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Saturday, 7 January 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 115 Saturday 7th January 2012


THERAPIST ME(TP): Fuck me, not you again, do you want a season ticket? My hourly rate isn't cheap you know. So, go on, what's the problem this time? And why are you crying?
ME: It's Nico.
TP: Nico? What the lad off X Factor from a couple of years ago?
ME: Ha bloody ha, very funny.
TP: Sorry, go on, you're referring to the German singing bird from the sixties, Hey, we could give her the tag 'Former Sort Of Lead Singer Of Sixties Band The Velvet Underground', or 'FSOLSOSBTVU', Nico for short. Anyway, I don't know why you're upset, you've never listened to Nico, not once. Despite ALL the times you've read about The Mozziah being SO influenced by her, you've NEVER shown any interest in her, has she just died or something?
ME: No, she died in the late eighties as well you know, we looked it up together the other day. She died falling off a bicycle on a desolate hillside.
TP: Now THAT'S more than coincidence, that's spooky. Anyway, why the tears?
ME: I've just spent the last hour listening to 'These Days', it's still playing now, can you hear it?
TP: Yes, it's wonderful isn't it?
ME: "I've been out walking, I don't do too much talking these days. These days, these days, I seem to think a lot about the things that I forgot to do and all the times I had the chance to." This could've been written for me, yesterday. It's beautiful and her voice, Christ, how have I missed 'this'?
TP: Because you spent too much of your youth listening to the chart stuff pumped out on the radio.
ME: But I loved all that. I wouldn't have wanted to not have my meaningless pop, but I'm so annoyed at myself for being so non experimental in what I listen to.
TP: There's absolutely no point in beating yourself up about it, look at it as a God send..
ME: (Butting in) I don't believe in God
TP: OK, look at it as a Moz send that even at forty six, you are discovering great music, poetry and other things that you've missed. Music isn't just for teenagers you know, which is just as well because most of them are listening to mind numbing manufactured pop or mind numbing and derogatory Hip hop and rap. Well I'm glad you've got Nico off your chest, have we finished now?
ME: I've hardly started. It's funny you should say 'Moz send', I think it is actually him sending me stuff.
TP: Oh Christ, here we go again. So far in this blog you've seen him in your dreams, and now you think he's talking to you? Do you remember your 'visitation', where 'HE' talked to you about five songs that he was going to sing on tour?
ME: Yeah.
TP: And how many did he 'actually' sing? Three, and all three had been in the UK set anyway! No 'November Spawned A Monster', and more importantly, no 'Trouble Loves Me', which left you looking a laughing stock down the old Twitterdilly Arms, I can tell you. You and your 'Blue Rose' idea, what a load of old shite, I presume you HAVE dropped all that 'Blue Rose' baloney?
ME: I hadn't given 'Blue Rose' a lot of thought since the tour finished but yes, in answer to your question, I DO still believe in 'Blue Rose' as the modern equivalent of 'Green Carnation'. It was 'HIS' roses idea that led me to 'Blue Rose' but he is influencing me even more directly now.
TP: *looking at watch* Go on then, let's have it.
ME: Let's swap roles, it'll save me on your expenses.
TP: OK, here, you take the clip board, I'll have a lie down. Lie down or lay down? I'm never sure which.
NEW TP(OLD ME): Funny you should mention 'lie' and 'lay', that's what somebody was talking to you about in your 'private' twitter box the other day wasn't it? You want to talk to me about your private messages and also this blog don't you?
ME: Yes. You only know that because you were me a minute ago.
TP: Let's not confuse the issue any more, you're confused enough aren't you?
ME: Yes, I am confused. Well, if truth me known, I've been confused for the last four months. When I started writing this blog, it was because I had stumbled upon the MorrisseysWorld blogsite, and in my absolute excitement, I started blogging as a way of releasing my excitement. I didn't write it with the thought of anybody else reading it, I just let my thoughts flood out. As I followed the story of MW, and The Mozziah, the blog became my daily diary but, and I shouldn't be surprised by this, my diary isn't a secret diary anymore, it has become a 'reality' diary.
