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Saturday, 31 May 2014

Day 990 - We've got Our Mozzer back

OUR MOZZER HAS RETURNED! *Waves palm leaves, blue roses and any other foliage that happens to be laying around*

It was May 16th when The Mozziah, aka @MorrisseyParody, walked away from The Twitterdilly Arms. We all presumed at the time, that we had lost him for good, and that he was instead going to start wearing the suit of @itsmorrissey. The last minute change of mind (or heart) saw @itsmorrissey disappear in a puff of smoke and mirrors and yesterday, Our Mozzer strolled back into The Twit Arms dressed once again as @MorrisseyParody, as though nothing had ever happened. The visit occurred at about 8pm UK time (3pm Florida time).

Our Mozzer's first tweet was a retweet of my birthday wish from the 22nd:

 Retweeted by morrissey
Happy Birthday Parody Moz...s*d the other bloke; you're the one I love! All day party in The Twit Arms to celebrate 's day.

I wasn't actually in The Arms when Our Mozzer returned yesterday, so I was unable to welcome him back in person, but @Bunnygal833, @heathercat222 and @papasonsfilm welcomed him home.... and it IS his home! He didn't stay long, but here are his highlights:

"Beautiful people don't know they're beautiful. Ugly people know it only too well."
"The savage prey upon weakness and the gentle eliminate it."
"At last - I am no longer a top 80 pop artist." (I have to admit, this one made me laugh out loud. Morrissey should take comfort in knowing that he is still a top 83 pop artist.... although technically, as Istanbul didn't chart...)

Before he left, Marcus (@papasonsfilm) asked Our Mozzer if he was looking forward to the World Cup, to which Mozzer replied:
"From the Morrissey parody to the parody of an English football team - good luck."
"I'd rather watch the class of Munich."


THE CLASS OF MUNICH - MAN UTD 1958

I wonder if any of the British tabloids will use the headline 'World Cup is None of Your Business' when England get knocked out? I doubt it!


Both Our Mozzer and Astraea appeared again in The Arms in the early hours of this morning. Astraea tweeted this video footage of Sacha Distel's Les Moustaches at 1am St Pete's time:



At 2am, Astraea posted, "Oh, and last but not least. Mick Jagger tweeting Harry Styles? Not ironic."
Astraea then added, "Someone pass me the paracetamol please. And two bottles of red wine on the side."
Astraea's final tweet was a Youtube clip of Brigitte Bardot being interview in the 60s:




Our Mozzer also posted at 2am; a retweet of a post by @TheRatsTalisman, which read, "The @Morrisseyparody has sent a sign." HAS HE? WHAT IS IT?

Our Mozzer then appeared again at 4am to thank @Jazissey on Broken's behalf for her "wonderful charms", and to invite her to meet Broken again, later today, in the MorrisseysWorld chat room. I guess the invitation is open to all to meet Broken in his cupboard: http://chatroll.com/morrisseysworld-chat. Broken also left a message for Jazissey on my blog entry of yesterday. Jazissey had posted to say, "I don't know who BrummieBoy is (on Solow) but I think he's a genius and is definitely into pesos. I can almost swear he sounds like a character straight out of the chat. Must be my imagination." to which Broken replied, "I miss you." I haven't paid much attention to BrummieBoy on Solow, because I really can't be bothered to trawl through all the crap on that site, but a number of the BRS are convinced that BB is Moz.



And whilst I am on the subject of Solow, Comrade harps yesterday posted a link which showed a Solower called Skylarker finally asking what The Blue Rose/MorrisseysWorld is about? Skylarker obviously has never bothered looking for himself/herself before, and even now, rather than look for actual evidence about MW/BRS, she/he has just asked for somebody to tell him/her. Here is the intellectual responses that he/she received:

marred: "It's another in a long line of "crocks of shit". Sorry I don't have any more info than that at this point." GENIUS!

Viva Hate: "From what I gather from their posts, a "blue rose" is homosexual slang for what normal people might call a "prolapsed anus". People afflicted with a protruding, overfucked asshole formed a secret society based entirely on Blogspot called The Blue Rose Society where they discuss passing encoded correspondence back and forth with a semi-popular English singer named Morrissey (one name, like Cher) in the form of dyed flowers." GENIUS!

Vanitas M. Berrymore: "Asking about Blue Rose on solo is like expecting to get valuable information about Muslims on islamburninhell.com." TRUE!

