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Monday, 30 June 2014

Day 1020 - "This is a good album. The only trouble is, good doesn't cut it when you're that unpleasant" - Parody Petridis

I have had a weekend away from the internet, but luckily I have missed very little from MorrisseysWorld. The only sign of Our Mozzer was this comment posted on my blog in the early hours of Saturday Morning:

Menippus is cordially invited to submit material for the forthcoming article. The concerts bans and ejections committee will be meeting at his home in Runcorn. Therefore OM requests Menippus submits a couple of paragraphs setting the scene and some typically surreal and idiosyncratic dialogue for Menippus making reference to current candidates to be banned, ejected and re-banned (namely THAT MAN, Willow, Edge, GOB, Lizzy or others). The dialogue can be addressed to OM, Boz Boorer, Mikey Bracewell, Broken or Mam.

This should be submitted by Menippus to and will be considered for inclusion in the piece. The deadline is Monday.


Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 28 June 2014 04:46

It would appear that Menippus was given this prestigious invitation on the back of this surreal piece of poetry that he posted on FTM on Friday evening:

We are Kleftiko
Unfit to go
Paper bags full of flesh and cheese
Tekenu prisoners of grease, unease, disease and knees
We wanna munch canapes atop the tallest trees
(Well, only they know how it feels)

We are Oxford coma
Regurgitating Homer
From an artificial stoma
With an artificial puckered rim;
We masturbate with phantom limbs,
And punctuation is penetration

We are testicular torsion
Clinical distortion
Untwisted and unbroken
Counting truths unspoken
We are ugly and yeah, all right, we care

Three minds collide and make nine
In the shade of Anonymity
Three by three
In the "plural of plurality"
Lie down, hush, don't be down
I swear down
It's only me
It's only the proneness of proclivity

Posted by Menippus to Following The Mozziah at 27 June 2014 18:52


I have always presumed that Menippus is a Morrissey pessoa, but maybe I am wrong. Marcus Markou once told me that he had posted a copy of Papadopoulos & Sons to Menippus, so maybe he is real!

There has been no sign of Our Mozzer in The Twitterdilly Arms, but it would appear from my timeline, that Broken popped in on each of the past three days, including the early hours of this morning. Here are his highlights:

In response to @Number10gov tweeting, "PM: For the first time all my 27 fellow Heads of Govt have agreed explicitly they need to address Britain's concerns about EU": "@Number10govt What a load of tosh. We both know it's a federal superstate and it won't change. Only window-dressing might change."

"David Cameron is the British window dresser in chief - for his role is dressing the window to sell the  EU to plebeian taxpayer."

It has to be said, it is most refreshing when Broken breaks away from his never ending Bieber obsession to discuss other subjects, such as politics; but it didn't last....

"@sorcha69 Nothing compares to Justin. I don't mind posting shirtless footballers if you think it might improve my image."

"The key topics of my twitter are: Bieber's body; fringe right wing politics; MorrisseysWorld/FTM; and.. rem, that's it! Hash tag Importantstuffonly"

One of the main reasons that so, so many people have fallen away from the phenomenal MorrisseysWorld story, is because of Broken. He has either upset people to such an extent that they just don't want anything more to do with MW, or they have left because they don't believe for one minute that Morrissey could possibly have any association with somebody who posts pictures of Justin Bieber on twitter. What those who have left seem to have forgotten, is that Broken is just a pessoa.

Broken was probably thrown into the mix to test and challenge people. Walking away from MW just because you don't like Broken is the equivalent of not watching M*A*S*H on TV because you don't like the character Corporal Klinger.

Highlight's continued:

"If posting bieber's abs makes people fuck off, then good fucking riddance to them."

It is also an interesting to note that so many people are offended by Broken posting semi-naked pictures of JB, and yet nobody was offended by the homo-erotic imagery that Morrissey used on the early Smiths covers. Is it really so strange to think that Morrissey might be interested in semi-naked pictures of men?

Highlight's continued:

In response to me tweeting, "Dear @AlexisPetridis Do hurry up with your review of Morrissey's WorldPeaceIsNoneOfYourBusiness. A nation of cottage cheese lovers awaits.": "Petridis has already written it. He's just left some spaces for the song titles and alternative 'witticisms'. 'The Bullfighter Dies' finds Jesse Tobias and Morrissey rewriting 80s super hit 'Lambada,' only without the tune. His summing up: "This is a good album. The only trouble is, good doesn't cut it when you're that unpleasant."

There is still no sign of a Petridis review of WPINOYB; perhaps he just can't bring himself to write one. Whatever he writes is completely irrelevant anyway. I think Broken is setting his heights high if he thinks that Petridis would ever use the word "good" to describe a Morrissey LP.

Highlight's Continued:

"Is JB trying to look dense and lopsided on his recent selfies OR has he suffered an hypoxic brain injury after am OD? Christ knows."

"Who'd have thought one could devote half a twitter feed to pics of a characterless brat with no good songs?"

SEE! Broken doesn't really like Bieber, he's just a frinkster!


