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Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Day 917 - Our Mozzer Returns with a NEW Parody, 'Lounging Around'.

Last night, I glanced into the inbox of my email, and there, staring up at me, was an email bearing the name Morrissey. I instantly knew it wasn't an actual email from Morrissey, it was an email notifying me that Morrissey, or rather, Our Mozzer, had left a comment on my blog. I hastily opened the email, and quickly realised that he had written the first part of a new parody piece, exclusively for my blog. He had placed it in the comments section of Day 108, which could be a random choice, or it could be because it was the day where I stated that I wanted to commit an act of gross public indecency. Oh, what a funny little rat I was back then, fortunately I have now reached adulthood, and fully matured. *coughs*

Anyway, further emails followed (one more last night, and two more this morning), and I now have a brand new MorrisseysWorld parody to give to YOU, my loyal readers. I have no idea if there is a part 2, but if there is, then my twelve loyal readers will be the first to know.

This parody piece couldn't have come at a better time, as my blog entry of yesterday has proven that I have run out of ideas. I have hit a block. In fact, I am now going to take four days off from blogging, and will return on Monday, refreshed. This also means that Our Mozzer's BRAND NEW parody piece, will get four days of exposure, which it thoroughly deserves. Hopefully FTM will be graced with more pieces from HM Mozzer.

I have added my own pictures, which no doubt will NOT be what Our Mozzer would have wanted, so I await a slating. I have also made up the title, because he didn't provide one!


LOUNGING AROUND (A PARODY) WRITTEN EXCLUSIVELY FOR FOLLOWINGTHEMOZZIAH BY OUR MOZZER

Seminal artiste Morr-ee-say, musical director Boz Boorer, former novelist Mikey Bracewell, unpublished poet Broken, and Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross (low brow TV bods) sit around an extender table in Morrissey's house. The iconic star is flanked on either side by Mikey and Broken. Boz is sitting opposite, between Russell and Wossy. Boz is drinking from a pint glass. Morrissey cradles a G&T. Broken guards a glass of red wine. Russell has 'purified meditation water' in jug, and Jonathan a half of cider. Mikey Bracewell has a pot of tea served in fine bone china.

Mikey Bracewell extends his pinkie and sips thoughtfully.


MIKEY BRACEWELL (CIRCA 1970)


"I do wish you wouldn't do that b*****d thing with your little finger, Mikey. It makes one feel one is in the presence of royalty; such arrogant people; one doesn't wish to be reminded..."

With that Morrissey downs his G&T in one gulp. "More please. Chop! Chop!" He cracks his hands together sharply. In trots Solomon Walker. Solomon is wearing a waiter's uniform over his torso, and a light blue mini skirt underneath. He pours three or four measures of gin into the artiste's glass.


The artiste rolls his eyes and sighs, puffing out his cheeks. "I did stipulate the mini-skirt should have a pink hem," he mutters, swooshing up the skirt with his fingers nonchalantly. Then he gazes intently at the gin as it sloshes into his glass.

"Come now, Matthew. I'm not signed to Sanctuary records anymore you know, old son. Fill her up."

"I think that's Solomon, Morr-ee-say," says Mikey with a flick of the forehead.

"Solomon who?"

"Solomon Walker... you know... Matthew's brother."

Broken rolls his eyes and looks away.

"But I stipulated Matthew Walker should serve drinks tonight," says Morrissey, licking his lips. "In a blue mini-skirt ... with a pink hem."

"Permission to speak, sir," mutters Solomon, his lips taped up.

"Absolutely not," cries Morrissey.

"If you want a job doing these days..." mutters the artiste under his breath. "Since I stipulated it should be Matthew, I'll call you Matthew henceforth."

"How ironic," Broken says in his melodic voice, fiddling with the wine glass.

"Ironic?" asks Morrissey quizzically.

"Yes. Normally you get their names wrong by accident. Now finally you know his name, you've decided to get it wrong intentionally."

Wossy sniggers.

WOSSY

"Is something funny, Jonathan?" Asks Morrissey, his eyes wide and steely.

"I was just laughing at the irony, Mozzer! I don't think Broken realises you intended it that way!"

"I'm just surprised you have a sense of irony, being on ITV..."

"Hahaha, oh... hahaha... hohoho... oh... hahaha," laughs Boz Boorer, slapping his thigh. "Very droll, sir."

"What was droll, Boz?" asks Morrisey.

"The comment you just made, Moz - it was ironic. Very ironic. Very, very..."

"What comment, Boz?"

