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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Day 510 - Doctor's Orders, Number Nine

MorrisseysWorld is still absent, and yet my blog, which is dedicated to following the activity of MorrisseysWorld, limps on.

TRM (The Real Morrissey) is ALSO absent, and he will NOT be re-commencing his tour this coming Saturday as he had previously stated, as he has been forced to cancel two more concerts due to Alan Bennett's bleedin' asparagus, or something similar.



MORRISSEY (RIGHT) - BLEEDING DUE TO EATING ALAN BENNETT'S ASPARAGUS

Here is yesterday's True To You Statement:


4 February 2013
Due to doctor's orders, the upcoming engagements with MORRISSEY in Las Vegas on Sat Feb 9 and in Phoenix on Sun Feb 10 will need to be rescheduled. MORRISSEY is currently undergoing treatment for a bleeding ulcer and Barrett’s esophagus. These shows are in the process of being rescheduled immediately and all patrons are encouraged to hold on to their tickets as the new dates will be announced within the coming days. MORRISSEY thanks everyone concerned for their well wishes during this time and hopes for a speedy recovery. The tour will resume as scheduled in El Paso at Tricky Falls on Feb 12.

The very first words of the statement immediately grabbed my attention, as "Doctors Orders" is a phrase used in the game of Bingo, and I happened to write about Bingo Players in my blog of Friday. As 'coincidences' go, I don't think I can add this one to the very, very long list, but out of interest,
'Doctor's Orders' represents the number 9 in the game of Bingo, and the number 9 is seen by many people as a VERY significant and strong number.

I have no idea if Morrissey's day to day life is influenced by numbers, but many people ARE very heavily influenced by numbers, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if Morrissey is. IF he is, and IF the number 9 is of particular significance to Morrissey, then it completely changes the first sentence of the TTY statement. It would no longer read that Morrissey is cancelling due to a doctor telling him to, but because the number 9 is telling him to. Would Morrissey REALLY cancel two shows because a doctor 'ordered' him to? And will three more days rest REALLY make THAT much difference? (The Number 9: http://www.halexandria.org/dward091.htm)

The statement 'could' of course have been written by Morrissey's publicist Lauren Papapietro (@LaurnPapapietro), which would put a quick end to my little number 9 theory, but while I'm on the subject of Bingo, I am pleased to announce that my collection of Number 1 singles is continuing after all (for now anyway) thanks to the fact that Bingo Players have released their shitty little song 'Get Up (Rattle)' on cd for the German market! Good old Germany.


UK NUMBER 1 AND NOW RELEASED ON CD, ESPECIALLY FOR THE RESIDENTS OF A SMALL ROAD IN BRAMFELD, ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF HAMBURG, WHERE THEY REFUSE TO ALLOW BROADBAND INTO THEIR LIVES

Having just re-read the TTY statement, I think it is far more likely to have been written by Lauren than Morrissey as Oesophagus is still spelt without an 'O' and the word 'patrons' is used, which is much more 'American' than it is English. Oh well, I liked my little number 9 bingo theory, but unless Morrissey walks on stage in El Paso next Tuesday and announces, "Man Alive, Number 5", I shall NEVER mention Bingo again. Hand signs and roses are one thing (or two actually), but if we start suggesting Morrissey is talking to us through the language of Bingo, we really might all get carted away!

Perhaps Morrissey REALLY IS simply listening to his doctor's advice, and is being sensible, in which case, I sincerely wish him a speedy recovery, but 'Bingo Gate' would be SO, SO funny!


EYES DOWN FOR YOUR FIRST NUMBER THIS TIME - MOZ CALLS THE NUMBERS WHILE MAM KEEPS A RECORD

So, with both Our Mozzer and TRM resting, what is there for me to write about? I could mention that my football management skills has resulted in my Under 15 side winning their Cup semi-final on Sunday, or I could write about my cricket captaincy skills taking my team to the Indoor league championship on Sunday evening, but modesty prevails on both counts. I won't even mention that in the one week that I've been back at work, I have done more business than my predecessor did in the previous four months (True)!

Instead of mentioning any of the above, I will write about a number of comments that have been left on my blog in the past few days. Firstly, LizzyCatMoz left a comment on Friday regarding 'The Last of the Famous International Playboys.' Lizzy wrote that 'Broken' had been in the MorrisseysWorld chat room last week, and had mentioned that 'Playboys' was a particular favourite of his. Lizzy adds, "Lo and behold it is now to be re-released as a single." This DEFINITELY warrants a place on the 'coincidence' list, and much higher up than my Bingo coincidence.


