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Friday, 1 February 2013

Day 506 - Lost at Sea, Without the Sea

Just a few hours after I published my highly amusing parody piece yesterday, in which I flippantly dismissed Morrissey's illness as needing nothing more than a course of antibiotics and a couple of weeks rest, Morrissey issued a statement on the Number 1 'Unofficial' Morrissey website,, humorously claiming, "The reports of my death have been greatly understated."

Morrissey's quote is of course a play on words of the famous Mark Twain quote, "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" , although it should be noted that the actual Twain quote is believed to be, "The report of my death was an exaggeration", although it is quite possible that Twain changed the quote over the years, as he was reported dead more than once, most notably by the New York Times who reported that he may have been "lost at sea," which in itself is quite interesting bearing in mind that Morrissey has recently mentioned that touring feels like going "away to sea, but without the sea."


Morrissey's TTY statement also happens to mention that the concert in Brooklyn, which I recently described as, "THE best Morrissey concert that I have ever attended" (See Day 486 of my blog), was, along with Melbourne, "two of the best nights of what might charitably be termed my "career"."


And the coincidences DON'T end there, here comes the BIGGY..... On the day of the Brooklyn concert, the title of my blog was, "Day 485 - I Just Might Die With A Smile On My Face After All", and WHAT lyric, of all his thousands, has Morrissey quoted in his latest TTY statement? Yep, the VERY SAME ONE! Here is the TTY statement in full:

Message from Morrissey

31 January 2013
Message from Morrissey
The reports of my death have been greatly understated. Once admitted to the William Beaumont Hospital at Royal Oak in Michigan, I received treatment for concussion, a bleeding ulcer, and Barrett's esophagus. The positive from all of this is that there are now no known ailments left for me to try.
I am fully determined to resume the tour on February 9 at the Chelsea Ballroom in Las Vegas. If there's an audience of any kind in attendance, I just might die with a smile on my face, after all. If I am not there, I shall probably never again be anywhere.
Equally, I am determined to play Flint (Michigan) if it kills me (which, on the face of it, it almost has.)
Thank you to everyone present at both Brooklyn (New York) and Melbourne (Australia) during recent weeks for two of the best nights of what might charitably be termed my "career". My debt to you will outlive time itself.
pause at my headstone,
31 January 2013.

AND THERE'S MORE! The lyric "I just might die with a smile on my face after all' comes from the song 'That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore', which just so happened to enter the Twitterdilly Arms Top 10 three days ago at NUMBER 1! Another coincidence? HOW MANY coincidences do there have to be before they become MORE than just coincidences? HOW MANY? Of all the 'thousands' of lyrics Morrissey has ever written, WHY did he choose to quote that particular line, and of all the internet bars in all of the world, he just happened to walk into OURS!


Yet ANOTHER coincidence from the TTY statement, is that Morrissey also mentions his 'headstone', which I ALSO happened to write about yesterday..... but of course Morrissey DOESN'T read my blog, I am just a "lying shyster!" The fact that Morrissey mentioned a tooth brush on stage the day after I'd written about it was ALSO just a coincidence. My lies just go on, and on, and on, and on, and on.

Rather than writing about all these coincidences, I should of course be writing about the fact that Morrissey has been receiving treatment for 'Barrett's Esophagus', or if he were back in Britain instead of the USA, 'Barrett's Oesophagus.' It's rather apt the Yanks are missing an 'O', I wonder if Moz can offer them one? President Kyle has one going spare:


I suppose the one thing Morrissey CAN be thankful for, is that he was treated by the American 'William Beaumont' and NOT the English 'William 'Bill' Beaumont', because quite frankly, a missing 'O' would have been the least of his problems!


Anyway, back to Barrett's Oesophagus'. I can't pretend to be an expert on the subject, but both my mother and father spent their whole working lives diagnosing such things, as they were pathologists (In Wythenshawe and Withington Hospitals for a while for those who haven't followed the whole of the FTM story!), so I do know a little on such matters, although I must confess, 'Barrett's Oesophagus' is a new one to me. According to google, it can be BLOODY SERIOUS! Google doesn't actually state that it's 'bloody serious', that is my interpretation. What google ACTUALLY states is:

Barrett's Esophagus (sic, bloody Yanks, it should have an 'O'! Norman Barrett, who the condition was named after wasn't even American, he was actually Australian, not that that gives him any better cultural standing than being a Yank, but luckily for old Norman, he moved to good old Blighty at the age of ten and subsequently ended up at Eton where he was given the lifelong nickname 'Patsy'! Don't you just LOVE us Brits? Now, where was I? Oh yes, 'Barrett's Esophagus, and I'd better get out of these brackets!)

