KATIE 'THE POUT' PRICE
After the 'Pout' tweet, Parody Moz tweeted:
"Surely THAT one will go viral..!"
"Wit coming out of my ears and scarcely a b*****d retweet. I'll return when my Jordan tweet has 30 retweets."
Despite the best efforts of the 'Deluded Dozen', the retweets didn't exactly come flooding in, but then a few hours later, Jonathan Ross aka @Wossy, posted a tweet mentioning BOTH @MorrisseyParody and @BlueRoseSociety. Admittedly, the tweet was to answer "No", when asked by a Morrissey fan if Parody Moz was in fact Morrissey, but seeing as Ross hadn't posted ANY tweets (apart from the retweet about Parody Moz and the blue Rose from two days ago) since Christmas day, WHY, from all the tweets that he must receive from his 3,568,381 followers, did he bother replying to one about a parody Morrissey account? WHY?
The effect of Wossy mentioning @MorrisseyParody immediately set the follower numbers increasing (to 340), along with the retweets for the Katie Price tweet, and a couple of hours later, Parody Moz returned, with his first tweets being:
KRISTEEN (RIGHT) WITH ANGELA REYES (VP OF THE BRS)
Jonathan Ross's sudden public involvement in this phenomenal MorrisseysWorld story has reminded me of a hilarious parody piece I wrote on this blog, back on Day 145 of FTM - February 6th 2012. It really is worth reading again, it is that good, so put on the kettle, snuggle into your favourite armchair, and feast your eyes. Here it is, in it's full original format (with a couple of slight amendments, and some pretty pictures added for those with an eating disorder) :
You can almost picture the Jonathan Ross TV interview when the (Morrissey) autobiography comes out:
JR: Ladies and gentlemen, my last guest this evening, as many of you will know, is a personal herewo and fwiend of mine, well at least I think I'm a fwiend, but with this man, you never weally can tell,(audience laughter) and incidentally, I've had to keep him until last this evening ladies and gentlemen for two weasons, firstly because he always insists on topping the bill, and secondly, because if he had been on first, he would have buggered off home before the end (more laughter).... Will you please put your hands together, and welcome, the one and only, Mowwissey.
(audience applause. Morrissey enters the studio. Wossy goes to shake Morrisseys hand, but at the last minute dives in for a hug. Morrissey looks awkward, but accepts the embrace.) So, Mowwissey, absolutely lovely to have you on again, (Morrissey nods his acceptance) sowwy about the hug, I just couldn't help myself, did it do anything for you?
MOZ: Well it crumpled the shirt. (audience laughter)
JR: And may I say, what a lovely shirt it is too, you are always so vewy stylish.
MOZ: And you too Jonathan, and you too... in your own, sweet way (a few chuckles from the audience). Have you invited me along to just talk of clothing? (slight laughter, probably in fact just one giggling woman, like you used to get with 70's studio audiences)
JR: No, I've invited you along, or if twuth be known, you suggested to me that I should invite you along (audience laughter), to talk about, what is pwobably the most anticipated autobiogwaphy in wecent years.
MOZ: Only anticipated by you, Jonathan, only anticipated by you. I'm sure the rest of the country will not even be aware of it's existence, and it will no doubt just languish on bookshop shelves, in the crimes section, gathering dust. (audience laughter & a woman shouts from audience, "WE LOVE YOU MORRISSEY". Morrissey raises an eyebrow.)
JR: (Shouting towards the audience) Be quiet Jane,(audience laughter) (turning to Morrissey) I knew I shouldn't have bwought the wife tonight (audience laugh & Morrissey smiles). Now don't do yourself down Mowwissey, I know that's just your way, but there have been wecord advanced orders for this book haven't there?
MOZ: Apparently so, and therefore, there will be record disappointment Jonathan(audience laughter) and I would imagine that refunds too, will break all known records. (raucous audience laughter).
