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Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 139 Tuesday 31st January 2012

I never thought I would say this, but I feel sorry for Jehovah's Witnesses. I actually feel sorry for them for two reasons, firstly because they have all been completely and utterly brainwashed into believing a load of old mumbo jumbo, and secondly, and this is particularly poignant today, I feel especially sorry for them having to face all the rejection they face, as they try to spread the word about something they dearly believe in. I suppose my first feeling actually applies to the believers of any religion, after all, they are all man made 'cults' if you think about it. The world has been brainwashed over the years to believe in hundreds of different religions, and for many, once you believe, you're in it for life, it's 'got you'. The Jehovah's, like many other 'extreme' religions/cults, aren't just prepared to go about quietly praying to their God of choice, they feel the need to 'get out there' and thrust it down everybody else's throats. They feel SO passionate about their God, that they feel it is their 'duty' to spread the word. Up until yesterday, I thought they were just another bunch of wackos, but as I said in my very first sentence, I now feel sorry for them, because yesterday, doors were slammed in my face, left, right and centre, as I tried to spread the word of our Mozziah. There is nothing more infuriating than, KNOWING you are right, and yet, being unable to convince 'others'. Of course the Jehovah's 'know' they are right, they have to 100% believe it, or otherwise they wouldn't be able to do what they do. I have gotten to know a few Jehovah's over the years, and the ones who don't 'really' believe it 100%, end up leaving. There are two kinds of rejection for the old 'Joey's', the first being the straight forward slam of the door, without listening to a single word, and the second being, those who listen, but then reject the view anyway. As everybody who reads this blog knows, I am 100% committed to the cult of 'MorrisseysWorld', and by the way, it 'is' a 'cult', because the definition of 'cult' is, "A relatively small group of people having beliefs regarded by others as strange." Yep, that's us, and that's our Mozzer! I should point out, for legal reasons, that our 'cult' has nothing to do with the 'pop' group, 'The Cult', which are Billy Duffy's lot, who incidentally, I saw play live last summer at the Isle of Wight Festival. I had a wry smile, because virtually the whole audience seemed to just be waiting for 'She Sells Sanctuary', which funnily enough, came at the end. It reminded me of the time I saw Steve Harley play live, and all the way through, the audience kept shouting, "Play 'Come Up & See Me'", to which Harley eventually shouted back, "If I play the old pension song now, you lot will just piss off, now be patient, it will come at the end." I loved that. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, spreading the word, so, yesterday, I took it upon myself to spread the word of our Mozziah, just like the Jehovah's do, no, don't get me wrong, the Jehovah's haven't started spreading the word of Morrissey, god, can you imagine if that were to happen?, what I mean is, I started spreading 'word', like the Joey's do, and that's why I now sympathise so much with them, because NOBODY WANTS TO LISTEN! As I said a few lines ago, there are two types of rejection, so let me start with the first one, 'The door slam'. My tweets to '@Sumdizzywhore' and '@MarriedtotheMoz', have been met with a straight forward, 'put up the fences', 'pull up the drawbridge', 'stick fingers in ears', 'close eyes and make it go away', 'no thank you very much', 'slam door in my face', "WE DONT WANT TO KNOW!". I do, sort of, understand, because The Jehovah's would get exactly the same treatment from me if they came to my house. I've already 100% made up my mind on religion, so I wouldn't even consider the possibility that I could be wrong, I don't need to, I'm RIGHT! So that's, that then, 'SumDizzy' & 'MarriedTo' aren't prepared to listen to me, and you can't try and reason with somebody if they won't even listen, so then there are the other group of people to consider, the ones who 'are' prepared to listen, but then still say 'no'. To be honest, I haven't even attempted to preach to this batch of people yet, because after my 'Call to Arms' yesterday, (did you see what I did there? Call to 'Arms', as in 'Twit Arms'?, oh never mind) I ended up having to re-convince half of our actual group that Morrisseysworld is real, let alone trying to convince outsiders. It would appear that a number of things have happened to make some of our group lose faith, or at least, doubt their faith. Some think that the non appearance of the 'Tour Diaries', is just cruel and a hoax, whilst others have started to re-read all the 'old' content on the blog, and are now questioning it's authenticity. An example of that last point, is that one of the 'disciples' didn't think the 'real' Moz would use a picture of Ian Brady & Myra Hindley to depict Jonathan Woss & Rustle Brind. Why wouldn't he?, it's hilarious. Think of the two vilest creatures in the world and turn Woss & Brind into them, it's comic genius. If The Mozziah wasn't from Manchester, nobody would think anything of it, but because he is, he can't make a joke out of Brady & Hindley? Utter crap. And what's more, if some of these articles from MorrisseysWorld 'are' in his autobiography, there has to be some controversial stuff, we'd expect nothing less, as I said yesterday, this book will be different, well at least I think it will, because the only tweet The Mozziah posted yesterday, (as @MW) was in reply to my blog entry, in which he wrote, "Hilarious and quite wrong. I shall have 5000... by Christmas." I presume the, 'quite wrong' bit is in reference to my Simon Goddard theory. Oh well, it was just a theory, but then again, if I were right, The Mozziah would never admit it, and what's more, he's got previous for the odd fib or two, after all, where ARE those 'Tour Diaries' that were promised in December? Anyway, back to the main plot, as I ended up trying to re-convince half the 'team' that MW is real, I haven't had the chance to go out preaching to the great unwashed, and to be honest, I don't think I can be bothered anymore, bugger 'em I say, let them find it when they find it. I am not going to be like a Jehovah, shoving my beliefs down somebody's throat, I will be a quiet(?) believer, just doing my own little thing. Anyway, I can cope with doors being slammed in my face, but if I spent my valuable time with somebody, trying to convince them, and they still didn't believe, I think I might turn violent and punch them! Can you punch somebody in cyber space? Do the Joey's punch people for not believing them? Certain religions blow you up if you don't believe them, so I'm sure a punch from a Joey is acceptable. What about the Mormons, do they punch, or are they slappers? I think I will leave the recruitment drive to 'Old Willoughby', who incidentally, has written a blog and is chasing Lady Gaga fans to follow MW. Mind you, according to her blog, even 'Old Willoughby' isn't 100% convinced yet herdelf! It would appear that the 'signs' we've had so far from The Mozziah, have still failed to convince her 100%, but she isn't alone, very few are absolutely 100% convinced. What about me you ask? I've not only bought the t-shirt, I've worn it, washed it, and it's got holes in it, "I'M IN, 100%!" It just needs one BIG 'sign', something will happen that will leave NO doubt, I know it's gonna happen someday....I think!
   Well, that'll do for today, although I must add that the 'real' Boz Boorer has joined twitter, using the original name of.......wait for it......'@Boz_Boorer'. It will be interesting to see if the person who has been impersonating him, using the name, '@BozBoorer', continues to tweet or not. The 'real' Boz Boorer seems to have joined twitter solely to promote his new band 'Happy Martyr', who not only have a record deal with a label called 'Fabrique Records', but more importantly, have burst into the 'Twitterdilly Arms' Top 10. If the 'Martyr's' can get a record deal, then surely old Mozzer can? And talking of old Mozzer, which is why I'm here, his quest for 5,000 followers has reached.......4599, up 31 in a day, good old Willoughby, it must be the Gaga fans. I was going to talk about 'Blue Rose' today wasn't I? Oh well, that can wait. I have also decided to drop my idea of being an unemployed soothsayer, and take up my new position as 'envoy', just like that Terry Waite bloke was. Why was he called an envoy anyway? Whenever they talked about him on the news, they always referred to him as, 'The Archbishop of Canterbury's envoy, Terry Waite'. It's that old 'tag' thing again isn't it? Old Trevor MacDonald (Mac or Mc?, I can't be bothered to google it) couldn't just call him Terry Waite, his name was always pre-empted by, 'The Archbishop of Canterbury's envoy.' The same has happened to The Mozziah of course, he is never just called Morrissey, but always, 'The Former lead Singer of Eighties band The Smiths'. Well, anyway, I have decided that I want to be an envoy for The Mozziah, I've looked up the definition and it says, 'A messenger or representitive.' THAT'S ME, THAT'S WHAT I AM! Perfect! 'The Mozziah's Envoy', I LOVE it! Was Terry Waite paid?



Monday, 30 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 138 Monday 30th January 2012

I am desperately trying to find enough time to work my way through the 274 blog posts on, but 'real life', 'The Twitterdilly Arms', and writing 'this' blog, keep distracting me and take up my time. From the bits I have managed to read so far, it has re-iterated to me that; a) There is NO doubt that it is all the work of The Mozziah (Morrissey for those of you who are just joining us), b) The Mozziah is a comic genius and c) Er, there is no c! The few of us who have spent the last four or five months of our lives, obsessively watching the story unfold, and interacting with The Mozziah, have been very lucky. We will look back on these times in years to come, with very fond memories, it has been very special, and we can tell our grandchildren that 'we were there', but now the time has come to open it up to the rest of the Morrissey fan world, I believe it is The Mozziah's wish. Yesterday, The Mozziah tweeted, "Am I the only one that follows the mozziah?" He then followed this up with, "Thank you to all my 4568 little tweeting followers. Next stop: world domination. Retweet and I'll post my tour diary when I reach 5000." I believe that there can only be two reasons why he hasn't posted the tour diaries yet; a) He hasn't finished writing them, or b) They will prove once and for all that it is 'him' behind the MW site, so he wants a bigger audience. It could be both a) & b), but definitely not c), because once again, there isn't one! From reading the last lot of tour diaries, I actually think, although they are supposed to read as a parody, that they are The Mozziah's 'real' diary entries. If you think about it, he is not the sort of man to write, "Got up, had some breakfast, watched tv" etc, he is far too intelligent and witty for that, so his 'actual', 'real life' diaries, are written almost as a parody of his real life. It is a thin line anyway between what is real and what is parody. Likewise, on the MW site, there are supposed 'Excerpts from the autobiography', which are also written as a parody, but could it be that they too are 'actual', 'real' excerpts from the forthcoming autobiography? Again, I can't imagine The Mozziah writing a 'straight' autobiography, it would have to be something different, because he's different! If his autobiography really is made up with the so called 'parody' pieces, it is going to be a HUGE best seller, and The Mozziah will be regonised as a comic genius, matching any other comic in Britain, or indeed the western world. If I'm right, then my Simon Goddard theory from Saturday could also be right. Goddard's next book, due out in 2013, will reflect this whole story, he had already labelled it, "The greatest idea in the history of pop." Goddard couldn't possibly give that tag to anybody other than The Mozziah, he is The Mozziah's biggest fan, bar none. I have just been reading a piece on MW about the So-Low website, and although it is written as a parody, it is probably his 'real' feelings, it's just that he is able to laugh at both himself, and the situation. It is a so called 'excerpt from the autobiography', and is dated Monday July 25th 2011. I would encourage everybody to go and read it, and for those who have already read it, re-read it, it is worth it, it is pure comic genius. It is also interesting to read from this particular 'post', that The Mozziah says that he will issue a 'do not purchase' request on TTY, with regard to 'The Smiths Complete' box set, although he says, "but not just at the mo", I'll issue the aforementioned notice in, say, oh...three or four weeks." Well, he actually waited until September 14th to issue the statement, but didn't 'just' issue the statement, he also took the opportunity to once again deny any involvement with MW, here it is:


14 September 2011
Tuesday September 13
Morrissey would like to stress that he has absolutely no affiliation with the site called Morrisseysworld, and that the views expressed on Morrisseysworld blog and Twitter page are not Morrissey's views, and do not come from Morrissey. Morrissey has no connection with this site. Please beware.

