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Thursday, 22 November 2012

Day 435 - Good Wives Like You, Never Do

My twitter timeline was so empty yesterday morning, that tumbleweed could be seen blowing down Twitterdilly High Street. The only person in the Twitterdilly Arms was 'Manc Lad' (Manchester), who was propping up the bar, mumbling to himself about Mancapitalist City sacking Mark Hughes as their manager....which happened THREE years ago! Manc Lad finished his mumble and left.


Due to the Twitterdilly Arms being so empty, I decided to sit myself quietly in a corner, and spend the day writing my 'Putting The Record Straight' book. I looked up from time to time, to see who had entered the Twit Arms, but I didn't engage in conversation. The only other morning visitors were 'Romina' (Italy) and 'Yunara' (Indonesia). Romina played a couple of songs on the jukebox, while Yunara just left a message behind the bar for 'Lizzy Cat' (England).

In the afternoon, 'Kellie the Crisp' (Australia) popped in to chat to 'Heather Cat' (Midwest USA), while 'Marcus the Greek' (London) came in, with a soap box tucked under his arm, and continued to do what he does most days. He placed his soap box on the small stage next to the jukebox, and started to air his views on the topic of the day. The Twitterdilly Arms stage is 'Marcus the Greeks' equivalent to Hyde Park's 'speaker's corner'. If you are wondering why Marcus needs a soap box when there is already a stage, the answer is because A) The soap box is symbolic and B) He's a short arse!


I love 'people watching' in real life, and it can be just as fascinating doing it on twitter, although of course, you could be watching the same person in a different disguise! Romina (Italy still) returned to the Twitterdilly Arms in the afternoon, and rather bizarrely posted:

"Se mi pagassero scriverei una recensione positiva sull'ultimo disco di De Gregori, ma credo ce ne siano troppe", which google translate reliably informs me, means "If you paid me I would write a positive review on the last disc of Sinatra, but I believe there are too many."

WHAT is Romina going on about? Is Romina the Twitterdilly Arms equivalent of the mumbling woman with a shopping trolley?


The Twitterdilly Arms got busier during the afternoon, with Marcus allowing Heather to take over on the stage, where she gave a reading of some of 'Our Mozzer's' twittercisms. Non MorrisseysWorld believers, 'Cathy5' (Ireland) and 'Rosy Mires' (Brighton) chatted together and pretended to ignore Heather, while Regi (Germany), 'Chio' (Boston), 'JJazmine' (LA) and 'Fancys123' (USA) listened intently.


At approximately 7.30 pm UK time, the doors of the Twitterdilly Arms burst open, and in strolled 'Our Mozzer' (MorrisseysWorld), announcing " I am." He resisted adding "well, you don't need to look so pleased", but I bet all those present thought it. I wasn't present in the Twit Arms when Our Mozzer entered, but it was obvious that Marcus and Heather had just been the warm up acts, as Our Mozzer walked straight over to the stage, and jumped up. The pub fell silent. With everybody's gaze falling on Our Mozzer, he began.

He started by denouncing those who execute dogs, and then turned on Rupert Murdoch, before asking Marcus the Greek when 'MorrisseysWorld - the documentary' would be coming out? Marcus responded that he would like to do it next Spring, to which Our Mozzer replied that the real Morrissey would no doubt be prepared to play the role of 'Our Mozzer', although he might struggle.

Our Mozzer then laid into One Direction, calling them the pop equivalent of Jesus Christ, adding "While Jesus fed 5000 with a bit of bread, 1D made 20 songs out of half a tune." Our Mozzer then added, "You suspect Harry is a little bit above the ludicrous stupidity of one Direction and will therefore be the first to leave." Is Our Mozzer a Harry Styles fan?


