Total Pageviews

Monday, 2 December 2013

Day 810 - The New Johnny 'F**king' Marr

I have once again been re-reading some of the old classics on the MorrisseysWorld blog, and have stumbled across the following comment (sorry that it's not very clear, but the MW blog is written in white):

Hardly a view in site. Apart from TRB and me, who really notices?

FollowingTheMozziah is to MorrisseysWorld as Marr was to Morrissey and Tobias is to...

I can't believe that I missed this...The Mozziah has likened me to Johnny 'F**king' (as he now refers to himself) Marr!!! What a compliment. Although Our Mozzer's comment is of course tongue in cheek; and nothing more than a cheap pop at the writing skills of Jesse Tobias, I am thrilled beyond belief.



I now feel as though I have no choice other than to immediately STOP writing my blog, and spend the next 26 years watching from a distance, as MorrisseysWorld goes from strength to strength without me. In 26 years time, I shall make my blogging comeback, writing a new, very mediocre blog about nothing in particular; which although nowhere near as good as Following The Mozziah, will draw plaudits from a few of my loyal old fans, such as RosyMires and Still.I.Cling.

In my heart of hearts, I will know that my new blog is shit, and not a patch on my superb parody work produced in FTM, but I will tell the outside world that it is my best work EVER. Secretly I will be hoping that Our Mozzer gets back in touch, to invite me to reform the MW/FTM partnership... which of course he won't, and anyway, even if he did, I would decline, and then leak something to the 'Blog Press', telling them how he had begged me to reform. I've got it all mapped out.


It is criminal that MorrisseysWorld is not getting more hits, and it is even more criminal that the 'Deluded Dozen' are not reading all the old articles, and leaving fawning comments everywhere. We missed it when it was gone, and yet it is ignored when it is here. I implore YOU, my readers, to get yourselves over to the MW blog, and start fawning. To whet your appetite, here is the mesmerizing article that His Mozzness left the 'Marr' comment on (again my apologies for the light text):


My lawyers are poised...

A year that promised so much fizzles out like a damp Catherine wheel, while hopes and aspirations turn to dust or recollections. In the midst of the ongoing slog - simply to survive - our attentions turn to the next year and what it may - or more likely, may not - bring our hunchbacked spirits and graceless frames. This year has exhausted me but unfortunately it's not over yet.

I notice The so-low site is once again the source of much disinformation: I am in no way affiliated with the release of an album entitled 'Meat Isn't Murder Anymore.' Nor am I connected - in any way, shape or format - to the release of a single called 'Certain Pork Pies I Know/My Life is a Succession of People Saying I'm Racist.' In reality, we all know that no such album or single exists, or will ever exist, despite what someone has written on so-low.Furthermore, I haven't answered the telephone to a soul - much less a music journalist - in weeks. Nor have I - or shall I - give an interview to the New Musical Express. The absurd fabrication of such events on that dreary site only confirms how utterly unreliable it is for any news of forthcoming tours, releases and interviews - all of which can be found on

Whilst I am presently without a record deal and - starved of all publicity - attempting to enjoy a break from touring, may I also remind you that - should you wish to purchase a Morrissey album for a loved one in the January sales - Swords is available from all good music stores? Be warned, you might need to search for it. After all, old Mozza gets no radio time these days. It is the twenty first century, you know. No time for an old warrior like me. Not anymore. Try the top shelf, or perhaps the dusty stock room. If you press, beg or cajole the sales assistant (and you will have to - "Morrissey who?" comes the response), they're sure to track down a spare copy, gathering dust. Well, those physical discs must be somewhere; we certainly haven't sold them, judging by the chart position. I can only apologise again for the price. Don't forget to pause briefly at the M section and pore over my other compilation albums (before dismissing them and moving on to N). At the lower end 'Bona Drag,' 'Bombs' and 'The World of Morrissey' can be picked up for a fiver at some outlets, while 'My Early Burglary Years' (particularly lovely sleeve and Southpaw Grammar tracks - what more do you want?) as well as the 'Best Ofs' and old 'Hatful' are my mid-range offerings. There's something for everybody there. Even your gran will enjoy 'Bona Drag.' And 'Bombs' for a fiver works out as less than 25p per song. What would your father prefer? A packet of cigarettes and an early grave or a collection of classic songs he might recall from the 80s? While 'The World of Morrissey' has been described as "the best... Morrissey has to offer" as well as simply "excellent." Incidentally, I am every bit as angry as you are at the record company's pricing of 'Swords.' If I could compensate you all out of my own pocket, please know I would. Alas, we all have bills to pay in these cold months. I wouldn't want to go without the heating again as I did so often during the early noughties. To my fans, I wish you all a happy new year, full of hope and harmony. To those who attended Tallin Rock Cafe, laimÄ«gu Jauno gadu!

