The Colbert Report's 'official' website, ColbertNation.com, has posted a link to Morrissey's 'official' website, ItsMorrisseysWorld.com, which hasn't been updated since early 2011, and STILL has a home page that advertises the forthcoming release of 'Glamorous Glue' and the 'Very Best Of Morrissey.' Does Morrissey even have the password to this website? He should sack his manager!
"I STILL DREAM OF A MANAGER WHO ACTUALLY MANAGES. BUT THEY DON'T EXIST"
TTY has also announced that 'Morrissey will be interviewed whilst in New York by Victoria Wood for British television.' Before anybody gets too excited, I have found the following on the interweb:
VICTORIA WOOD: AS SEEN ON TEA-V
VICTORIA WOOD - MOTHER
VICTORIA WOOD: Well perhaps we should keep away from modern politics.
MORRISSEY: As should Mitt Romney, Victoria, as should Mitt Romney. (Victoria laughs out loud).
FORMER ENGLAND GOALKEEPER - MITT ROMNEY
VICTORIA: (still laughing, turns to the producer and camera man) This is hilarious, but are we actually going to be able to use any of it in the documentary?
PRODUCER: Let's just keep it rolling, we can always change it in the edit, you know, take bits out, add bits in.
MORRISSEY: (speaking to the producer) Do you 'know' Conor McNicholas?
VICTORIA: (regaining her composure) So, Morrissey.
MORRISSEY: You used a 'So' at the very beginning of our conversation Victoria.You're not in Prestwich now, this is the BBC, try again. The Oxford English dictionary has thousands of alternatives to 'so', and you needn't limit yourself to just the two lettered words, try three, or if you REALLY want to push the boat out, go for a four.
VICTORIA: (laughing) I wish I'd brought my dictionary with me.
MORRISSEY: Well you won't find one around here, the Americans only use five words, and three of those they spell incorrectly. As they say over here, there's no 'u' in humour, and that's BEFORE they've seen your act Victoria (Victoria laughs, Morrissey smirks and sips his tea). I think it's fair to assume that the 'Sons of Liberty' threw Doctor Johnson's 'Dictionary of the English Language' into the harbour with the tea, and of course that's harbour spelt without a 'u'. (Victoria laughs, Morrissey sips his tea).
VICTORIA: So....sorry, er, well then Morrissey, do you know anything of the Boston Tea Party?
MORRISSEY: (shaking his head at Victoria's poor use of opening words) WELL THEN, Victoria, I do know a little of American history, in fact, probably more than the majority of the Americans, but then again, Boris Johnson could possibly make the same claim, so it's hardly something to brag about (takes another sip of tea).
"AMERICA IS REALLY BIG"
VICTORIA WOOD: So, (under her breath to herself) bugger, (to Morrissey) what is it you know of the 'Sons of Liberty'?
MORRISSEY: And you are SUPPOSED to be a comedienne, but SO far, I haven't laughed once. Is your act always this bad?
VICTORIA: (now crying with laughter again) Stop it, will you PLEASE be serious for one minute?
MORRISSEY: I have spent a lifetime being serious, I am sure I can provide you with a further sixty seconds for your BBC documentary. SO, Victoria, on a SERIOUS note, p
VICTORIA WOOD: (still laughing, but looking slightly bewildered) Er yes, I DO believe there is.
MORRISSEY: Good, then we shall all meet at Grimsby Harbour next Wednesday, just after four pm, and we will CAST our PG tips into the murky waters of the North Sea. Her Royal lowness will IMMEDIATELY realise that her antiquated system of rule has FINALLY come to an end, and she will INSTANTLY declare each of the commonwealth countries, a republic. Grimsby's very own Ella Henderson shall be declared the new leader of The Republic of England, and shall govern from Grimsby itself. Who knows Victoria, perhaps the Royals will EVEN stop shooting stags, or have I gone into fantasy mode?
VICTORIA: Morrissey, thank you very much. (holds up the tea pot) More tea vicar?
MORRISSEY SIPS HIS TEA - ONE LUMP OR TU-TU?
THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10 - WEEK BEGINNING SUNDAY OCTOBER 7TH 2012
1. SPRING-HEELED JIM (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
2. TROUBLE LOVES ME - MORRISSEY (UP 5)
3. FANTASTIC BIRD - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
4. A RUSH AND A PUSH AND THE LAND IS OURS (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
5. HOW SOON IS NOW? (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
6. I KNOW IT'S OVER (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
7. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
8. OUIJA BOARD, OUIJA BOARD (LIVE IN BOSTON) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
9. FRANKLY MR SHANKLY - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY)
10. HEART - RITA PAVONE (DOWN 4)
MOZZER'S 'SPRING HEELED JIM' EDGES PAST RAT'S FAVOURITE 'TROUBLE LOVES ME', TO TOP THE TWITTERDILLY CHARTS