It's been another busy weekend in 'MorrisseysWorld', with Morrissey once again choosing to spend much of his weekend, holding centre stage in the Twitterdilly Arms.
Before I report on all the comings and goings from the world's finest online Morrissey theme pub, I must first announce that the 'Big European Match' is off.... before it was even on! My recent blog entries have all been about the two rumoured Moz concerts in Sicily and the Isle of Wight, but word has reached me that the IOW leg might not be happening. I am told that talks "might have ended up in a dead end." Upon hearing this news, I tweeted that "Bestival is dead", and minutes later Kate Ryan tweeted, "@TheRatsback NO MONEY from CUNTS? Fuck the world. It doesn't DESERVE US!":
I'm sure (!) that Kate's tweet is nothing to do with Bestival, and hopefully the 'dead end' can be re-opened. The Sicilian date has also not yet been officially confirmed, but the rumours are growing stronger. Unfortunately, if it is on, I (along with all the other members of the Blue Rose Society) will not be able to go, as the 28th July is just not doable, and what is more, if MancLad is to believed, the Morrissey Band have lost their hard man midfielder, Liam Nammock:
Nammock has been photographed a lot lately with Liam Gallagher, so it looks as though he may have transferred out of the ranks, although maybe he will return when Morrissey starts touring again. And on the subject of a tour.... we continue to wait for news. Hopefully, a new two legged tie between the BRS and The Morrissey Band can be arranged.
So, now to Our Mozzer, although before I start, I must mention a solitary tweet from '@Menippus' that caught my eye over the weekend. I still can't decide if Menippus is Moz or not, but if he is, could this be a new lyric?:
"Washed-up ducks in dried-up duck ponds freezing; ice cream vans in nice brown towns Greensleeving -- mid-November stew, I forget you. Smother me, Joanna!"
If it isn't a lyric, then it should be!
"ICE CREAM VANS IN NICE BROWN TOWNS GREENSLEEVING" - GENIUS
And so to Our Mozzer. His weekend in 'The Arms' started with him calling me a b*****d, and ended with him likening me to No Direction's Louis Tomlinson. The bits in between didn't see me fair much better! As he entered 'The Arms' on Saturday morning, he asked, "Shall I return for one final swan song?" When GWO (@girlwithout) replied that she couldn't stay, as she was 'off to the gym', Our Mozzer responded with, "Your priorities are a disgrace", before then adding, "If Wilde appeared on Twitter, would his acolytes say, "Ah, sorry, Oscar - Afraid I've got to run on a belt for an hour. Later perhaps?". He then added, "If Shakespeare appeared one day, would his readers be a little too busy watching 'Judge Judy'?". Our Mozzer then followed this up with, "S*d this" and, "I might as well talk to myself", and he disappeared.
Funnily enough, Kate 'Dolly' Ryan then slouched into her regular booth in the Twitterdilly Arms, but luckily, Loughton Lil, EARS, Marcus and myself all appeared, and Our Mozzer returned.
Having already been called a b*****d, Our Mozzer then laid into me for my poor grammar, saying, "Rat your grocer's apostrophe possesses it's own charm." Loughton Lil decided to join in the tittering, and they both took turns in having a pop at me. I replied in the only way I know how, I tweeted "Cunts", to which Our Mozzer, as quick as a flash, retorted, "cunt's"! Bastard, Bastard, Bastard!.... although, actually, I LOVE it! In fact, to quote Monty Python's Life of Brian, "I sometimes hang awake at night, dreaming of being spat at in the face."
It's funny, because not only is Life of Brian my favourite film of all time, but this whole MorrisseysWorld story is almost a parallel to it. In Life of Brian, the central character is mistaken for The Messiah, but despite his numerous denials, nobody believes him. There is also a group of followers called the Judean Peoples Front (or is it the Peoples Front of Judea?), who talk a lot about what they are going to do, but actually, with the exception of one or two, do NOTHING! It's the Blue Rose Society!
To add to this theme, Our Mozzer announced on Saturday that, "I am the Jesus of Twitter. My tweets can heal. My wit is a guide to living. I have 12 deluded disciples. I was betrayed by Joyce Iscariot."
As Morrissey is the actual Mozziah, perhaps it is me that is Brian! After all, I have often been accused of being the person behind MW, but in reality, I am just the man next door. In fact, according to Our Mozzer, not only am I a b*****d, a grocer and Louis Tomlinson, but he also likened me to 'Side-kick Simon', the man who works alongside Alan Partridge at North Norfolk Digital (the finest radio station in Norfolk....sorry, North Norfolk!). Bastard, Bastard, Bastard!