Farewell for the remainder of 2009.

N.B. below are the offending items posted on so-low that I would urge my fans to ignore altogether. Another flat joke courtesy of the world's worst fansite. And no - The Smiths will not be reforming for 2010, before you enquire.


  1. Replies
    1. Just sounded good... "Oh Rat..."

    2. "Oh my poor lonely Rat" sounds even better, but I know what you mean. Today's blog post WAS going to be an open letter to you, Marcus Markou, but my discovery of Our Mozzer's July comment pushed you aside. The letter MAY be published tomorrow, but if something happens in the world of Moz, or indeed MorrisseysWorld, the letter will again be pushed. Perhaps it will NEVER get published at all, just like Part 3 of that Parody piece I wrote about Moz and Boz. Hmm.

    3. I can't lie... I'm not remotely intrigued

  2. Ah dear old whiskers as you can see i did leave a comment on said MW but alas as usual i was ignored..still what can one expect regards.. manc

  3. During the recent Thanksgiving holiday, I was able to have the pleasure of re-reading all of the articles on the MW blog. I can only echo Rat's suggestion to get over there and enjoy them while we can. Of course, it would be nice if more of the old articles were there to read as well as a new one that we've been (im)patiently waiting for. Rats, after seeing the photo of yourself that you posted today, I don't think you have any reason to complain about Nick Ferrari playing you in the MW documentary :)

    1. It's an old photo, we've both lost a lot of weight since then!

  4. Every one a gem !
    The picture of the two portly gentlemen is revolting Ratty.
    You are right about the MW blog, but it is a busy time of
    year for most people.
    I hope you and Our Mozzer keep blogging. Thank you muchly.

    1. Lizzy, I am sorry that the image of two close friends feeding each other pain au raison whilst enjoying a bit of horse-play offends you. Perhaps you should get out more...or stay in more, whichever is easier.

    2. Whatever Rats and it is " raisin " not " raison. "
      Two different meanings !

    3. How embarrassing for me. What shall I do, delete all comments and pretend it never happened, or leave it, thus exposing my floors?

    4. Leave it and let us move on.
      There are more important things in life !

  5. I am very saddened by the way you described Marr (or you as a Marr).
    Have you seriously listened to his new album (and by "seriously", I mean more than once and with an open mind, not a grumpy face), have you seen him live, have you seen him perform on TV, etc?
    He doesn't strike me as someone waiting for a sign from Morrissey to do great things.
    It's a question of taste, I give you that, but it is highly unfair to see Marr as nothing more than a Smith. To me, Marr's album is better than any of Morrissey's solo albums (yes yes I said it, alright!) and fuck knows I do adore Moz.
    This comment is useless, I get it, but I had to say it. I have the biggest respect for Johnny and his music and I think you should do too. There might not be a Marr without a Morrissey but there certainly would not be a Morrissey without a Marr.
    Do we really have to take sides?
    I don't think that they see each others as embarrassing old memories anyway. Johnny makes it pretty clear in one of the songs on his last album. You would have heard it too if you'd listened better.
    This is not a personal attack, I like your blog, but I think this post is not objective or fair.
    Please don't go MIA for 26 years, keep writing while listening to the best riffs ever created on this awful planet ;)
    Lots of love x

    1. Don't feel saddened, what does it matter what I think of Johnny Marr's singing, as long as you enjoy it. In answer to your question, I have only skipped through JM's album on itunes, and nothing I heard in the thirty second snippets enticed me in, not that I expected them to, you see, I have NEVER had ANY interest in the works of Johnny Marr after The Smiths, as I was only ever really interested in the lyrics and voice of Morrissey.

      My blog piece was just a bit of tongue in cheek fun, so don't take it too seriously, and you are right, nobody has to take sides, this isn't Morrissey v Marr, although having said that, if you REALLY believe Marr's album is better than Vauxhall & I, or You Are the Quarry, or even a single track off Kill Uncle, you are seriously deluded... so you are in the right place!

    2. Yes!! I am part of the deluded gang, it's official! Woohoo! :)
      Have a good day Rat x

  6. It has been lovely to re-read some of the old MW articles again. The blog oozes wit, humour, feeling & heart.
    Such a shame more people don't visit to appreciate the beauty of it.

  7. Rats, I don't know if it was intentional, but your poor reproduction of a Morrisseysworld classic immediately made me think of Johnny Marr's solo version of Bigmouth Strikes again.

    Love the blog, keep it going.

    Mark Cooper


Mozziah Archive