THE JONATHAN ROSS SHOW AUDIENCE
JR: You are too modest Mowwissey, I bet it's a cwacker. Usually of course, when we have a guest on, talking about a new book, they have the courtesy of sending an advanced copy to me, so that I can wead it, pull out a few funnies, and generwally have something to talk about, but you wefused to let me have a copy, why is that?
MOZ: Well, firstly, you refused to pay for it (audience laughter), secondly, absolutely nobody has read it yet, not even the printer,(audience laughter grows)(turns to audience) who we had to blindfold through the whole process, just to make sure (raucous audience laughter), and in fact, I even did all the proofreading myself, again, blindfolded... naturally, (more laughter) (turns back to Jonathan) and thirdly, if you'd read what I'd written about you in the book, you definitely wouldn't have invited me onto your show. (raucous audience laughter)
JR: You're making me slightly nervous now Mozzer (audience laughter), what have you witten about me?
MOZ: Only the truth Jonathan, only the truth.(audience laughter)
JR: Well as long as it's not what's been witten about me on that pawody website of yours, I've been made to look a wight pillock. Incidentally, I notice the website still hasn't been found by the masses. I pwesume I am allowed to talk about the website now that the book is coming out?
JR: Oh come on, Mowwissey... Mowwissey's World! (turns to audience) Yes, for your information ladies and gentlemen, there is a pawody website, all about Mowwissey, called Mowwissey's World, which many of his fans believe, Mowwissey here is actually behind. It started about thwee years ago, am I wight Mowwissey?
MOZ: It is a website that I am aware of, and yes, it is slightly disappointing that nobody seems to have noticed parody me, but then, why should I be surprised that the masses aren't interested in parody me, when they aren't even interested in real me? (audience laughter)
(EDITORS NOTE - I DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH AT ME POSTING THIS PICTURE OF A VIRTUALLY EMPTY AUDIENCE. GOD, I'M GOOD!)
JR: But sewiously though Mowwissey, I do hope that the book doesn't have that pawody stuff fwom the website about me in it?
MOZ: If hope is your only weapon Jonathan, then you may as well have come unarmed. (audience laughter).
JR: (joining in with laughter, although, somewhat desperate) That website makes me look like a wight sycophantic twat. (audience laughter)
MOZ: (smiling along to the audience laughter) As I say Jonathan, the book contains only the truth... only the truth. (hysterical audience laughter)
JR: And you also have a twitter account too, which, may I say, is by far the funniest thing on twitter. You certainly seem to have mastered the hundwed and forty byte witticism to perfection, why do you think more people aren't following you, they follow Jordan and she says nothing even mildly amusing (audience laughter).
MOZ: Well I've never said I have either a website or a twitter account Jonathan, you shouldn't go making allegations that you can't substantiate, should you now? (audience laughter)
JR: No, certainly not with your reputation for lawsuits (audience laughter). I think it's pwetty fair to say, nobody will ever dare cwitisise you again, you'll just sue them. (audience laughter)
MOZ: Oh, I don't mind criticism Jonathan, as long as it's fair, it's the blatant lies I won't tolerate, although I must add, where criticism is concerned, that too, is usually unjust when it comes to my work. (audience laughter)
JR: (turns to audience) You think he's joking ladies and gentlemen, I can assure you he's not! Mowwissey is well famed for not taking cwiticism well. (audience laughter) (turning back to Morrissey) So, if, for arguments sake, this twitter account was to be yours,(audience laughter, well actually, more like tittering) which, and I want to make this one hundwed percent clear, I am not saying it is, (audience laughter) it is by far the wittiest account on twitter, so why do you think you, sowwy, it, (audience laughter) has so few followers?
