1. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PEOPLE BELIEVING MORRISSEY IS BEHIND MORRISSEYSWORLD
2. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE AFOREMENTIONED WANTING TO GIVE ROSES TO MORRISSEY
3. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PARODY
4. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING WHATSOEVER
5. YOU THINK MORRISSEY-SOLO TREATS MORRISSEY AND HIS BAND WITH RESPECT
6. YOU SPEND ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, SPOUTING BOLLOCKS IN THE MW CHAT ROOM (NB - PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE COMMENT ON THIS BLOG AGAIN, LIKE YOU DID YESTERDAY, OR IT WILL BE DELETED)
7. YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE MOCKERY OF JULIAN JOACHIM, MATT LE TISSIER OR ANY OTHER FOOTBALLER FROM THE 1990'S
If you are still reading, it is because you have embraced MorrisseysWorld for the exciting, and quite phenomenal art that it is. My thanks to all those who continue to read my blog, and share in my excitement, my commiserations to those of you who should have stopped reading this when the capital letters ended, and the dashes (----) kicked in, four lines ago. If you ARE one of the latter, you really do lead a VERY sad life if you've got nothing better to do than continue to read a blog written by some blogger, who is following another blogger, who you KNOW 'isn't' Morrissey. I refer you back to my NOTICE at the top of this page, "GO, GO, GO, LEAVE , WE DON'T NEED YOU, GO, WE DON'T NEED YOU, JUST GO, WE DON'T NEED YOU, WE DON'T NEED YOU, GO."
If you are STILL reading this, it is because you TRULY believe that the idea of taking roses to Morrissey concerts is a beautiful concept, and you appreciate the genius of Morrissey, or at least his alter ego, 'Our Mozzer'. Either that, or you really, really HAVEN'T got ANYTHING better to do, than read a blog about a fake Morrissey. Honestly, what is wrong with you, GO AWAY!
SKINNY, MIRES AND STILL.I.CLING (THE 80s EQUIVALENT OF WILL.I.AM) LEAVE MY BLOG AND ARRIVE BACK AT THE SOLOW PLACE, WHERE THEY UNPACK
So, where were we, before I was rudely interrupted? I shall start with a photo, posted yesterday on twitter by Romina (@caterita2008). It would appear, that despite all my suspicions, Romina REALLY IS an Italian housewife and mum, as stated on her twitter account. Here is the photo that she posted yesterday of herself. (My apologies if the photo doesn't show, sometimes photos taken from twitter disappear when I post).
ROMINA - A REAL ITALIAN HOUSEWIFE
Now that Romina has revealed that she is 'real', and not a 'comedy character', I shall have to stop flirting with her in the Twitterdilly Arms, and may I take this opportunity to apologize unreservedly.
I think I prefer NOT to see the REAL people, the mystery of an avatar is so much more appealing.
So, what has been happening in MorrisseysWorld? Well, not a lot. After his marathon sessions in the Twitterdilly Arms over the weekend, Our Mozzer has been noticeably quieter these past few days, with his only tweets of Tuesday evening being a "thank you" to Lady GOBiva of Coventry for some mushy fawning tweet she'd sent him, plus a tweet to inform his 8,171 (and falling) followers, what he was up to, which was: "Vegetarian Lasagne as a late night snack. Rocket and cherry tomatoes. A little mayo. Glass of rose wine. Twitter and Twin Peaks."
It's the closest Our Mozzer has gotten to becoming Jordan on twitter, although her equivalent tweet would have read: "Double Big Mac & fries as a late nite snak. Gurkin & unions. Lots of tommy sauce. Bottle of Blue Nun. Twitter and I'm a Celeb." There are MANY similarities between Morrissey and Katie Price, not least that they both have a parody alter ego that is so close to the original, it is difficult to see the seams.
KATIE PRICE OR JORDAN? THE SEAM CAN JUST ABOUT BE SEEN, NEXT TO HER BRAIN
There was actually ONE other tweet from Our Mozzer on Tuesday evening, as follows:
"Morrissey: "Morrissey would like it known he has joined Twitter."-- will it happen?"