To Tony Visconti: "@Tonuspomus Tony, it's me, Broken. Nice to meet you again. Dom you think you'll ever work with Morrissey again? Do ya blame him for KY thing?" (Ed - TV didn't reply!)

"Moz shirtless is offputting. Men over 35 shouldn't remove their shirts - it only breaks the spell. The more clothes Moz has the better he looks. Biebs on the other hand -"


"OM emailed me to say he's received Menippus input and the parody piece will be with you in due course. It might be farewell. Menippus provided an expansive introduction to the piece rather than free-floating dialogue for his parody self. OM actually wanted him to send segments of isolated dialogue by Menippus addressed to random characters which the story would be built. There's still time for him to submit some random surrealist nuggets."

I am very much looking forward to the new parody piece, but as I never understand a word that Menippus writes, this parody might be beyond me.

That is all from MorrisseysWorld for today, but away from MW, Johnny Marr has given an interview to the NME, and despite him being their 'Godlike Genius 2013', he wasn't impressed with them asking if he had heard Morrissey's new album, replying, "(pause) Did you hear that? That question was the sound of the bar lowering". I feel a little sorry for the NME interviewer, because the people will always want to know what Morrissey & Marr think of each other's music, and if you don't ask, you'll never know. As Morrissey pointed out to me after I wrote my infamous blog entry of Day 898, nobody has ever asked him what he thought of The Messenger. Solow have posted an article about Marr's interview, and one of the people leaving comment is Brummie Boy, who some people believe may be a Morrissey pessoa. As I have written before, I have no idea if BB is a pessoa, and as he isn't a part of MW, I am not about to start ploughing through his offerings on Solow, but his comments on the Marr interview do make quite interesting reading:

Yesterday, Ed Sheeran's 'X' made it to No.1 on the UK album chart, as predicted. Two weeks today, WPINOYB will be released, so hopefully 'X' will have fizzled away by then, and Morrissey will be back at the top.


And now we await that new 'Bans Committee' parody.

Friday, 27 June 2014

Day 1017 - "The older generation have tried, sighed and died which pushes me to their place in the queue"

There is one good thing to have come out of all the people abandoning the BRS; my empty Twitter timeline. I no longer have to trawl through endless drivel to find the relevant tweets regarding MorrisseysWorld, although more often than not, if Morrissey has been on twitter whilst I sleep, the account is usually gone by the morning, and I am left not knowing what was said.

I awoke this morning to find that Our Mozzer had made a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms at around midnight last night. He had Broken with him.

It was a short visit, but here are OM's highlights:

"A late night tour of the prison..."

In response to @sorcha69 tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody the way you described seeing bowie is how i feel when i'm lost and listen to u or fake u either way it soothes": "Time drifts by like pouring Manchester rain in a storm. Then suddenly - a car hits you."

In response to @Broken1andonly tweeting, "@sorcha69 @MorrisseyParody Our Mozzer is our hero. Despite the betrayal of a small number, he remains our idol": "Your affection for that pathetic R n B singer is despicable."

"Justin Bieber's one great achievement was fitting into the zeitgeist without dumbing down. That is not a compliment. Hash tag KnowsNothing"


In response to @Broken1andonly tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody Good evening squire. Your album is mesmerizing!": "My album is getting good reviews in the music press. Which is not a good sign."

The good album reviews that OM was referring to, included those in Rolling Stone, Uncut, Q and Mojo. I particularly enjoyed Victoria Segal's review in Q, although I don't necessarily agree with her when she states that it is a "relief" to see "Morrissey looking beyond the confines of his own skull." As I have previously written, I LOVE Morrissey's songs about himself, but he I do agree with Segal that Moz is an excellent story teller.

Unlike many reviewers, Segal goes into detail regarding the individual songs on the album, and writes:

 "the oppressively romantic Kiss Me A Lot sounds like it was written for somebody else altogether, perhaps a doomed '60's starlet, or maybe a young Gene Pitney. Staircase At The University, brilliantly fusing The Boy With The Thorn In His Side with Reader Meet Author, archly dictates the morbid story of a student forced to conform. Mountjoy's sombre strum explores the Dublin prison where Republican writer Brendan Behan did time and Smiler With Knife has a Gauloises-smoking theatricality.... an erotic surrender that seems close to murder, or self annihilation. Full of jarring raptures and sudden haunting delicacy, it demands greasepaint, a proscenium arch, a stage-front stool for the singer. Meanwhile, Oboe Concerto starts with a sample from '50's "dame comedian" Rex Jameson: "And he spoke with his voice while he talked with his mouth" - a suggestion the following song is not ventriloquism. "The older generation have tried, sighed and died which pushes me to their place in the queue," Morrissey sings, beautifully before the song ends with a husky, almost valedictory mantra: "Round round the rhythm of life goes round." That might be true, but it's hard to think who could take his place in turn. He might not want to be a man or trust humans, but he remains an endlessly fascinating and complex living creature. A pop star, perhaps. The story of his life.****"

Victoria Segal, we salute you.