Mozza220559: "It's a supposed old Wildean throw back where he used to have a carnation on or something and people who liked him also wore this carnation in subtle support of him. Blue Rose mongs try to re-create that thinking if Moz sees one of the audience wearing a blue rose they're somehow cosmically linked and on Moz's favourite list. Basically it's a load of deluded saddo fans who wear blue roses who think they have the inside track. I'm sure a BRG (blue rose goon) will reply to this with some passive aggressive smug retort saying "The blue rose society know" or something equally as lame." GENIUS!

mcrickson: "I would hazard a guess that members are sub-grouped under the charters of the Brown Starfish Cooperative." GENIUS!

CrystalGeezer just posted a picture, presumably of herself:


CRYSTAL GEEZER

I think it is safe to say, the Solowers will NEVER understand about the Blue Rose.


Our Mozzer's final tweet at 4am this morning (St Pete's time) was this:
"Did you know it's actually better to fade away than burn out."


I have spent this morning watching Youtube clips from the concerts in Memphis and Nashville. It was rather interesting to discover that in Nashville on Wednesday, Morrissey sang the Tammy Wynette song, 'Til I Get It Right during the pause in Speedway. It would have been more interesting to discover that he had sung Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, but it was not to be.



Youtube footage has also started to appear from last night's concert in St Pete's. Moz and the boys have taken to bowing to each other before each concert begins, just as martial arts fighters bow to each other before a bout. The Speedway pause once again has a song in it, but I have no idea what song it is. Answers on a postcard please.

HAND IN GLOVE & SPEEDWAY:


THROWING PARIS:


THE MAHAFFEY THEATRE ST PETERSBURG FLORIDA - MAY 30 2014

SETLIST:

1. Hand in Glove
2. Speedway
3. Ganglord
4. Certain People I Know
5. I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
6. The Bullfighter Dies
7. World Peace Is None of Your Business
8. Yes, I Am Blind
9. Trouble Loves Me
10. One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell
11. Life Is a Pigsty
12. Istanbul
13. To Give (The Reason I Live)
14. I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday
15. Earth Is the Loneliest Planet
16. Meat Is Murder
Encore:
17. First of the gang to die



MOZ IN ST PETE'S

The band wore t-shirts bearing the word 'SMUT'. A word once used a lot on MorrisseysWorld. Just a coincidence.


THE SMUT BAND

Embedded image permalink
MOZ AND THE BOYS HAVING A KICK ABOUT PRE-SHOW


I have nothing more to add today, so I shall add nothing more. Tonight is the last concert for a few days. It is in the rather grand looking Knight Concert Hall in Miami. It is SOLD OUT. "Fade away" my arse!



27 comments:

  1. That sign from Our Mozzer was either dressing the band in SMUT t-shirts, or it was @Rough_seas2 tweeting about the Tammy Wynette song before any footage of Speedway had surfaced.

    Bud Spencer

    ReplyDelete
  2. Such a delightful surprise to see Our Mozzer return home to the Arms. The Wrong Arms is definitely the right place for him to be. The smut shirts made me double lol, much like reading the Solow thread, which I find pathetically sad but also hilarious. Whoever BrummieBoy and Vanitas may be, I love reading their comments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great quality video of Hand in Glove and Speedway, love the little smile on Moz's face as they do the bow. I googled the Speedway pause lyrics but nothing came up (i'm sure you already did it anyway Rat). The man is really teasing us now with the absence of UK dates, looking at these really make you realise what we have been missing. And a nod to the band, sounding better then ever.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have fallen in love with Speedway! Vanitas, Crystal (as much as I love her, she needs to learn less is more on the makeup front) BB and JF are great to read on that horror site. Barleycorn and Butcher need to be sectioned asap IMO (or given a community service sentence to keep them off the sites). Hope our BB, Beautiful Boy, is getting lots of VitD on his journey in the Sun. Now, out with my umbrella and off I go for an evening that could never come near to watching Moz delivering brilliance and beauty!! Holo. P.S. Without this site Rattatat, I would not have heard about the beautiful music, Istanbul, Bullfighter and Asleep that Moz has so graciously granted us! Bonne chance et beaucoup d'amour ce soir M. X

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so glad Our Mozzer has returned with his trademark wit and insights.

    I do hope Morrissey is enjoying the sun and beaches of South Beach.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's not a photo of Crystal Geezer above. But can someone send me that girl's colorist's number? It's the freaken weekend, and I wanna look my best.

    Lady Gaga's Left Armpit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think ther's no need of a professional colorist, just my daughter and some uniposca, it's very easy to do. I'm so happy to have Our Mozzer back! Thank you for the great videos Ratty and have a nice week end wigh your family. Ciao, Romina with daughter's mobile.

