Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Following The Mozziah Day 189 Wednesday 21st March 2012
THERAPIST ME (TP): Hello, hello, hello, what brings you here? Come in, kick your shoes off and sit down. In fact, lay down.
ME: All right, don't go overboard. Anyway, isn't it my turn to be therapist, you were therapist last time.
TP: How can you tell? What's the difference?
ME: Good point, I have no idea, it just makes it funnier for the reading audience.
TP: In your opinion that is, most of them probably just think you're a prat. Some think you're mad.
ME: 'We're' mad, not 'you're' mad. If I'm to be carted off to the looney bin, you're coming with me.
TP: Don't call it a looney bin, it looks like you're having a go at people with mental health problems.
ME: Oh for fuck's sake, can't you say anything anymore without it being taken in jest? The pc brigade have gone mad, sorry, not mad, they've gone doolally.
TP: You can't say doolally either.
ME: Eh? Why not?
TP: It's taking the piss.
ME: No it's not, it's a throw away comment.
TP: Well stop throwing comments away and keep them to yourself. If Morrissey had kept some of his thoughts to himself, he wouldn't be up in front of the beak in the summer.
ME: He's not the one who's up in front of the beak, it's the lying NME who have twisted his words. Next you'll be saying that he shouldn't have written some of the songs that he did.
TP: Well, certainly some of them have done him no favours.
ME: What sort of world are we living in for Christ's sake?
TP: Don't blaspheme.
ME: How can I blaspheme, I don't believe in any Gods? This is crazy.
TP: Anyway, the clock's ticking, I'm not cheap you know, what do you want? What's brought you to therapy?
ME: Well, as a matter of fact, I'd forgotten about these sessions and was only reminded of them because somebody has written a blog called deconstructingmw.blogspot.co.uk and in the blog, besides numerous accusations, it mentions that the author of FollowingtheMozziah, posts, "Imaginary conversations between him and a therapist about having a Morrissey obsession." I therefore thought it would be nice for us to have a session.
TP: Fair enough. I read that blog too.
ME: Well of course you did you schmuck.
TP: Ooh, how very Jewish of you. Anyway, from what I read from the deconstructing blog thing, it's your spelling and grammar you should be more worried about than anything, they even called you dyslexic.
ME: Hold on, you're the one who types 'Mozziah', not me, if anybody's dyslexic around here, it's you *mutters under breath* prick.
TP: I heard that.
ME: That's because you said it, we're the same person!
TP: Ah, but are we Dickie Felton as suggested by the blog's author?
ME: Well obviously we're not, I've only ever been to Liverpool twice, once to see Pompey beat Everton 3-2 in the league cup (cracking game) and once for a job interview (didn't get it, didn't want it). I have seen Dickie though, funnily enough it was on the infamous Great Yarmouth Pier, his book had just come out and he was selling them.
TP: What about this other guy who's being accused of being the author of 'Mozziah', Duncan Barkes?
ME: I've no idea who he is, although apparently he works in radio. I won't bother looking up anything about him, because he isn't me, I don't need to convince myself of that.
TP: So why is somebody going to such great lengths to try and find an alternative reason for Morrissey not being behind MorrisseysWorld, when virtually everybody, including Boy George, concludes it is?
ME: Simple, the truth is too painful for some to bear. Morrissey has stripped himself and he isn't what some hoped he would be. He's too, er, he's too, er
TP: Too er, what? too what?
ME: I don't know. Not normal, definitely not normal. And despite his stripping, he's still God like, he always will be.
TP: So what is he then? Give me a word.
ME: Approachable. No, that's not right either, I'm sure he'd still be a diver in real life. I can't find a word. Human?
TP: Shit word, try harder. What's the one thing that has surprised you about him more than anything else? Come on, inspire me with your thinking.
ME: Well, through his blog and twitter and the Morrissey's World chat room, he's shown himself as incredibly witty. His lyrics have always made me laugh, but through the contact I've had, I've just found him very funny. Mind you, I've seen other sides to him and I would guess he can be incredibly manipulating, but then I've been accused of being manipulating many, many times, and I find it a great compliment, it is a negotiating skill.
TP: Do you think fans are struggling to understand why Morrissey has revealed himself like he has?
ME: Definitely. Would Bono ever create a website like this and come among his fans? Would Madonna? Would Bieber? No chance, for a start, they wouldn't know how to do it. This idea is truly unique and ingenious, and because of that, the fans are looking for any reason they can to prove it isn't Morrissey, especially in light of the public persona that surrounds him. It's just unthinkable that Morrissey would do this, truly unthinkable, that's why the media haven't picked up on it, they just can't get their heads around the possibility of Morrissey doing it.
TP: Everybody thinks they know him so well, that they 'KNOW' he wouldn't do this.
ME: Exactly, but how can anybody think they know Morrissey even a little bit, let alone well? Even Morrissey probably doesn't even know Morrissey. Who is Morrissey? Who am I? Who are any of us? Do any of us really 'KNOW' ourselves?