Morrissey would also like to stress that he has no association with the Warner release called 'The Smiths Complete'. This project has taken place without any consultation to Morrissey, and without any approach to Morrissey from either Warner, Rhino, or Johnny Marr. Therefore, Morrissey has no knowledge of the remixes, and has had no input in the project.

Genius, f*cking genius. To those of us wrapped up in the whole MorrisseysWorld thing, it was an 'obvious' piss take/parody statement, well not 'that' 'obvious', we still weren't completely sure at that stage, but now, having spent the last four months on the journey, it is hilarious to re-read the TTY statement and see it for what it was. Oh the irony of it all, a parody statement on the 'official' website, about a 'parody' website, that actually isn't really a parody! It's almost Wildean, in fact, it's Mozean, Mozean wit! WOW, I've created a new phrase, 'Mozean Wit', remember where you read it first. When the world wakes up to the fact that SPM is not just a song writer and singer, but also a wit to match all others, his quotes will be called 'Mozean Wit'. Anyway, the vast majority of The Mozziah's fans took the TTY statement at face value, and saw it as yet more evidence that he 'wasn't' involved with MorrisseysWorld. How this whole joke of 'his' has managed to rumble on this long, is incredible, just incredible, but as I said earlier, I believe he is ready for us to open it up to others. Of course, the easiest thing for him to do, would be to put a post on TTY, saying that MW 'is' his website after all, and they'd all come flocking, but a) that isn't his style and b) that isn't what this story is all about. This story is all about 'The Greatest Idea In the History of Pop.' (Once again there was no 'c', for anybody who may have been looking for it!) So now, it is up to us, the 16 original members of 'The Twitterdilly Arms', that '@MorrisseysWorld' follows, plus some of the others that he also follows, like '@Sonyajayne7', '@Edward_Curtis', '@anandastrange', '@Alekaki_' , '@jo_beth_s' and '@PapaSonsFilm', to spread the word to all the other Morrissey fans on twitter, that '', is truly, really, honestly, run by the real and proper poet laureate, The Mozziah himself, 'Morrissey'. I also call on others who have 'found' 'MorrisseysWorld' to also help us spread the word, tweeters such as; '@awillo9658', '@GirlAfraid29', '@H1308', '@JodyRoad' and '@caterita2008'. We need your help too, we need to ALL go out and bombard the likes of '@sumdizzywhore', who has 860 followers, '@thesimongoddard', who has  478 followers, '@MarriedtotheMoz', who has 1,707 followers, '@dickiefelton', who has 1,575 followers, and '@Uncleskinny', who has 164 followers (I can't do skinny, I'm still blocked), and convince them all that MW is real. Don't just bombard them, bombard all their followers too, give them links to MW and point out the 'evidence' to them. Link them to ', which lists all the evidence. Tell them about '@MorrisseysWorld' tweeting on the 16th January about playing Argentina and then TTY announcing concerts there, four days later. We have to convince the non believers that 'coincidences' like that, just don't happen! On January 25th '@MorrisseysWorld' tweeted, "France has a special place in my touring-heart." Are we to see an announcement soon that The Mozziah is to play concerts in France? And if so, can this be dismissed as yet 'another' coincidence? Does everybody remember when the regulars of 'The Twitterdilly Arms' produced their first top 10 on January 10th, and then Morrissey produced 'his' Top 10 on TTY, just a few hours later? And then, when I pointed this out with a tweet on Jan 11th, '@MorrisseysWorld' retweeted me. ALL THE FACTS ARE THERE, STARING EVERYBODY IN THE FACE! It is time for all of us 'believers' to go out and spread the word, it won't be easy, I tried with '@Sumdizzywhore' yesterday, but the tweet I got back was, "I'm not buying it." I also tried '@MarriedtotheMoz', but she too has put up the barriers. It's almost as though they are scared to admit they were wrong. The very few of us who 'believed' in the first place, were scared of the ridicule we might face for showing such belief, I now think this has swung the other way, and those who dismissed it, are frightened that they may have made a huge mistake. These 'real' Morrissy fans are missing out on such exciting times, let's see if we can convince them, and if they don't believe us now, with all this evidence, will they ever believe us? They probably won't believe until The Mozziah's book comes out. Even then, they may say that it's not really 'him' that has written it. He might even be sat in Waterstones doing book signings and they'll say, "it isn't him, it's that impersonator bloke." Mmmm, now there's an idea, I can even picture The Mozziah's little face, as he reads this, grinning from ear to ear, as he imagines the idea of sending out an impersonator to do his book signings? Now 'that' would be comic genius, an is it, or isn't it, parody book, with an is it or isn't it author!
 Right, time for me to get out spreading, once more I shall leave my nets, don my robe and sandals, and srpead the word of The Mozziah, but before I do, I must briefly mention the tweets that I touched on, at the end of my blog on Saturday. A tweet from '@august1963', (on January 21st) read, "Morrissey drifts through airport again. My usual spy (wife) says he was with 'somebody very interesting' and I hope this means what I hope." This tweet was re-tweeted by the mysterious '@i2177' for some reason, but also, it raised the interest of my old sparring partner '@Banjaxer', (who incidentally is still blocking me) who tweeted back to '@august1963' saying, "who?" '@august1963' tweeted back, "old song writing partner, I'll dm you." Yesterday, '@august1963' asked 'Banjaxer', "How did it go today Kev, did he turn up?" To which 'Banjaxer' replied, "Yes. All good :)". Obviously an interview for our journalist friend Kevin 'Banjaxer' Marrinan, but was it with Morrissey or somebody else? And who was the mystery 'former song writing partner' seen with The Mozziah last week? Was it possibly Johnny Marr? Could it have been Alain Whyte? Or could it have been a certain somebody, who '@MorrisseysWorld' has just started following on twotter, Mark E. Nevin? Time, as usual, will no doubt, tell.
 Tomorrow, I shall talk more about 'BLUE ROSE'.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 137 Sunday 29th January 2012

As foreseen by The Whiskered Wonder, today I am resting, away from the internet, and following nobody.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 136 Saturday 28th January 2012

As the weekend's are now supposed to be my resting times, away from 'Following', I did not intend to write anything today, but things are happening! Firstly, and most importantly, I woke up this morning to find that MW has reposted all the old posts on his blog site. There are 274 posts in total, dating back to December 16th 2009. The majority (252) were posted in 2011, starting slowly in May with 24 posts, and crescendoing to 81 posts in September, when it seemed to hit it's height, and I found it! I have spent most of today clawing my way through the old MW posts, and am leaving comments as I go. They are even funnier this time around, and I have even managed to find some posts that 'definitely' weren't there in October when I last looked at everything. Something has just occurred to me! My 'throw away' comment, in my blog on January 11th, about Simon Goddard writing a book about MorrisseysWorld, could 'actually' be true. It's all starting to make sense. Goddard has stated he is working on a new book, and that it will come out in 2013. The Mozziah has said that 'his' autobiography will come out later this year. In the whole of this MW 'story' so far, there has been no sign of Simon Goddard being involved, but for a man who wrote 'Mozipedia', the most important book about The Mozziah ever, and one that was eight years in the making, it is incomprehensible to think that he doesn't know what is going on with MW. Is he the admin guy? He 'has' to be involved somewhere, because he covers and writes about everything that involves The Mozziah. I now believe that The Mozziah's autobiography will talk about this whole episode, and then Goddard will reflect it in a book. I may even get a mention!
  I don't want to write too much more today because I am supposed to be spending time with my family, but if I'm honest, I want to plough through the rest of the MW posts, I've only got about 250 to go. I will try and leave comments on as many posts as possible, just as a record for myself that I have read them, and also for the masses to see, when the site is eventually found. It will prove to those who find it in a year's time, that it really was here all along. If my theory of above is correct, this thing 'really' will go viral, it just might not be for another year! The Mozziah's autobiography really will change everything. Maybe I don't need to worry anymore that I am spending all my time on the internet and writing this blog, it could become an important part of the story, almost as a record of events, well that's what 'stillicling' keeps telling me, she must just have a hunch, and I'm the supposed soothsayer! Talking about me being a soothsayer, or more to the point an unemployed one, I have inadvertently let the cat out of the bag to one of my friends, that I am writing this blog. Last night, my friend and I went out to dinner at Fire & Stone restaurant in Portsmouth's Gunwharf, and he asked me what I was doing with all my new found spare time. I told him I was idling away, writing a blog. I have told a few people this, when they have asked, but when they ask what I am blogging about, I usually reply, "Just nonsense." I gave the same response to my friend yesterday, but when he pushed me to tell him what sort of nonsense, I explained that I had been writing about being an unemployed wrestler and soothsayer. It was a throw away comment, but he whipped out his iphone, goggled 'unemployed wrestler and soothsayer blog', and quick as a flash said, "You're writing 'Following The Mozziah'!" Bloody internet, I should learn to keep my big mouth shut. He says he won't read it, although I'd be quite interested to know what a 'real life friend' thinks to my blog, but if his curiosity does get the better of him, and he does start to read it, as soon as he sees it's about Morrissey, he'll stop, and anyway, he wouldn't appreciate it, he likes Dire Straits!
  The only other thing I really need to mention today, is the mysterious twitter user, '@caterita2008', the supposed Italian housewife and mother. I keep swinging from thinking that this person is either; The Mozziah, Rustle Brind or indeed, an Italian housewife. She(?) certainly posts a lot of Italian stuff, but then, if you were using the persona of an Italian, you would, wouldn't you? 'Caterita's' latest posts are a little bewildering, but seem to point toward her (?) being Rustle! Why, oh why do I keep thinking everybody on twitter is Russell (welsh accent) bloody Brand? First I thought he was 'Bucktoothedboy', in fact, I'm sure he was, next, I thought he was 'JodyRoad', the one who arranged to come and meet me and then said that he wasn't Rustle after all and ran a mile, (did I get that one wrong?, could it possibly have been a guy I knew from Chicago called Troy?) and now I think Rustle is 'caterita2008'. Two days ago, after I posted the song 'Life Is A Pigsty', Caterita tweeted, "hello rat! Lovely song probably inspired by the novel "Porcile" by P.P.Pasolini!" I looked up 'Life Is a Pigsty' in my Mozipedia, and it did indeed say the song was probably influenced by Pier Paolo Pasolini's 'Porcile', which is a film, not a novel, an obvious mistake by caterita that made me again think Caterita was The Mozziah and not Brand after all, the obvious mistake was more 'his' style. Out of curiosity I watched 'Porcile' yesterday and OH MY GOD, the lead role in the film is played by a French actor called Pierre Clementi, who is the absolute spit of Brand, and I'm talking 'separated at birth' spit, they are identical. For anybody reading this, please look it up on Youtube, you won't believe it. You may not wish to watch the whole film, it's not to everybody's taste, if you'll excuse the pun! The next caterita tweet to catch my eye was a posting of the eighties song, 'I'm Not Scared' by Eighth Wonder, who's lead singer was Patsy Kensit. Caterita usually posts Italian things, so why Kensit? Is there a connection between Brand & Kensit? Well Brand was best man at Noel Gallagher's wedding and Patsy was married to Liam, are they mates? I've no idea, and perhaps my mind is working overtime, but who knows? Caterita then joined the debate about Gary Glitter, in which nobody agreed with me about a song being separate from a singer. It would appear I am in a minority of one on the subject, but if truth be known, I was playing devil's advocate the other day, I despise what Gary Glitter did, and cannot actually remember the last time I played 'I Love You Love Me', but during the debate, Caterita said, "Was Wilde the first one who said that artists are just their own art and no other else?" Well, surely Caterita is The Mozziah with comments like that? This way, that way, this way, that way, God how tweets implore you.  The next Caterita tweet to catch my eye read, "I'm in love with Paolo Di Canio!" Di Canio is West Ham's most famous son, and Brand is a massive West Ham fan. Caterita MUST be Brand! Oh God! Caterita's next tweet read, "Mi hai un po' stancato, non ti seguo piĆ¹! " which means, "I am a little tired, do not follow you anymore!" WHAT??? '@MW' replied, "Thank you - I think. I hope." What is going on? What is going on? It is all too much for my little head to cope with. I just want to read and enjoy the blog site and twitter, it's all doing my head in, and meanwhile, as I suspect The Mozziah and Brand of anything and everything, 'Mancladmozfan', 'Hector_Lector' and a number of others in 'The Twit Arms' think I'M behind it all! Arghhhh! That's it, that's enough for today, my head hurts, and I haven't even mentioned tweeter 'i2177' who is arousing my suspicions, and 'august1963' who has been tweeting about The mozziah travelling through Manchester airport with an, "Old songwriting partner", which got 'Banjaxer' interested. Tomorrow I will take a day off from 'following', as Fagin sung in 'Oliver', "I think I'd better think it out again." Now where are those old blog posts?