Our Mozzer has mentioned doing this once before, suggesting that a statement could be placed on True To You, announcing that 'Morrissey has joined twitter, but not saying when, or under which user name, thus starting the guessing games. If this were to happen, there would have to be a REAL Morrissey on twitter, to mask Our Mozzer, thus making the announcement a 'coincidence'. Could it be that Morrissey is already on twitter, and is '@MorrisseyNews'?
WHO IS MORRISSEYNEWS?
'@MorrisseyNews' turned up on twitter in August 2011. It would appear that it was originally a facebook site, but as I have never been on facebook in my life, which incidentally is something I'm very proud of, I have no idea WHO is behind MorrisseyNews. Is it an 'official' Morrissey backed site, or is it a fan site? Perhaps somebody could leave comment after this blog entry.
JIMMY CRICKET - NOTHING TO DO WITH MW, BUT HIS CATCH PHRASE IS USEFUL
Recently, Log Lady said, "Remember what MIkE said, and I interpreted this to mean what Mikey Bracewell said. In the 'Minutes of the Bans and Ejections Committee', Mikey said, "You can occasionally contribute to the blog as a 'satire' of Morrissey when, in fact you are Morrissey; meanwhile you'll need someone else to write the 'news' items....so why don't you recruit someone...perhaps someone a bit...literary...to write the articles for you on this new news site you have planned?"
"And there's more"
In the MW chat room the other day, the MorrisseysWorlders were told that something was hidden on the internet, and they should "THINK PINK." On MorrisseyNews, this has just been added:
The use of '1959' in the email address is, er, 'interesting'. Also in PINK, MorrisseyNews has posted this:
ALL coincidences I'm sure. No doubt somebody will post a comment to tell me that MorrisseyNews is run by a hairy backed bedsit dweller, and the only reason that he/she follows MorrisseysWorld on twitter, is because they are neighbours!
Our Mozzer did briefly show up in the Twitterdilly Arms yesterday evening, and once again I wasn't there to greet him. My timeline shows me that he re-tweeted 'Brazilian Reg' (@regi_w), who had tweeted: "@MorrisseysWorld I'm quite sure that Morrissey is already on Twitter. The joyful challenge is finding out under which names(s)."
Our Mozzer then tweeted:
"Pop music is dead." and "Doing the crossword, listening to the radio." But WHICH style of radio would Our Mozzer have? A, B or C?
A - A PORTABLE
B- AN OLD FASHIONED RECORD PLAYER/RADIO COMBO
C- A MODERN RECORD PLAYER/RADIO COMBO
The act of Our Mozzer 'Doing the crossword' will no doubt have the 'Non believers' shouting "MORRISSEY WOULD NEVER", but it once again proves, that he's "just a fella." I do hope that he's a Radio 4 man when he listens to the wirleless, it's recently become my favourite.
MORRISSEY - HEADING HOME TO DO THE CROSSWORD?
I know I mentioned it the other day, but that photo of Moz in a cap DEFINITELY reminds me of SOMEBODY, if only I could put my finger on who?
ANDY CAPP - NOWT TO DO WITH MW
Our Mozzer's tweet to say "Pop music is dead" isn't entirely true, new singles are actually selling in their millions, although not in physical format of course, so perhaps he DOES have a point. When a human dies, the only 'physical' remains are bones. With the physical demise of 'Pop Music', what will there be for archaeologists of the future to find, regarding popular music from the 21st century? If the computer age turns out to be just that, 'an age', and computers no longer exist in a thousand years time, NOTHING will be known of today's 'Popular music.'
It is SO important that records are not allowed to die out, but there is also a fine balance between releasing a record for the sake of it, and releasing a record because it's good.
As we all know, Morrissey is currently without a record deal, and one of the main reasons for this, is because he actually wants to release 'physical' records, and he also wants to make sure they are distributed properly, so that they sell. I get the impression that Morrissey DOESN'T want to just 'release' music, otherwise he would have done so by now.
