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Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Day 364 - Guess Who's Back?

And this morning, I awake to find that Our Mozzer's twitter account is back, and he's been tweeting, but it doesn't look like it's here to stay. Here are some of his tweets and exchanges:

MW: "@Heathercat222 I'm not Morrissey, truly. If you would all accept I'm not Morrissey, I wouldn't have to leave."

Heathercat replied: "So all we have to do is pretend not to believe you're him, just like you pretend not to be him? Then you'll stay forever?"

MW: "@heathercat222 I'll stay until Morrissey joins twitter or tells me to sod off on - whichever happens sooner."

@JoeRamboUK tweeted: "Yes! Your back!" To which Moz hilariously replied:

MW: "@JoeRamboUK What's written on it THIS time?" The use of the word 'your' instead of 'you're' MUST be the most misused word on twitter.


MW: "The trouble is I have nothing left to say. I said it all in the first 4000 tweets."

@MissCJWright tweeted: "@MorrisseysWorld throw your arms around twitter."

MW replied: "On twitter I've thrown my arms around Paris; I've thrown my legs around @BoyGeorge - what can possibly come next?"


MW: "Gay marriage seems to me a non-issue; the only question is why ANYONE wants to get married in 2012."

MW: "3 trillion dollars went missing from the Pentagon and the accounting wing of the Pentagon got blown up on 9/11 - with the accountants IN."

MW: "I know you don't like it when I say such things - the alternative is to cower under the establishment's protection and pretend to be edgy.....just like @stephenfry."

The great thing about the above tweets, is that this is REAL Moz, giving his own views on life. For ANYONE who STILL possibly doubts that MW is Morrissey, ask yourselves this, would a 'parody' account make such statements? The answer is NO, but likewise, would the REAL Morrissey want to be seen to make such statements? Actually, I don't think he'd care!

MW: "If the real Morrissey joined Twitter, I'm sure you'd all leave in a heartbeat."

@EliseMorrissey: "@MorrisseysWorld You ARE the real Morrissey."

MW: "@EliseMorrissey No, no, no - there IS no real Morrissey."

MW: "The Smiths remain a curiosity: the content have no need for them, and the malcontents only become more malcontented."

Our Mozzer's final tweet read: "Just leaving. This time for good. Goodbye my friends. Don't miss this fake."

As I write this, the MW account remains active. The MorrisseysWorld blog is still missing, presumed dead.


  1. TRB: The last time we had one of our intimate little chats like this, you chose to answer my question about the NME court case via True To You, which then subsequently disappeared. Did you get into trouble with your lawyers for posting it there?

    Our Mozzer: *juts his jaw out, sighs* Is that your opening question, old son?

    Mikey Bracewell: This is not the most interesting question Morr-ee-say has ever been asked-

    Our Mozzer: -It's a c*nt of a question. Absolute shit. Might have been more apt had he been interviewing Phil Collins rather than a literary icon.

    Boz Boorer: *belches*

    Our Mozzer: *rolls his eyes, accidentally belches*

    TRB: You have so far remained tight lipped on the whole NME affair. Why did you decide NOT to proceed with the case, and were you happy with the outcome?

    Our Mozzer: for f*ck's sake. Just who IS this Rat character again? Is he one of my paid online numpties, or is he doing this just for fun?

    Boz Boorer: Unpaid, sir; TheRatsBack is your loyalest follower, sir - he's been blogging about MorrisseysWorld for 364 days now-

    Our Mozzer: Oh dear. What IS wrong with him?

    Boz Boorer: All we know about him is that he's a 63-year-old cricket fan living on the Isle of Wight and experiencing crushing central chest pains. He lives only for you and your blog and Twitter, sir-

    Our Mozzer: Sad c*nt.

    Mikey Bracewell: *looks enthusiastic* Could you perhaps proffer a few words of wisdom for Rat to help him improve his interview technique, Morr-ee-say?

    Our Mozzer: Give up..?

  2. LOL - genius to answer in parody style!

  3. Not quite what I was expecting, but many thanks for the
    parody piece.
    It reminds me of the dearly departed and sadly missed MW blog,
    starring the same cast of characters. ( Rum coves all )

    And thank you for making me laugh !

    Are you really 63 years of age Rats ? ;o)

  4. TRB: One thing you haven't been so tight lipped about is the Olympic games, saying you were unable to watch "due to the blistering jingoism". How did you feel seeing your friend Russell Brand perform (and yes I think that is the correct word in the circumstances) at the closing ceremony?

    Our Mozzer: *eyes close slightly* Interesting. *licks his lips* Interesting - but not in the way you might have intended. Boz..! Boz....!

    Boz Boorer: Just here, sir-

    Our Mozzer: Boz, I bought you The Radio Times, TV Times and the Sun on a Sunday so you would be able to comb the Olympics for any references to me or my friends. And yet! I don't seem to recall seeing a DVD of Russell singing at the Closing Ceremony- *scratches his head*

    Boz Boorer: *looks at the floor, puffs out his cheeks* Well, sir, I must have missed that one, sir-

    Our Mozzer: I buy you THREE TV guides and you STILL manage to miss a possible mention for an old has-been? What do I have to do? Buy you the s*dding TV Quick? *puts his head in his hands* I'm NOT buying the s*dding TV Quick...