ALAN PARTRIDGE AND SIDE-KICK SIMON
After announcing that he was the 'Jesus of Twitter', Loughton Lil wittingly interjected, "Regularly crucified and still you rise. A miracle", to which Our Mozzer responded, "I returned from the dead in 2004. This album will mark my third coming."
After a brief break, Our Mozzer returned to the Twit Arms on Saturday afternoon, announcing, "A final afternoon before I vanish from the web in anticipation of the comeback." He then added, "Istanbul encapsulates those odd feelings that fill one's heart while strolling in Istanbul."
Our Mozzer then informed his audience that he was currently wearing the Blue Rose Ring. When EARS asked if he was also wearing a smoking jacket, he replied, "No. Just expensive jeans, an inexpensive shirt and two crosses around my neck."
I received a 'sort of' apology from Our Mozzer for his attack on my poor grammar, he tweeted, "@TheRatsBack I can't spell for toffee. The only reason I appear so articulate on Twitter is because I have a published writer typing for me. He sits at the computer reading tweets to me and typing while I do my hair, listen to Elvis, write songs and read. You didn't actually think I typed my tweets myself - did you?"
Bearing in mind that Morrissey is himself a 'published writer', his statement is actually true! Another person to be in the firing line on Saturday, was Morrissey's old photographer mate, Jake Walters. Jake tweeted a photo of a Lexus car that he had taken, to which Our Mozzer responded with, "This work is incredibly bland. Perhaps that's the intention, it being about a Lexus." Jake then had a humorous interchange with his assistant '@itsdanielcope', blaming HIM for the work, to which Moz responded, "A bit late 90s. Rather easy to blame the assistant." Jake replied with, "It's called humour. @itsdanielcope was the assistant. The real Morrissey would have got it." Quick as a flash, Our Mozzer replied, "The real Morrissey wouldn't have tweeted you." Er, Jake, the real Morrissey DID get it.... or does Jake know, and was his reply an 'in joke'?
Russell Brand also took a pasting on Saturday:
"A LEFT WING LONDON CABBIE, ONLY WITH A 1980S ROCK STAR'S HAIR."
Other targets included Elton John, Piers Morgan and Justin Bieber, but there were kind words for Nancy Sinatra and Our Mozzer also tweeted, "Grapes, cheese and toast fortunately never go out of fashion"
and "The intelligent long for beauty. The beautiful long for fame. The famous long for wealth. And the wealthy long for obscurity."
On Elton: "Sir Elton has stood by the man he truly loves for 66 years. It's a love that knows no bounds."
Our Mozzer took time to ask me on Saturday if I thought his MorrisseysWorld creation would change pop culture. I babbled a bit, and then replied "yes".
It was SUCH a busy weekend, that there are loads of musings of Our Mozzer's that I have missed. He tweeted at one stage that he had just had his dinner served by a Michelin star chef, and also tweeted that he had been mistaken for Van Morrison. I wonder if that happens a lot?
With Morrissey so accessible to the masses (not that the masses realise this!), I took the opportunity to inquire as to whether the new LP would include any rats, and apparently, it will, although somehow, I'm not sure I believe him!
On Sunday, Our Mozzer re-posted the lyrics to 'My Fingernails Collect the World's Problems' (as first posted on Day 859 of FTM), a new song which is apparently about Justin Bieber. Mozzer pointed out that "the song predicts the demise of the first child utterly destroyed by the music industry." A tweeter by the name of '@Jopolkadot' suggested that Michael Jackson had been destroyed by the industry, but Mozzer corrected him/her by saying, "Jackson was destroyed by his father. Bieber is wholly a victim of the music industry and social networking."
And on the subject of vacuous pop stars, Miley Cyrus has once again pinned her badge to Moz, once again quoting his lyrics, and claiming that she LOVES The Smiths:
How long before Miley covers 'How Soon is Now?'? How long before Moz records a duet with either Bieber or Cyrus? Personally, I'd LOVE to see it, although Mike Joyce has tweeted to say that he objects to Cyrus being a Smiths fan. As I pointed out to Joyce, he himself is hardly a fan, he SUED the singer!
PICTURE COURTESY OF @JAZISSEY
There is SO much more that I would like to write about today, mainly concerning the superb historical detective work of both Heather Cat and Comrade Harps, but I have run out of time. Tomorrow shall consist of Jean Cocteau, owls, rats, stars and roses, but I shall leave you with this:
On Feb 4th, Log Lady posted this tweet:
Nineteen concerts? Time, as ever.
If I have missed anything of great importance from the weekend, could somebody please post it.
*Goes off muttering* "Have I got a big nose, mum?"