Google states:

Barrett's Esophagus (sic - let's not go there again, in fact, let's forget the American google page, let me find a good old British website.)


Barrett's Oesophagus is caused when the cells that line the lower oesophagus are abnormal (Well let's face it, Mozzer would NEVER have ANYTHING 'normal' would he?). The main cause is long-standing reflux of acid from the stomach into the oesophagus. People with BO (maybe losing the 'O' wasn't such a bad idea after all!) have an increased risk of developing cancer of the oesophagus. The risk is small, but you may be advised to have regular endoscopies to detect precancerous changes to the cells. If changes develop, then treatment to remove the precancerous cells may be advised.

Barrett's Oesophagus


I think it is probably fair to assume that Morrissey's condition isn't TOO serious at present, but he has no doubt had cameras and tubes stuffed down his throat (that's an endoscopy for the more intelligent of my readers, NO, not you Manc lad) which isn't very pleasant. It will now be of HUGE importance that Morrissey has regular check ups, but apart from that, he should be fine. It's not as though it's anything REALLY serious, like having stents inserted in blocked arteries, now THAT'S a REAL illness and a major operation, but I don't want to cause a fuss.

I sneaked a peek into the Scum Cesspit and was surprised to see that some sympathetic messages had been left, but no doubt that will soon change. Would Uncle Cesspit be offering sympathetic words if Morrissey had been diagnosed with a mental illness, or would he have dished out his favourite 'deluded nutter' line?

And whilst I'm on the subject of sycophantic slags, I can't help but wonder if Morrissey's TTY statement might be a different tack to attract a record deal. If  the major labels think Moz might be about to croak it, they will be queueing up to sign him. The thought of having, 'on their hands a dead star', should see a bidding war ensue. Once again old Mozzer has proven that he doesn't need a manager, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing!

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True To You has also issued a statement that EMI will be issuing a re-mastered 'The Last Of The Famous International Playboys' single in March, and it will once again be on vinyl (as well as cd), which means Morrissey is obviously involved with the release. The statement doesn't say if it will be on a particular label, or on the main EMI label, but either way, it's exciting news for us vinyl lovers.

It is with much sadness that I have to announce that my collection of EVERY UK Number 1 single ever released, has come to an end. This week's Number 1 is a song (?) called 'Get Up (Rattle)' by Bingo Players, and it has NOT been issued on any hard format of any kind, not even a promo cd, which is the only usual hard format these days. Morrissey LIVES, the Number 1 'single' is DEAD!


And finally for today, our old friend Russell Brand has given an interview to The Sun newspaper, in which he is quoted as saying, "I emailed him (Morrissey) when we were both in New Zealand and he never responded. It's like having a woman in your life who doesn't quite fancy you enough." I think it is fair to assume that Morrissey has gone a bit cold toward his friendship with Russell, which is something Our Mozzer told us in the MorrisseysWorld chat room a few months ago. I wonder if Brand was after free tickets in Wellington, and I also wonder if he went to see Morrissey's concert despite not getting a response to his email? I would be willing to bet that he didn't! Cunt.

*Goes off singing*  They weren't lies, they weren't lies, they weren't lies. *Changes song* Re-issue, re-package, re-package, re-evaluate the songs, double-pack with a photograph, extra track and a tacky badge. *Changes song* I just might die with a smile on my face, after all. *Changes song* Dear hero with ulcers, with all the new songs that you are perfecting, Oh I can't help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true a hu a hu, a hu hu.


  1. All coincidence of course!

    When I had an endoscopy I wasn't given enough anesthetic (NHS cut backs?!) so woke up mid tube down throat . Not nice!

    Love the pic with you and your rose in New York Rats. I see Russell is on Wossy show tomorrow.

    Happy weekend to you all at BRS xx

    1. Sorry Ears but I think I had your share of anaesthetic with my endoscopy - very nice it was too. Also had 3 cups of tea as I kept on slipping through the wardrobe to Narnia :) Gawd bless our NHS.

  2. Sorry about your No.1 collection but what a way to go out - if there was a record NOT to have in your collection it would probably be that one.

  3. Oh you swine rat if he didn't have a manager you wouldn't have got in the letterbox show...poor donnie

  4. Excellent stuff from Our Mozzer and the lying shyster. Thank you to both of you for brightening up my day!

  5. As it seems MorrisseysWorld is in order once again (... and that you're a genius you already know). Shame about Russell though, I was starting to really like the boy. May unfollow him now.