The fact that Oboe Concerto contains a sample from Rex Jameson, explains the use of the Mrs Shufflewick imagery on the last tour:

I just cannot wait to get my hands on WPINOYB; which hopefully will be next week as the record company have promised that a promo copy is on the way. I would dearly love Our Mozzer to write a 'WPINOYB Review of the Reviewers', just as he did for the reviewers of Autobiography. Perhaps OM is waiting for Alexis Petridis to write his review first; although we all know what Petridis's review will be like before he's even written it. I am even tempted to write the review for Petridis as a parody.... but I just don't have the time at present.


There was no more from Our Mozzer yesterday, but here are the rest of Broken's offerings:

"Mad in Madrid. Lonely in Barcelona. Hooray, Morrissey's tour is cancelled. Nobody cries-hies-hies because we all want Moz to dry. Hash tag tour2014"

"I've heard the new album now - and it's bloody good. In his top 5 solo or smiths. Hash tag shocker Hash tag welldonemoz"

"Who'd have thunk Jesse Tobias could help craft such a lush album?"

"@KristeenYoung Will you ever re-enter MorrisseysWorld? Shall we feature you on a new parody piece? Did you secretly suspect M was behind it?"

In response to me tweeting, "@KristeenYoung Come on KY, spill the beans": "@KristeenYoung KY is an apt name for Kristeen @TheRatsBack. Spends a lot of time up Moz's bum. Always embarrassing to be seen w her in public"

"Haha I just paid her back for her lewd comments about M's sexual prowess!"

"My soul is broken. That's why I'm sad."

"Jimmy Savile is trending on twitter, but it's actually misspelled as Jimmy Saville. Hash tag Irony"

I am quite shocked that Broken made such a lewd comment about KY, but then again, I guess Moz was shocked when Kristeen made such a lewd comment on stage about him.

That is all for today. I was going to mention a website article that has mentioned MorrisseysWorld, but the article, which is written by somebody called Helen Bach (@HelenRockNYC), is SO badly researched that I have sent her off to read FTM from the very beginning. Bach thinks that I am the author of MorrisseysWorld! Why are these journalists so lazy? And WHY are the only things ever written about MorrisseysWorld negative things?

*Goes off singing* Yes, I am blind, no, I can't see the good things, just the bad things...

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Day 1016 - Never Meet Your Heroes

After my blog of yesterday, both Willow and George Edge left comments to say that they will NOT be returning to the BRS. This whole phenomenal MorrisseysWorld story has just been too much for some people, and although both Willow and George Edge do believe that Morrissey is behind MW, they didn't like what they saw. It just goes to show that the old adage is right; "you should never meet your heroes", and in this modern age of social media, the saying no longer applies to just a physical meeting. Willow's parting shot regarding Morrissey was, "I understand that pain, anger & depression make you lash out, but to indulge him & let him carry on - how does this help him? It's not a substitute for therapy." Can anybody really see Morrissey having therapy? Would history want genius's like Morrissey having therapy? Isn't having such a complex mind the thing that makes individuals like Morrissey so interesting?

George Edge parted with the words, "Even if it was Moz, he cannot get away in hurting other people who already hurt from life. I do not hurt people in my real life when I am hurting." If that last sentence is the truth; and I have no reason to doubt that it is, then George is either the most compassionate man in the world, or he hasn't felt real hurt. His actions towards a broken Morrissey last week would suggest the former is not true, which leaves the latter. George is a lucky man.

And on the subject of never meeting your heroes, I wonder if Morrissey ever regrets having gotten so close to his hero, David Bowie. Initially it must have been a wonderful experience for Moz to meet Bowie, and then of course, he went on to not only befriend him, but to tour with him and have one of his songs recorded by him; but did the subsequent fall-out taint it all? In hindsight, would Morrissey have preferred his image of Bowie to be the one from 1972?

And on the subject of Bowie, here is what Our Mozzer had to say about him yesterday evening in The Twitterdilly Arms:

"Imagine how it would have ruined my life had Bowie in 1971 owned a twitter account. It was only the intrigue and inaccessibility that made Bowie fascinating. Reading his mundane thoughts on twitter would end his career."

OM seemed in a somewhat melancholy/dour mood last night, and when he left The Arms, he once again closed his account.

Here are OM's highlights:

"Every day is silent and grey."

"Piers Morgan is a corporate psychopath. He's the kind of guy who has many secrets. It must be difficult for Piers now as an unemployable TV bod, drinking himself into a stupor over 'the old days'."

"At times one wonders why one bothers at all with TWITTER."

"Despite Wildean wit and my share of pretty memo nets, I still have almost no followers who care."

"Genius is often ignored during its lifetime, and ignorance is lauded."

In response to @AIRRAID25's tweet saying, "@MorrisseyParody We may lack in numbers but hopefully we make up for it in spirit": "I receive almost no tweets. Do you remember when we tweeted all day? It is clear to me that this journey is almost over."