"That... comment... sire. The comment you just made."

"...And what was that Boz?" Asks Morrissey, motioning for Solomon to add the tonic water.

Boz Boorer looks red. He fiddles with his top button. Then he sinks into his chair.

"I've forgotten, sir."

"But... you didn't ever really know, did you, Boz?"

Boz Boorer shakes his head. "Stop!" screams Morrissey. "That's QUITE enough tonic water, old son. I don't want a b******d hangover."

A few minutes pass silently as the men drink their drinks.

BROKEN AND MORRISSEY


"Did you see Justin Bieber's deposition, Mozzer? I must say he resembled you, Morrissey; what with his quiff and archly dismissive demeanour towards SCRIBES and-"

"-Must you ALWAYS use twenty words when five will suffice, Russell?"

"I'm sorry Mozzer, Lord of adolescent despair, and Duke of postmodern poetry, and..."

The artiste rolls his eyes and sticks a theatrical tongue into a tightly-packed cheek (facial).

"Yes," says Morrissey sternly. "I did see it. Broken and I watched it on YouTube on Sunday."






"It was like watching Lil Wayne's deposition, if Lil Wayne had visited Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon," utters Broken. "Rather pathetic... a child throwing his toys out of the pram... a spoilt white boy pretending he was raised in the Atlanta ghetto."

"I haven't seen it, Broken," adds Wossy with mock-interest.

"Too busy eating I expect, Jonathan," says Morrissey.

Boz Boorer laughs. Russell Brand sticks his little finger against his lips and grins.

"The most hilarious moment by far was when Justin was asked whether Usher was instrumental to his career," says Broken, showing rare enthusiasm. "Justin stormed out once again. When he returned, he spoke in a low, serious voice, as if delivering words of poetry. He stated: 'I was down on YouTube... and I was detrimental to my own career.'"

"I didn't know he was insane," says Boz Boorer, picking up his pint.

"Insane, Boz?" Mikey Bracewell asks.

"He said he was detrimental Mikey. And I believe him. It's sad really. When I think back to the nice kid who sang his heart out in 'Never Say Never.' It brings a tear to me eye, and that of Mrs Boorer too, actually..."

Morrissey shakes his head, smiles and downs the remaining gin.

"I did read your review on IMDB, Boz! Very well-written. Very dry!" shrieks Russell.

(Boz Boorer's Review: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1702443/reviews-261)


RUSSELL BRAND


"Lyn helped me," says Boz with a dejected look in his eyes. "That poor kid... we were both moved by his plight."

"His plight of having to overcome the odds of being loved by every teenage girl in the West, and finally having to cancel a couple of multi-million dollar concerts because he had a sore throat?" Broken asks. "And they say Romeo and Juliet had it hard."

"Poor kid," murmurs Boz.

"Fat c***," murmurs Broken softly.

Boz Boorer looks up and his jaw drops. His face reddens. He casts a judgemental look towards Broken.

"Boz isn't fat, Broken - he's just big boned," says Wossy.

Boz Boorer nods. Noticing this, Morrissey motions to speak:

"I beg to differ, Jonathan. Boz Boorer is a fat c*** and will need to lose some weight if he wants to camp it up on a certain seminal artiste's US tour."

"Have you seen this on FollowingTheMozziah, Mozzer?" asks Russell with his iPhone pointed towards the iconic star.

"I'm afraid Morr-ee-say's stopped reading that blog, Russell; it's not nearly fawning enough," says Mikey.

Morrissey looks away from the i-Phone, before gazing out of the corner of his right eye.

Morrissey18 March 2014 20:01
Morrissey18 March 2014 20:21
Morrissey19 March 2014 07:16
Morrissey19 March 2014 07:27

67 comments:

  1. Classic. Biggest laughs all day.

    Question to Morrissey: What do you think of Kate Miller-Heidke using Morrissey's World and Following the Mozziah iconography for her new album cover and publicity images? Jigsaw cover, L'OO'K photos and blue rose dress? http://www.katemillerheidke.com/photos

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent. Another brilliant birthday present! I imagine it to be very true to life. Maybe lacking slightly in the plimsoll department, but you can't have everything....Must return to my Veuve & video binge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigh of relief. Mine. Because I am absolutely delighted to see that you've now finally ditched the Bolly.

      Good girl.

      Happy birthday, Scrumpet. May you become an ever growing nightmare, with each and every passing year.

      You make up in trouble all that you lack in height, and more.

      Which means that you clearly must know what you're doing.

