, I can start to let go. But I don't want to let go, I don't want to live without him, there is never a day that goes by when I don't listen to him. Yes but that's the problem, that isn't normal, most people who like a certain musician or singer don't find the need to listen to them EVERY single day, if I am to break the addiction do I have to give him up completely or can I keep him in small doses and just get rid of the internet thingy? Hold on, I am now talking to myself, well not ACTUALLY talking, I am typing to myself. This may be easier for me to understand if I split myself into two, me and me the therapist. Can anybody possibly want to read this nonsenses? That's not why I'm writing, this is for me. Right.
THERAPIST ME: Why do you feel the need to shrug this addiction?
ME: It's taken over my life. I log on to the internet first thing in the morning, I check MW, I get disappointed if there is nothing there, I then start listening to his music and then I log on to twotter to see if these imaginary friends of mine are talking about him. I then stay in Twitterdilly on and off for hours on end and my 'normal' everyday life has to fit in around it.
THERAPIST ME: Have you not enjoyed the experience?
ME: Yes but that isn't the point, I'm forty six years old, I have a family and responsibilities and I'm either sat on the internet or listening to Morrissey, or usually both. I want to start writing but if I don't wean myself off the net, that just WON'T happen.
THERAPIST ME: The fact that you have recognised this is a start but let's take one step at a time, there is no point giving up the internet, Morrissey and Twitterdilly overnight, I think we need to set achievable and sustainable goals. This is enough therapy for today, you are doing well. Why don't you post this blog in Twitterdilly and then log off, take the dog for a walk and interact with your family?
ME: Can I listen to The Mozziah on the dog walk?
THERAPIST ME: Why don't you try listening to just one or two of his tracks rather than the whole walk being ALL Morrissey as it normally is? In fact, why don't you listen to that Noel Gallagher album that you bought in New York? You've only played it once and in fact, if my memory serves me right, you gave up after four tracks and put Morrissey back on.
ME: But I just want Morrissey's songs, I don't need anything else, is that so bad? I'm really enjoying You Are The Quarry at the moment, deluxe version of course with the hugely underrated Teenage Dad and the incredible Friday Mourning.
THERAPIST ME: Just try Gallagher?
ME: I just don't want to, in fact I don't want to talk to you anymore, I'm off to see if those fucking Parody, not really parody, they're bloody real, Tour Journals have been posted. He promised them yesterday and they still aren't there. I NEED those fucking journals, I NEED those journals, do you understand? What if they NEVER get posted? Then what will I do? When does the cricket season start? Is this normal behaviour? Have I lost the plot? Where've you gone? Oi, where've you gone? What sort of therapist are you?
THERAPIST ME: I'm still here, we'll carry this on tomorrow.
ME: We won't if those journals have been published.

1 comment:

  1. This is so funny because my husband got me the Noel Gallagher CD for Christmas and its very good but I keep listening to Morrissey too. Well, of course I do!!


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