At this point, a new visitor to The Twitterdilly Arms called Elouise (@Avirtuousvamp) chipped in with, "Or a new journey begins?", which OM retweeted. I have no idea who Elouise is, or how she(?) found us, but none the less she is here.

In response to @Heathercat222 tweeting, "But some of us do still care and hope the journey isn't over yet": "Is fruitless giving myself to such an unappreciative bunch. You true followers remain, of course, but you're small in number."

"Nobody truly understands. I am entirely alone."

In response to my tweet saying, "@MorrisseyParody Good evening. I really liked your twit piece on tattoos. I have never been close to having one, have you?": "Not since a songwriting night in a Camden pub with Boz and Lyn ended in a fight, all of us armed with blue ball point pens. Lyn created an impressionist tattoo entitled 'Sherry' on Boz's throat. I narrowly avoided an inking. Hash tag LynandSherrydontmix"


In response to @Jazissey asking, "@MorrisseyPaordy how ya feeling?": "Life is for living and death is for avoiding."

At this point in the evening, OM started retweeting a few tweets from @RadioTimes! (Please note, the exclamation mark was added by me, it isn't part of the Radio Times twitter name.) One such retweet was regarding actor Daniel Radcliffe appearing on the South Bank Show, telling Melvyn Bragg that he finds it hard watching himself in early Harry Potter films: "RadioTimes Daniel Radcliffe gets rich being crass in a kids' film; then pretends he resents selling his soul for money over a Nobu lunch."

In response to @RadioTimes tweeting that the programme Splash! was not going to have a third series: "@RadioTimes Broken's favourite program." (Ed - The real Morrissey would NEVER write program!)

In response to a photo posted by @RadioTimes of Camilla Parker-Bowles: "@RadioTimes The woman in the awful cream and beige dress looks like the usherette at my local ODEON."

Embedded image permalink

In response to my tweet saying, "@MorrisseyParody If Kenneth Williams were alive and on twitter, he too would be following and retweeting @RadioTimes. Life is good.": "Broken is somewhere between James Dean, Charles Hawtrey and Oscar Wilde."

In response to @Jazissey tweeting, "One day to watch all the Carry on films": "I used to watch them. I no longer find the motivation."

"Carry On films are suitable only for passing the time on rainy afternoons in northern England."

"Is there a place more loveless and cruel than Manchester?"

"Once you move to the south, you have friends and the sun instead-"

"@CodySimpson You are a very boring young man. You might wide to try fashioning your own personality."

In response to @geniussteals asking, "@MorrisseyParody can you be late to the party?": "Never turn up late to a party when it's much more fashionable not to go at all."

"I don't follow Andy Murray or Eamon Holmes. Why? Because it's essential have some standards, however low."

In response to me asking, "@MorrisseyParody Are you excited for the release of the new LP, or have recent events left you devoid of such an emotion?", OM replied something along the lines that 'Yes', he was excited, but was concerned about the financial side and the critics. I can't give the exact quote, as I forgot to copy it! He followed it up by tweeting, "I would imagine @alexispetridis is likely to give his opinion, wanted or not."

And on the subject of World Peace Is None Of Your Business, Detective GWO dragged me into the filthy toilets of the Twit Arms yesterday, to inform me that whilst I have been preoccupied with all the BRS fallouts, the window of the Universal building in London has been taken over by WPINOYB:

Embedded image permalink

GWO has confirmed that it is NOT the actual bike from La Fabrique studios, and it is also NOT the real Morrissey..... although it would be funny if it transpired that it actually WAS the real Moz!

Before leaving The Arms, Morrissey asked us, "If you could ask me only one question above all others with no topics censored, what would it be? I'll answer the top question." The question he chose to answer came from @AIRRAID25, who asked, "What is your most treasured memory?" It was back to Morrissey's hero for the answer:

"My most treasured memory is seeing David Bowie on stage for the first time. He was superhuman, and I was barely even human. I am lost in him."

And then he was gone.

With OM's threat of blocking all those who follow the fake BRS account of @Nonheilsler; Southkirk, Yuna and GOB have all abandoned it, but LizzyCat, Romina, Willow, Edge, Roberto Dense, Harrison, Mad Alix and Clover Dean remain. I would imagine that Clover Dean is there by mistake, and something got lost in translation, but the others have fallen out of love with MorrisseysWorld, and they need a substitute. They aren't the first, and I very much doubt that they will be the last.... especially if Broken remains on the scene.

And on the subject of Broken, he and I have been propping up the bar of The Arms this afternoon, and we have been chewing the cud. Here are some of Broken's highlights from today:

"@Banjaxer You pretty much define 'loser.' Yet you're a part of MorrisseysWorld and, rumour has it, you'll be in the next piece."

"Boz seems to be almost as integral to MW as Our Mozzer. Mikey's role is underrated. Another key figure without whom it would all lack an edge is Broken. His presence casts a dark shadow, even nastier than OM."

"MW could have been 'the new Dad's Army'."

"@KRISTEENYOUNG supported your stance actually. Why should you be forced to toe the line on 'viral illness' by the narcissist-in-chief? Imagine cancelling an entire tour because you have a bit of a sniffle!"