TP: Oi, I'm the therapist, I'll ask the deep and meaningful questions *mutters under breath* cunt.
ME: I heard that.
TP: You were meant to. What else does the 'deconstructingMW' blog thingy say?
ME: Nothing logical, I'm also accused of being Marcus Markou, but seeing as a room full of 250 people saw us talking together, it's a bloody miracle. The whole 'deconstructingMW' blog is just a rant from somebody who desperately doesn't want Morrissey to be behind Morrissey's World. Funnily enough, it doesn't deconstruct MW at all, it just tries to deconstruct TRB.
TP: Do we need deconstructing?
ME: I don't think we've finish being constructed yet, we're only half built.
TP: That's a valid point actually, now that Morrissey has appeared with the rose, and there is no longer any doubt in 'most' people's mind's that he's behind MorrisseysWorld, are we going to continue with 'Mozziah'?
ME: Yes of course, but maybe scale it back a bit. I'm off on holiday soon and I'm not taking the lap top with me, so I'll have a complete break and lay in the sun, but ultimately, I'd love to see 'Blue Rose' really take off. Hopefully it'll take off in Japan, and then naturally follow through to the UK and the rest of the world, but if it doesn't, I'll try and do my bit to help it.
TP: The holiday sounds nice, can I come?
ME: I'd prefer a masseuse to a therapist if it's all the same.
TP: I'm a dab hand at massages.
ME: Yes I know, but with all due respect, you're hardly any good to me are you?
TP: No, I suppose not, although there is a certain massage I can give you that you don't usually complain about.
ME: *blushing* All right, all right, no need for that sort of talk. Ok, you can come on holiday.
TP: I bet!
ME: Before this sinks any lower, perhaps we should call it a day.
TP: Hold on, back to the rose thing. Now that Morrissey has held a rose on stage, you'd have thought his blog and twitter account would be going viral, and yet his twitter account only has 6,249 followers, what's going on?
ME: I don't think that question constitutes therapy now does it? I hope you've stopped the clock, is this just an informal chat now?
TP: Yes, a little bit like the greet bit, pleasant niceties if you like. Why don't you put your shoes back on?
ME: I wasn't wearing any. In answer to your 'unmetered' question, the masses won't find Morrissey's World, even if he wears a Bieber t-shirt.
ME: Because it's under the radar. I have today used one of my Moz mates as a test. He is your average 'meathead' Morrissey fan. He buys all Morrissey cd's, he goes to at least one concert per UK tour, and usually two or three. He goes to So-low and True to You to get his Morrissey information, but he won't read through all the So-low rubbish, he will only read an interesting article or reviews about UK concerts. When I alerted him to MorrisseysWorld a number of months ago, he dismissed it because of the denials and didn't even read it. Today, I sent him a text asking if he'd looked at MorrisseysWorld yet, and he replied no.
TP: So, you think that most Moz fans still have no idea?
ME: No idea whatsoever! If I hadn't happened to have stumbled across MorrisseysWorld while googling 'Morrissey', and then bothered to read it, I 'too' would be none the wiser. I, like my 'meathead' friend, only ever used So-low for reviews of UK concerts, and Morrissey playing in South America is of no interest to most Morrissey fans, so they'll know 'nothing' of Morrissey accepting a rose. Unless a UK newspaper runs the story, it will remain secret. Don't forget I was at the London Palladium when Morrissey said, "Welcome to my world", and it meant nothing to me, absolutely nothing. It wasn't until I discovered MorrisseysWorld that I realised the relevance. How would I have known that Justin Bieber talked about 'My World'?
TP: This could run and run then?
ME: Yep, or Kitty Empire, the Guardian bird who first mentioned it, could run a story saying that Morrissey 'IS' behind it, and it would go viral overnight.
TP: Don't call her a bird, that's very derogitory.
ME: It's derogatory, no wonder you're accused of dyslexia.
TP: Would it go viral though? And would Kitty actually have the balls to accuse Morrissey?, the media are scared of being sued by him now.
ME: Let's wait and see.
TP: Just one last thing on the Blue Rose front, a lot of people seem to have got it into their heads that you think it's 'your' club and 'you' decide who joins, what do you say to that?
ME: It's silly really but I suppose inevitable. Because I happen to be the one who writes about the 'Blue Rose Society', and because I write this blog everyday, people think I have this big ego, but they couldn't be further from the truth, I am the most laid back person anybody could ever meet. It wasn't me who started the 'Blue Rose Society', it was Morrissey. I would love to see 'Blue Rose' take off on it's own, not with me, or anybody else pushing it, but a natural phenomenon of word spreading until everybody is taking and wearing roses at Morrissey concerts. It would be great if in years to come, nobody could remember how or why 'Blue Rose' ever started. Beautiful.
TP: You're quite a nice, straight forward, simple bloke really aren't you?
ME: Have you ever doubted it?
Posted by TRB at 15:41
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