      Astraea

      Delete
    2. Thank you, Pusscat. It's nice to know my troublesome ways are appreciated. I will raise a glass of Veuve to you this evening, but tomorrow it's back to the Babycham. Wherever you are, I hope you're shimmying now,x

      Delete
    3. Darling,

      I'm ALWAYS shimmying. And always in Veuve. And also always in trouble, now that I think about it.

      No wonder we got along from the beginning.

      Delete
  3. There certainly better be a Part 2! Massive thanks to Our Mozzer, it's splendid to see you back in customarily fine form. This is like manna to our souls, we've been MW-deprived for far too long. More please!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy birthday to lovely Willow! Cream-coloured plimsolls for all!

    Don Draper as Morrissey? Well, they both have the devastatingly handsome part in common.....

    Roger Sterling as Broken I cannot see, however.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is Broken a real person or just a Morrissey character ?

    This parody made me wonder.

    Richard the Lionheart

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great to have Our Mozzer back. I really miss MorrisseysWorld, and would love to see it re-open. No disrespect to Rat but it isn't quite the same having Our Mozzer's great words nestled in this two bit shit hole, with it's cheap looking books and book shelves.

    Jaqueline 'Bertie' Bassett

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would love to be able to read the MorrisseysWorld blog. Heard it was a work of literary genius. Mr Rat told me it was "quite good I suppose, although not as good as mine"...Stupid ******

      Helen Highwater

      Delete
    2. MorrisseysWorld was a load of made up bollocks, written by a bullshitting wanker, who wanted nothing more than to expose the fragility of vulnerable Morrissey fans. The dickhead wanted to make a film with his mates, but no television company was interested. His mates have now all realised what a complete tool this guy is, and have abandoned him. He is a particularly fat person, with health issues. It breaks my heart to see this pile of shite published on here today, I thought we'd seen the last of Billy the bullshitter. As if Morrissey would have any interest whatsoever in Justin Bieber's deposition. If you are going to attempt to write a parody of Morrissey, then at least try and make it realistic. No Morrissey fan is interested in Bieber. Here is the deposition - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emsLrZg160s

      Anthony Denby-Bean

      Delete
    3. I do not appreciate your usage of foul language such as "bollocks", "bullshitting" and "Justin Bieber". I would advise the employment of asterisks to prevent further offence, you ******g piece of **** *****g ****** *********.

      Helen Highwater

      Delete
  7. Hello Ratty, may I ask you who did post the pics of the parody? Anyway fine! Maybe MW is coming back? I think you can unlock you car frome the garage...Waiting for part two, cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Pearl of a Girl... the new single from Kristeen Young. Superb. Simply superb: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sC-cRvZZpw

    Fluff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right! It must be the song of the summer!

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Oh my Vulgar.

      Oh my Jjaz.

      Oh my Justin.

      Delete
  10. Oh, I hope we get to find out what Morrissey is gazing at from the corner of his eye.

    Thank you Our Mozzer for thinking of us & sharing another of your jewels of wit & humour . You have provided some needed cheer to my day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Come back sOOn MorrisseysWorld,

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is the funniest thing I have ever read on the internet, but Morrissey interested in B**ber? NEVER. Not EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER. Not MY Moz. Not The Mozzer. Not the Mozster. NO way. Just NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

    Justin Case
    Windscreen Wiper Removal Service Ltd

    ReplyDelete
  13. how lovely of our moz to find the time to do this.
    I really hope there is a part 2!!
    so glad that the biebs was in there.
    I have no doubt a duet will happen;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. funny and thanks

    JMH

    ReplyDelete
  15. *yawn*

    The Whammiah (now permanently lounging at The Palms)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ooh. What has Rustle spotted on FTM?
    Nice reference to the Boz review of ‘Never Say Never’. I had forgotten about that. Wasn’t that posted from the Isle of Wight?
    PS surprised about the fine bone china

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isle of Man, but I guess one island is much like another.

      Brendan Cole

      Delete
  17. Isle of Where?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1702443/reviews-261

    Those were the days.

    Glad to see Our Mozzer back and almost back to his best. The wit is sharp, but slightly rusty; it'll come back to him.

    Yours,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And now we find Justin Bieber is looking to buy a house on the Isle of Wight.

      http://www.mtv.co.uk/justin-bieber/news/justin-bieber-to-buy-isle-of-wight-holiday-pad

      Surely just a coincidence? Let's hope he can find a decent estate agent, because most of them are b******s.

      Delete
    2. Such fun to read Boz's review again. "Never give up on you're dreams": classic.

