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Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Following The Mozziah Day 287 Wednesday June 27th 2012


The king of twit is back, with his first tweet of yesterday reading "On a timeline desolate, Will Twitter make a man of me yet?" One of the first to reply to this was the ex-leader of the MorrisseysWorld disciples '@stillicling', who tweeted "I would be rather surprised if it did." 'Our Mozzer' took offence to this, and tweeted "Perhaps you could cease and desist from insulting me, just as you long ago stopped fawning all over me?" I'll say nothing!

Next in the firing line was the shadow chancellor Ed Balls (@edballsmp) who MW called (the) "biggest Crashing Bore in British political history". 'Our Mozzer' then exchanged tweets with a couple of MorrisseysWorlders (@EcubyanPoet and @JJazmineMoz), before he was laid into by @Sberrells (who can never make up his mind if he is a believer or not), and then @anandastrange, who was one of the very first MorrisseysWorlders. '@anandastrange' tweeted to say, "He's Morrissey, that one out there is a schizophrenic sad guy." So, it would appear we have lost yet another of the original believers, there really are so very few of us left, and what is more, '@Mancladmozfan' (another of the originals) is having another wobble, and keeps tweeting to suggest that I am MW. *yawns*.

The attacks on MW led 'Our Mozzer' to tweet "You see the abuse I receive just for running an amusing parody account? Morrissey should understand - being a parody of himself." He then laid into Stephen Fry before leaving with a final tweet of "Type 1 in reply to this tweet and I'll close this Twitter account forever; type 2 and I'll continue. I'll count the votes tomorrow." He won't count them of course, he'll do whatever he likes!

Finally on the twitter front, '@RosyMires' (who blocked me ages ago) has returned to the MW scene, once again trying to convince anybody who will listen that MW CAN'T be Moz, as "he just wouldn't do this." She tweeted "Ask yourself, would Morrissey tweet some xfactor reject? No!!!" Poor Rosy Mires, she just doesn't get it, although of course she's not the only one! Let me spell it out once again, Morrissey is parodying himself, and yet at the same time, he is using twitter to have a pop at the non entities of the modern world. The argument that Morrissey 'wouldn't do this' is not an argument at all, it is just a personal thought, where as the ACTUAL EVIDENCE proves that he IS 'doing this'! I expect Morrissey can't actually believe he's doing it either, but he IS, and long may it continue!

I have been flicking through some of the 'Following The Mozziah' archives, and found this highly amusing parody email sketch from early January. I am considering writing another of these soon. I hope you enjoy: 



FROM: Russell Brand
SENT: Sept 20th 2011
TO: Morrissey
SUBJECT: MorrisseysWorld

Hi M, I presume you are a 'different' M from the one in the Bond films? Come to think of it, I've never seen you and Dame Judy in the same room together, no, surely just coincidence? Anyway, that's not what I'm emailing you about, don't worry, I haven't been laying (lay or lie, I can never decide?) in my bed all night, tossing and turning, trying to fathom out if old Mozzer and Dame Jude are one and the same, I have much more important things keeping me awake, namely, a website I have stumbled across on the tinternet thingy. Sorry, where are my manners? I haven't even asked how you are? It's my excitement you see. How are you? Anyway, now I've done me pleasantries, I was on the old internet the other night, and NO, I wasn't on 'Busty Babes' OR 'Flash Your Rack', although I have to say, 'Flash Your Rack' is a great way to pass the time, although not anymore of course, I'm reformed these days. Where was I? Oh yeah, I'll cut to the chase, I stumbled across a website the other night called MorrisseysWorld.blogspot.com, the contents of which are so utterly hilarious, I can't help thinking it MUST be YOU behind it. Is it?
Please let me know
The Rusted Rocket Man


FROM: Morrissey
SENT: Sept 22nd 2011
TO: Russell Brand
SUBJECT: RustlesWorld

Rustle:

How kind of you to enquire how I am (eventually). Did you mean How are you?, as in how am I in myself? or how am I generally, compared to the rest of the world? Or did you mean to ask Why are you?
You don't really care anyway do you?, you merely felt obliged to throw the question in mid email when it suddenly occurred to you that I may not respond without some form of common courtesy. You needn't have worried, I've come to expect little less from the 'Youth of Today', and especially ones from a town called 'Grays', God, for all the years I spent weeping at the injustice of a genius such as I being brought up in the drear of Mingchester, not realising at the time that there was a place called 'Grays', I didn't know I was born, how did you cope? One really can't picture the sun shining in a place called 'Grays', does it shine, or is it permanently as dull as it sounds? Why don't the people of Grays get together and insist on a name change?, if only to 'Lighter Grays', or is there already a Hamlet called 'Lighter Grays'? Now I can't help wondering if there is also a Hamlet called 'Darker Grays', if there is, I'd quite fancy playing there, do they have a Leisure Centre? If not, a Town Hall will do, after all, the audiences 'ain't what they used to be.
I await your reply.
Kindest Rules & regs
Lord Mozzer
Ps How Are you?