Friday, 27 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 135 Friday 27th January 2012

(This is a film script for a parody of both the story of Christ, & The Life of Brian, but mainly the Life of Brian. It was going to be called 'The Life of Steven', and I even toyed with 'Carry On Following The Mozziah'. In the end, I chose the obvious! )


(The scene starts with three wise men riding on camels, following a star. They arrive in Bethlehem, at a block of stables, but just as they are about to dismount, one of the wise men notices that the star is still moving. They get back onto their camels and start to ride off, much to the bewilderment of Joseph & Mary and their next door neighbour, Mandy, mother of Brian. As the wise men ride away, they are shouted at by Joseph, Mary & Mandy, who are yelling that their child is the 'messiah', the 'chosen one' etc. The wise men ignore the shouts, flying frying pans etc and continue to ride away, following the star. As the scene ends, we see Mary and Mandy fighting, as first they argue about which of their babies is the messiah, and then whose frying pan is who's. (The dialogue for this scene can be made up in your own head, please make it amusing!). The wise men's journey takes them forward through various historical events and places, such as ancient China, Greece, Viking invasions and World Wars, all the time with the star shining brightly and moving ahead of them as they continue riding their camels, much to the bewilderment of the various historical figures. The wise men are also seen riding up the yellow brick road, and then through somebody's front door, up the stairs, into a bedroom, and through a wardrobe door into Narnia, where they ride around in circles through the snow, before going back through the back of the wardrobe, back down the stairs, and back out of the front door. Eventually, the wise men get close to their destiny, they have been riding now for nearly two thousand years, and they are looking a little weary. It is Summer 1982, the wise men are in Stretford, Manchester. As they ride their camels down the middle of a busy road, holding up all the cars and traffic, they ride past a boy, in his late teens, walking along with a guitar. The third wise man grabs the boy, who tries to fight him off, and sits him on his camel. The three wise men then turn into Kings Road and stop. It is 2pm.

WISE MAN 1(WM1): (In Welsh accent, don't ask me why, but I have decided to make all three of the Wise Men Welsh, I just have, it's my story, so I can do what I like! It is imperative that you read them in a Welsh accent though!): Well what house is it then? They all look the bloody same to me?

WISE MAN 2(WM2): It's the one beneath the star of course.

WM 1: Star? That's the sun you twat, it's not a star!

WM 2: The sun 'is' a star, and don't call me a twat, you twat.

WM 1: No it's not, it's a bloody planet I tell you.

WM 2: I'm telling you boyo, it's a star, and anyway, whatever it is, or whatever it isn't, we've been following it for nearly two thousand years and I for one, ain't going another bloody yard.

WM1: Well I can't tell which one of these houses is below the bloody thing, the whole road looks to be below it.

WM3: We could always try a bit of door to door, see if anybody thinks they might have a special baby?

WM 1: No way, no bloody way. I ain't doing that, we'd look right twats, we're supposed to be wise men, not bloody duster salesmen. Are we even sure we're in the right place, I'm sure the star seemed to stop over that house belonging to that David Icke fella?

WM 2: No, it's definitely here, it's written in the scriptures (gets a screwed up piece of paper out of his pocket and reads from it) "The Mozziah shall be found under the star, in the road of Kings, Stretford, Manchester, England, M32 8GW, summer nineteen eighty two, just after lunchtime". Yep, we're definitely in the right place.

WM 3: Are you sure it doesn't say under the 'stair', not star?

WM 1: That's Harry bloody Potter you twat, it hasn't even been written yet! Didn't you hear him?, this is nineteen eighty bloody two!

BOY ON CAMEL: Er, excuse me?

ALL THREE WISE MEN: (curtly) What?

BOY: Who is it you are looking for?, I know a few people around here.

WM 1: Not that it's any of your business, but we are seeking The Mozziah, he is the chosen one, the one who has come to save us from ourselves, or something like that anyway. The Mozziah, it is said, has the voice of a thousand dying nightingales and the words of the mixed up gods. Or was it screaming crows and howling dogs? Either way, we've got to find him.

BOY: You must mean Morrissey, I was just going to call for him too, I'd heard something similar but not quite in the same way you just said, I was just told he could sing and write a bit. It's number three hundred and eighty four.

WM 2: Well why didn't you say beforehand? What's your name boy?

BOY: Johnny Maher, spelt M-A-H-E-R but pronounced Marr, I'm thinking of changing it anyway.

WM 2: Well come on Johnny Maher pronounce Marr, don't just sit there, let's go.

(The wise men, with the boy ride up to the front door of number 384)

WM 1: Wait a bloody minute, 384 Kings Road Stretford? That address rings a bloody bell.

WM 2: I wish you'd ring the bloody bell, my arse is killing me after all this camel riding and I could murder a cup of tea.

WM1: 384 Kings Road is where I sent my subscription fee to join The Cramps fan club, I never heard another bloody thing. Bloody cheek, I want my two quid back from this Mozziah fella.

WM 2: Come on. (Rings the doorbell and pushes Johnny Marr to the front)
 (There is no answer so WM 2 pushes the doorbell again. There is still no answer)

WM 1: Oh fuck this for a game of soldiers, let's go down the pub, I'm bloody gasping for a pint.

WM 3: It's ten o'clock in the morning, you can't have a drink yet.

WM 1: Call yourself a Welshman bach? You should be ashamed.

WM 3: I'm not Welsh.

WM 1: What do you mean you're not bloody Welsh? You're more bloody Welsh than Dylan bloody Thomas.

WM 3: I'm from Chester.

WM 1: Ooh lardy bloody dah. Well Mister "I'm from bloody Chester", how about you get us into this fucking house, so that we can do a bit of praising, and then I can fuck off down the pub, and you can fuck off back to fucking Chester?

(WM 3 Presses the doorbell but there is still no reply. WM 1 pushes him out of the way.)

WM 1: Duw!, let me do it. (He presses and then leans on the button so that it rings continuously. As he is doing this, a woman walks up the path to the door, she is carrying shopping bags).

MUM: (strong Irish accent) Who in Chroist's name are you lot and what do you want? (crosses herself for taking the Lord's name in vain).

WM 1: We are three wise men.

MUM: Well it doesn't seem very woise to me, leaning on moy doorbell at two o'clock in the afternoon, now, bugger off!

WM 2: We are astrologers, we have come from the East.

MUM: Moss Side eh? I moight've known. Off you go, we don't want your type around here thank you very much, this is a respectable neighbourhood. Ioi've worked moy fingers to the bone to get accepted around here, and Ioi don't need the loikes of you tainting our reputation. (She ushers them down the path and notices the camels feeding on her flowers) Bee Jesus, what in Chroist's name are those?

WM 2: They are camels bach.

MUM: All roight Mister smart arse, I know what they are, I meant, what are they doing feeding on moy bloody chrysanthes? (starts shooing the camels away). Go on, all of yer, bugger off.

WM 1: We've come to praise the infant, we must pay hommage to him.

MUM: Infant? What infant? Bloody Moss siders, I know your game, you're just trying to get into my house and then, vmmph, you'll ramsack the place. You must think I was born yesterday, what is it you're after, drug money? Well you've come to the wrong place, well unless you're looking for trouble, in which case you've come to the roight place, cos I'll tell yer for nothing, trouble loves me, so it does, it seeks and foinds me. Now feck off before I call the Garda.