MOZ: Well I can neither confirm or deny whether I have a twotter account, although, do you really expect me to have one Jonathan? Really? Perhaps after thirty years in the music industry, I have said too much, perhaps my audience are bored of me. It does make you wonder who all these people are, who have pre-ordered the book, I can only presume that they think it is David Morrissey's autobiography, or heaven forbid, Neil's. (audience laughter)
JR: (laughing along) Mowwissey, we are unfortunately out of time, but as usual, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you here, and by the way, we are fwiends now aren't we, I honestly can't tell! (audience laughter)
MOZ: A friend would never need to ask that question Jonathan. (audience laughter)
JR: Ladies and gentlemen, with his new book, entitled This Charmless Man, available to purchase next Monday, will you please give it up, for the one and only, Mowwissey. (audience applause). THE END
Anyway, enough of my old gumpf, back to the recent twitter events, and in particular, the fact that despite Jonathan Ross tweeting that Parody Moz isn't Morrissey, Boy George has this morning tweeted to say that he "reckons" it is. Here is his tweet:
Oh the mystery. One celeb says, "yes", another says, "no". George's tweet immediately helped increase Parody Mozzer's follower numbers, and as I type this, he has 535.
There have been so many humorous, fascinating, and interesting tweets from Parody Moz lately, that it is hard to keep up. One yesterday, regarding a survey on stripping, included the words, " I'll forward this to my record company." WHAT record company? Could it be that Morrissey has signed a record deal? Here is the quote in full:
"A quick scientific survey. Who is the most popular pop pin-up? 1 Morrissey 2 Justin Bieber 3 Justin Timberlake 4 Harry Styles 5 50 Cent? - I'll forward this survey to my record company. The c**ts don't realise how much yardage there is in Mozzer stripping to the waist on live TV."
Another tweet that caught my eye, was this one, sent to Angela Reyes (@vulgar1mkela), the Vice President of The Blue Rose Society, whilst discussing 'dream setlists'. Could this be a clue to the forthcoming tour list? If it is, then it includes the theme tune of the Blue Rose Society, 'Trouble Loves Me'. I am almost wetting myself with excitement! Here is the tweet:
Parody Moz also posted this tweet, and when asked if it was from the novel, he answered, "possibly.":
"I went to that park bench in Bloomsbury and cried in front of flowers in June. I hated you for what you did. The air was rich with petrol. On the bench I sat, writing words on to lined paper with a ball point pen. The words reminded me of those days when we sat and read poetry. "
Here are another bunch of gems. My thanks to Marcus Markou for catching some of them for me:
I'm so self-effacing even my sense of pride hates itself.
Gary Barlow is quite possibly the most talented sack of potatoes this side of McCain's.
If Elton John ever gets round to making a Biopic, it could double as a Persil ad: one never-ending cycle of dirty laundry washed in public.
If my face resembled a bespectacled tin of jellied eel with matted pubic hair, I'd embrace, not deride, acne.
Limited ambition and a taste for comfort induce contentment. True artists have unlimited ambition and ask difficult, disquieting questions.
When someone gives their life to art, you should at least be polite. Art is not a market. It's a passion.
I throw my arms around Paris more often than I'd admit. The antique shops, cafes and city itself are beautiful.
I am not Morrissey. The fact I put out the novel/album news 24 hours before True-To-You is pure luck. Nothing more.
I've never been this available. It's curiously liberating.
What I love most about MorrisseysWorld is the madness of ignoring all the facts and embracing cognitive dissonance.Cricket is at its very best when it's rained off.
Did any of you see the blue rose I promised Morrissey would wear in #Live25?
My priority in life remains clear: I hope to die before Victoria Beckham. The prospect of Sir Elton trotting out Candle again is unbearable.
There's nothing more depressing than television happiness.
Contentment is a bureaucrat's dream and an artist's nightmare.
The price of life is suffering and the reward of death is its end.
That I'm here is a miracle.
I have four cards marked ‘blindly insightful,’ ‘brutally idealistic,’ ‘whimsically cynical’ and ‘uproariously melancholic.’ - I pick a card at random and type something accordingly.
I'm very adept at falling in love with people who are unattainable to me. I only fall in love with the dead.
Because Wossy knows.
A new theory - all of the coincidences - hand signs, retweets etc. - were just accidents! - I picked a blue rose from the crowd by accident, having slipped on a wet set-list and fallen, where my fingers came to rest was a blue rose, which I picked up quite by accident. I didn't notice it in my hand and when I adjusted my trousers, it slipped inside, in error.