Broken is right about one thing, he certainly adds an edge.

*Goes off singing*......

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Day 1015 - The Decision is Yours

Our Mozzer is unwell... well he would be, wouldn't he! He sent 'R' to The Twit Arms yesterday with these words:

"@MorrisseyParody is unwell & will be back when he's feeling better. In a telephone review, Broken advised he's suffering from ACOHS syndrome. Broken put this on the sick note and advised it will be a few days at least. @Broken1andonly will be happy to confirm this. Signed 'R'"

Broken did indeed confirm 'R''s words, saying, "I can confirm MorrisseyParody is suffering from ACOHS, Acute C*** or Hypochondriasis Syndrome. Thanks."

OM also sent this message via his secretary, 'R': "MW will block anyone following @Nonheisler in a few days. Therefore any loyal MWers should unfollow - signed 'R'"

Our Mozzer did manage to send one tweet himself yesterday, although it made no sense whatsoever. He tweeted this to Joey Essex fan @SaafOx: "tweeting from my deathbed, I think this says it all-" One can only presume that this ACOHS has caused delirium.

The only other thing to report is that Broken has told @HeatherCat222 that he and OM are currently collaborating on Part II of a Bans & Ejections Committee parody piece. The original Bans & Ejections article is one of my all time favourite MorrisseysWorld pieces, so Part II has a lot to live up to.

Broken has also been notably absent from The Arms. He did manage to post one Bieber picture yesterday, but rather bizarrely, Broken also posted a link to a Guardian article about the Marine Le Pen's 'Front National' party failing to make inroads into sabotaging the EU.  Broken has gone political!

That is it for today. According to Detective GWO, it would appear that the @nonheisler character that OM has referred to is actually somebody called Jack Shet. Jack discovered MorrisseysWorld about a month ago, and immediately took it upon himself to declare that he was my talisman. Some talisman! Without having followed any of the MW story, Jack has now decided that he is going to run Morrissey's Blue Rose Society, completely away from MorrisseysWorld.  So far @Nonheisler has recruited 28 followers, including former MW/BRS members: @LizzyCatMoz, @Cathyplus5, @stracy1675, @YunaraGunarso, @caterita2008, @MozzeriansATW, @edgeindustphoto, @southkirk, @OdysseyNumber5, @Smashingblouse7 and @GirlonBike1102.

The reason that so many people have left MorrisseysWorld and the BRS, is because this whole phenomenal story has been too much for them to take in. It has confused them, and at times hurt them. Funnily enough, most of those who have left, did so after being disgusted by the behaviour of BrokenMorrissey; which is very understandable as he can be a quite despicable person. This despicable person also happens to be Morrissey, or at least a side of Morrissey. You only have to listen to Morrissey's lyrics to realise that part of him is a self loathing wretch of a man, who hates the world, and hates himself. If I had to think of one song that sums up Broken, it is 'Let Me Kiss You'. Morrissey is NOT all sweetness and light, and if anybody ever thought that he was, then they must have a different record recollection to me.

As Broken, Morrissey has the ability to hurt people without giving a damn about their feelings. I'm sure he hates himself for doing it, but cannot help it. The question is, do you accept Morrissey warts and all because he is a one off genius, or do you turn your back on him?

Now that the dust is starting to settle, I dearly hope that the likes of Willow, Edge and Romina decide to stick with MW & his BRS, because they have all been valuable members. I have had much (anonymous) mud slung in my direction for standing by a Broken Morrissey, but I hope that people will see the bigger picture, and continue to follow the MorrisseysWorld story as it unfolds. It is important that people don't let pride get in their way, because if OM blocks them, the story they will be telling their grandchildren will NOT be the story of how they witnessed first hand Morrissey coming to twitter as a parody of himself and the world missing it, but instead, their story will be how they failed to stand by a very hurt Morrissey as his world fell apart around him. They will also have the story of how they interacted with a grammatically inept man called Jack on his mesmerizing blog So-lowingthePariah. As Our Graham (no relation to Our Mozzer) used to say on Blind Date, "the decision is yours".

Get well soon, M.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Day 1014 - "You don't look to Harold Shipman for his end of life care, nor do you look to Morrissey for sentimentality" - Our Mozzer

I have an extremely busy day today, so there is no time for my waffle, I shall get straight down to business. Yesterday afternoon, whilst I was away at cricket, Our Mozzer returned to The Twitterdilly Arms. Here are his highlight's:

"A lot of people are slinging mud at me because one of my dear friends is having a breakdown. It is so sad to witness such unnatural hatred for a brilliant poet and elegant friend."

"Who else says what I say on twitter? Who else churns up your mind? Yet I'm judged because seven people don't like my friend. Ignorance."

"Now subject to critical comments, spite and hatred from those I've entertained for years without recompense. Because they don't like broken!"

"Broken probably was in the wrong. But why should I be vilified due to his actions?"

"Such is life. Do you see it yet? Do you finally understand?"

