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Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Following the Mozziah Day 146 Tuesday 7th February 2012

What a night! Now, I bet that's got most people thinking that there has been some right old 'rat shenanigans' going on, and the filthier minded among my small, but loyal readership, will no doubt already be conjuring up scenes of 'rat like rutting' going on at rat towers, well that is certainly 'not' what my opening three words meant at all, I merely wanted to portray that I have had 'no' sleep, due to a combination of, a severe head cold, and the discovery of a new book. Anyway, even without the head cold, any rat like rutting's are strictly off limits at the moment, what with Mrs Whiskers having the decorators in and all. Shit, I've overstepped the mark again, as oft I do, and I'm now faced with a debate in my head, as to whether to delete that last comment or not, although, to be honest, this blog is read by very few people, and none of those that 'do' read it, know Mrs Whiskers anyway, and she certainly doesn't read it, although she is aware that I write it on a daily basis, well it would be hard 'not' to notice really, but hold on, what if my hunch is right, that this 'whole Morrisseysworld story' really 'is' written by The Mozziah, Brand et al, in which case thousands of people could one day read this blog of mine, including friends, who would then be able to get out their calendars and work out exactly when Mrs Whiskers is on her cycle? I can picture the scene now, with Mrs Whiskers standing at the school gates, waiting to pick up the tribe of 'mini rats', when suddenly, one of the other parent's says to Mrs Whiskers, "Good afternoon Mrs Whiskers, may I offer my sympathies at it being that time of the month again, I do hope it isn't a heavy one?" Bollocks, I've 'really' overstepped the mark now, Mrs Whiskers will go banana's if she ever reads this, although, by the time she 'does' read it, ie, when it's all gone viral, the period in question, if you'll excuse the blatant pun, will be a distant memory, in fact, at the rate it is currently taking for people to find MW, she may have hit the menopause! Anyway, I'm sure I can pass the whole incident off as one of my cheap, below the belt (excuse the pun again) gags, after all, she's more than used to my 'way' after all these years of marriage, and to be honest, it's not as though I've changed over the years, she knew exactly what she was getting before she married me, so she can't express 'too' much distain at my crassness. To be honest, she'll be fine, she may moan a bit, she'll feel obliged to, but if truth be known, she's got a similar sense of humour to me. Only this morning, as we sat watching 'Daybreak', when the presenter asked, " Have you thought yet of any gestures for your loved one this Valentine's day?", without any hesitation, Mrs Whiskers turned to me and 'flicked me the bird'. Rude cow, the blob comments can definitely stay, she doesn't scare me, and anyway, I've typed too much to delete it now.    
    So, where was I? Oh yes, as I took to my bed last night, with my head cold and chesty cough, it soon became apparent that I wasn't going to get any sleep, so I decided to read. The half read Simon Hughes autobiography, (that has sat next to my bed since last September when I discovered MorrisseysWorld) has somewhat lost it's momentum, so instead, I picked up the copy of Russell Brand's 'My Booky Wooky', which I was given for Christmas. I had meant to start reading it sooner, but I have been so distracted by 'MW', my blog, and twitter, that I just haven't had the time. I have also been brooding since the whole 'duping' incident, so me not reading 'his' book, was my own little way of getting back at him. Well the brooding is over now, I forgave him the other day, so I picked up his book and started to read. Without sounding too sycophantic, which is going to be hard, I was gripped from page one, and it was only when my eyes could stay open no longer, that I eventually put it down. I am currently about half way through, and Rusty is just about to take the leap from dope head to smack head. I feel like shouting to him, 'Russell, don't do it", but I have a feeling that however much I scream at the pages, he is not going to listen. In fact, by the time I pick the book back up, I expect his arm will already be tied off, waiting for the first shot. He may even be screaming at me from the pages right now, shouting, "Will you hurry up and get back here, I'm gagging for this first fix." If I don't pick the book back up, will I save Russell from ever trying heroin, and perhaps make his life more worthy? Ah bollocks, I'll see it as my revenge for him shattering my dreams, let the shooting up begin, as soon as I finish typing this entry, I will return to 'Booky Wooky', and when that's finished, I'll make a start on book number 2, as long as the 'Tour Diaries' haven't been posted! As a footnote, I feel the mistake that Simon Hughes has made in his, mildly amusing, cricketing anecdotes, is that he has included neither, 'arsehole fingering by teachers', nor 'voyeuristic masturbation', two ingredients that are these days deemed necessary to achieve 'best seller' status.
  Before returning to Russell's book, a quick update from the world of the 'Twitterdilly Arms', where incidentally, I will be revealing the new Number 1 at 12.45pm. As you will see from the list below, it is yet another of the Hollywood Bowl songs, that has made it to the top of our chart, and the more that I, and indeed the other 'Arms' regulars watch these clips, the more we wish that the DVD had been released, it is superb. The three stand out songs for me so far are; 'Life Is A Pigsty', 'The Queen Is Dead' and 'Let Me Kiss You', but there are still nine more yet to appear on Youtube, so that could all change. Anyway, back to 'The Arms', where this morning, 'Old Willoughby' has tweeted to announce, that she presented Rusty Rockets with a white rose last night at his performance in LA. 'Willers' gave no other information, (as she was off to bed) so we will have to wait until later, to find out if anything was said.
  I've just realised, that following all this chat about cycles and Russells, I have completely forgotten to mention that part 3 of 'Christmas With Mozzer and The Lads (and Mam) was posted on MW yesterday evening, and it is, as usual, hilarious. I still haven't found the time to re-read all the other posts, and now, what with Rusty's books and all, I just don't know where I will find the time. '@MW' twitter followers currently stands at 4,701, and that's about it for today, although I must add, that having just re-read what I've written, I would like to firmly distance myself from the whole 'bloody mess' of the initial story involving Mrs Whiskers, I lay (lie?) the blame firmly at Brand's door, after all, I have merely tried to be funny by writing in 'his' style, and it was 'he' who encouraged me to become a writer in the first place! If my wife ever meets him, she'll kill him.




THE 'TWITTERDILLY ARMS' TOP 10 - WEEK BEGINNING SUNDAY 5th FEBRUARY 2012

1. LET ME KISS YOU (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
2. TROUBLE LOVES ME - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE)
3. LIFE IS A PIGSTY/HOW SOON IS NOW (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 2)
4. HEART - RITA PAVONE (DOWN 1)
5. REEL AROUND THE FOUNTAIN - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY)
6. I'VE CHANGED MY PLEA TO GUILTY (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE)
7. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
8. STOP ME IF YOU THINK YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE (ACOUSTIC) - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY)
9. WELL I WONDER - THE SMITHS (DOWN 1)
10. SCANDINAVIA - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)

2 comments:

  1. Mama why did you do it?

    I fully expect Mama to burst into the Twitterdilly Arms soon, just like the one who tries to walk tall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny how I wasn't that keen on 'Mama' in the beginning yet it has grown on me a lot. Seems to happen a lot with your songs!

      Delete

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