    - Regi

  6. Joking apart, of course one hopes Morrissey is feeling better now and stays healthy. FOREVER.

    - Regi

  7. This simply has to be the best TTY statement ever made by Morrissey. I was utterly astonished as I read it and it's great to see that his illness hasn't dampened his wonderful sense of humor in any way. I'm sorry to hear that he has suffered with more afflictions than we realized - I certainly hope that he takes good care of himself and doesn't push himself too hard, even though it sounds like he's determined to play for the BRS in Vegas.

    I also wanted to mention that we just learned via twitter that Kyle's dad, Brian, suffered a heart attack yesterday. Fortunately, he's ok, but our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family in addition to our beloved Mozzer. We hope that everyone is healthy and whole soon.

    1. My sincere love and best wishes to Brian for a speedy recovery, he is a lovely, lovely man.
      It is starting to become a game of one-upmanship in the illness stakes, perhaps we'd all better stop now, before somebody takes it too far!

      I just might live with a smile on my face after all.


    2. Hope Kyle's dad has a speedy recovery. My prayer list is getting rather long, between family and #BlueRoseSociety, I hope as we head into spring's it will get better. As soon as weather gets nicer here, I plan on going to Basilica to light candles(I do this for Catholic (and non)family/friends who ask me as it has a history for healing and I live close to it) Feel free to put your name on list if you need the extra prayers, although I may just light a candle for BRS any ways. I also have connections with several Baptist prayer groups and New Age healers. Sending good vibes to all and hoping they will feel better soon

    3. oh no, poor kyle's dad.. take it easy mate, you know we are all wishing you well, please take care of yourself.. manc


    4. So sorry to hear the news about Brian, he kept our spirits up while we waited
      to hear news about Moz.

      I wish him a speedy recovery to full health.

      My thoughts are with him, Kyle and his family.

    5. Eh what a rum world. Sorry to hear about Kyle's dad. Sending good wishes ♥

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    7. Get well soon Brian aka Kyle's Dad. Best wishes to Kyle and his family.

    8. Oh no
      I hope he is ok
      best wishes and love to Kyle's family
      Recover soon sir

    9. Hope he gets well soon and can be with his family to rest and recover.
      - Regi

  8. Rat I must say your blog seem to always put a smile on my face.

    I will have a few gifts for our mozzer in LV

    I hope he has a great rest and is ready to be showered with roses

  9. Oh my God, I did'nt know aboute Kyle's dad! I'm truly sorry and sending my best wishes to him and an hug to the lovely child snd President of BRS! Lovely post today Rat, coincidences, coincidences, coicidences! And I know that many other coincidences are coming soon! Morrissey statement is a work of art! Have a nice week end!

  10. Another splendid post Rats. Morrissey's TTY statement made me chuckle, his wit and humor are sharp as tacks!
    Have a good weekend BRS!


  11. Many thanks to Rats for a resume of events.

    Last week when TRM was in chat he was mentioning
    that ' The Last Of The Famous International Playboys '
    was a particular favourite of his.
    Lo and behold it is now to be re-released as a single.
    Only a coincidence of course !

    Mr M's posting on TTY was a pleasure and relief
    to read. Thank goodness his well-developed sense
    of humour is intact !!

    1. Surely it was Broken in chat with you and not TRM? TRM has NEVER been in chat!



    2. Dear Mr Jet,

      My apologies, my mistake.
      Of course it was Broken who was in chat and not the other person.

      ( Memo to myself - concentrate whilst blogging and tweeting. )

    3. I also remember Our Mozzer saying a while ago in chat that it was in his Top Five videos that he has made (at least in terms of having fun)!

  12. Kyle tweeted a little while ago that his dad his home, for those who may have missed it. We wish you a speedy recovery, Brian!

  13. I am elated after reading Morrissey's latest TTY statement. Not because he was ill of course, although I am relieved that he is recovering nicely, but because I was front row at the Brooklyn show and it was my favorite of all the Moz shows I have attended as well as one of the best nights of my entire pathetic life. The fact that it was special to Morrissey himself makes my heart swell with joy. And that is a rare occurrence. I actually lived in Brooklyn for 13 years and moved only a few weeks before that show. I now live in the Bronx. Don't ask.

  14. What!? Brian had a?? OMG! Brian I hope u get a chance to read this & when u do, know wonder I hadnt heard anything from you, you were MIA so I even left u some messages. Brain yes please like they say take care of yourself, my prayers go out to you & your family & Kyle we love u guys, & u have our full support for anything! Im sad now, w/ the whole thing w/ Our Mozzer & now Brian my gosh...Get well soon Brain & NurseAngel our hearts r w/ u & Brian, Kyle & ur family...Much love- Rosy (cloverdean)

  15. And thank you Rat for the info. put (only in your own way) I loved it.

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