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Saturday, 3 August 2013

To Wreck, My Own Way (Act 1 - Scene 1)

A PARODY STORY (All characters in this story are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people, such as Morrissey, Boz Boorer and Betty Dwyer, are purely coincidental, and figments of your over active imagination... you c*nt!)

(The scene is set in Cheshire. A man, who some might say resembles Boz Boorer (which as I have already pointed out, is your fault, not mine), pulls into the drive of a secluded, and beautiful detached house, which has a 'For Sale' board outside. The man rolls out of his car (with some difficulty, due to his slightly excessive weight), and rings the doorbell, which plays 'Red is the Rose'. The door is answered by a well presented lady in her early to mid seventies, who MAY look slightly like Morrissey's mother, but again, this is YOUR interpretation, not mine!)


BOZ ARRIVES AT CHEZ MOZ

BETTY (Thick Irish accent): Top of the morning to you Mortin. Is that a new car I see?

BOZ (London accent. Blinking hard.): Hello Mrs, I mean, er Ms, er...

BETTY: (Interrupting) Mortin! How many times must I tell you? Call me Auntie Betty. (Betty plants a big kiss on Boz's lips, which he immediately wipes off, just like all young boys do when they are kissed by a relative or family friend that we all call auntie, even though they aren't really your auntie at all!)

BOZ: Is Moz in Mrs, er, (mumbling and looking at the floor) Auntie Betty?

BETTY: Where else would he be Mortin? Although God only knows (crosses herself) what I'm going to do with him when the house is sold.

BOZ: Yes, I saw the for sale sign, so you're moving then?

BETTY: No, choice Mortin. What with the doctors bills and the South American fiasco, we're up the proverbial stream with not so much as a lolly pop stick, but we'll be foine, the stairs were getting too much for me here anyway! Hopefully we can find a little semi-detached bungalow to rent. Our Jackie has said she'll help out with the deposit, and her two boys have promised to sort a van, so one way or the other, we'll be ok. You go on up Mortin, you'll find Steven in his bedroom... as usual! I'll bring you boys a pot of tea in a moment, and I've got in some of those pain-au-raisons from the co-op that you're fond of.

BOZ: (Blinking) Thanks aunt.., er,...thanks. (Boz goes up the stairs and knocks on Morrissey's bedroom door).


12 comments:

  1. Nice one Rats! Looking forward to part two. I loved the idea Of Boz calling Moz's mum, Auntie Betty!!

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  2. Love it Ratty, but we had to wait several days just to get this short teaser?? Please post more soon!

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  3. Exellent start Ratty, don't let me wait to long for the second part! Ciao!

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  4. we want more! we want more!
    -impatient reader-

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  5. You're back!! It's just as if you were never away.
    Well this was a short scene. The picture took up more space than your pithy prose.

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  6. Now the sorry sod on the new "real morrissey" twitter says he won't tweet again until he reaches 500 followers.

    Just like all of the empty promises to shut down that other stupid site, he will tweet before that--and he will have a lame excuse.

    Go back to writing some witty, worthwhile lyrics.

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  7. A very funny story and I love the photo of Boz exiting the car !!

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  8. Good start, found the teaser you gave us to be very funny, but I do hope the rest of the parody is a bit longer. I suppose you could pad it with photos and create a 'pictorial parody'. With the right pics you should be able to do the entire post that way and since you will only have to Google images it would be easier for you and less strenuous than pounding a keyboard That way you will be in shape and ready for your cricket matches. Have a pleasant week. BRS

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  9. Enjoying this and looking forward to part deux!

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