Our Mozzer had a little dig at Justin Bieber, and then gave a name check to the President of the BlueRoseSociety, Kyle (Long Island), before jumping off the stage and heading to the Jukebox. 'NotMorrissey' (Our Mozzer) inserted his 50p (yes, he has to pay, just like the rest of us) and selected his 6 plays (It's 10p a play but 6 for 50p). He chose:

1.The Youngest Was The Most Loved LIVE on the Jools Holland Show
2. First of the Gang To Die LIVE at the Manchester Move Festival 2004
3. Billy Budd LIVE from Introducing Morrissey
4. Everyday Is Like Sunday LIVE banjo version
5. Something Is Squeezing My Skull LIVE on the Jools Holland Show
6. Seasick, Yet Still Docked LIVE in Germany

Is anything to be read into Our Mozzer's song selections? Are these tasters of what to expect when the tour gets back underway next month? I would be thrilled to hear all six at the two concerts I will be attending in New York. 'Seasick' is beautiful, 'Squeezing' is, in my opinion, one of the best songs in recent years, and is VERY underrated, 'Sunday' is an all time Top 5, 'Billy Budd' is pure adrenalin, 'Gang' is timeless, and 'Youngest' is another desperately underrated classic. There is no such, thing in life as normal. Genius, Genius, Genius. (I'm getting excited about NYC, can you tell?)


I don't know if the playing of music on the jukebox pierced my sixth sense, but something made me enter the Twitterdilly Arms last night, at around 8.15 pm, and I remarked to Our Mozzer that it had been ages since he'd played the Jukebox. I also asked him if he would be joining us on Tuesday for the chart countdown. 'NotMorrissey' replied: "Rules are made to be broken. Let's do a joint impromptu 'Twitterdilly All-Time Top 20' right now. You pick 20, I pick 19 etc."

FUCK ME, loving charts as I do, and loving Morrissey as I do, this was like finding a golden ticket for the Chocolate Factory, a joint countdown with Our Mozzer! There was only one problem, I knew that Mrs Whiskers (Wife land) was just about to ask me to go and read with one of the little rats. I could hardly tell her that I was conducting a chart countdown with Morrissey in the Twitterdilly Arms, she would NEVER understand, good wives like her, never do.


I decided to just get on with the chart, and cross the reading bridge when I got to it. I racked my brain as to what ten songs I should choose, and off I went:

Rat: "At 20, it's Come Back to Camden by Morrissey"

Our Mozzer: "At 19 it's No one Can Hold a Candle To You by Raymonde"

Rat: "At 18, it's old Mozzer again with Everyday Is Like Sunday"

Our Mozzer: "At 17 it's Paint a Vulgar Picture by The Smiths."

By now, the Twitterdilly Arms was starting to fill up, with 'Loughton Lil' (London), 'Lizzy Cat', 'GWO' (England) and 'CarolinaHL' (Chile) joining the others who were gathered around the juke box watching 'Ratty and Mozzie' pretending they were Freeman and Walker.


Rat: "At 16, it's Morrissey LIVE with Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me"

Our Mozzer: "At 15, it's Gloria, by Patti Smith"

Rat: "At 14, it's Morrissey with Scandinavia"

Our Mozzer: "At 13, it's New York Dolls with Funky But Chic"

Rat: "And at 12, it's Morrissey with Let Me Kiss You Oh Oh"

Our Mozzer: "At 11, it's Morr-ee-say with There is a light that never goes out"

I was just about to list 'There is a Light', so Our Mozzer's choice threw me a bit, and it was at this stage that I realised he'd manipulated the situation so that HE got to choose the Number 1. Well, he would, wouldn't he! I was now trying to second guess him. I obviously wanted to keep 'Trouble Loves Me' and Rita Pavone's 'Heart' to the end, but as Mozzer would be choosing the Number 1, should I leave him Rita, and WHAT if he didn't pick her? A Twitterdilly chart without 'Heart' is unthinkable!

Rat: "At 10, it's Morrissey with People Are The Same Everywhere"

Our Mozzer: "At 9 it's Saturday Nyte Special by Sundown Playboys"

Mrs Whiskers: (calling from lounge) "Mr Whiskers, can you go up and read with mini rat?"

SHIT! We'd only just entered the top 10. I could hardly walk out on Our Mozzer mid-chart, what would he think? I'll pretend I didn't hear her.

Rat: (typing fast) At 8, it's Mozzer live with How Soon Is Now?"

Our Mozzer: "At 7, it's As Long as you Love Me by @JustinBieber

Rat: "Hmm, you always need a novelty act! At 6, it's Morrissey LIVE with I Know It's Over."

Loughton Lil: "Gasp."

Our Mozzer: "Hmm so do you. At 5 it's Need You Around by the Smoking Popes. Come on Loughton Lil! I Know It's Over isn't that bad."

Mrs Whiskers: (calling) "Mr Whiskers, I'm sending mini rat up to bed, can you go and read with him?"