THE 1989 VERSION OF 'PLAYBOYS'

It would be quite interesting to list EVERY coincidence in order of how 'coincidental' they actually are, but the list is now SO long, it would take forever to plough (plow?) back through my blog and list them all. As I write this, another TTY statement has been issued, stating that 'Playboys' will be released on the Parlophone label with 'People Are The Same Everywhere' as a b side for the 7 inch, 'Action Is My Middle Name' as the b side for the cd and 'The Kid's A Looker' as an extra track on the download release. The statement also mentions that 'Kill Uncle' has been remastered and will be re-released too. Now, if my (very poor) memory serves me right, there was once an article on the MW blog that mentioned a 'Kill Uncle' re-release, with the inclusion of a tacky badge. Hmm.

 As 'Glamorous Glue' ended up being the third best selling vinyl single of 2011, 'Playboys' backed by 'People' has a HUGE chance of being the best seller of 2013. Perhaps I should abandon my Number 1 collection and just purchase the weekly 'vinyl' Number 1, although I doubt such a chart is even produced anymore.

THE 2011 PROMO FOR 'GLAMOROUS GLUE', WHICH I STILL HAVEN'T BOUGHT - WILL THERE BE A VINYL PROMO FOR 'PLAYBOYS?'

I have to ask, WHY does Morrissey need a new record label when he seems to have control over what EMI are releasing anyway? He's even managing to release new material via his old label! Maybe Morrissey realises that the three new songs have been around too long to be considered 'new' anymore, and they won't make it onto the NEW album when it is eventually released. Interestingly, both 'Art-Hounds' and 'Scandinavia' seem to have been put on a back burner for now, hopefully because Morrissey realises they both HAVE to feature on a new album, particularly 'Scandinavia' which is up there with ANY of his other masterpieces.


I EAT THE SOIL


Right, back to the comments left on my blog. Also on Friday, it was announced that Kyle's dad had suffered a heart attack. Thankfully, all is OK, and 'KD' (Kyle's Dad) is now back at home resting. 'KD' was able to join us earlier today for the Twitterdilly Arms Top 10 countdown, and his favourite Moz song, 'Bengali In Platforms', entered the chart at Number 2 (One little duck for all you bingo fans). I find it quite a strange song to have as an all time favourite, but that just goes to show the appeal of Morrissey songs. If you were to ask a hundred Moz fans to name their absolute favourite song, you would quite possibly get a hundred different answers. The same could not be said for many other artists, including the likes of Queen, Abba and The Beatles, where you would probably find the same songs being listed.

QUEEN'S MASTERPIECE, BUT WHAT IS MORRISSEY'S?

The most interesting coment left on my blog in the past few days was by 'SmallBoyJokesAndLoadedGuns' (aka SBJ aka @TheMozBot aka Trouble). SBJ wrote on Friday, "I think it should be added that the very last MW blog article (the YOR review) contained the word "oesophagus" (with an O) in its first sentence." I have a shocking memory, so I would NEVER have remembered such a thing, but although the MW blog has been taken down, because I subscribe to it, I am still able to access it, so I had a look, and SBJ is RIGHT!

Here is the article:




Why I love Years of Refusal

Why I love 'Years of Refusal' by Broken




Some albums help you through a particular period; some push hay down your oesophagus; others slip away like dusky green needles from tall, wispy Scots pines. Years of Refusal helped me through.

2009 was a desperate time. I had nothing except obligations and no one but myself. The Sadness I felt was beyond melancholy, despair, or apathy, and it was beyond mere medical assistance. I was a walking coma with a smile on my face. The Sadness squeezed my spirit into one small corner of my mind, like a needle of conscious unwilling, and warped everything I touched and everything I held, which was nothing at all. 



This is an absolutely HUGE coincidence, and makes 'Bingo' now seem ridiculous in comparison. The word 'oesophagus' is NOT an everyday word, so unless this really is a VERY BIZARRE coincidence, it would tend to suggest that Morrissey was already aware of his condition. Nowhere in the TTY statement of Jan 31st did it say that his treatment for 'Barrett's Oesophagus', or '(Alan) Bennett's Asparagus', as it shall now be referred to on this blog, was a NEW diagnosis, so perhaps Morrissey had been previously diagnosed with '(Alan) Bennett's Asparagus' and merely took this opportunity to have one of his regular check ups! I am of course guessing, but for the word 'oesophagus' to be used on the MW blog just days before the official statement HAS to be more than a coincidence, it HAS to be.