FROM: Russell Brand
SENT: Sept 22nd 2011
TO: Morrissey
SUBJECT: Grays

Your Mozship, Thank you for your kind reply, I hope you are well?, and yes I mean it! I presume you ignored my enquiry about the website MorrisseysWorld on the grounds that I didn't start my email in the correct manner?, I sincerely apologize and ask once again, is it you behind it? The more I read of it, the more I am convinced it is you, it's pure genius, but I'm NOT a 'Mad-eyed Chambermaid'.
  I'm sorry I compared you to Judy Dench, I notice you didn't mention that either, I thought it was funny, but then I'm often mistaken in what I find funny and what others do.
 With regard to your enquiry about Grays, or 'Off Whites' as we used to call it as kids, it does not have a town hall but they could probably fit you in at The Ritz Bingo Hall in Quarry Hill, and I may even be able to get it for you at a discounted price, as I know the geezer what manages it, Gary.
Please, please, please let me know about the website, I hate not knowing things.
Love and that
Rizzole

FROM: Morrissey
SENT: Sept 24th 2011
TO: Russell Brand
SUBJECT: The Quarry Hill Mob

Rizla:

That's better, manners cost nothing and I know you are a gentleman really. A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude. Thank you for the information regarding the Bingo Hall, does your mother still frequent it? I have concerns with regard to your friend 'Gary', I trust this isn't the same Gary I have read about in that book of yours, 'My Story Wory'? I'm sure you remember the Gary I mean, the one that you 'tugged orf' in the lavatory, supposedly in the name of art for some second rate television show? I do hope you were wearing marigolds? If you want to tug orf strangers in the future, please let me know, I have a list of people who would not only pay you for such an event but would 'tip' too, providing you did it properly and didn't babble too much whilst you were doing the said tug. We could call you 'Tugger Brand', a bit like 'Digger Barnes' but without the oil. You didn't have any oil did you? Anyway, what you, Gary, and the rest of the sordid Quarry Hill Mob get up to, is nobody's business but yours. Are you the quarry? Oh, you are. The name 'Gary' is so bland, MUST you have friends called 'Gary'? If you must keep him on board, couldn't you rename him? It's all so sixties.
  With regard to this 'MorrisseysWorld', do you honestly believe I would have a 'blogsite' as opposed to a proper 'website'? I know I have a (completely unjust) reputation for being a little tight, but surely even 'I' wouldn't sink SO-Low? What possibly led you to think I would create a website anyway? Do you really believe I have nothing better to do with my time and talent than sit idling it away in cyber space? Really Rustle, do you?

More Eye See.
Ps. What bits did you like best on the bloggy thing?

FROM: Russell Brand
SENT: Sept 24th 2011
TO: Morrissey
SUBJECT: MorrisseysWorld

Dear Mozzer Rooney, (Wayne's brother, get it? Or Mickey I suppose.) Consider Gary dumped, I would say he was a shit lay anyway, but in truth, he was just a shit wank. I now believe, beyond all doubt, that you are behind MorrisseysWorld, I have read the whole lot over and over, and it is just hilarious, I knew you were funny but not THAT funny. I dearly wish the public could get to see that side of you, I suppose they will now. Why are you keeping the website so quiet?, this is a beast that needs unleashing, and no, I'm not talking about Gary's tallywacker again, that beast can stay firmly locked in it's cage. My favourite bit is the bit with me in it, obviously, but ALL of it is good. I notice that you are also on twotter, as you call it, can I mention it on MY twotter account? I'm called '@Rusty Rockets', you can follow me if you like?
Love to your wife & kids
Razzer Dazzler
x

FROM: Morrissey
SENT: Sept 26th 2011
TO: Russell Brand
SUBJECT: Twotter

Wrestle:

Once again, I repeat, I am not responsible for that very mildly amusing blog, but if you are to discuss it on twotter, perhaps you should be a little less 'obvious' and open a new account, you could do with a new identity, you MUST be bored of your Rusty Rickets by now?, and despite your kind offer, I have no intention of 'following' them anywhere. Use the name '@BucktoothedBoy', it suits you.
Enough now of these exchanges, I must rest my spelked finger, that's spelked, not speckled, which is what yours were after Gary had finished with you.
 I will contact you when I require some amusement, you can be my court jester, don't worry, I will provide the hat, see, I told you I wasn't tight.

Love to mother
The Mozziah. (It's a new name I've been given by one of my many fans, I rather like it.)


2 comments:

  1. Kudos! This is probably the best parody
    thing-a-ma-jiggy you've done yet! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ah rat, i can only once again deny (where have i heard that before) that morrissey was holding his hand out to me, it was all innocent, just a general shrug to the crowd, i may or may not have been stood in that area, in fact, i was probably at the bar as it stayed open throughout the concert because of the fierce heat..oh and i have been known to lose my place when nipping to the loo, at my age, stood waiting in the heat with only pints to cool down, well, lets say the waterworks are in order if nothing else

    ReplyDelete

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