Total Pageviews

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Day 568 - My Unreserved Apology to Our Mozzer..... the B**tard

This morning I have passed my cricket umpiring exam, which coupled with the BBC yesterday declaring that I am a member of the British 'elite class', means that life is pretty good. Add to this the fact that the cricket season starts next week, and the football team I manage will be playing in a cup final later this month, then I could even go as far as to declare that I feel distinctly 'chipper'. If I were to add in that I have managed to give up work again, then some might say that my life is perfect, especially as six months ago I was laying on my back having life saving heart surgery..... but there is just one little problem, my every waking hour revolves around the dictations of a hairy backed bedsit dweller, who insists he is NOT Morrissey!

Yesterday, NotMorrissey, using the name 'Morrissey', posted a message in the comments section of my blog, which incidentally has now been officially recognised as the NUMBER 1 Morrissey blog on the internet*. Here is the comment:



Our Mozzer would like it known he is extremely disappointed with the way his chat session has been reported here. Our Mozzer took the time to slip briefly into character with the comments photographed above about the various signs and, actually, explained that he was not Morrissey. He also explained that - yes, strangely - it did often seem Morrissey might even be playing along, looking at all the signs.

However, the report above, with selective reporting, implies Our Mozzer claimed to be Morrissey. However, Our Mozzer has gone to great lengths, with at least twenty blog posts, over fifty tweets and comments on every single occasion he has been in the chat room, including last night, that he is NOT Morrissey.

Curiously, this has not been reported at all.

Our Mozzer finds tabloid journalism quite distasteful and would like it known that he will be severing his ties with Following The Mozziah with immediate effect unless the aforementioned observations and concerns are immediately remedied with the relevant information included in the Blog post or re-posted in a new item for clarification.

Our Mozzer would like it known he will be seeking legal advice regarding this matter unless this step is taken within a reasonable time frame.

Our Mozzer, who says on every occasion he enters chat that he is NOT Morrissey, would also like it known that he might be willing to answer the 30 question interview if the aforementioned is rectified in a timely manner and if 30 questions from numerous BRS members are posted by TRB within two working days.

Our Mozzer complained, while brushing his quiff, "That sorry c*nt needs to get a handle on whom he is dealing with. I'm not Gary Barlow, and I'm certainly not Nathan from The Wanted; I'm Morrissey: seminal artiste, iconic star, poet, literary pretender and dashing playboy of ambiguous gender. What are you waiting for? Blog a narky message to the b******d! And please remove your dreary self from my dressing room immediately! Boz...! Boz....!"

'R'


GARY BARLOW - NOT NOTMORRISSEY


So, Our Mozzer is "severing his ties with Following The Mozziah" unless I cobble something together to point out that he ISN'T Morrissey! If he'd bothered to read my hilarious blog piece of yesterday IN FULL, he would have noticed that immediately following the photographed comments from the chatroom, I had added the piece of transcript which read, "God I'm deluding myself. I almost thought I WAS Morrissey then." Now, if THAT isn't making it clear that he ISN'T Morrissey, and that Our Mozzer is just a 'Parody Morrissey', then I don't know what is!

 It is obvious to me that Our Mozzer DOESN'T actually read my blog at all, he just has one of his 'staff' read it to him, and he either doesn't really listen properly whilst it's being read to him, or he tells the staff member to skip through any of the boring bits, which is probably why he missed the bit about deluding himself.

roger-chan:

morrissey sleeping in hello kitty bedsheets 100% never seen before footage
OUR MOZZER SNOOZES WHILST BOZ READS HIM AN EXCERT FROM FOLLOWING THE MOZZIAH


Our Mozzer's offer to answer a thirty question interview has gotten the Blue Rose Society VERY excited, but I have to confess, I am in a bit of a quandary. The fact that Our Mozzer continues to claim that he is NOT Morrissey, means that I am belittling myself by pandering to his every whim. I have spent the last eighteen months blogging about a man who behaves like Morrissey, but who blatantly states that he is NOT Morrissey. It is just how Brian of Nazareth behaved all those years ago, when he acted as though he WAS The Messiah, and even looked like JC, but he too, blatantly told people that he WASN'T The Messiah, which of course he wasn't, but then again, JC wasn't either, but that's another story for another day.

Where was I? Oh yes, if I KNEW that Our Mozzer WAS in fact Morrissey, I would be happy to fawn all over him, and jump to his every command, but the very fact that he is adamant (no, not the pirate guy from the 80's, don't confuse this even more!) that he is NOT Morrissey, makes it VERY difficult for me to just do as he says. It makes me look weak, very weak indeed, and I HAVE to remind myself, and HIM, that I am now one of Britain's elite, where as Our Mozzer is just some two bit bedsit dweller, who is probably claiming benefits, which no doubt will include incapacity benefits to which he isn't entitled. I expect the deluded c**t has even convinced himself that he's got "double pneumonia" and Osgood Shlatter disease, just like TRM. I wouldn't be surprised if, when he's not sat in his chatroom, he takes to the streets to go begging, to supplement his income even further. Bastard.