BOLLOCKS! Moz wants me to throw in a novelty act, and Mrs Whiskers wants me to go NOW!

Mr Whiskers: (calling back) "I'm just in the middle of some research on Number 1s of 1955, I won't be a minute, tell mini rat to start reading to himself, I won't be a minute."

"THIS FERNANDO DUDE IS SO LAME DADDY RAT" (Joke and picture supplied by Rosy Mires)

Rat: "At 4, it's another novelty, Boz Boorer with Bozanova"

Our Mozzer: "At 3, it could only be My Way by Sinatra"

At this point, despite being in a rush to finish and get upstairs to read with mini rat, it suddenly dawned on me that because I'd thrown in a novelty record (sorry Boz), I only had one song choice left, and yet still had 'Pigsty' and 'Trouble' to fit in, hoping that Moz would do the decent thing with Rita. I decided to box clever.

Rat: "There's a joint Number 3, it's Morrissey with Life Is A Pigsty, and at 2, it's Mozzer again, with TROUBLE LOVES ME"

I purposely opted for capital letters, hoping that once and for all he'll take it on board and sing it for me in New York. I won't mention it again, because he'll just do the opposite. I'll work on the theory that if I keep quiet from here on in, you just never know.....except I DO know, he won't!


Mrs Whiskers: (Annoyed Voice) "Are you going up to read or not?"

Mr Whiskers: "On my way"

Our Mozzer: "Number 1 is First of the Gang to Die by Morr-ee-say."

A great choice for Number 1, but Rita Pavone failed to make the Twitterdilly Arms 'All-Time Top 20'. This CAN'T be right, and one day, I shall put the record straight.

I left the Twitterdilly Arms straight after the chart, and went up to read with mini rat. Our Mozzer stayed for a little longer, and gave an important message, he said:

"I hereby announce that Morrissey will soon wear the t-shirt of a manufactured pop act."

The Twitterdilly Arms immediately started to buzz with excitement, with everybody trying to guess which pop act it might be. 'Fancys123' pumped for Bieber, 'Kellie the Crisp' opted for Nicki French, but could the One Direction reference have been a clue? Our Mozzer then left the Twit Arms, but as he left, he said:

"Oh dear, silly me. updated."

Sure enough, the MW blog has been updated for the first time in weeks, and it's an article entitled 'Log Lady Makes a Special Announcement.' In the article, Log Lady confirms that Morrissey will wear a manufactured pop act t-shirt, adding "ironically of course." Log Lady also reinforces that every pledge has been honoured, and asks, "what when this one is honoured." Log Lady adds "Remember what MIkE said. MIkE. MIkE." Finally, Log Lady mentions, "Appetite. Satisfaction. A golden circle", before saying, "Morrissey will say something very interesting. "INFAMY! INFAMY! THEY'VE ALL GOT IT INFAMY!" She signs off PINK WIG.


I think it is fairly safe to presume that we will DEFINITELY see Morrissey wearing a pop act t-shirt very soon, and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened as soon as next month. Is the "MIkE" Log Lay refers to 'Mikey Bracewell'? and if so, WHAT DID he say?

I have just re-read the 'Minutes of the Bans and Ejections Committee Meeting' article from the MW blog, but I can't find anything there, apart from Mikey saying "You've already tried claiming to be Morrissey, while writing in a dumbed-down parody of your own writing style, Why not do the opposite? Deny you're Morrissey but write in a much closer approximation of your own style. You can occasionally contribute to the blog as a 'satire' of Morrissey when, in fact, you are Morrissey." Mikey goes on to discuss turning MW into a news site to replace Solow, which is something Our Mozzer has again been talking about recently.

The theory behind 'Golden Circles' is VERY interesting. You may like to watch this Simon Sinek video. At 11 mins, he discusses the 'The Law of Diffusion of Innovation', and explains that the first 2.5% of our population are innovators, and the next 13.5% are early adopters, with the next 34% being the early majority etc. It all ties in very well with MorrisseysWorld. Morrissey is an innovator, he has come up with a completely new idea. If you are reading this, you are probably an early adopter. MorrisseysWorld/Blue Rose has not gone beyond the early adoption stage yet, but it is worth watching the video.

