Morrissey's quote is of course a play on words of the famous Mark Twain quote, "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" , although it should be noted that the actual Twain quote is believed to be, "The report of my death was an exaggeration", although it is quite possible that Twain changed the quote over the years, as he was reported dead more than once, most notably by the New York Times who reported that he may have been "lost at sea," which in itself is quite interesting bearing in mind that Morrissey has recently mentioned that touring feels like going "away to sea, but without the sea."
MARK TWAIN - DIED APRIL 21 1910.... ALLEGEDLY
Morrissey's TTY statement also happens to mention that the concert in Brooklyn, which I recently described as, "THE best Morrissey concert that I have ever attended" (See Day 486 of my blog), was, along with Melbourne, "two of the best nights of what might charitably be termed my "career"."
MORRISSEY AND ME IN BROOKLYN - "THE BEST"
And the coincidences DON'T end there, here comes the BIGGY..... On the day of the Brooklyn concert, the title of my blog was, "Day 485 - I Just Might Die With A Smile On My Face After All", and WHAT lyric, of all his thousands, has Morrissey quoted in his latest TTY statement? Yep, the VERY SAME ONE! Here is the TTY statement in full:
AND THERE'S MORE! The lyric "I just might die with a smile on my face after all' comes from the song 'That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore', which just so happened to enter the Twitterdilly Arms Top 10 three days ago at NUMBER 1! Another coincidence? HOW MANY coincidences do there have to be before they become MORE than just coincidences? HOW MANY? Of all the 'thousands' of lyrics Morrissey has ever written, WHY did he choose to quote that particular line, and of all the internet bars in all of the world, he just happened to walk into OURS!
THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE - THE CURRENT TWITTERDILLY ARMS NO. 1
Yet ANOTHER coincidence from the TTY statement, is that Morrissey also mentions his 'headstone', which I ALSO happened to write about yesterday..... but of course Morrissey DOESN'T read my blog, I am just a "lying shyster!" The fact that Morrissey mentioned a tooth brush on stage the day after I'd written about it was ALSO just a coincidence. My lies just go on, and on, and on, and on, and on.
Rather than writing about all these coincidences, I should of course be writing about the fact that Morrissey has been receiving treatment for 'Barrett's Esophagus', or if he were back in Britain instead of the USA, 'Barrett's Oesophagus.' It's rather apt the Yanks are missing an 'O', I wonder if Moz can offer them one? President Kyle has one going spare:
KYLE WITH A SPARE 'O'
I suppose the one thing Morrissey CAN be thankful for, is that he was treated by the American 'William Beaumont' and NOT the English 'William 'Bill' Beaumont', because quite frankly, a missing 'O' would have been the least of his problems!
ENGLAND'S WILLIAM BEAUMONT
Anyway, back to Barrett's Oesophagus'. I can't pretend to be an expert on the subject, but both my mother and father spent their whole working lives diagnosing such things, as they were pathologists (In Wythenshawe and Withington Hospitals for a while for those who haven't followed the whole of the FTM story!), so I do know a little on such matters, although I must confess, 'Barrett's Oesophagus' is a new one to me. According to google, it can be BLOODY SERIOUS! Google doesn't actually state that it's 'bloody serious', that is my interpretation. What google ACTUALLY states is:
Barrett's Esophagus (sic, bloody Yanks, it should have an 'O'! Norman Barrett, who the condition was named after wasn't even American, he was actually Australian, not that that gives him any better cultural standing than being a Yank, but luckily for old Norman, he moved to good old Blighty at the age of ten and subsequently ended up at Eton where he was given the lifelong nickname 'Patsy'! Don't you just LOVE us Brits? Now, where was I? Oh yes, 'Barrett's Esophagus, and I'd better get out of these brackets!)
Barrett's Esophagus (sic - let's not go there again, in fact, let's forget the American google page, let me find a good old British website.)
Barrett's Oesophagus is caused when the cells that line the lower oesophagus are abnormal (Well let's face it, Mozzer would NEVER have ANYTHING 'normal' would he?). The main cause is long-standing reflux of acid from the stomach into the oesophagus. People with BO (maybe losing the 'O' wasn't such a bad idea after all!) have an increased risk of developing cancer of the oesophagus. The risk is small, but you may be advised to have regular endoscopies to detect precancerous changes to the cells. If changes develop, then treatment to remove the precancerous cells may be advised.
NORMAN 'OESOPHAGUS' BARRETT
I think it is probably fair to assume that Morrissey's condition isn't TOO serious at present, but he has no doubt had cameras and tubes stuffed down his throat (that's an endoscopy for the more intelligent of my readers, NO, not you Manc lad) which isn't very pleasant. It will now be of HUGE importance that Morrissey has regular check ups, but apart from that, he should be fine. It's not as though it's anything REALLY serious, like having stents inserted in blocked arteries, now THAT'S a REAL illness and a major operation, but I don't want to cause a fuss.
I sneaked a peek into the Scum Cesspit and was surprised to see that some sympathetic messages had been left, but no doubt that will soon change. Would Uncle Cesspit be offering sympathetic words if Morrissey had been diagnosed with a mental illness, or would he have dished out his favourite 'deluded nutter' line?
And whilst I'm on the subject of sycophantic slags, I can't help but wonder if Morrissey's TTY statement might be a different tack to attract a record deal. If the major labels think Moz might be about to croak it, they will be queueing up to sign him. The thought of having, 'on their hands a dead star', should see a bidding war ensue. Once again old Mozzer has proven that he doesn't need a manager, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing!
ME IN NEW YORK'S TIMES SQUARE - NO RELEVANCE TO THIS BLOG POST
True To You has also issued a statement that EMI will be issuing a re-mastered 'The Last Of The Famous International Playboys' single in March, and it will once again be on vinyl (as well as cd), which means Morrissey is obviously involved with the release. The statement doesn't say if it will be on a particular label, or on the main EMI label, but either way, it's exciting news for us vinyl lovers.
It is with much sadness that I have to announce that my collection of EVERY UK Number 1 single ever released, has come to an end. This week's Number 1 is a song (?) called 'Get Up (Rattle)' by Bingo Players, and it has NOT been issued on any hard format of any kind, not even a promo cd, which is the only usual hard format these days. Morrissey LIVES, the Number 1 'single' is DEAD!
UK NO.1 - DOWNLOAD ONLY
And finally for today, our old friend Russell Brand has given an interview to The Sun newspaper, in which he is quoted as saying, "I emailed him (Morrissey) when we were both in New Zealand and he never responded. It's like having a woman in your life who doesn't quite fancy you enough." I think it is fair to assume that Morrissey has gone a bit cold toward his friendship with Russell, which is something Our Mozzer told us in the MorrisseysWorld chat room a few months ago. I wonder if Brand was after free tickets in Wellington, and I also wonder if he went to see Morrissey's concert despite not getting a response to his email? I would be willing to bet that he didn't! Cunt.
*Goes off singing* They weren't lies, they weren't lies, they weren't lies. *Changes song* Re-issue, re-package, re-package, re-evaluate the songs, double-pack with a photograph, extra track and a tacky badge. *Changes song* I just might die with a smile on my face, after all. *Changes song* Dear hero with ulcers, with all the new songs that you are perfecting, Oh I can't help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true a hu a hu, a hu hu.