ALAN BENNETT - DISCOVERED '(ALAN) BENNETT'S ASPARAGUS'



That will do for today, and I may not blog again for a while, especially if both Our Mozzer and TRM keep a low profile. I keep meaning to write my New York Your Diaires, but somehow I fear the moment may have passed. I even have a contribution from 'Midlife Matt.' Here are a couple of photos from our trip instead:



THE NYPD IN TIMES SQUARE (THE ONE ON THE LEFT IS A PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER)







TWO OF THE STAFF IN HOLLISTER ON 5TH AVENUE - THE ONE ON THE LEFT LOOKS IN PARTICULARLY GOOD NICK FOR A MAN IN HIS LATE THIRTIES



The mention the other day of 'That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore', reminded me that I hadn't published MY joke that I promised a few week's ago, so I published it on Sunday, it was called 'Logic.' I did intend to feature 'Rosy Mires' as the one who had gone on the logic course, but I couldn't allow her to use the 'M' word, so I changed it to David T. Some people didn't like my joke, and left comments such as, "Useless waste of DNA", "You have an attitude problem that sucks", "Uh oh, someone's obsessed with someone" and "You distort people's perceptions of others to foster a negative view of them. You humiliate others." Each and every comment made me laugh my socks off, but that last comment in particular was the best of them all, it's what Uncle Doolally has been doing on So-Low for years! Oh the irony.



"DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!"


THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10 - WEEK BEGINNING SUNDAY 3RD FEB 2013

1. THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE (LIVE IN PORT CHESTER NY) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE)
2. BENGALI IN PLATFORMS - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
3. THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
4. COME BACK TO CAMDEN - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
5. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN BROOKLYN) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
6. ALL THE LAZY DYKES - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
7. THE SLUM MUMS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
8. LIFEGUARD ON DUTY - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
9. I KNOW IT'S OVER (LIVE IN SYDNEY) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
10. WELCOME TO MY WORLD - DEAN MARTIN (NO CHANGE)

(NEXT WEEK'S CHART WILL BE A TOP 10 OF THE BEST COVERS MORRISSEY HAS EVER SUNG, AS VOTED FOR BY YOU. PLEASE DM @FLUFFRAT ON TWITTER OR LIST YOUR TOP 3 IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. THANK YOU. NOW TO GET OUT OF THESE BRACKETS).

*Goes off singing* I am the last of the famous, In - ter- nash - ernal Playboys, the last of.....

30 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Me too! Lol! What on earth was that guy doing???

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  2. Looks like your memory isn't so poor Rats, the 2009 MW tour diary mentions the Kill Uncle re-release, as I recently tweeted. As for the bingo reference - well, I think it seems more likely to be a genuine coincidence.

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  3. Cracking read as ever Rats.

    I am no Dr but I would be surprised if Moz had been not suffering some symptoms for sometime before his hospital admission. I thought the use of the word oesophagus in Broken's essay was an interesting choice, maybe this explains it...

    A coincidence?! A definite maybe.

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  5. Keeping on blogging Rats, I love the photos as much as the text.
    Strange how the guy with the cops looks exactly like the guy on the
    left with his top off - coincidence of course and it's not you is it ??!!

    My favourite number is 4, apropos of nothing.

    I think there might be something in the fact that ' oesophagus ' was
    used in Broken's YOR review. Was it a sign that became obvious later ?

    I was sorry to hear that Our Moz is still recovering from his unpleasant
    condition and that two more shows have been postponed.
    Get well soon Mr M ! Our thoughts, love and best wishes are with you.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Hmm... I think it's him!!
      My favorite number is 3 and I don't know why, and it is not important of course.

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    3. Especially if it does feel like someone pushing hay down his oesophagus. Ouch!
      Glad he is putting his health first though!

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  6. Please consult the archives of True To You, the ONLY website sanctioned by Morrissey, for the answers to your so-called mysteries. This is getting tedious. Isn't it time a certain 'someone' got off the stage?

    The boy with the puffy cheeks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had just posted a video featuring a boy with puffy cheeks when I read this. Most likely you are another boy with puffy cheeks, but I still thought it to be a funny coincidence (I mean, the REAL kind of coincidence). Anyway.

      - Regi

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  7. It is around 2AM here, and I see the "I eat the soil" picture...

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  8. i too think the guy on the left has a watch that i have seen before rat... oh we do miss broken..please come back

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    Replies

    1. Looks like he is wearing Calvin Klein underwear too, if my eyes do not deceive me.
      ( Too much information perhaps ? )

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Maybe it's the silliest thing to notice, but it got my attention that TTY writes MORRISSEY all capitals.Is it usual there? Somehow it looks familiar to me, but I don't know exactly why.