I shall be watching out for the "Infamy" quote, it is of course a Kenneth Williams joke from Carry On Cleo. My biggest concern is that if the quote is made in New Zealand or Australia, and it may not be filmed, so we would all miss it. My hope is that the quote is saved for Long Island 2013, where I can guarantee one smirking rat in the audience.


I have written more than enough for today, and if you've read it all without skipping any, I thank you. If you did skip some of it, then may I suggest you go back and read it again. The bit you missed out was the best bit.

Finally, Our Mozzer returned to twitter this morning, and tweeted:

"A new song: I love you, baby. I's the most ironic thing I've ever done."

*Goes off singing* The Twitterdilly Palare, was just silly slang, between me and the boys in my gang


  1. I felt part of something very special last night with the surprise Top Twenty Chart Rundown instigated by Our Mozzer. ( Very cleverly
    starting so that he would end with the number one slot !! )
    Moz seemed in good spirits and it was a fun
    evening on twit with him in residence and other
    Twitterdilly regulars.

    Another great blog episode from you today Rats,
    very funny and excellent photos.
    I do hope that Mrs Rat did not exact her revenge on you......

  2. Congratulations on a brilliant countdown with Our Mozzer, made all the more impressive by the fact that real life was pulling you away. It was certainly a memorable highlight for Twitterdilly, and we thank Our Mozzer for proposing it - always the innovator!

  3. just who is this Morrissey guy that you are always on about, wonder if its that guy that collects the pots, the one that walks around with his cheap market stall shirt unbuttoned, yeah must be him, all that he needs is a medallion and a woodbine in his hand..yeah its got to be him

  4. MIkE is a Twin Peaks character.

  5. I still couldn't believe that I've missed the golden chart.... #sad #sad #sad
    Thank You for the complete report, Mr Whiskers.

  6. Dear Rat, forgive Jesus because my mum does'nt use twitter and will never see that pic, in other way she could kill you! My mum does'nt use a trolley shopping bag and first of all she'll never go out for shopping without her lipstick and her tailleur! About De Gregori, of course, it was an ironic tweet, because the man is a "left" icona and like all the italian left icona he's singinig the same things with same accords since 1968 and, apparently, people love him, first of all P.Bersani, leader of Democratic Party.( In Italy the Democratic party is like the Labour Party in England). It was a fantastic time the Chart with you and Our Moz, cheers!

  7. Rat - the picture you paint of the TWit Arms is perfect. How you take all those tweets and turn them into a real-life pub is amazing. I loved Marcus on his soapbox, Rosy and Cathy chatting, the doors bursting open and Our Mozzer walking in . . well done on a superb blog.

    Some day Mini-Rat will understand.

  8. A smashing blog rats.This highlights the sense of community & the characters who inhabit the wonderfully unique twitterdilly.
    The chart sounded fun, with rats & our Mozzer taking to the floor it was bound to be entertaining. Any chance of a Christmas special??

    Speaking about community, can I please say a big thank you to everyone for your messages. I have been really touched by the kind words.
    I will, no doubt be found sometime soon propping up the bar in the twit arms with a large glass of dry white wine.

    You are a cracking group of people, who make my life that much richer. I have missed you all.

    1. We never really talked much, but I've always appreciated reading your tweets. I hope we can see you around again soon enough.
      - Regi

    2. BlueRoseSociety is not the same without you!

    3. So nice to see you here, EARS. Twitterdilly misses you and we hope you're able to return soon. xxxx

    4. Thank you girls, your comments are appreciated. x

  9. Oh, Rat... where to beginn? Maybe by saying that I always listen to Heather intently and your blog is never long enough. Perhaps I should also add that someone in my...well, our timeline believes you to be MW... it's somehow such a great compliment, don't you think? (... and I don't mean Rosy, just to make it clear).

    Your theory about the Golden Circle is very good, but I must confess that when I read what our Moz wrote, I immediately thought of Justin Bieber's Golden Circle... but maybe I'm just getting a little too obsessed with the boy as everybody else seems to be these days.

    - Regi

    Does Mrs. Whiskers know how SHE looks like around here?

    1. Interesting that Bieber has a golden circle. I was not aware of this, as my knowledge of him is rather limited. I'm flattered that you listen to me intently, but I must say I can't imagine why.

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  11. I love this one the most because I am in it and you have given me a special nickname. Oh and because of the pictures of Lizzy dancing to Everyday is like Sunday. Rat you are a truly funny bugger. xxx


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