    Mikey Bracewell: Morr-ee-say has enough to do, Boz; what with saving the entire British pop scene single-handedly from ruin thanks to the likes of Joe McElderry and JLS; I'm afraid Morr-ee-say has FAR too much to do without having to pop over to Sainsbury's to pick up low-brow television guides, Boz-

    Boz Boorer: -But you banned me from watching the Olympics, sir - and you made me wear that 'I hate the Olympics' shirt to your mam's house for Sunday vegetarian roast-

    Our Mozzer: -I banned you from watching the b******. I didn't ban you from recording the relevant parts for me.

    Boz Boorer: *shakes his head, closes his eyes and gazes up towards the ceiling*

    Mikey Bracewell: There, there, Morr-ee-say. *he pats the seminal artiste's shoulders softly*

    Our Mozzer: -What if Russell had mentioned a certain Manchester poet at the closing affair? What if he had been wearing a Years of Refuse - I mean Years of Refusal - t-shirt? Look, Boz - how am I supposed to keep the news on Morrissey-Solo current if you can't even be trusted to email me the latest Morr-ee-say references from major cultural events, so that I can forward them to the so-low place under my array of online alter egos? The days of relying on Kewpie, Uncle Sweaty and THAT MAN to scour the news are long gone; no - if I'm to maintain the misleading impression that there are STILL people out there who care two hoots about Old Mozzer then I need the constituents parts of the old broken lawnmower to do their respective jobs competently, Boz.

    Boz Boorer: I'm sorry, Mozzer - I'll try harder, I promise I will. There was a mismatch between The Star and The Sun's TV guide, you see sir and it threw me right off, it did - right off. At one point I almost had one of them panic attacks I used to get around the Maladjusted era, sir, because I didn't know whether Tom Daley was more likely to dry himself on a Meat is Murder towel or Wossy was more likely to be spotted in the crowd at the Equestrian events wearing a Kill Uncle-era tour t-shirt. Monitoring all 32 BBC channels around the clock wasn't easy, sir. But it won't happen in 2016 sir - Rio will be different.

    Our Mozzer: *closes his eyes* Next question..!

    TRB: Speaking of the Olympics, can you clear up the mystery surrounding the use of 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' in the opening ceremony? It was clearly listed in the programme.

    Our Mozzer: No.

    Mikey Bracewell: *smiles thinly*

    Boz Boorer: *motions to speak*

    Our Mozzer: -Next-

  5. TRB: Now let's get on to three subjects that most of your fans are really interested in; records, book and tour. Firstly, you have recently hinted that you may be releasing your next album back on the Attack record label, is there any news yet?

    Boz Boorer: There isn't any news yet but no news is good-

    Our Mozzer: -What do you think you're doing, Martin?

    Boz Boorer: I was chipping in, sir - I thought you had interview fatigue, sir-

    Mikey Bracewell: Boz, when Morr-ee-say has interview fatigue he will typically stick his tongue into his left cheek or use a word nobody has ever heard of-

    Our Mozzer: *nods, smirks*

    Boz Boorer: Sorry, Mozzer-

    Our Mozzer: Do try to focus, Boz - you'll never become a competent interviewee if you don't try to learn the tricks of the trade. Yes when I'm utterly bored with a particularly DREARY line of questioning, I'll typically stick my tongue into my left cheek *the seminal artiste sticks his tongue into his left cheek* and if I'm desperate to leave I'll use a word nobody this side of Alan Bennett's heard of, like Methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenyl-

    TRB: Secondly, your autobiography was earmarked for an end of 2012 release, and then you mentioned 2013, and NOW you are talking about 2015. What are your current thoughts with the book, and what do your publishers advise?

    Our Mozzer: *rolls his eyes, gazes out of the window*

    Mikey Bracewell: I think it's time to move on to the next question, Rat-

    TRB: Thirdly, you are going to be embarking on a thirty five date US tour in October, are we likely to see you touring the UK next year?

    Our Mozzer: Yes. I expect to play the odd date with the odd musician and the oddest singer in England. Bradford, here we come!

    1. N.B. The final sentence is supposed to read *Bradford Leisure Centre, here we come!

      I would like to apologise unreservedly to Morrissey for transcribing his interview so poorly.

      With Warm Thoughts,

      Michael Bracewell Esq.

  6. Wonderful news about a possible UK tour, Bradford here we come !

    The oddest fans in the land will be attending.

    1. Having re-read the updated interview my favourite bits are :

      Boz and the three TV guides.

      Moz's online alter egos. ( Really ?? )

      Tom Daley and the Meat Is Murder towel.

      The word that nobody this side of Alan Bennett
      has heard of.

  7. Our Mozzer - You are a joy, many thanks for much needed laughter.


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