TP: You're not making sense.
ME: Well let's take Big Brother for example, it's a reality tv programme, where a group of people are put in a house, to live supposed normal lives, and hidden cameras watch them and beam the action to a watching audience. Some of the people in the BB house behave very naturally, while other's play up and act for the camera's, thus controlling the way they want to be seen, rather than being the real them.
TP: And you're worried that your blog is no longer just reflecting your real thoughts?
ME: Well, my blog stats tell me that four hundred people a day are now reading it, and I don't want to stop being 'me', just because I'm being looked at.
TP: Well that's good then.
ME: But there are things I haven't written about because I've thought to myself that I shouldn't because of certain people reading it.
TP: You mean The Mozziah and Rustle don't you?
ME: Yes. How did you know?
TP: I read our thoughts.
ME: Christ, this is like Harry Potter now. Well, as you/we know, I 'believe' that I have been sending and receiving private messages from both The Mozziah and Rustle on a daily basis.
TP: Hold on, you 'believe'?
ME: I know, it's crazy, I can't really get my head around any of this any more. The person who I 'believe' to be The Mozziah is teasing me, sometimes patronising me, but also showing great concern for me. He is being warm and also feeding me with things like Dante, Nico and Rita Pavone. You don't think I just happened to 'find' these things for myself did you? He's giving them to me.
TP: So have you asked him if he is The Mozziah?
ME: What's the point?, he'd never say yes, and I quite like the mystique and silly games we play. We talk utter nonsense, it's childish, silly and lovely.
TP: So, if you're not sure if it is The Mozziah, who are they claiming to be?
ME: A female from Germany.
TP: *laughing out loud, a lot* I think I should stop you there, it's 'him' alright, or it could be Rustle.
ME: Well that's crossed my mind too, that's why I'm so confused. I'm pretty sure it's The Mozziah, but what if it's not?
TP: And you say this person is the one who has pointed you to Dante, Nico and that fabulous song 'Heart' by Rita Pavone that you have been playing non stop since he posted it for you?
ME: Yes.
TP: Then if it isn't him, whoever it is has done you a BIG favour, you should be happy.
ME: I am, I like this person whoever it is.
TP: But you WANT it to be 'him' don't you?
ME: Yes, of course I do, in the same way that I want MorrisseysWorld to be him.
TP: Oh come on, don't tell me you're questioning that too?
ME: I don't know anything anymore. The Morrisseysmum on twitter is in absolute denial.
TP: That's just him playing his games, you DO know that don't you?
ME: Yes, yes, I know, I know, I just keep forgetting what I do and don't know.
TP: And that's what he wants everyone to feel, he's enjoying this game, are you still enjoying the whole experience?
ME: I love it, but it's all very consuming, it's taken over my whole life. That Nico song, 'These Days', just about sums it up. The reason I don't do much talking these days is because I'm always typing.
TP: Well don't worry, you'll have more time soon, you finish work next Friday and then you're free to do what you like. Have we finished? *stands up*
ME: No.
TP: *sits back down*
ME: I can put up with not knowing if I'm in a bizarre twitter relationship with The Mozziah because I have no wish to meet him yet. If I ever do get to meet him, I want it to mean something.
TP: Here we go again, fantasising.
ME: No, I'm not back onto the homo erotica thing, I mean I'd just like you know what? I don't even know what.
TP: So, have we finished yet?
ME: No, be patient.
TP: No, you're the patient, unless you want to swap back again? I'm not being funny, but this has rambled on for far too long now, nobody wants to read blogs that are more than about six lines long, they lose interest. You may be getting four hundred hits a day but I can assure you, NOBODY reads the whole thing.
ME: And I've told you, this isn't a blog, this is my life, my diary, my mind, all spilling out so that my head doesn't explode. I don't give a shit if nobody reads it ever again, in fact, in many ways, I wish they wouldn't, I am so 'laid bare', I might as well take my clothes off.