WM I: No, no. We must see him, we have been led by Star.

MUM: Led by bottle more loike, go on, shoo.

WM 2: But we have brought presents.

WM 1: (Handing over a large, framed, gold disc of the album, 'The Queen is Dead' to Mum) 'Gold'!

WM 2: (Handing over the sheet music of 'Our Frank' to Mum) 'Frank nonsense'!

WM 3: (Pushing Johnny toward Mum) 'Marr'!

MUM: (taking the gifts) Well why didn't you say?, come on in, I'll make you all a noice brew, but I still don't know who you're looking for, there are no infants here, just me and our Steven.

WM 1: Can we see him?

MUM: If you loike, follow me, he'll be in his room, he's always in his room.

(All five of them go upstairs, where mum knocks on a bedroom door).

MUM: Steven, you've got some visitors.
(There is no response, so mum opens the door and they all trudge in to see a man, in his early twenties, curled up on the bed in a fetal position. His eyes are closed.)

WM 1: Wow, he's a biggun isn't he?

MUM: So, you're astrologers are you? Well what is he then? What star sign is he?

WM 3: He's a Gemini.

WM 1: They say Gemini's have intellectual and active minds, always searching for information and then sharing it with those they love.

MUM: Anything else?

WM 2: He is The Mozziah, the real and proper poet laureate, king of the oppressed.

MUM: And that's Gemini's is it?

WM 1: No bach, that's just him.

MUM: I was going to say, otherwoise there'd be a lot of them!

WM 3: Katie Price shares his birthday you know?, actually that's a thought, you don't think she's the chosen one do you?

WM 2: Don't be bloody daft man, the prophets say that in a few years from now she will enter a song for Europe, I've already seen it, fucking dreadful it is.

MUM: Oi, language, please!

WM 2: Sorry bach, but truly it's dire.

WM 3: (To mum) By what name are you calling him?

MUM: Er, Steven, I named him after me favourite saint, but it's spelt with a 'V', not a 'ph', Oi foind 'ph' is far  too common. Moind you, it's wasted either way, he's stopped answering to it, says he just wants to be called Morrissey.

ALL 3 WISE MEN: We worship thee oh Morrissey, while lord over of us all, praise unto you Mozziah and to the lord our father, ahmoz. (Morrissey remains asleep through everything).

MUM: Chroist, is that the toime? You're going to have to go, I have a lot to do before I can settle down to watch Frank Bough and Nationwoide. (She starts to push the wise men out of the door, but leaves Johnny standing looking at Morrissey.)
 (When mum and the wise men have left the room, Morrissey opens one eye, and then the other. He sits up, all the time keeping his eyes fixed on Johnny. He then stands up and starts to 'inspect' Johnny. He walks right around him and runs his fingers aimlessly over the strings of the guitar that is still hanging from Johnny's neck.

MORRISSEY: Nice shoes, can you play that thing?

MARR: Nice hair, can you sing?

(The scene immediately ends and 'This Charming Man' starts playing (very loudly) as we go straight into the opening credits.) TO BE CONTINUED.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 134 Thursday 26th January 2012


The MorrisseysWorld website has published essays that were originally submitted by followers back in September, just before I discovered it. The essays are on the subject of, "Why I love Morrissey in 250 words", and they are very good. MW had hinted some time ago that they would be published, and had even told us that there was one by somebody called 'Russ'. I can't find one with the name 'Russ' attached to it, but there is one from our old friend 'Bucktoothedboy'! Each poem is followed by a photograph of either a red or white rose, until the very end of the piece, where there is a.....BLUE ROSE. In my blog of last Wednesday, the 18th, I asked for a 'sign' from The Mozziah, to show that he agreed with the idea of us forming 'Blue Rose'. This photograph is the sign I asked for, and it also represents the essay that I and the others didn't write, a blue rose says it all.
   In the world of Twitterdilly, I have been blocked by 'Banjaxer'! I can now add him to a fairly long list of people who have blocked me on this 'following' journey. Banjaxer has never particularly liked me, and to be honest, there are quite a lot of people on 'that' list too, but his reason for blocking me is extremely lame. He has stopped following me on  a couple of occasions before, usually when I prick his socialist conscience about supporting Mancapitalist City, but this time he has taken the step to block me because I tweeted that I liked Gary Glitter songs. I have had this debate with various people a number of times in recent years, and also did a radio phone in about it, which then resulted in us playing Gary Glitter records. I would guess that we were one of the very few radio stations to play these songs in recent years, but there was a method in our madness, which I will try to explain. Firstly, just because a member of a band has been convicted of an offence, and in Gary Glitter's case, a quite hideous offence, you cannot change history, or the fact that you like particular songs. Gary Glitter's actions do not change the fact that as a seven year old, I bought 'Leader of the Gang' and 'I Love You Love Me', and they, along with 'Rock and Roll' and 'Oh Yes, You're Beautiful', remain some of the most cherished songs from my early years. I cannot change that! Had it been the bass player in the Glitter Band who had committed those offences, and not the lead singer, the records would still be played on radio to this day, and nobody would give it a second thought. Was co-writer Mike Leander to blame for Gary Glitter's offences?, of course not, and yet he (or actually his family as he passed away a few years ago) is made to suffer by the actions of another person. If a member of The Smiths had committed such crimes, would 'Banjaxer' stop listening to their songs and pretend he had never liked them? No! As a journalist, he should be able to balance these things up, I fear he has fallen into the trap that many of The G*ardian & eNMEy journalists have fallen into with The Mozziah, they react to little snippits without looking at the whole picture. Is 'National Front Disco' a racist song?, of course not, are the Glitter Band and Mike Leander child molesters? No! The second part of the debate on the issue of 'offending' musicians and liking their songs, is best illustrated by the name's; Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis, but there are countless others I could list. Michael Jackson is reported to have paid 22 million dollars to Jordan Chandler, the thirteen year old boy he denied having a relationship with, to stop the matter going to court, and yet the majority of radio stations continued to play his songs, and if you like the song 'Billie Jean', then can you 'stop' liking it because of the suspicion that surrounded Jackson's private life? You may try and convince yourself you don't like the song because you don't like the singer, but it is false, you still like 'the song'.  Elvis Presley started going out with Pricilla when she was just fourteen, Jerry Lee Lewis married his thirteen year old cousin. The list goes on, you may not like what they do, but can it stop you liking 'Hound Dog' or 'Great Balls of Fire'? I think I've made my point. I shall wait to see if Banjaxer apologises, although I expect it will be a long wait. And talking about journalists getting things wrong, it would appear that poor old Mike Joyce has been stitched up by Dave Simpson of The G*ardian. I can't remember if I've crossed swords with Simpson before or not, let me just go and see if I'm blocked by him *goes off to twitter* No, I'm not, I'll have to put that right at some stage, anyway, somebody called '@dmk21' wrote on twitter, "Read about @AndyRourke64 & @mikejoycedrums on their first gig with The Smiths" and linked to Dave Simpson's G*ardian feature. Mike Joyce then tweeted, "Don't bother it's dreadful. I think they lost the original transcript tape and just made it up from (incorrect) memory." Dave Simpson obviously picked up on this tweet and wrote to Joyce saying, "Baffled by yr gripe Mike. It's all from transcript & what's not to like? Obviosly have to edit from over 70 mins!!" Of course, me being me, I couldn't resist and I tweeted, "Look everybody, Joyce & The G*ardian bloke are having an argument! Sue him Mike, sue him!" Joyce then copied me in on his replies to Simpson about what was wrong with the article, but if I'm honest, I can't be bothered to retype them here, and they didn't make a lot of sense anyway! The original 'The Smiths' bass player, Dale Hibbert, had already complained to The G*ardian that the article was inaccurate and they had printed his version of events as a footnote to the piece. In the end, I just sent Joyce and Simpson another tweet saying, "It's horrible when people tell lies Mike, just horrible. G*ardian, NME, Weeks, so the list goes on. Bastards eh?"  I wonder why Joyce keeps replying to me when I wind him up? My gut feeling is that he 'knows', or at least he thinks he knows, that MorrissysWorld is real, and I am his link to The Mozziah. Perhaps time will tell, ready to say sorry yet Mike? No? Get your kit off then, it's lawn time!
   There is another blogger in 'The Arms', which means there is now plenty of reading material scattered over the tables. Obviously the main blog is , written by The Mozziah himself. The next blog magazine in the pub, is the one I found prior to finding MW, , which for the record, I have always presumed was also written by The Mozziah, as a tool for pointing people to MW, although now I am not so convinced he does write it, but then again, who knows? The next blog to come along relating to MW was from '@EcubyanMusings', formerly known as 'EcubyanSoapBox' or as I call him, 'EcubyanTeaChest', , although this blog is not really 'just' about the MW story, but it does mention Twitterdilly, so it's in the pub. A few days ago, I found old 'Willoughby', just wandering around aimlessly in twitterland, and I threw her a life raft, which helped her float to the safety haven of our island, and The Twitterdilly Arms. Willoughby's blogsite is , an interesting and amusing read. So now to the newest blog, yesterday, I came across a blogsite by '@girlafraid29' under the title of , which so far is only two days old, and is mainly about my old mate 'Russ', you know, Rustle Brind? I had no clue as to the author of the 'girlafraid29' blog, until I got a tweet from '@girlafraid29' saying, "Happy New Year to you too ; )". I hadn't wished 'girlafraid' a happy new year, so the 'too' bit & the winking face to her tweet, struck me as odd, until I remembered that I had tweeted an old 'untweeting' & 'dormant' twit friend, '@jo_beth_s', a 'Happy new year' message the previous day. So it would appear that 'Jo' is back in twit land under the new (or is it old) guise of, '@girlafraid29', and she is also now blogging. I always presumed she doubted the whole MW thing, but it would appear she does still believe, or does she? Is she about to reveal in her blog that it has indeed been Rustle behind MW all along? Have I got it completely wrong? I look forward to her next installment.
  Finally, The Mozziah has not only been busy publishing the 250 word essays on the MW blogsite, but he has also been tweeting, including the very exciting news that the old satirical articles are to be republished soon. Yipeeeeeeee! Sorry about that, but I can't wait to read the 'Bans Committee Meeting Minutes' again, it is 'the' funniest thing I have read in years. MW's tweeting also included a late night Q&A session, which had '@Babydub77' asking, "Who would be your top 5 dinner guests, dead or alive?" MW replied, "Top 5 dinner guests: Lizycat, Ecubyan Musings, Rats Back, Oscar Wilde, James Dean. No Smiths t-shirt, no entry." I would say I'm flattered, but if truth be known, I think he probably picked a few of those five at random, I mean, what would Dean have had to say for himself over dinner?, it would be just pout and preen. Now, where's that 'Shoplifters of the World' T-shirt gone? *Goes off singing* "Learn to love me, assemble the ways, now today, tomorrow and always."