      Delete
    3. Nowt wrong with Our Mozzer's offering, but it would have benefitted from an embedded link to the Justin Bieber deposition and the link to the film review. It's all in the detail.

      Delete
    4. GWO, you are so right about the links to the deposition and the review. I will add the link to the review once I get back to a computer (I am currently in Wham rehab), but HOW on earth does one add an embedded video link to a blog thing? I am clueless on such matters. I didn't even mean to start a blog, and certainly didn't expect to STILL be writing it two and a half years later. Also, GWO, can you PLEASE tell me why you are so sure that Banjaxer is mum? It just doesn't seem to add up to me, but you are a wise old bird, and your judgement has been fairly good throughout this whole phenomenon. Mum almost seems to taunt Banjaxer, and we have to remember that the mum account was linked on the MW blog. Mum was also the first on twitter to warn us to keep an eye out for a woman carrying wood, and then Log Lady arrived on the scene! Mum has recently tweeted to Banjaxer that the slate is now clean... could this mean that Banjaxer has been forgiven by M for originally pretending to be Morrissey's lawyer and issuing a 'cease and dismiss' notice to the author of MorrisseysWorld..... that's what Our Mozzer said he had done, anyway. Come in GWO, share your thoughts..... and don't forget to tell me about that embedding thingy.
      Rat (In Rehab)

      Delete
    5. This seems a fairly simple instruction on embedding a video from utube to a blog. Give it a go.
      https://support.google.com/blogger/answer/80767?hl=en

      Delete
  18. I'm not sure this is the genuine article. I suspect a Rat.

    On behalf of Harvey Munckles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Friend of Harvey, May I suggest you check the comments section of Day 108. Your suspicions have led you to the wrong animal.

      On behalf of Nothing in particular

      Delete
  19. Where's that bastard Loughton Lil? There is nowhere near enough fawning going on here. Is NOBODY interested anymore? This is the parody work of Morr-ee-say! The only people to have commented here are: Harps, Willow, Heather, Bunny, Romina, Vulgar, EARS, Clover, Edge, GWO, Broken, Astraea, JMH and a few made up names. If you add me in, and take out Broken, Astraea and JMH, the deluded dozen is now down to 11!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's up with your maths? Why are you taking out Broken, Astraea and JMH? If we don't count you, we have a baker's dozen.

      Delete
    2. Broken, Astraea and JMH were removed on the basis that I don't believe them to be deluded. There are however plenty of others such as Manclad, Loughton Lil, Marcus, Father Brian, Lizzy, Chuck, GOB, Harrison, Luke etc who SURELY are still following this whole phenomenom, but can't be bothered to leave fawning praise for Morr-ee-say's excellent parody writing. I find it bizarre, but then again, the whole thing has been bizarre.

      Delete
    3. Mr. Rat, I deserve to be admonished for not leaving a comment on the lovely parody piece from Our Mozzer. Of course I thoroughly enjoyed it, had quite a few laughs and it brings me back to the days of the MW blog which we all miss. I look forward to Part 2!! I still feel bad for Solomon Walker, he seems like a nice fellow. I am glad Matt Walker is back in the fold, he is a great drummer. Now as a self imposed penance for my delayed comment, I shall force myself to listen to Wham for an hour.

      Delete
  20. Rat, I am observing but I was warned by you not to post comments on here due to the ban.
    Hence why I have not commented !!!

    Signed: Lizzycat ( not signed -in )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, quite right too. Perhaps we could try and get your sentence shortened. Have you seen the error of your ways yet? Can you now see that Broken sometimes plays devil's advocate, but was wrongly mocked and savagely taunted? Do you see where you may have been a little unforgiving? And am I still an "arse licker"?

      Delete
    2. Once again, I was not condoning what Sabine said/did, but I was against the abuse meted out to her.
      I stand by that. I think that I have been unfairly treated having been a loyal and active supporter of yours and M's for more than two years. How quickly that was forgotten.

      Lizzycat again

      Delete
    3. No apology to Broken and still standing by that Judas on a bike... you really aren't doing yourself any favours, Lizzy, but ultimately it is up to Our Mozzer and Broken, so let's see what they say.

      Delete
    4. Lizzy should remain banned. She's called MW 'manipulative' 'dishonest' and Broken and Rat 'arselickers' etc. Yet the strongest words she finds for Sabine are 'I'm not condoning what she says!'

      Lizzy just admit Sabine was in the wrong. Stop attacking the victims.