      Delete
  7. Its nice to have Our Moz back on twitter. It seems all is right in the Twittersphere. I just hope he doesn't plan on burning out or fading away anytime soon.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Always delightful to have @MorrisseyParody in our midst.
    Sabine ( Girl On Bike ) and I have been known as the Smut Sisters in the past
    but I am sure this has nothing to do with the band t-shirts.
    Moz's little smile to Jesse during the band bow was sweet.

    LizzyCatMoz ( marooned at work )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl On Bike's ban should be lifted.

      Pauline Le Pen

      Delete
    2. Are you Marine Le Pen's sister ??
      BTW I agree about GOB.

      LizzyCatMoz

      Delete
    3. I'm actually a dog, and my real name is Pierre.

      M. Le Poof

      Delete
    4. Why would anybody want GOB back? She mocked suicide, she frowned upon Broken being homosexual, and she stabbed Rat in the back. She is not fit to wear the rose.

      Normal jeans

      Delete
    5. dear drainpipe jeans, why shouldn't she be invited back, she has served her time, there is a word we should all use more often, FORGIVE

      Delete
    6. But will Girl On Bike forgive broken?

      Woncheetah Cursed

      Delete
  9. Wishing Our Moz an enjoyable 3 day rest before the Atlanta show
    and safe travelling.

    LizzyCatMoz

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just occurred to me that Speedway is in part and in the current context a message to The Other Place.

    He's always been true to the BRS in his own strange way.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Blue Rose Social Club1 June 2014 at 14:02

    "taking the piss out of the cult of Morrissey, the singer and his fans. It's just lulz."

    ReplyDelete
  12. Broken strides through the gate, slinking past Boz and Mikey Bracewell and planting three firm bangs on the door. Bracewell's eye twitches subtly as the aroma of a barely-sucked cigarette collides with Boucheron Homme and drifts by.

    "The c*** invites us to Runcorn and hasn't even got the manners to turn up at his own home," moans Broken, a touch of camp oozing from his lips like blood from a bitten tongue. He sighs and gazes up at the first floor windows.

    All curtains closed - none twitching.

    The humidity of Bracewell's out-of-season overcoat on a warm, damp day, open professorially at the waist, pinkens his already ruddy face as he peers at the unwelcoming windows. His hair wants to slide off his head whenever he leans.

    "What sort of shut-in has all his curtains closed at 3 pm on a Monday?" Asks Broken to no one in particular.



    "Mozzer," says Boz fulsomely.


    "Shut up, Boz," says Broken. "Christ. I'm turning into Morrissey. I'm sorry Boz. I meant... actually I don't know what I meant to say..."

    "P'raps he's trying to keep the sun out, sir," offers Boz.

    "It's raining."

    "P'raps it was sunny when he closed them, Broken, sire..."

    Broken rolls his eyes.

    "...Or p'raps there's been a death in the family," adds Boz in a sullen voice.

    "His test tube brother, or his test tube mother? Or, God forbid, the test tube itself?" asks Broken.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bracewell smiles thinly. "We are early..." he says emphatically. "I must say, Menippus seemed rather keen to meet us on the telephone. I'd be very surprised if-"

    "-How long is it since you had a novel published again, Mikey?"

    "Pardon?" Bracewell exclaims softly.

    "How long is it since you had a novel published?"

    "...Oh... thirteen years..."

    "Well unless you intended it that way, sagacity probably isn't your greatest strength. In fact I'd imagine you're so frequently surprised, it's probably more surprising when you're not surprised..."

    Bracewell's brow creases and he plays with his coat button helplessly, like a child who's just broken something valuable within ear-shot of mum.

    Boz Boorer's Casio watch bleeps twice for 3 pm, and he inexplicably crouches down, with his forearms like lamb shanks held over his small rat-like eyes:



    "Ah Lynn, NOOOO! Please, Lynn - don't... Please..!" He begs. "It's not my fault Lynn. Edwyn Collins made me do it - he said it was a dead cert, Lynn...he... ummm... he..."



    Boz's speech tails off as he gazes around; he whistles and stands up as if nothing happened.


    Just then a strange glow fills the ground floor of the house, colouring the white curtains an ethereal green, and distracting the men. The oaken door of the Georgian townhouse opens. A man dressed in a fez, holding the Babylonian Talmud smiles softly.

    "Hello. I'm Menippus. Menippus is glad to welcome you to his house, and Menippus will-"

    "-Milk and no sugar.." Broken says, barging past Menippus and into the reception room.

    "...Menippus will put the kettle on. Menippus wonders what Boz and ... you... would like..."

    "I'll have the same as Broken" says Bracewell.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "I'll have..." says Boz, staring into space. "I'll have...."