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 133 Wednesday 25th January 2012

My desire to buy a 'physical' copy of every song that gets to number one on the Twitterdilly chart, has come to an abrupt halt, after just one week! I have somehow managed to buy all 1,185 songs that have graced(?) the top of the Uk singles chart since it started in 1952, and believe me, it has become a challenge in the last year or so, but the Twitterdilly chart flaws me after just one song. The chart has been going for three weeks now and when Rita Pavone stormed to the top in week one with 'Heart', I purchased a pristine copy of the 7 inch vinyl on RCA Victor, but the following week, thanks to a strong plugging campaign from a number of the 'European' fraternity on twotter, the song 'Scandinavia' by The Mozziah made it to the top. Incidentally, I use the word 'European' to describe anybody in Europe who isn't British. We Brits may kid ourselves that we are part of the European union, but in reality we aren't, we remain an isolated island that has never properly embraced Europe, and didn't even have the manners to join the euro monetary system, and if truth be known, our so called leaders, and indeed many citizens, still believe Britain (without the 'Great' pre tag these days remember) to be superior to everybody else in the world. Where this disillusionment comes from, God only knows, but when the world recession started in 2007, who was it who thought they were the only one capable of sorting everything out?, Gordon Brown. History may show, he was wrong! Anyway, today's blog is not supposed to be about Britain's pathetic claim to superiority, it's about the far more important topic of me not being able to buy 'cyber pub' number ones. With 'Scandinavia' hitting the top, I am unable to buy it on download, let alone cd, vinyl, cassette or shellac! I now have to hope that The Mozziah releases it at a later date, something that has happened quite a few times in the 'real' charts. 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkley was the first song to go to number one with no 'physical' release, but fortunately for me, it was later issued on cd and vinyl. When Leona Lewis made it to number one with her cover version of 'Run', there was no 'physical' release in this country, and i thought that would be the end of my collection, but a cd was released in Germany and eventually a promo cd was released in the UK. It has also worked the other way around, where 'old' songs have gone to number one thanks to downloads, and I have had to go back and 'find' the original 'physical' version, the most prominent examples of this being,  'Singin' In The Rain' by Mint Royale and 'Killing in The Name' by Rage Against The Machine. It is surely only a matter of time that there is a number one in the real world that doesn't receive a 'physical' release, or, there must surely come a time when an album track goes to number one on download only? So, as I hope for 'Scandinavia' to be released, what happens this week?, 'Life Is a Pigsty' goes to number one in the 'Twitterdilly Arms' Top 10, an album track from the 2006 album, 'Ringleader of the Tormentors'.........I have decided to abandon my quest to purchase the Twitterdilly number ones!
   Perhaps, I should concentrate on 'real' top three singles, as yesterday it was announced that The Mozziah's 'Glamorous Glue' single was the 'Third Highest Selling 7 inch single of the Year' for 2011. Many congratulations Sire (not the record label, I mean The Mozziah! If I was congratulating a record label I would've said 'Many congratulations Major Minor, look, forget it, move on!). I bought both versions of the 7', but I'd be interested to know just how many it sold? In 1978, 'Mary's Boy Child' by Boney M was also the 'Third Highest Selling 7 inch single of the Year', shifting 1.79 million copies. 'Glamorous Glue' can hold it's head high, although it musy be said, the seven inch single is breathing it's last breaths. For those who hung on to the 10' shellac records in the very late fifties and very early sixties, (when vinyl had taken over) they are now worth a lot of money. Forget about holding onto your friends, hold on to your 'Glue'.
  So to the Twitterdilly Arms, where apparently rumours are rife that I am behind MorrisseysWorld. Hold on, that would make me The Mozziah, in which case, I am following myself, I hope I can keep up! The basis for the accusations are that our style's are apparently the same, well there is a reason for that, I have blatantly copied him. My style of writing at the beginning of this 'Following' thing was fairly basic, and incidentally, much less waffly, but over the months, I have plagiarised The Mozziah's style, influenced by the parody blog, and I must have done it fairly well to receive the accusations, I am truly touched and honoured (that's honered to you Yanks). Talking of The Mozziah, he has been back on twotter this morning with a few tweets. '@MW' said, "I'm overwhelmed by the response to 'Boredom is a Plague.' 9 comments on my blog. Stand by for a couple to be deleted when the tune is heard." I replied (to myself?) , "Nobody knows if 'Boredom' is real or a parody? I'm hoping real, although at the moment it is just words, please hum the tune." The Mozziah replied, "Dum-de-dah De-dum-da-derm. Lalalala. Drrum-de-dah." I have to admit, it's catchy! The Mozziah also tweeted, "I hope you're satisfied with the Argentina dates. Choosing venues is like buying Erasure b-sides; might be great but who knows?" He didn't disclose which Erasure b-sides he considers 'great', but presumably it isn't 'Like Zsa Zsa Zsa Gabor'? The Mozziah's most interesting tweet was, "France holds a special place in my touring-heart." I think it is safe to presume that a True-To-You announcement will not be too far away, confirming some concerts in France. I quite fancy a little trip to France, certainly cheaper than Japan, but "I still....cannot....speak....French" *Goes off humming 'The Loop'* Dum dum dum dum dumdee dum, dum dum dum dum dumdee dum.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 132 Tuesday 24th January 2012

Bloody dog. Just because he'd had enough sleep by 4.30am, it didn't mean I had. Mind you, I think I may have been awake already, even before his 4.30 wash and roll, my mind was active. It tends to be at it's most active either just as I'm going to sleep, or just as I'm coming around. This morning, my mind was full of, no, not The Mozziah, but soothsaying! This is ridiculous. I wake up at 4.30 in the morning and I find that my mind is racing with thoughts of fortune tellers, and what's more, as I lay there in my bed, I'm not just having thoughts about them, I'm deciding that I no longer wish to be an unemployed wrestler, but I am now wanting to be an unemployed fortune teller, although I prefer soothsayer, it sounds more important. So now of course, my mind starts thinking about what name I should adopt as an unemployed soothsayer? Thoughts of famous fortune tellers race through my mind; 'Gypsy Rose Lee', 'Log Lady', 'Solitaire'(from 'Live & Let Die'), 'Santona' ('the one that sees', from Ladri di Biciclette), 'Mystic Meg', the one that Ronald Regan used to go to *quick google* 'Joan Quigley', have you noticed anything yet?, they all seem to be women! Hold on, Nostradamus, oh and what about the one who told Caesar to "beware the ides of March" *another quick google* Unnamed! That doesn't help, was it a he or a she? And what about double acts? These are all solo artists, has there ever been a successful soothsaying double act? Actually, I remember 'Solitaire's' mother was also a fortune teller wasn't she? Did they do a mother and daughter act? My mind continues to conjure pictures. I am now seeing Whoopi Golberg in 'Ghost' and Joan Sims in the 'Ouija Board' video, my fortune telling is starting to get mixed up with talking to the dead, and what has any of this got to do with The Mozziah, and why hasn't he done any interviews recently? I don't suppose there are many publishments who he would particularly want to talk to, is there even a British music press industry anymore? Obviously there is the eNMEy, which he is hardly likely to speak to, but is there anyone else? I've never bought music papers so I wouldn't know. I used to get Smash Hits as a young teenager, it was great back then, when it first started, it would be full of Elvis Costello and Blondie and I would cut out the lyrics to my favourite songs and pin them to my bedroom wall. That's what Smash Hits was about in the beginning, printing the lyrics to songs. When it changed away from that, I lost interest in it. My other 'must have' comics and magazines as a child were 'The Beano', 'Roy of the Rovers' and 'Shoot'. My mum must've spent a fortune on me, I didn't appreciate it at the time, I wonder if it's too late to say thanks? Right, today's blog is going nowhere, so I shall stop and just get on with the charts. 
 A special thank you to 'stillicling', who continues to painstakingly compile a list every single day, of every single song played in 'The Twitterdilly Arms', it really is greatly appreciated, I personally would have given up ages ago. If she ever stops, I'll just make the chart up, which I'm tempted to do anyway, but how could I when she puts in such an effort? The Mozziah continues to dominate the chart this week, (funnily enough) with eight solo entries ('How Soon Is Now' & 'The Queen Is Dead' both counting as solo because it's the Hollywood Bowl versions), one entry from 'The Smiths' and one from 'Rita Pavone'. The discovery of all the Hollywood Bowl footage has had a big influence on the chart, and last week's number 1 & 2, ('Scandinavia' & 'People Are The Same Everywhere') have both fallen out of the Top 10 completely. 
   Meanwhile, The Mozziah remains absent from Twitter, could he possibly be finalising that record deal? Talking of twitter, I asked my 'Spirit of Nico' if he/she had watched the brilliant film, 'The Talented Mr Ripley'? He/she sent me back a link to 'Plein Soleil', which just happens to be the original 1960 version of 'Ripley', starring one of The Mozziah's favourite actors Alain Delon. I had no idea there was an original to 'The Talented Mr Ripley', my education continues, and now I have yet another film to add to my 'must watch' list.
  "And finally Esther", "and finally Cyril", The Mozziah (@MW)  has now been re-tweeted over 100's Tour Diary time, I say, IT'S TOUR DIARY TIME!



Footnote: I think my unemployed soothsayer name shall be, 'The Whiskered Wonder'.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 131 Monday 23rd January 2012

At last I have watched Vittorio De Sica's 'Ladri Di Biciclette', it is simplistically brilliant, but I have come away smiling to myself because hidden within it, in a cameo role, is a 1948 version of 'Log Lady', in her pre log days (well there was a recession you know!) playing the part of 'Santona - the ones that sees'. Sees what? Sees bugger all, that's what she sees, and the only advice she can give poor Antonio regarding his bike is, "Find it now, or not at all." What sort of wisdom is that?, AND HE EVEN PAID HER! I'm in the wrong job, forget unemployed wrestling, I'm going into unemployed soothsaying, it looks like easy money. And my first prediction is....that a new film called 'Papadopoulos and Sons' will be a huge, huge success. What is this film?, I hear you cry and who is behind it?, and more to the point, what has any of this got to do with The Mozziah? Well, let me rewind a bit. I mentioned in yesterday's blog that my only tweet on Saturday was to wish a Happy Birthday to '@PapaSonsFilm'. '@PapaSonsFilm' is a film director, better known as Marcus Markou, or at least that's what it says on his twitter profile, I know nothing more about him. The only reason I am following him on twitter is because I noticed that The Mozziah was following him via his '@MorrisseysWorld' account. The '@MW' account only follows 46 people, (unlike the '@MM' account which follows hundreds) so it caught my eye that he was following 'PapaSonsFilm'. 'PapaSonsFilm' also follows MW. On January 2nd, 'MW' tweeted, "Is there anyone on twitter more interesting than me?", to which 'PapaSons' replied, "Truly, honestly, strangely, there is no one on Twitter more interesting than you. You must never reveal yourself." This struck me as strange, for there was I, spending every last waking (and sleeping) minute trying to work out if MW really was the true Mozziah, and here was 'Papa' telling him not to reveal himself, did he 'know' something? It was at this point that I started to follow 'Papa' and we have since exchanged various tweets, he's even started following me back and he tunes into our 'Twitterdilly Arms' Top 10 countdown's on Tuesday lunchtimes. We've even started a chain of music education, thanks in no small part, to The Mozziah. Since The Mozziah, sorry, I mean 'Spirit of Nico', introduced me to Rita Pavone's 'Heart', I have been playing it pretty much every day on the 'Twit Arms' jukebox, and when I posted the song to 'Papa' he replied, "Thank you to @TheRatsBack for introducing me to this beautiful song (soundtrack material). It's Big!" He then went on to tweet, "Too late for this film (and all Greek tracks) but I wanted to burst into tears on hearing. You are a Dr, proscribing music!" Well thanks Marcus, but I can't really take the credit, it's all The Mozziah's doing, but I know what you mean about bursting into tears, it is just SUCH a powerful song. So, that's how I got tweeting to Marcus, and for his birthday I sent him a link to  Nancy Sinatra's version of 'The End of The World', to which Marcus replied, "Great track... I will get you to be the Musical Supervisor if I ever get to make another film." Fantastic! I just listen to songs that The Mozziah recommends, I pass them on to the next big film director, and he makes me Musical Supervisor, job's a good 'en! So to the film itself, it is apparently about a rich Greek family who lose it all and end up in a chip shop. It is comic/tragic/Greek and I am really looking forward to seeing it. Marcus has kindly invited me to a private screening in Soho next month, which I look forward to attending. I have a sneaky suspicion that The Mozziah spotted this up and coming film and director early on, and he too, believes it will be big. I've heard one of the Greek songs from the soundtrack and I love it, it has even made it onto the 'Twit Arms' jukebox.
   So, what else has been happening in the world of The Mozziah? Well, the website that first led me to MorrisseysWorld, '', has been updated. The person behind it obviously reads my blog because it has mentioned it a couple of times. The 'IsMoz' site continues to point out all the evidence which 'proves' that MW is the 'real' Morrissey, but he/she has missed one little sign, which I too have neglected to mention. On January 16th, '@LeMapach_' tweeted "Argentina loves you, come here!", to which '@MorrisseysWorld' replied, "I would love to. Perhaps I shall." On January 20th, a statement on the True-To-You website said, "Shows in Columbia and Argentina are expected to be announced next week." Why oh why are the masses not seeing what is going on? I suppose the simple answer is, why would they? The thousands upon thousands of Mozziah fans out there, know nothing about MW, and even those that do, dismissed it early on as a hoax and have not revisited it or bothered to re-question it. They have no idea what they are missing. It is unbelievable that after all these months, it still remains unfound by the masses. Even The Mozziah must be surprised, and no doubt amused, that it has been kept so secret, so long. A couple of weeks ago, MW tweeted, "I enjoy reading all the comments on MorrisseysWorld. It remains the worst-kept secret in pop music. Thankfully." Long may that remain the case, and with '@MW' followers currently at just 4,489 we should be ok for a while, although it still remains to be seen as to what will happen if 'Boredom Is A Plague' turns out to be a 'real' new song. I don't think that even the staunchest of us believers are truly convinced this isn't a wind up, but if it isn't, can you imagine the reaction on So-Low if it suddenly appears in the set list in Chile/Argentina/Japan? Viral overnight it would be, viral overnight, or would it? Would the non believers want to suffer the embarrassment of having to admit they were wrong? Oh I love it, I just love it. The story goes on.
  Despite me venturing to Wiltshire on Saturday, I resisted the urge to go and see Boz Boorer in concert but one of the other 'Twitterdilly Arms' regulars, 'Rosy Mires', couldn't resist the temptation of going to the gig the following day in The Railway pub in Winchester, and was one of only 23 in the audience. My warning from the other day was obviously ignored. Rosy chatted to Boz about 'that dress' (sounds a bit Liz Hurley) in Mexico, to which Boz explained, it was just a bit of a laugh. No doubt the Tour Journals will reveal the real truth behind the dress (actually, I think it was a skirt & blouse combo but let's not spit hairs), and talking of the now infamous journals, they really, really could be about to be published soon. The Mozziah tweeted to say, "Retweet this message if you want to read my tour diaries. If it receives more than one hundred, I shall release them." It has currently been retweeted 88 times, so fingers crossed, they could be coming out at last! Right, that's it for today, I'm off to the 'Twit Arms' for a quick blast of 'Pigsty' and tomorrow of course I shall reveal the new Top 10, 'live' in the 'Twitterdilly Arms' at 12.45pm UK time. Can 'Scandinavia' remain at the top? Will it even feature in the Top 10 at all? Will the discovery of all the Hollywood Bowl material have a major influence on the chart? All will be revealed tomorrow.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 130 Sunday 22nd January 2012

There really aren't enough hours in the day! Yesterday, I had a day completely away from; Twitterdilly, Mozziah following and, if I'm honest, wrestling. I had a 'normal' family day, which was very enjoyable, but my mind kept wondering and wandering. There are so many songs I want to discover, so many films I want to watch, so many Youtube clips I want to find, and I miss not being in The Twitterdilly Arms, but somehow I have to live a normal life and also write my blog, which in itself has become an addiction. I actually felt guilty for having a day off yesterday. Although I say I had a day 'completely' away from twitter, I did enter very, very briefly, just to wish a Happy birthday to '@PapaSonsFilm' aka Marcus Markou, (who I will discuss in more detail tomorrow) and to also pick up my messages from my 'Spirit of Nico' friend, who continues to swap silly talk with me, and educate me, in a German accent of course! The latest educational gems include the songs; 'I've Changed My Plea to Guilty', 'End of the World' and 'Baby Tell Me What You're On', hold on, first I need to go off on one of my tangents before I forget! You see, mentioning 'I've Changed My Plea to Guilty' has just reminded me about 'Life Is a Pigsty'! I need to talk about 'Pigsty', NOW! See, this is how my tiny little brain works, I'll be talking about one thing, or listening to a certain song, or watching a certain film, and then BANG!, I'm off on a sidetrack elsewhere. I NEED MORE HOURS, can you please stop time? So, 'Pigsty', no sooner had I mentioned on Friday in my blog, that 'Pigsty' was the one 'Hollywood Bowl' track I really wanted to see on Youtube, then there it was!, literally an hour after my blog had been published. Is somebody, somewhere reading this and taking note? And what a song, I mean, really, what a song! I had of course already heard this version of it, because it was on disc 2 of the greatest hits cd that I'd bought when holidaying in Florida a few years ago. Because none of the rest of my family appreciate The Mozziah's God like voice, I found myself going out for long drives on my own during that holiday and blasting out the cd at full volume. I kept playing 'Pigsty' on repeat though, I often do this with albums, a certain song will grab me and I play it over and over and over again. The other day I was driving along with 'Strangeways Here We Come' on in the car, and I played 'Death Of a Disco Dancer' for the whole forty five minute journey, I have no idea if this is normal behaviour or if it is just me, but I've always been the same since I was a child. Mind you, in those days it wasn't albums, I've never really been an albums person, I bought very few LP's as I grew up, mainly because every penny I had, was spent on seven inch singles, seven inch singles were my world, they still are, my number one collection is obviously full of ten inch shellac, twelve inch vinyl, cassettes and cd's, but it is the pieces of seven inch vinyl that I cherish the most, I treat them like babies and don't like anybody even touching them. I also hate to see any marks or stickers on the labels or covers of seven inch singles, it soils them, cheapens them, although the one's with my name written on them from the seventies serve as a reminder of my need to put my stamp on them and show the world that those records belonged to me, they were mine, and by adding my name, it meant that nobody else could ever have them. God, I've gone off on tangent after tangent here, I don't think this is what writers are supposed to do! Let's see if I can claw it back a bit, let's go back to 'Pigsty'. That Florida holiday, where I played the Hollywood Bowl version of 'Pigsty' on repeat, cemented it as an all time Top 3 song for me, it's a great song anyway, but 'live', it is just so emotional, and the version at Hollywood Bowl sounds fantastic, with 'Auld Lang Syne' played on piano as the song fades out. Well the sight of this song on Youtube has taken it to another level, with The Mozziah finishing the song upside down against the drum kit, with his eyes closed. As soon as I had found the Youtube video, I posted it in The Twitterdilly Arms and the place just went mental with excitement and emotion. As we all watched the footage over and over again, the Twitterdillians tried to express how they felt. It was best summed up by an interchange between 'stillicling' and 'AIRRAID25'. 'AIRRAID' wrote, "This is feckin amazing. I LOVE it, I LOVE him. He is....Oh no words. He means every word he sings, straight from his heart." 'stillicling' replied, "The best part of being here is knowing that there is no need to explain that feeling that can't be explained." And there it is, summed up in a nutshell, the Twitterdilly Arms is a place you go where you can't explain, but luckily, you don't even have to try to....because everybody else in there KNOWS!
  Now, where was I before the 'Pigsty' tangent?, oh yes, my 'Spirit of Nico'. Let me start with the song 'I've Changed My Plea to Guilty', a song that alongside 'Pigsty', has pretty much taken over my 'weekend off', and been played over and over again. On Friday, I asked 'Nico' why she/he thought the 'Hollywood Bowl' stuff had suddenly appeared on Youtube? He/she didn't of course answer, after all, how could he/she know?, but instead, played me the studio version (as opposed to the live version) of 'I've Changed My Plea to Guilty' and asked, 'Do you know what that is at the beginning?" I couldn't really make it out from the youtube clip, so I got out my ipod, only to find I didn't have the song on there. It is a song that has sort of bypassed me, I am aware of it, but have never really taken a lot of interest in it. To some people, like the aforementioned 'AIRRAID25', it is 'the' song, like 'Death of a Disco Dancer'/'How Soon Is Now'/'Pigsty'/'Reel Around the Fountain'/'Teenage Dad'/etc etc is mine. I knew the song contained the line 'Emotional air raids exhausted my heart' but why wasn't 'I've Changed My Plea to Guilty' on my ipod? and what 'was' the audio at the beginning of it that the 'Spirit of Nico' had enquired about? I decided to turn to my bible, Simon Goddard's 'Mozipedia', for the answers. Goddard's entry on 'Changed Plea' told me that the song was a 'B' side, of the single, 'My Love Life' and Goddard described it as, "One of the greatest tracks in Morrissey's entire catalogue." WOW! Goddard's entry continued by saying,"Nevin (Mark E.) constructed the opening and closing sound collage using samples of country singer Skeeter Davis's 1963 hit 'The End of The Word' alongside Dictaphone recordings of a waitress friend from Minneapolis called Suzy Solan." So there it was, Goddard had given me the answer to 'Nico's' question and also pointed me in the direction of a sixties song that I vaguely remembered the title of, but couldn't recall the tune. Was it Goddard pointing me to 'The End of The World', or 'Spirit of Nico'? I decided to consult 'Wikipedia' (Mozipedia's more mainstream big brother) to find out more about 'The End of The World'. According to wiki, the world and it's wife have recorded a version of 'World', including; Mud, The Carpenters, Julie london, Skeeter Davis (obviously), Johnny Mathis, Agnetha Faltskog (of Abba fame), Lena Zavaroni, Twiggy etc etc, honestly, there are hundreds, but the one that caught my eye was Nancy Sinatra. I immediately skipped over to Youtube and first listened to Skeeter Davis's version and then Nancy's. Skeeter's didn't grab me particularly, although I did recognise the song, a song I would have been too young to remember first time around, and then I listened to Nancy's version, HEAVEN! I have now found another gem to place alongside; 'These Days' by Nico and 'Heart' by Rita Pavone. I immediately downloaded Sinatra's version, as well as the unbelievable 'I've Changed my Plea to Guilty'. Both songs use the same melody and both songs have been playing non stop on my ipod all weekend! The reason I didn't have 'Changed Plea' on my ipod is because I hadn't bought The Mozziah's 'Greatest Hits' album that was released last year. I'm not a completist (somebody who owns everything ever released) and I don't as a rule buy greatest hits albums (unless on holiday in Florida). I don't as a rule buy albums, full stop, I buy songs, formally known as singles. Oh well, I've got 'Changed Plea' now, and I have also caught up with myself, the only other thing left to mention today is 'Baby Tell Me What You're On', which is another track fed to me by 'Nico'. It is a track from last year's 'new album' from the 'New York Dolls'. I have previously mentioned that I have never 'really' listened to the 'Dolls', I was too young to have listened to them when they first arrived, and because they were never mainstream, they passed me by. It is well documented that The Mozziah loves them, but I haven't read anywhere what he thinks to last year's 'new album'. It isn't of course the original New York Dolls, after all, the majority of them have passed on, but I would guess that The Mozziah loves the 'Dolls' mainly for the frontman David Johansen, after all, it's 'all' about the frontman isn't it? I decided to purchase 'Baby Tell Me What You're On', and listen to it while walking the dog. It wasn't what I expected, and after two or three listens, it started to hook me. It sounds like it belongs on a Quentin Tarantino or Guy Ritchie film score. My biggest problem now, is that I don't have enough time to listen to it more. I just keep finding and finding more songs to listen to and more movies to watch. As I read my way through 'Mozipedia', I am writing down titles of films I have never even heard of. I still haven't had the chance to finish watching 'Ladri di Biciclette' (The Bicycle Thief) and I also want to watch Sophia Loren in 'Houseboat', purely on the basis of finding 'Bing Bang Bong' on Youtube, another brilliant song that I am now listening to on repeat on my ipod, which reminds me, I also downloaded Loren's, 'Mambo Bacan' at the same time, which is also brilliant, and also from a film entitled 'La donna del fiume', which I also want to watch. WHERE WILL I EVER FIND THE TIME? This blog has taken me all morning to write, my family want me, and to top it all, I've just read on twitter that The Mozziah looks ready to publish his Tour Journals. Where do I start?, easy, Tour Journals. Stop Press: MorrisseysWorld Blogspot has just published a new song by the Mozziah called 'Boredom Is A Plague' (See Day 28 of this blog, Wednesday 12th October). Now, if this is a 'real' song, and not a parody, we are just about to see the whole thing go viral. Is this the point where confusion meets certainty? 'You Have Been Watching'.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 129 Saturday 21st January 2012