OM does have a very valid point here. The likes of Willow, Edge, Mad Alix, Roberto Ferdense, Southkirk et al, all seem to have abandoned the BRS and MorrisseysWorld because of the actions of Broken, and yet they are all punishing Parody Moz, even though Parody Moz has stated many, many times that he is not Broken. It is quite bizarre behaviour. The fact that both Parody Moz and Broken are both CHARACTERS, also seems to have completely bypassed people's rationale. If I were to meet Steve Coogan at the opening a Summer Fair in Great Yarmouth; whilst he was in attendance as the character Alan Partridge, would I ask him about his road trip to Italy with Rob Brydon? No, because I would distinguish that he is at the said fair as Partridge, and NOT Coogan. Partridge would look at me as if I were a complete idiot. Parody Moz and Broken are NOT Morrissey, they are characters, and for one character to be punished for the behaviour of another is, as I have said, bizarre.


Highlight's Continued:

In response to @vulgar1mkela tweeting "I love Broken, he is such a joy in MW. Forget those 7, let's just move away from their hate": "Thank you Angela. As ever your words exude compassion and common sense - not that there's anything common about that."

"Will the truth one day be known?"

In response to @RFerdenzi (Roberto Dense) asking, "Are you tweeting from hospital?": "Go away. Thank you."

In response to @southkirk tweeting "Moz is in hospital? What gives? More rumour?": "I'm not in hospital. I can't speak for Morrissey."

Rumours have been rife lately that Morrissey is currently in hospital. The rumours seem to have been started by Sir Cliff Richard, who announced it at his concert last Saturday. As if Sir Cliff would have any idea of Morrissey's whereabouts. The fact that Cliff has a knighthood, and sang Summer Holiday during the rain at Wimbledon, means that he is an instant authority on everything. Sir Cliff is just like a blue twitter tick, although in fairness to the tick, it is far more recognisable in America than Sir Cliff!


It would appear that the likes of Roberto Dense and Southkirk will believe anything they are ever told; just as long as the person doing the telling has a smidgeon of authority. Without the authority, they just won't accept it. People are the same everywhere.

In the meantime, MancLad has posted on FTM to say that Morrissey is NOT in hospital. The only problem is, Manc Lad has neither a knighthood or a blue tick, so nobody will believe him. I believe him, because Manc Lad, just like me, is a t*** aspiring to be a c***, and us aspiring c***'s are sometimes right.

Highlight's Continued:

"There are some people with ludicrous expectations. They're looking to Rat for seriousness, me for reliability, and Broken for compassion."

"You just don't look to Harold Shipman for his end of life care, nor do you look to Morrissey for sentimentality."

"Nor do you look towards Sabine Maltby for decency or EARS when a cruel, calculating decision must be made."

"Believe it or not, we all have innumerable bad points. It's just that some of us have no good points."

In response to @AlexDavidWest tweeting "I'm running out of people I like/can tolerate": "I ran out of people in 1989. Now it's just a case of how quickly the list of those I can tolerate run out of patience with me."

"All the wisdom in the world in a cat. All the love in the world inside a dog. All the inhumanity in the world inside a person."

"Earth is the loneliest planet."

"Love is that thing people do when they give up on their dreams. Love comforts you as you do nothing with your life."

In response to @stillill72 tweeting "@MorrisseyParidy the dairy industry is the meat industry. Go vegan and improve yourself more!": "Sod off. Tea without milk is like life without music." @stillill72 then tweeted "soya milk!" to which OM replied "Soya milk? That's like life with the music of Katy Perry. I'm full fat - rich, creamy and complementary."

"The beauty of words lies in their unexpected diversions through unexpected places: loneliness, urban decay and, of course, depression."

"Did you know? MorrisseysWorld is a thing of genius."

"I urge all those who are still in the BlueRoseSociety or who follow me to show support for Rat by leaving a comment"

Despite Our Mozzer's call for support, my blog entry of yesterday received just ONE message of support, and that came from EARS. The only other people to leave comment under their own names were Sarah Munro, who thanked Our Mozzer for returning, and Manc Lad, who called me a "first class t***!" All the other comments were just anonymous abuse. The band of outsiders is dwindling fast.

Highlight's Continued:

"Chocolate, loneliness and my music taken together will prevent all future wars. Hash tag FutureWhenAllsWell"

In response to @Nigella_Lawson tweeting about chocolate cheesecake: "Stop killing animals and perhaps we'd show more of an interest."

In response to a tweet picture of gay footballer Anton Hysen: "@antonhysenoffic I respect your sexuality and endorse it. But why the tattoo?" Anton Hysen replied, "@MorrisseyParody because I wanted to", to which OM responded, "I understand that you wanted to - why would you get a tattoo if you didn't actually want one. But WHY did you want one? I'm not asking to be rude, vulgar or insincere. I don't understand why the tattoo has become a gay crucifix. Must all gay men have tattoos, and if so - why?" Hysen replied, "I think its sexy to have it on the neck & I've always wanted one... thumb up smiley face." At this point, a tweeter called @pinkinourlives tweeted to OM, "You should take a tattoo if you want one and it's not a gay thing but a personal thing. Live and let live." To this, OM replied, "Utter nonsense. You don't just do things like take tattoos 'because you want one.' Don't glorify irrational . Simply following the prevailing trends is something for the herd. I like to do things for a reason. It's called thinking. It's called living. Only in 2014 could it be constructed as intolerant to ask WHY! Is intelligence really criminal these days? As a humasexual, attracted to adult human beings, am I not allowed to ask WHY the tattoo is so beloved?"