      Delete
    5. Wise words anon. Are you Broken? I prepose Lizzy's ban is increased. This whole phenomenon is about M, so whilst Lizzy continues to side with those who hate, then this isn't the place for her. WHY hang around? The BRS is all about promoting love for Moz, but every time..... actually, I'm bored now.

      Delete
    6. I have nothing to apologise for and Sabine was in the wrong, which
      I have said from the beginning.
      I am entitled to my opinion, I am not going to ' fawn,' despite what
      has previously been said, this is what is expected.
      One is not allowed to challenge.
      We are all victims it seems to me.

      Delete
    7. Rat you enjoy creating conflict.
      I am bored too. All the chart stuff on here and Twitter is tiresome.
      It was fun, but the whole dynamic has changed and I have moved on.

      I have posted the last two comments - Lizzycat.

      Delete
    8. Well said Lizzy. Unlike these manipulative and polemic c**ts on here, you're balanced and reasonable. You won't miss those people, but BRS will be poorer without you. Their loss.

      Delete
    9. Many thanks Anon, your words are appreciated.
      And by the way Rats, who hates ?
      Sabine and I do not hate anyone. We were part of everything
      because of M. He was our motivation.

      From Lizzycat


      Delete
    10. If the chart and twitter are tiresome, why come here to moan and groan about them some more? The only thing tiresome was people saying they were leaving, like you, and Chuck, and Sabine all did. And then what happens? You all come back whenever it suits, to clog up the comments section to moan about the same things, all over again. And you're right. The dynamic has changed.

      Delete
    11. I don't wish to comment on anything.. it was not me M'Lud

      Delete
    12. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    13. "long gone away"? You're still here!!!!!!!!!!! You may want to leave, but you can't. Nobody can. It's Hotel California. It's Moonie Heaven. And by the tone of your comment, you still haven't learnt from the whole Biker-Gate thing, have you, Chuck?

      Delete
    14. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  21. people will think i'm you now, ratty. people like lizzy won't ever admit they're wrong. she'll just be stubborn to the end.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You're all a bunch of douche bags anyhow.

    ReplyDelete
  23. The name SABINE is hidden in the album title world pEAce IS None of your Business. This means her ban is lifted.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thanks to Our Mozzer for the wonderful parody, glad to see him posting again. I am looking forward to part 2. I saw the JB deposition and wondered why he seems to have no one on his side. They are there for the money, but his lawyer sure didn't coach him on how to answer and behave. Again, thank you for the enjoyable parody.
    Fancy123

    ReplyDelete
  25. well spin me right round, it's roses ahoy, an old interview but a good read http://www.retronaut.com/2013/03/morrissey-and-pete-burns-the-very-odd-couple/

    ReplyDelete
  26. Why is it that an intelligent artist like Morrissey attracts such crazies?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep we are everywhere in life

      Delete
    2. As John Lennon said: "Its weird not to be weird"

      Delete
  27. Justin Bieber Shares Instagram Smoking Photo Comparing Himself To Actor James Dean

    ( Moz's Angel )

    ReplyDelete
  28. Morrissey and Shelagh Delaney quiz in the Guardian today.

    Posted by Bathsheba

    ReplyDelete
  29. MW Classics...

    My Live Tour Journal 2011





    July 12th-18th

    These days drifted by like confetti thrown in the blackness of night. The funereal atmosphere around myself and the lads was entirely due to the malicious hate-campaign being waged against me by my own online fans. I don't think they comprehend how painful it is to dedicate your life selflessly to your fans; and to face such contempt from those whom you have stood up for over the many years - the lonely, the lost, the disillusioned. Each man kills the thing he loves. Perhaps I should accept it as a perverse compliment? A part of my soul faded away during these days. A part of me died.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Stayed in bed for most of the 12th. Watched a DVD of 1970s 'Coronation Street' episodes I'd brought with me. Watched a bit of 'Jim Davidson's Big Break' too but broke down in tears during the pot black challenge with Ray Reardon. I was on my feet cheering as he got down for the pink. Raised a glass as he lined up the black and... same old story. Reminded me of the reviews for 'Years of Refusal' actually. Falling at the final hurdle. He missed the black; I tagged 'Ok By Myself' on the end of an otherwise classic album. Like myself, he's another who enjoyed his career peak in the Autumn of his life. A kindred spirit, a late blossomer. He's not quite Judd Trump or Ronnie O'Whitevan, of course, but he's still got it, old Ray. Don't dismiss him just because he's getting on a bit, will you? Cardinal error.

    ReplyDelete

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