Today I will be wrestling with Mick McManus, Catweazle and some bird called Shirley Crabtree, there will be no Mozziah following!

Friday, 20 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 128 Friday 20th January 2012

My new career as an unemployed wrestler is flourishing, the phone hasn't rung once and I haven't had a single bout, it's great! All this free time is allowing me to spend all day trawling Youtube for songs and films that have bypassed me in life, whilst also watching Test match cricket on tv, the unemployed have DEFINITELY got it right. Whilst trawling Youtube over the past couple of days, I have stumbled on some absolute Mozziah gems, new gems at that, well sort of. It is well documented that a dvd was made of The Mozziah in concert at The Hollywood Bowl in 2007, but it was never released, The Mozziah blocked it, claiming he was never consulted on it and that it was a 'slapdash release'. Apart from the eight or nine tracks from the concert that were released on the 'Greatest Hits CD', the rest, to my knowledge, have never seen the light of day, but in the last few days, footage from the dvd have started leaking onto Youtube, and not just from one person, but from three or four. Have Warner Brothers suddenly released it? It would appear not, so why are tracks suddenly appearing and why oh why did The Mozziah stop it?, it's incredible. The tracks/footage I have seen so far are; 'The Queen Is Dead', (which is just superb & I will do my best to get it into the Twit Arms Top 10 this week), 'Disappointed', 'I've Changed My Plea To Guilty', 'Girlfriend In A Coma', 'First of the Gang to Die', 'You Have Killed Me', 'How Soon Is Now?', 'Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' and 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out'. Different songs seem to be being added on a daily basis, so it is presumably only a matter of time before the whole lot are available to view. I have looked at the track listing and the one I really want to see is 'Life Is a Pigsty'. It's funny, because as a Mozziah fan, I believe it is quite normal to have no definitive favourite song. It is a joke among a number of the Twitterdilly Arms regulars, that whenever a really good Mozziah song is played on the jukebox, we comment that it is a 'definite' Top 3 Mozziah song of ours, but we've all said that to about fifty songs, and if you were to ask me right here, right now, I would swear blind that 'Life Is a Pigsty' is an all time Top 3 favourite of mine, but by 4.30 this afternoon, that will have changed of course! How is 'his' music able to do that? Ask any 'normal' person what their Top 3 is, and they would probably reel off the same three that they have reeled off for years and years, ask a Moz fan and we haven't a clue. As for desert island discs, I'd need a jukebox full, thank God that's what I've got!
    All is still pretty quiet on The Mozziah front, as he spends time in the real world doing whatever it is that Mozziah's do. In the world of Twitterdilly, poor old Willoughby seems to have ignored my advice to run (or swim) for it, and she has joined us in the pub! A quick look through yesterday's timeline on the pub wall shows me that MW tweeted just once, to say, "My finger is now my healthiest feature", does that mean the end of the finger lingerie?, I hope not, the concerts just wouldn't be the same without the various finger dresses, so whether the finger is better or not, is now irrelevant, the lingerie MUST stay. 'MorrisseysMum' (from here on in to be referred to as MM) also popped up very briefly to tweet "Bleurggghhh", which is a repeat of his/her last two recent tweets. One can only presume, that despite a healthy finger, the rest of the body and mind are under constant torture at present, as the past is raked over and over by the lawyers, it can't be very pleasant for him, but unfortunately it has to be done, he HAS to stop the slurs once and for all in the High Court. I wouldn't be surprised if the NME are offering an out of court settlement by now, but however tempting that may be, to make it all go away, I personally think he HAS to go to court, otherwise it will never be COMPLETELY killed off. On a brighter note, Banjaxer tweeted, "Manchester rumours: Morrissey record deal being considered." Now THAT would be good news, are 'Universal' coming around to The Mozziah's demands? What are his demands? Will he release on the 'Fontana' & 'London' labels, as first predicted by me, here on my blog, on both the 4th & 5th October last year? 'BozBoorer' also tweeted yesterday, asking MW, "When will the diary be read Moz? Hope your well. godspeed." I've no idea if this is the real Boz or not, one would suspect not, but either way, he/she missed a 'y' off 'ready' and wrote 'your' instead of 'you're', easy mistakes to make of course, we've all done it. Actually, it's one of the most infuriating things in the world, to send a tweet and then realise that you've misspelt something. You can of course delete the offending tweet, but usually the damage has already been done, and some eagle eyed tweeter has already seen your error. I have no problem in donning a Batman or Robin suit and walking down my local High Street shouting, "I'm gay" at the top of my voice, but write 'to' instead of 'too' in a tweet, and I just want the ground to swallow me up! Talking of Boz Boorer, in the real world, the real Boz has announced that he will be playing a couple of gigs this weekend, with his band 'Happy Martyr'. They are playing 'Riffs Bar' in Swindon and 'The Railway Inn' in Winchester (is he sussing out potential venues for The Mozziah's next tour?). A couple of the Twit Arms regulars have talked about going to watch, but personally, I can't see why. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Boz, in the same way I've got nothing against Johnny Marr, but as I've said before, for me, it is ALL about the lead singer and the voice, it always has been. I used to go to a lot of concerts with a guy I shared a flat with for a number of years, who was (& still is) a bass player, and I would catch him looking at the various bass players on stage, and he'd be mentally playing along. When I go to concerts, my gaze rarely moves from the lead singer, I am transfixed, it is the showman that I have come to see, not a bass player, or in Boz's case a guitar player. I have watched 'Happy Martyr' on Youtube and the lead singer/rapper is woeful, truly woeful. I have never felt any urge to buy any records or watch Johnny Marr live, away from The Mozziah, and the same will be the case with Boz. Back in twit land, I continue to trade messages with the 'Spirit of Nico', (whoever he/she may be) and among the latest offerings I received, was a link to a song called 'Zwei kleine Italiener' by Conny Froboess. I had neither heard the song before or heard of Froboess, so I googled it, and her, and found that she is a German actress, famous from the 50's & 60's, and that the song was her entry for Germany in the Eurovision song contest of 1962, where she finished sixth. I am getting a great education from my German spirit friend, who obviously knows that I have a love of the Eurovision Song Contest, which, even now, in it's darkest hour, I watch religiously every year, although, it is of course nothing like it used to be in the good old days, but then, what is? Also on twotter, my musical and cinematic education is being enhanced by the mysterious 'Caterita2008', the so called Italian housewife, who was the first to refer to Boz Boorer in a dress as Elsie Tanner. 'Caterita' has been sending Youtube links to various Italian films and songs, including a lot of Sophia Loren and Vittorio De Sica. I now have a thirst to discover everything Italian. I am off to watch 'Ladri di Biciclette' on 'Caterita's' recommendation, and I cannot stop listening to Sophia Loren's 'Bing Bang Bong'. How did I EVER have time for work? And therein lies the problem, I have spent all my adult life working and have missed out on the important things in life. It is time to make amends. * Goes off singing* "Presto presto do your very besto, don't hang back like a shy little kid, life is very looooong when you're lonely".
STOP PRESS: True To You has just announced that The Mozziah will play in Peru on Feb 29th and the concert that had been rumoured for Chile on the 24th has also been confirmed. The Mozziah will also play in Santiago on Feb 26th and shows in Argentina & Columbia are expected to be announced next week.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 127 Thursday 19th January 2012

The Twitterdilly Arms could soon have a new regular. Three days ago, I stumbled across a blog called '' in which the author, Andrea Willoughby, was lamenting that nobody on twitter noticed her, and that she had found a 'fake Mozzer' on twitter who she found to be "pretty funny" and with "sharp quips-not completely unlike the real one." I sent '@awillo9658' a tweet, informing her that '@MorrisseysWorld' was in fact the 'real' Mozziah and pointed her in the direction of my blog. For the past three days, Andrea, (who according to her twit bio is a 40-something, mother of three, high school English teacher from Orange County California - aren't we all!) has been reading my blog from start to finish, so yesterday I tweeted her to ask how she was getting on, she replied, "I am thoroughly enjoying it. At January. I want to believe. Will share my doubt later." She then later tweeted, "Wait! No, I actually believe it!" She then tweeted, "My doubt: that moz would not be interested in the time twitter takes up." Now that last point is a very valid point, but why is The Mozziah any different to the rest of us? By his own admission, he is shy and spends the majority of his time alone, so why wouldn't he use twitter and the internet? We do! Most of us question our sanity for spending so much of our time on the internet, but it is a changing world, and if The Mozziah had had the internet when he was younger, it would've saved him a fortune in stamps from writing to all those music papers, pen pals etc. So, during his boredom periods, The Mozziah uses twotter, as he calls it, and also messes around with his parody website, it is his toy. If it were a true parody website, run by somebody else, say somebody like me, it would be updated every day with various quips, japes and perhaps even real Mozzer news, so why is it that it hasn't been updated since January 3rd? It's obvious, the person behind it is just too busy. The person behind it, probably genuinely intended to produce those 'Parody Tour Journals', but ran out of time, why?, because their time is being taken up organising tours, putting together interval tapes, designing back drops, thinking about set lists, sorting merchandise and of course the one big 'black hole' extra, preparing for the court case. With Christmas now out of the way, The Mozziah's lawyers will be pinning him down, wanting to know every quote he's ever made, wanting to know what his thought was behind each statement and they will be asking him to explain any song he has ever written that the media may have interpreted as being racist. The reason The Mozziah is no longer tweeting or blogging (MorrisseysWorld is after all a blog) is because he has NO spare time and is exhausted. It is what he doesn't do with the parody website, as much as what he does do, that proves it's him!
  The lack of an active Mozziah on the internet, has meant that nobody else is likely to find MorrisseysWorld, which is why it is nice to have found old Willoughby, it's like another survivor being found on our desert island. Talking of the survivors on our desert island, there are now just a hard core group of seventeen (I've just counted) of us who come to the Twitterdilly Arms every day. A fully stocked pub on a desert island, why not? And as more and more people's lives fall apart and their ship's capsize, they swim to the island, enter the pub, and find like minded souls who have also been set adrift from reality. God, my mind doesn't half work overtime, I've now dragged a whole group of people through a wardrobe into Narnia, then down the yellow brick road, and finally I've shipwrecked them on some island, is it the same island that Tom Hanks ended up on in 'Castaway'? If so, the 'Twitterdilly Arms' regulars will soon be having a kick about with 'Wilson' the volleyball, or have we landed on Golding's 'Lord of the Flies' island? Am I the character 'Simon', at one with the island, who believes the Lord of the Flies talks to him? Or are we on Robinson Crusoe's island?, and is 'Friday' mourning? (yes lame, I know!) Could it be that we are all mutineers, like in 'Mutiny on the Bounty' and we have broken away from 'normal' society to settle on an idyllic island, one with a fully stocked pub and a jukebox? What is it with author's and island's? What is the big fascination with being set adrift from the norm? Is The Mozziah an island? They do say that 'No man is an Island', but he looks like one. Forget the tag 'Former lead singer of eighties band The Smiths', he could be introduced as, "Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for The Island, Morrissey." I like it. Anyway, what was today's blog supposed to be about? Oh yes, Willoughby, who having read today's load of nonsense, will no doubt be none the wiser, are any of us? Seventeen of us, blindly turning up, day after day, to a make shift pub, on a desert island/back of a wardrobe/up a yellow coloured road, just waiting, waiting, waiting to see if something emerges to prove that we were right all along. Is the hunch inside all of us right or have we all been easting our time? Is it a waste of time? We've made friends. Are they real friends? Will 'Blue Rose' take off regardless of whether it's real or not? What am I on about?, it is real, there has never been any doubt, and anyway, I've come too far, we've all come too far, however much we'd like to unplug our lap tops/pc's/iphones and pretend it wasn't real, we can't, we're in it to the end, wherever that end may be......on second thoughts Willoughby, put down that Gin & Tonic and get out while you can, run before it's too late, but stick to the road, don't venture onto the moors, run Willoughby and never look back. And for the rest of us, the ones who can't run, the ones who are stuck in the pub on the desert island, where will it end for us?, happily, at the end of the rainbow? How did it end for 'Simon' in 'Lord of the Flies' I hear you ask? He was murdered by a rival gang. Is So-Low gang leader David T*eng out to get me? I could always seek haven in the one place he can't go, a Mozziah concert hall!
   So, while The Mozziah continues to be pre-occupied in the real world, momentarily rescued from the island, what has been occurring in Twitterdilly? Well, I have had a little interjection with our old lawnmower friend, Mike Joyce. He tweeted, "Just been interviewed about first Smiths gig. No wonder I can't remember much about it. Over 30 years ago...Yowza!" I tweeted back to him, "Over 30 years ago? Really? The Smiths played before Morrissey & Marr met?...Yowza!" He replied, "Ha! Told you I couldn't remember much about it!" Well Monsieur Joyce, me old mucker, nobody really remembers much about your role either! Ready to say sorry yet? No? Get your clothes off then and back to the garden, it could do with a trim.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 126 Wednesday 18th January 2012

All is quiet in the Twitterdilly Arms, the potential riot has subsided, the members of 'Blue Rose' continue to live their 'virtual' lives in their happy little bubble. There will of course come a time when 'Blue Rose' becomes real, when the society, started by strangers, in a make belief pub in cyber space, venture out into the real world, where they will meet up and totally bemuse the other Morrissey concert goers. 'Stillicling' & 'Heathercat222' have already met up at a concert, but their dyed blue roses fell apart in the cold of Chicago and they were not delivered. In hindsight, this is probably just as well, the society wasn't really in place properly, it still isn't, it is up to me and a few others to put it together before the next round of UK concerts, and then to make it real, to make it live. MorrisseysWorld needs to abandon the red and white rose idea, so that there is no confusion, we're going blue! How bizarre that I am here calling the shots, telling MW what to do, but it is of course fate, this is meant to be. The Mozziah expressed a desire of what he would like to see and I, and others, have developed the idea. Not all members of The Twitterdilly Arms are in agreement with 'Blue Rose', they think it is just my ego taking over, it is not, it is The Mozziah's desire, is isn't moonshine, and perhaps we need a sign from him to show he approves? For 'Blue Rose' to work, it is paramount that the song 'Trouble Loves Me' is included in the set at the UK concerts. The society members could then throw their blue roses during the song and as more and more people ask what it is all about, so the society will grow, with the focal points being & The Twitterdilly Arms and not So-Low. The biggest draw back to 'Blue Rose', is that the song 'Trouble Loves Me' hasn't been performed live by The Mozziah for nearly six years. If it were to work it's way into the set list for the forthcoming Japan concerts, that would be exciting, but also frustrating. I, and the other 'Blue Rose' members, would be sitting here watching Youtube clips, wanting to see blue roses thrown to the stage, but of course they wouldn't be. There is of course no hurry, the society will get together at some stage, and I have completely 'U' turned from initially wanting to stay anonymous, to now wanting to meet up with my fellow 'Blue Rose' members at concerts, I want to be an active part of making this happen. There will be no embarrassment, no fear of ridicule, this will be a group of passionate nutters, no, sorry, not nutters, definitely not nutters, passionate er, Morrissey Worlders, delivering our gift of thanks to The Mozziah, our blue roses. It's beautiful. I am already picturing the first concert that we meet up at, perhaps five or six of us, wearing blue roses and being part of the same 'union' despite not even knowing each other. There would be strange looks from the concert goers who know nothing about the Twitterdilly Arms and there would be scathing looks from the So-Low lot, who all dismissed MW as a hoax. They would find our actions delusional, they would mock us, laugh at us, just like they mocked and laughed at the followers of JC back in Galilee, although in fairness, the mockers back in those days probably weren't users of '', I may have got that bit wrong. The Gospels shouldn't be believed chapter and verse you know, the fishes and loaves thing might not really have happened either, you should just pick out the important bits and put the other bits down as stories. Things get altered and obscured over the years, in two thousand years time for instance, it may come to pass that people believe that The Twitterdilly Arms was a real pub and that David Cameron knew what he was doing. If things get really distorted, Gordon Brown's premiership will be looked upon as the most influential time in British politics and Manchester City will be remembered as a team of the people. Anyway, 'Blue Rose is only just beginning, and in the meantime, what on earth has happened to those 'Parody Tour Journals'? hasn't been touched since Jan 3rd, not a word, not a peep, except the odd tweet here and there. If he really wants to see 'Blue Rose' bloom, it's time for him to talk to his people. In the words of the prophet of Norwich, Delia Smith, "Where are you? Where are you? Lesbie Avenue, come on." At least, I think that's what she said!

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