    Same as SBJ I also thought the use of the word 'patron' to be a little strange, but since I'm not a native speaker, it may be only strange to ME.

    Not sure why you mentioned Alan Bennet, but you have just added another book to my 'to read' list: 'Untold Stories'. Something tells me I'll love these stories too. I really loved the Leonid Albrecht story.

    Of course I wonder what is really happening in the world of TRM (I mean, the REAL one). One can only hope he is taking good care of himself - no matter what.

    I loved the picture of Moz. It's gorgeous. But I'd have titled it 'Dear God, if I could I would help you'.

    - Regi

    NB: Both the blog AND the comments are so funny that 'I could kill myself laughing'... simply precious.

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  10. bingo was his name O...How can ppl really eat dirt(soil? The medical term 'pica' comes from the Latin word for magpie...

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  11. Another brilliant blog. I don't think I've ever heard numbers with nicknames r/t Bingo, must be a UK thing, but then here they play Bingo at some casinos, a few churches and Senior Centers. I don't normally hang around any of those places. It is very popular with the elderly(way older than me). As for the pictures, who was the photographer? Either he's very into 'crotch shots' or he's short. This I know from personal experience as we took the kids once to Green Bay on Packer Fan Day, to meet the states football team. My daughter must have been 8 and very excited. She took a lot of pictures with her camera. It wasn't until later that we discovered all her pictures were at her eye level, so if you are into that type of pic, I can give you several 'crotch shots' of the Green Bay Packers. And who it that guy in the dirt? Does it have anything to do with digging up one of your Kings? Like the recent discovery of Richard 111 in a parking lot. I do hope Morrissey gets well soon and I wish you and #BlueRoseSociety a pleasant week.

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  12. Well Rat, your post is funny and clever and I can't stop myself at laughing! The word oesophagus is very intriguing, I noticed that in english language almost all medical or scientific words remain just like the original words in latin or greek old language, in Italy we say esofago that is a sorta of "vulgar"word, another intriguing word, used by Morrissey in his funny statement on TTY, is "concussion"! When I read it I was very surprised because in my own language "concussione" means "extorsion" or "financial crime"! Of course now I know the right meaning of the word and, maybe, I might prefer Morrissey guilty of some "crime" than ill...I do love Morrissey so much and truly hoping for a speedy recovery so he'll be able to come back on the stage.Hope for catch you on twitter dear Rat, ciao! P.S. I think the man in Hollister and the man in Barbour are the same...everywhere! Nice guy thought!

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    1. After reading what you wrote, Romina, the idea of ‘concussion’ meaning ‘extortion’ kept coming back to my mind. Same as you, I’d rather prefer Morrissey guilty of a crime than ill – but I do NOT believe he is guilty of anything (apart from stealing hearts, but who can blame him for that? It’s rather a nature’s trap), so I was wondering whether Morrissey was not the one being extort. I cannot imagine how or why, but since the Smiths royalties’ case was something close to ‘legal extortion’, I’d imagine something like that could make him ill – even seriously ill.

      Of course I hope that’s not the case and I’d like to say that same as you, I too love Morrissey; but right now the word ‘love’ doesn’t seem able to contain all I feel for him – I’d need to invent a new word of my own to describe it, even if only roughly. How I wish I was a poet.

      - Regi

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  13. I studied Medical Terminology in College and even here in the South-East of USA we learned that it is spelled with an "O"...

    There are no coincidences as far as that statement goes. Morrissey is a very sick man at the moment with a condition that could bring his retirement closer to now than later. It isn't funny. Yes, it's filled with his wit, but it's also laced with great sadness. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm taking his condition seriously.

    As far as the Playboys release...again, not a coincidence. I think he's just trying to get the newer songs out there on some format or other as a new LP won't be out any time soon.

    Too bad he didn't make those last "shitty shows" (as stated in your Morrisseysworld parody the other day.) I was supposed to go to the Asheville gig. I wanted to hand him a personal letter. One of the topics would have been Blue Rose Society. I wanted to express how it would be great if we had a place on the net to go and enjoy the love we share for him instead of loads of trolls bickering all the time, and how The Blue Rose Society was a perfect answer.

    Oh well, it wasn't meant to be...

    Sorry if this is seen as a stormy response, but I'm terribly worried about Morrissey.

    Emotionally,

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  14. I was ready to see Moz this wkend in Vegas. Im abit sad still. All I think about is him & what would have been an incrdible show!! But I just want thim to get better, & to see him & the whole Moz Posse soon! I worry very much about him, but I have faith. Cant wait till he's up & going up on stage like a mad man! Well not to mad...(Doctor's orders)

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