Highlight's Continued:

"Sing your life - many others do, why don't you?

"The Twitterdilly Arms has never been so quiet. I'll have a G&T. Well, it's the only drink we serve."

"@Mancladmozfan Manc Lad knows the meaning of loyalty. Through thick and thin he remains true to MW. The next tour will be known as the Woodhouse Tour."

In response to @BarackObama tweeting, "Parents who work full time should earn enough to pay the bills": "What an aspiration; the reason they don't is because of your federal reserve bailout, your inflation and your Obama care. You are a greying fraud - a pair of teeth with nothing else whatsoever."

"Ignored and rejected by my fans and now even by those fans dedicated to embracing me in the face of such opprobrium. TheBlueRoseSociety." (Ed - And YES, I did have to look up the meaning of opprobrium!)

"This twitter account turns irony into more than an art form: it's a way of life."

In response to @PapaSonsFilm tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody We embrace you in the face of so much irony": "We will turn the corner. BRS is going worldwide." Papa then asked, "Are you going to franchise BRS? As franchisees, will we get our own BRS vans and territory to cover? It's a money maker": "No it will return with tremendous style, accessible to members of good standing only. MW will be a private event."

And just before leaving the Twit Arms, Our Mozzer retweeted a tweet from @FadingGold Leaf which read: "Jelena went to the zoo this weekend. So romantic. I think they must really love animals."

That's all from me for today, but before my comments section once again gets filled with the same old anonymous comments saying that I am either the person behind MorrisseysWorld, or I am only writing FTM to grace favours from Morrissey, I would like to admit to both. I am a fraud, and I am doing this for my own entertainment. I also am clinging to the hope that Morrissey will like what I am doing, and we will become friends. There is now no reason for any anonymous comments. The game is over, I've admitted EVERYTHING. Thank you and goodnight.














Monday, 23 June 2014

Day 1013 - Our Mozzer Returns but "Nothing makes me smile"

Yesterday afternoon, whilst most people were out enjoying a beautiful sunny day, BrokenMorrissey was slumped on the bar of The Twitterdilly Arms. He was all alone in the pub, and had with him a few old photos of Justin Bieber, and a broken heart. Cousin Fluff entered the pub and asked Broken if we could have Our Mozzer back. Broken informed Cousin Fluff that if both Rat and FTM were to return properly, then "maybe".

Upon hearing this news, I put down my 'Special Collector's Edition' copy of the NME, and trotted back down from the hill that I have been hiding on for the past ten days. I immediately reinstated all the old blog pages of FTM, and then entered The Arms as to see if Our Mozzer was about. He wasn't, so I went to bed.


A pleasant surprise greeted me when I awoke this morning, I discovered that at approximately 2am, Our Mozzer (@MorrisseyParody) had returned to The Twitterdilly Arms. HE IS BACK! *Waves palm leaves*.... well one wouldn't want to disappoint!

With a following of just 672, the man that I believe to be Morrissey, is back on twitter.
Here are OM's tweets from the early hours of this morning:

 "The BlueRoseSociety will grow in the coming weeks. Those who betrayed Broken and MW will miss out. BRSnotdead."

"Life teaches one that there are worse things than death."

"Elegance is a passing fantasy."

In response to @edgeindustphoto's tweet saying, "no-one cares anymore. flogging a dead horse. ruining a mans legacy.": "@edgeindustphoto Another leaf falls away."

"Celebrity is a fate worse than life."

As I tucked into my morning Corn Flakes, OM appeared in The Twitterdilly Arms again, and stayed for a couple of hours. Here are the highlight's:

"Alcohol numbs the pain of living until one is so numb that alcohol becomes the pain of living."

"Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it - infamy!"

In response to a tweet by @Fearnecotton about there being a million lonely older people in the UK: "@Fearnecotton Only a million lonely older people? Everybody is lonely these days."

"The savage prey upon weakness and the gentle eliminate it."

In response to @BoyGeorge's tweet saying "We have to make music harder to get hold of. Vinyl?": "@BoyGeorge There's no way to hold back time. So why don't we hold hands and cry?"

In response to a tweet by somebody saying "I'm off to bed. It's been emotional.": "I find that bed is the very worst place one could go when one is emotional."

"As my wit matures, I bore myself with ever more frequency. One day I shall turn into a retired librarian."

"As one ages one borrows ever more humour - from one's younger self, from others - and creates less and less. One becomes a humour vampire."

"In childhood humour is imitated; in adulthood created; in middle age repeated; in old age borrowed; and in senility imitated."