TP: Superb, can we?
TP: Go on then, let's hear about Rustle, I know you've been dying to tell me.
ME: Well, I've also been in daily contact with somebody who I 'believe' to be Rustle Brand, but I don't actually know.
TP: I thought you asked him to confirm it?
ME: I did.
TP: So what did he say?
ME: "I confirm I'm me".
TP: Bloody comedians. Do you HAVE to know it's him? Can't you continue the same relationship you have with your 'make belief' Mozziah friend?
ME: It's different with Rustle, I'd quite like to meet him. I've made no secret of the fact that I'd like to write with him and he's invited me to meet him.
TP: And what's the problem with that?
ME: Well, if it is him, all well and good, although, it sort of brings all this MW story to an end, because the mystery will finish.
TP: And if it's NOT him?
ME: Well, if it's not him, I will either be stood on Waterloo Station like a fool, or some weirdo will push me into the back of a blacked out van and sell me for prostitution, it's a dangerous place that London.
TP: Well invite him to Fratton Park next Saturday for the Pompey v West Ham game.
ME: I tried that.
TP: And?
ME: He said he had certain standards.
TP: He's a West Ham fan, what standards have they got?
ME: Yeah, quite, I should've said that, you're good aren't you? If I do meet him, will you come with me, you know, a bit of moral and all that?
TP: Yeah, if I'm free. Anyway, 'IF' your Mozziah friend really is The Mozziah, do you think he and Rustle both know they are in daily contact with you? And don't you think you should've mentioned to both of your *adopts Inbetweeners voice* 'Special friends', that you were going to blog these thoughts of yours?
ME: Why would I ask them? This is my diary, these are my thoughts, I'm not writing for an audience remember?
TP: I think we've answered everything we need to answer, good session.
ME: So, what now? Do I meet Rustle? Do I continue to have contact with my mystery German woman who I have nicknamed 'The Spirit of Nico'?
TP: No idea, I'm your therapist, not your personal advisor. Now, what about the fact you've said nothing about MorrissysWorld, the tour journals, the Twitterdilly Arms Top 10 chart etc?
ME: Well, there's not much time left for those. In brief, there are STILL no journals and the natives of the Twit Arms are waiting with baited breath for the chart to be announced tomorrow. Who'd have thought, that in 2012, 'Ding-A-Dong' by Teach-In would be battling with 'Heart' by Rita Pavone for the number one spot? Forget Radio one's claim that theirs is the 'only chart that counts', I think you'll find that the 'Twit Arms' is the only 'REAL'/virtual chart that counts.
TP: Any more news from the Twit Arms?
ME: Yes, we've had our first 'ban'. Some guy called '@jaysthingy' started getting inappropriate with his suggestions towards the girls, it's not that sort of pub.
TP: And what's this final thought I see in your head?
ME: Oh, my Wizard of Oz thought?
TP: Yes, what's that all about?
ME: Well, I had this thought that there are many books and films that seem to mirror the Christian story. Things like; 'The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe' and even 'Harry Potter', they're just different ways of telling the story. Good verses evil, it's always good verses evil and good always wins. 'The Bible', 'The Chronicles of Narnia' and 'Harry Potter' are all, just long drawn out versions of the same story.
TP: So you no longer see The MorrisseysWorld story as Narnia, we're all going to get broomsticks like Harry Potter and start 'virtual' flying?
ME: *yawns* No, as you full well know, I'm not seeing broomsticks, I'm seeing Munchkins.
TP: Oh boy.
ME: You see, this MW story could end up like the Wizard of Oz. It sort of follows the Christian story, but it turns out to be a dream, and instead of The true Mozziah being behind that curtain at the end of the rainbow, it's a little bald guy with a lot of pc's.
TP: And who are the munchkins?
ME: All the MorrisseyWorlders, all those people sat drinking in the Twitterdilly Arms.
TP: And your role?
ME: Well it's my story, so I'm Dorothy of course. I've even got a little dog, so I must be.
TP: Well, I suppose it stops you being a friend of Dorothy.
ME: No, that's you. Only kidding, there are three friends of Dorothy, they've been with me all the way down the yellow brick road.
TP: Who are they then?
ME: Well there's 'stillicling', who is the lion in search of courage.
TP: I thought she was the one in charge of the jukebox in the Twit Arms?
ME: She has a duel role.
TP: Does she serve the munchkins in the pub?
ME: Shut up, you're mixing the stories. Next up, there is 'RosyMires', she's the tin man, in search of a heart.
TP: Yeah, I know what you mean about her, she's the one who's put that 'November Spawned A Mozbite' on youtube isn't she? Heartless cow, taking the mickey out of a poorly finger like that!
ME: And finally there is 'Mancladmozfan', the scarecrow who keeps doubting whether or not the Mozziah is real. He loses bits of his straw and then stuffs it back in and he's okay again.
TP: God, your mind really is full of some weird stuff. I think we'll call it a day. You owe me three hundred twitterdillian dollars for today's session.
ME: Well, that's okay, you owe me three hundred from when I was the therapist, let's call it quits. Pint?
TP: Yeah go on, let's nip in and see the munchkins.


  1. Well, your Mystery German woman is not me, so that's one down by elimination! And don't worry, I only learnt about Nico this summer thanks to my best friend from Cologne! :)

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  3. The Twitterdilly Arms:
    Playlist - 07 January 2012

    The Trammps: Disco Inferno
    Mott The Hoople: Sea Diver
    The Smiths: How Soon Is Now
    Cocteau Twins: Sugar Hiccup
    David Bowie: Up The Hill Backwards
    Morrissey: I know It's Gonna Happen Someday (2005)
    David Bowie: Moonage Daydream
    This Mortal Coil: Song To The Siren (Cocteau Twins)
    Dusty Springfield: People Get Ready
    Morrissey: Now My Heart Is Full
    The Smiths: Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
    Morrissey: Dear God Please Help Me
    Morrissey: I'd Love To
    Undertones: Teenage Kick (1978)
    Morrissey: Seasick, Yet Still Docked
    Morrissey: I Know Very Well How I Got My Note Wrong
    The Undertones: My Perfect Cousin
    Culture Club: That’s The Way Sydney
    Clifford T. Ward: Not Waving, Drowning
    Morrissey: Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together
    Nico: These Days
    The Carpenters: Can't Smile Without You
    The Jam: Going Underground
    Morrissey: The Never-Played Symphonies
    The Smiths: Vicar In A Tutu
    The Carpenters: Saturday (1973)
    The Velvet Undergound & Nico: Femme Fatale
    Morrissey: Will Never Marry
    The Smiths: The Headmaster Ritual
    The Smiths: The Boy With A Thorn In His Side
    RosyMires: November Spawned A Mozbite
    Morrissey: I Knew I Was Next
    Morrissey: Honey You Know Where To Find Me
    Sacha Distel: I Wish You Love
    The Pogues: Dirty Old Town
    The Smiths: Death Of A Disco Dancer
    Jeff Buckley: The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
    Morrissey: Safe, Warm Lancashire Home
    Anthony Newley: Why
    Rita Pavone: Heart
    RosyMires: November Spawned A Mozbite
    Elvis Presley & Karen Carpenter: Solitaire
    Iggy Pop: Candy
    Everything But The Girl: Native Land
    The Undertones: My Perfect Cousin
    The Smiths: Suffer Little Children
    Morrissey: Everyday Is Like Sunday
    Travis: All The Young Dudes
    Morrissey: Now My Heart Is Full
    Morrissey: The National Front Disco (Madstock)
    Morrissey: We'll Let You Know (Madstock)
    Morrissey: Now My Heart Is Full
    The Carpenters: Can't Smile Without You


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