One person who doesn't seem to share Morrissey's savvy, or at least he has a differing view, is Adam Ant, who is back on the pop music treadmill.
ADAM ANT - BACK ON THE TREADMILL
At the very height of Adam Ant's success in 1982, just as he was releasing his third Number 1 single, he decided to break up his band, an act Johnny Marr would later copy! From that moment on, Ant's career went downhill (coughs), with his last record released in 1995. A couple of years ago, Ant decided to make a come back, and asked his close friend Boz Boorer to tour with him. Boz refused, no doubt telling Ant that his commitment lay with Morrissey. This is probably why Ant referred to Morrissey as "that bastard", last year. Adam Ant forged ahead without Boz, and for the last year, has been playing live on a regular basis.
I am not embarrassed to write that I used to LOVE Adam Ant, and in 1981, when I was a fifteen year old, I stood outside Happy Daze record shop on the morning of Monday 4th May, waiting for it to open, so that I could buy 'Stand and Deliver' before anybody else. (Some readers may find this disturbing, but it is true!)
As Ant's career fell away, my love for him dwindled, and very few of his songs have lasted the test of time, although Prince Charming remains an all time favourite, it is a 'pop song' at it's best, although it doesn't of course hold the deep qualities of a Morrissey lyric. Feel free to mock me for my love of 'Prince Charming', I can take it, ridicule is NOTHING to be scared of.
PRINCE CHARMING - PERFECT POP
I only ever saw Adam Ant play live once, but was going to go and see him last year, until I watched him on Youtube, and realised that his voice was no longer the same. I felt quite disappointed to see a former hero of mine still going through the motions, when he clearly wasn't up to his former standards.
We the record buying public are harsh critics, and when last month, Adam Ant released his first single for seventeen years, I steered well clear. 'Cool Zombie' (which is co written by Ant and Andy Bell of Oasis fame) peaked at Number 154 in the singles chart, and then disappeared. As I wrote earlier, perhaps Adam Ant doesn't mind, and is pleased to have just released a record (and to his credit, it is on vinyl), but 'Morrissey would NEVER' release a song like 'Cool Zombie', just to get his music 'out there.' Boz Boorer made the right decision, although apparently he IS producing Ant's album, which is set for release in January.
'ADAM ANT IS THE BLUEBLACK HUSSAR IN MARRYING THE GUNNER'S DAUGHTER' - PRODUCED BY BOZ BOORER, ON SALE JAN 21ST 2013
That'll do for today, I've waffled on for far too long again. It would appear that I missed out on another MW chat session last night, but 'Earthfall' with 'Mini Rat', and quality time watching 'I'm A Celebrity' with Mrs Whiskers and 'Teenage Whiskers' HAVE to take priority!
I've just remembered something else, did I mention that I sent Jake Walters (@MrJakeWalters) a tweet asking him if MW was the real Moz? He replied: "@TheRatsBack @MorrisseysWorld I could say Yes or No but would anything REALLY be answered?I say No you say Yes But you will change your mind" . You will notice that to fit that all into 140 bytes, Jake had to do something we all do at various times on twitter, he squeezed his second 'I' hard up to the question mark after 'answered' and he had to forfeit two commas AND the question mark right at the end! Twitter editing can be a right bugger. Jake COULD have course deleted the '@MorrisseysWorld' from the tweet, as he was just replying to me.......but he didn't!
*Goes off singing* The people there were real friendly, flat top caps and dungarees, Cool Zombie (shit, it's growing on me! Is it too late to delete what I've written?)
Ps: Tomorrow, to celebrate the 100,000th hit of my blog (of which 94,486 have been me), I shall either write a 4,000 word review of Johnny Marr's new song 'The Messenger', or I shall write a parody piece called 'MorrisseysWorld - What A Carry On!' As Cilla would say, "the decision is yours."
COOL ZOMBIE, A GROWER - COULD IT BE ALL THAT REMAINS OF 21ST CENTURY POP, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILL IT MAKE NEXT WEEK'S TWIT ARMS TOP 10?