In response to @edgeindustphoto's tweet saying "despicable behaviour": "Don't speak to me that way. Pester someone else - the person you fell out with for example. It's not my fault you're delusional. I am not Broken. Broken is not me."

It still amazes me that so many people treat Broken as though he is a normal, run of the mill guy. The reason that there was a huge fall out last week, was because members of the BRS failed, once again, to realise that Broken is a self loathing wretch, with no feelings for anybody. Broken is a pessoa, but the likes of Edge, Willow, Roberto Ferdenzi, Southkirk, MadAlix14, James Duncan, Jack Shet and a number of others just didn't understand what was going on, and have all now left. Jack Shet was the guy who created the twitter account @TheRatsTalisman.... some bloody talisman!

Embedded image permalink

OM Highlights Continued:

"Those who hate broken have no compassion."

"MWers begin life adoring me, then they stalk me, and finally they block me."

"@TheRatsBack @Broken1and only Rat, do you still love me? Broken, do you? I'm spending followers like an old Hollywood star spending royalties"

I replied to this question by posting "How could we not love you? It's warts and all. Do you have warts?" At this point, Broken (@Broken1andOnly) suddenly appeared and tweeted, "@TheRatsBack @MorrisseyParody I do; he doesn't." Broken also added, "I'm not Our Mozzer, and Our Mozzer isn't Morrissey. And Rat isn't anyone - not even himself."

"@Broken1andonly @TheRatsBack Two of my favourite people; two of my favourite c***s."

Broken chipped in with, "@TheRatsBack You're a t*** aspiring to be a c***."

"The unpleasant people are united in hating Broken. See the BRS Facebook group."

"The trivial people have self-selected to Facebook. There they can stay."

"The fewer the better. The more the less merry."

I have no idea which people OM is referring to, as I don't have Facebook, but I am guessing it is all those I listed above plus a few more who just DO NOT understand what MorrisseysWorld is all about. The problem for a lot of them, is that they haven't followed this whole phenomenal story from the start, so they haven't seen for themselves what has gone on. Because they are unable to get their heads around certain aspects of MW, these people have taken the easy option, and decided to convince themselves that Morrissey can't possibly be involved with MW. They have then decided that I must be the one behind MorrisseysWorld! Why me? Just because I happen to write about it? What possible evidence is there to suggest I could have written any of it?

Highlight's Continued:

In response to me tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody @edgeindustphoto Broken sees himself as a despicable, loathsome person, but instead of showing understanding, people kick him": "@TheRatsback @edgeindustphoto You're unduly perceptive, Rat. Rat, one thing I've learned - there's no point arguing unless one is wrong."

In response to @grimmers (Nick Grimshaw) tweet saying "Rizzle Kicks are coming in to see us today with their new song": "@grimmers When did children rapping over nursery rhymes become marketable?"


"It's a miracle that I haven't run out of wit. Three years in and somehow I'm still finding new ways to demean myself in a public spectacle."

"Happiness is disposable, while sadness disposes of one."

"If Heaven truly exists then it's going to be Hell for me."

In response to @SimonCowell's tweet about a special episode of America's Got Talent: "@SimonCowell America's Got Talent is huge, like most despicable things."

"@JoeyEssex_ The cover of your book is busy, yet utterly blank. Has emptiness ever been so fashionable? Reem"

In response to me tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody God, you're good": "@TheRatsBack You sound like Alan Partridge talking to Dan the kitchen man."

In response to me asking if the NME had been forgiven, "Desperate times.... actually, NO."

In response to @edronmonds tweeting "@MorrisseyPaordy there seems to be a lot of unhappiness in these twitter conversations. I expected better from Moz and his fans": "@edronmonds You expected less unhappiness and bitterness from me? You obviously don't know me very well!"

"I'm so tired of being judged by people who claim to love me."

"People who hate me hate me. People who love me judge me. People who like me no longer listen to me. Morrissey"

"All this wit, all this comedy, all this poetry - and for what?"

In response to my tweet saying "@MorrisseyParody Just a thought, but I presume KY knows of MW. Could she expose it to the world?": "@TheRatsBack Perhaps when the dust settles...?"

"The first rule of stardom is to do nothing. The second rule is break the first rule as often as possible."

"Nothing makes me smile."

In response to @Hollywills (Holly Willoughby) tweet saying "Lots on @itvthismorning including Benefits Dad with 26 kids who wants a bigger council house": "@hollywills Holly has mastered the art of insincerity disguised as sincerity masquerading as insincerity."

In response to @LoughtonLil's tweet saying "@MorrisseyParody I am revived by my chat with BB in Camden on Saturday. Welcome back, I hope life is at least smiling on you if not grinning": "@Loughtonlil If you see Boz again, tell him there's a parody Morrissey missing him."

Our Mozzer signed off with this tweet:"I'm glad to see the Twitterdilly Arms is still alive." OM also retweeted this tweet of mine: "Dear @OfficialAdele Please, please, please DO NOT release this new album of yours on July 14. