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Monday, 25 June 2012

Following The Mozziah Day 285 Monday June 25th 2012

It's been a busy few days, so let me try a recap:

THURSDAY PM: 'Our Mozzer' (@MorrisseysWorld) returned to twitter with his poisoned pen filled, although I suppose these days it's poisoned fingertips.  So, with poisoned fingertips, 'Our Mozzer'  started laying into a number of people, with the main target being the vile labour MP, Diane Abbott (@hackneyAbbott), who then subsequently blocked him. 'Our Mozzer' invited his followers to submit their top 3 worst politicians, which is an impossible ask, but I decided to go for; 1) Yvette Cooper *adopts hushed tone* Labour, 2) Oliver Letwin *adopts hushed tone* Conservative, 3) Lord Palmerston *adopts hushed tone* Dead.

I chose Palmerston as it was topical to my day, as on Thursday afternoon I was on Spithead Fort in The Solent, one of Palemerston's follies. Approximately thirty people set sail from Portsmouth at 2.30pm, and we landed on the fort just before 3. We were then led into a room with a free bar and told to wait until 4pm, when we would be taken upstairs to watch Tim Burgess (TB) & Mark Collins (MC) from The Charlatans. I've never been particularly good at doing what I'm told, so instead, I decided to go and explore the fort. I ventured down into the dungeon area, which is now a group of games rooms, themed reading rooms, gym, treatment room and crew sleeping quarters. I then went upstairs to check out the luxury bedrooms and more chilling/reading rooms, before finally going onto the roof of the fort. Here I found The Charlatans, and a guy called Christian O'Donnell from Absolute radio, being photographed by the media. It made perfect sense to me that the three of them would like to have me in the photographs, so I joined in. Bizarrely, all the photographs that have subsequently appeared in the press, DON'T include me in them!

TB & MC then performed a thoroughly enjoyable acoustic set, with the highlight being a stripped back version of 'The Only One I Know'. TB has dyed his hair 'slutty' blond, and was wearing a pair of transparent NH glasses. He looked the spitting image of Andy Warhol, which I guess was the aim, although recently somebody likened his new look to Captain Sensible. When they returned for an encore, they announced that they had nothing else prepared, but some gobshite from the crowd (does thirty fans plus twenty media types constitute a crowd? Well it's certainly more crowd like than the seven who witnessed my 50 at cricket the other day) suggested they sing 'The Doors of Then'. TB replied to the gobshite  that it was too early for that song, so the gobshite suggested he close his eyes, much to the hilarity of the whole room, including TB &MC, but luckily they ignored the gobshite, and sang 'One To Another'.

When the concert had finished, we were told we could explore the fort, but as I'd already done that, I retired to the bar and got chatting to a couple of Scousers called Mark & Linda. It transpired that Mark & Linda weren't competition winners but Mark was related to MC's girlfriend Bethan. I'm not actually convinced there were ANY competition winners on that fort, as every person I spoke to was either ; with the band, or involved in advertising, marketing etc, it does make you laugh.

Scouser Mark was very entertaining, as scousers usually are, and introduced me to MC, who also turned out to be a thoroughly nice bloke, that is unless Mozzer tweets to say he doesn't like him, in which case I reserve the right to withdraw that statement. I also met TB, who signed a copy of his new autobiography for me, and he too seemed a lovely guy, but again, if Mozzer says no, then TB is history! The thing is, I'm not like some other Mozzer fans, who have gone out of their way to make friends with Mozzers enemies on twitter. Don't get me wrong, I do have my own mind, and I certainly don't agree with everything Moz says, but Morrissey IS The Mozziah, and if he doesn't like somebody, then nor do I, it's as simple as that!

We left the fort at 7pm, and were taken to Cowes on the Isle of Wight. We were taken to the festival site, and I helped my new scouse mates put up their tent, but as it was poring with rain, I decided not to bother watching The Stranglers or Primal Scream, and jumped on a bus, and bought a ticket to Ryde, but I didn't care.

FRIDAY: On the Moz front, all was quiet, although a tweet at 11.30am from '@mazehilluk' said, "sat next to Morrissey in BA lounge, dare I say hello? Bit scared." It would seem that Moz was flying somewhere, and presumably wearing some sort of horror mask if Mazehilluk is to be believed! For somebody with a fear of flying, old Mozzer doesn't half do it a lot.

I spent all day in Reigate, watching a cricket tournament in the pouring rain. In normal circumstances there is no way it would have gone ahead, but it would appear that everybody has got fed up waiting for the British summer to start! It wasn't enjoyable, and not the way I pictured spending my summer days.

SATURDAY: 'Our Mozzer' returned to twitter (still nothing on the MorrisseysWorld blog since June 8th) and offered his sympathies to Shaun Rider, after learning that the Happy Mondays were giving away a free copy of their 'Pills 'n' Thrills and Bellyaches' cd with The Guardian. Morrissey has stated a number of times (including in the interview with me on May 17th), that it is his biggest nightmare, to find one of his albums taped onto the front of a national newspaper. 'Our Mozzer' also tweeted to say that Justin Bieber's new album is both "dope and pretty banging", which is nice. I shall be rushing to HMV pronto tonto to make the purchase. Ex X-Factor contestant Frankie Cocozza also got a shot across the bows from 'Our Mozzer', but as Frankie has nearly 1 million followers, and '@MorrisseysWorld' has just 8,570, I think we can all see who the real star is! 'Our Mozzer' also tweeted about the Isle of Wight Festival coverage, saying, "When you find yourself looking forward to Pearl Jam, you know you're in trouble."

And speaking of the IOW Festival, after spending my Saturday morning watching more cricket in Surrey, in the afternoon, I decided to venture back over to the festival, but NOT to see Pearl Jam, as I don't know ANY of their songs. I planted myself in the V.I.P area (which actually should be renamed V.O.P, as everybody looked very ordinary, and not in the least important), and watched Madness. For some reason, I have never managed to catch Madness live before, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching their set, especially when they finished with one of my all time favourites, 'Night Boat To Cairo'. I then watched a bit of Jessie J, who was much better than I thought she'd be, and a bit of Tinie Tempah, who does absolutely nothing for me, but the crowd loved him. Middle age has snuck up and grabbed me, and I'm not sure when, but I have to accept that I'm no longer 'with it'. The fact that I still watch live music, I still buy every number 1 single, and I'm following my hero's secret blog on t'internet mean nothing, I am too old to be 'with it', but if Tinie Tempah is the 'it' that I am no longer with, then I don't want 'it' back, I shall continue to live blissfully unaware, without 'it', in MorrisseysWorld.

I abandoned teeny tinie tempah and walked to the other end of the site to watch Thuderclap Newman sing 'Something In the Air', and then, when left with the choice of Pearl Jam or Professor Green, I decided it was time to leave. I could have chosen to watch The Charlatans on the third stage, but the pull of seeing them wasn't enough, so it would seem I won't be 'FollowingTheTB' after all.

SUNDAY: Still nothing from, and just the one tweet from '@MW', sent to Justin Bieber saying "Stupidity sells and intelligence repels."

I headed back to the IOW Festival Sunday afternoon, and watched Joan Armatrading perform a great afternoon set in the sun, before heading to the 'Garden Stage' to watch James Walsh from Starsailor. I watched it from backstage and spent the time chatting to X-Factor winner Matt Cardle, who has recently left his record label. He was upbeat about his departure from Columbia, but I came away feeling a little bit sorry for him, and wondering if his time in the spotlight is over. I then went and watched Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, with the highlight being 'Aka What a Life', although 'Don't Look Back In Anger' was a great sing-along finish, despite some nutter throwing a flare onto the stage. Noel didn't flinch, but it didn't miss him by much.

After Noel had finished, I decided to go and watch the England v Italy football match in the hospitality pub. Just before kick off, Paulo Nutini sat down behind me, and then Noel Gallagher walked in, but took one look at the medium sized tv screen, and decided it wasn't big enough, so walked out again. For the second half, I propped up the bar, and was joined by Starsailor singer James Walsh. James is a big Liverpool fan, but neither of us celebrated as Gerrard's penalty hit the net in the penalty shoot out, I think we both knew what was coming, although I did hear him quietly sing "I still believe" as the match neared it's end. My belief went circa 1967.

With England having lost the football, there was a bit of a lull. I had no interest in watching Spruce Springsteen, so I briefly caught a few songs by The Darkness (including the superb 'Get Your Hands Off My Woman Mother Fucker'), and then left.

TODAY: So, I'm now back up to date, but my twitter timeline is virtually empty. I think the lack of appearances by 'Our Mozzer' has sent the believers into hiding. Luckily Justin Bieber doesn't have the same problem as his believers have sent him to number 1 in the UK album charts........and all my hope is gone!

In recent days, '@MW' has started following a whole array of new people, including; pop singer Adam Ant (@AdamAOfficial), former 'lodger' Jake Walters (@MrJakeWalters), actor Michael Caine (@themichaelcaine), politicains David Milliband (@DMilliband) & Ed Milliband (@Ed_Milliband), footballer Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano), former X factor contestant Frankie Cocozza (@FrankieCocozza), rapper Professor Green (@professorgreen), 'Official' Morrissey (@itsmorrissey), 3 x Nancy Sinatra (@NancySinatra + 2 fakes), John Travolta News (@TravoltaGossip), tv presenter Jeremy Clarkson (@jcrclarksonesq), tv presenter James May (@MrJamesMay) and snooker player Jimmy White MBE (@jimmywhite147). Heaven only knows which of these are going to suffer at the hands of the poison fingers, we will have to see.


  1. You may not see me around much on twitter as I am a bit busy in the real world. That doesn't mean I have gone away and am grateful to Ratty for keeping us up-to-date with the Twitterdilly shenanigans!

  2. "Morrissey IS The Mozziah, and if he doesn't like somebody, then nor do I, it's as simple as that!"

    RAT! I cannot believe you said that -I don't think the Mozziah would expect that level of devotional following.

    So - the fort. Were you a competition winner then? I'm 95% certain that I spotted you in one of the re-tweeted photos. Glad you enjoyed it - I spent an enjoyable 20 minutes or so on the Spitbank website exploring it.

  3. Dear Rat, I'm very busy this days, but you are always on my mind, take care and enjoy your days, see you soon! Ciao!

  4. I especially enjoyed hearing about you IOW festival experience. I have not been able to go yet, but one day. My Bro-in-law was playing at the little coffee house-like tent. I think as Dr. Jones and the Blunt Instruments. Wish I were there.

    On a side note, I played cricket in Kings Canyon National Park and hit the ball really far. I missed my calling, I think! xx


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