    "Yes?" asks Menippus.

    "I'll have..."

    Boz Boorer looks vacant; his top lip trembles.

    "I think Boz is having another absence seizure, Broken," says Mikey.

    Broken leans down and opens his leather medical bag, searching around inside. As Boz stands motionless, swaying a little, like a weeping willow in a strong breeze, Broken pulls out a blood pressure cuff with an old fashioned mercury gauge.

    "Ah... this is the stuff," says Broken. "None of this electronic sphygomanometry nonsense..."

    "I think he's going to collapse," says Mikey, gripping Boz by the shoulders and comforting him with unspoken words.

    Broken looks into Boz's eyes. "It's a seizure alright."

    Then Broken grasps the large metal gauge of the blood pressure meter and inspects it carefully. He pulls it back and smashes it with all his force against Boz Boorer's gonads.

    "Ooooooh!....." Boz lets out a whistle and groans like a sick dog.

    Broken gazes at Boz and tuts. "The poor sod's still fitting."

    Broken repeats the manoeuvre, causing Boz to bend even further forward and gulp, gasping for an impossible breath which never comes.

    Boz says, in a high-pitched voice, "I'll have tea..."

    Broken whacks the device against his testicles a third time.

    "...P-p-p-p-p...Please!" He cries, turning red.

    "Thank God we've got him back," says Broken. "Another life saved..."

    Boz continues to feel the front of his jeans with a ripe expression. His red cheeks puff out and his eyes become small almond-like slits, concealing tiny red cherries where once were eyeballs.

    Mikey grasps Menippus' hand flimsily.

    “...I'm Michael Bracewell. And I'm a writer. You probably haven't heard of me”, he says with a note of smugness or otherwise self-deprecation.

    "... And this is unpopular internet troll Broken."

    Broken nods his head without raising his gaze from his medical bag, placing the device - an antique - back inside with exquisite carefulness.

    “...And this is musical director Boz Boorer...”

    Boz jolts in recognition of his name, stands upright, and stops fumbling with his trousers, offering the same hand to Menippus for shaking. Menippus smiles faintly and politely declines, nodding instead.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Just then a shrill voice.

    "Kevinnnnnn! I've dropped me bleedin' bedpan! Kevinnnnnn...!"

    Menippus laughs awkwardly, gazing up at the upside down goldfish bowl hanging from the ceiling, as the fish appear to swim backwards.

    "It's Menippus, mother.... remember, mother... Menippus-the-wise, this afternoon...!"

    "Menippus? Meni-s*dding-piss more like it. Get your virgin a**e up here and hand me my bedpan...!"

    "Coming, mother...!"

    Menippus disappears upstairs and his mother is heard ranting in a loud voice about her desire to meet Van Morrison. Morrissey, not Van Morrison, Menippus says, with a note of irritation. The reply: "...Who?"

    Broken laughs.

    A few moments later Menippus is handing out cups of tea.



    "Where is Morrissey?" He asks.

    "Morr-ee-say will be with us shortly," Mikey says. "We didn't think it would be seemly for an artiste of his standing to arrive in Boz's Ford Mondeo. I booked a taxi for him."

    A loud rattle outside as a Mercedes diesel pulls up.

    As Broken fiddles with his phone, he mutters to himself: "Christ Jjaz... that pic of JB isn't nearly sassy enough... more pecs please..."

    He retweets anyway, rubbing his eyebrow.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just then a text message.

    'Broken, old friend. Stuck in taxi with Mam. Need money. OM'

    Broken hammers in a quick reply.

    'F**k off. Love, Broken ;-)'

    Almost instantly Boz Boorer's cellphone bleeps.

    'Boz, old son. Stuck in taxi with Mam. Need money urgently. Will pay you back later. OM'



    "The boss is out of money..." whines Boz Boorer in a melancholic voice. "How humiliating... first a Judge labels him a devious and unreliable trucker, when everybody knows full well he's a honest and unreliable singer, then Joyce Iscariot steals all his Smiths royalties, and now he can't even pay the taxi fare to get to this meeting to ban more of his fans... who hate him... it's enough..." he says, mopping his eye with a tissue from his left sleeve. "It's enough... to make a grown man cry... "



    Boz begins sobbing and blubbering loudly, trying as he does so to type in a text message. "I have no money to lend Mozzer... the shame!" He cries, his nostrils flooded with a river of tears. "...After all he's done for me!... I'm embarrassed... I wish, oh I wish, I could help..."



    But Boz's sausage fingers are too large and he keeps hitting the wrong keys on his phone. Before he's able to complete a sentence, he receives another message. It reads simply:



    'C**t'



    Boz stops crying and Bracewell's phone rings...