OUR MOZZER - SUPPLEMENTING HIS INCOME THROUGH BEGGING


But hold on, the very fact that Our Mozzer claims to have 'staff', including Britain's third funniest man, Russell Brand, as his administrator, must SURELY mean that he ISN'T just a hirsute bedsit dweller after all, it HAS to be TRM, it just HAS to be. I therefore apologise wholeheartedly for my distasteful blog posting of yesterday, and I will post the thirty questions within the two day time limit, ie, tomorrow.


*Survey conducted on 3/4/13 from a sample of one.

15 comments:

  1. The fact that Morrissey once said, "I don't know if I even exist offstage" could make one wonder who is actually more real - TRM or NotMorrissey. All I do know is that NotMorrissey's identity doesn't concern me. Hirsute bedsit dweller or not, he's intriguing, brilliant, hilarious and mesmerizing, and his presence will be greatly missed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not to forget a genius! His presence is already greatly missed!

      Delete

    2. TRM is a Gemini star sign and as he has said himself " two people."

      This explains much in my opinion.
      I have cherished all the interaction with him and long for it to continue.
      He is a totally unique icon.

      Delete
    3. Russell is a gemini too duel personalities x

      Delete
    4. As a good athiest skeptic, I don't believe in astrology, but even as a fellow Gemini (I'm a 23 May to Morrissey's 22 May)I'm finding this all a bit confusing. If it is the real Morrissey behind all this (as us Deluded Dozen believe) then He cannot own up to that as he needs to maintain the mystery and keep the distance, all the while giving us nudge-nudge wink-wink signs. Is that the post-modernist game being played out here?

      Rat, be careful not to get on the wrong side of Morrissey (real or not) and please be careful not to get too Murdoch in prying into to privacy of the chat room, or Him and the band will end up wearing I HATE FTM t-shirts. Or maybe not.

      Delete
  2. Rat, please refrain from using non-Moz pics
    as your 1st picture - then I won't have to see
    Gary Barlow/Ricky Gervais/Danny Baker staring
    out from my blog dash. I have nightmares that
    one day it will be Ant+Dec/Richard Madeley
    (or even worse) Philip Schofield. I urge you
    to always start your blog with a lovely picture
    of Moz.
    thank you.

    ReplyDelete

  3. Congratulations Rats on passing your cricket umpiring exam.

    Long ago I posted a question for Our Moz and now have another :

    Which languages do you speak or have knowledge of ?

    ReplyDelete
  4. The condition under which Our Mozzer might answer the interview questions is that TRB posts the questions 'within two working days'. Are we scuppered again now that TRB no longer has working days?

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh those Gemini's! Well i cant wait for Our Mozzer to answer the questions!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Congrats on your cricket exam and being in the finals with your football team I wish you luck. Liked Hello Kitty room, we have one much like it here. I can understand there being 2 (or more) Moz's as I would say I am a different person when doing my job at work than how I act at home. (I wouldn't last long if I went around the house putting catheter's in or giving enema's.) At work, it is a different mind set as I imagine performing on stage would be. The same may be said about you at home vs being a coach. I do believe he is aware and participates actively with MW, BRS, chat room etc as we do have the signs he's shown when only he could be the one giving them, like on stage or in interviews. Good luck with the questions. Wonder which one or who will answer them.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good morning Rat! I'm very happy for your exam, for your football team and because your keep on blogging! How did you find a picture of my cousin Roberto sleeping in his daughter's bedroom? Fine picture! Not only Gemini or Pisces got double personality, when I was very young I firmly belived in oroscopes, by now not very much, expecially because I'm a Capricorn and I don't find similarity with my own personality and that sign. Just for saying that Morrissey, as an artist, could certanly love to joke and to act in many ways,am I wrong or did he use pseudonymous even when he was'nt very famous? Also I think that "The hairy back" is a metaphora about someone or something, by now, not very clear. Anyway, Lizzy's question is very interesting, I think english language is perfect for pop music and I would like to know if Morrissey, Real Morrissey or NotMorrissey has ever tryed to write some lyrics with another language. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello, congrats on passing your exam and bst of luck with your football team! I also love the Hello Kitty room, I have another question for Our Mozzer:

    If the time ever arose in which a new band member were required, would you consider a female?

    That's it. Not shockingly brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Some questions for Our Mozzer:

    Many of us have written comments about what MW has meant to us. What has the MW journey meant to you and what have you learned from it?

    Why did TRM choose a Masonic pose for the Alma Matters cover?

    Fifty years from now, how do you ultimately wish to be remembered? What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

    ReplyDelete

Mozziah Archive