    ReplyDelete
  17. "Yes... oh good afternoon, Morr-ee-say... a taxi from the airport? Of course I'll pay, Morr-ee-say. I have fifty pounds on me. I'll just bring it out..." he says, feeling for his wallet. "What? Fifty isn't enough? How much is the fare? ... Two thousand four hundred and seven pounds?..."


    Mikey turns grey.



    "... Which airport did you travel in from?... Geneva...? I don't carry that kind of money around with me I'm afraid, Morr-ee-say... What? They take credit cards? Yes, but... well, yes I know I said I'd pay but... yes, Morr-ee-say... yes... but I had no idea... yes... I know I suggested a taxi Morr-ee-say... yes I know I booked it for you too... but I meant for you to get one taxi to the airport in Geneva and one from the airport in Manchester, not a taxi all the way from Geneva to Menippus' house... yes, I know I didn't make that terribly clear... yes, I know it's partly my fault..."



    Boz gazes incuriously at Mikey and picks his nose. Broken smirks as he taps in another message.



    'Dear OM. Don't forget to add a tip... wouldn't want this to get back to TV. Love, Broken.'



    "Yes... ummm... yes..." says Mikey, opening his wallet and pulling his card out. "...I do have my credit card... yes, okay Morr-ee-say..."



    As Bracewell walks down the driveway looking politely glum, the passenger door swings open and Damon the hairdresser emerges in tight jeans and an Oye Esteban t-shirt. He skips around the rear of the car and opens the back door with a flick of the wrist. First Mam, in a lime green skirt, and then Morrissey step out.



    "This is the man who booked the taxi," says Morrissey judgementally, pointing an index finger at his long-time friend and occasional editor.



    Damon guides Morrissey's quiff left a bit, then right a bit, then spays on some gel. "Oh... ohh... that's purrfect" he almost purrs.



    Damon jumps back into the taxi.



    Michael Bracewell hands over his credit card.



    "Zat is two thousands and four hundred and twenty pounds..."



    "I thought you said two thousand four hundred and seven?" Mikey asks softly.



    "You take so long I have to add waiting charge, my friend," says the cabbie.



    "Oh..." mutters Mikey, looking a bit upset.



    "No point griping old friend. You should have been quicker," says Morrissey. "Did you think he'd wait for nothing? Oh and... tip the fellow, old friend. There's a good man. We don't want to look like cheapskates, do we?"


    "I don't know about-"



    "-Greedy b*****d," says Morrissey, cutting off his friend. "I'll DIE of embarrassment when Kristeen finds out I didn't tip" he says to Mam. "Imagine what Viscunti will tweet about it..." He adds darkly.

    ReplyDelete


  18. "Steven, do stop swearing. I didn't raise you to swear."



    "But Visconti is his name - he's Italian."



    "Yes but you didn't say Visconti, did you Steven?"



    "Sorry, Mam."



    "This is a nice house," she says, nodding approvingly as she walks up the drive arm in arm with her son.



    "Damon, don't forget the Bollinger and macaroons old friend." The seminal artiste says loudly over his shoulder. "You have my platinum card, don't you?"



    Damon nods. Mikey Bracewell presses his tongue on his lip, rubs his nose and waits awkwardly for his payment to be approved.



    "You know £1420 is rather expensive, even from Geneva," says Mikey unassertively.



    "Zeet is only half the fare, my friend," says the cabbie. "The other half of the fare is to take this nice man to Selfridges for macaroons and Bollinger and bring them back here for the other man-"



    Damon smirks, staring straight ahead, and Mikey taps his finger sadly on the car door.



    "Your friend - he very generous," says the cabbie, stroking his unkempt moustache, and pointing at Morrissey as he strolls self-possessed up the driveway, arms linked with Mam. "He give me five free copy of album by 1980s singer I not heard of..." and produces a deluxe copy of WPINOYB with a Tesco's label on.



    "Generous? Yes... isn't he just?" says Bracewell as his card payment is authorised.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is part A of new parody piece 'Concerts Bans an Ejections Committee Part 2.' Part B et al will only be published once TRB ceases and desists from alluding to or mentioning the OM impersonator stillmorrisseysworld. OM thanks Menippus for pointing out what others are too dim-witted to perceive about this vacuous and shallow copyist.

    Piece written by OM, Broken and 'R,' August 2014, Cheshire.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Parody piece, when posted on FTM, must feature a minimum of oneshirtless Justin Bieber picture, a picture of Boz Boorer's mobile telephone, and one picture of a Mercedes taxi.

    ReplyDelete

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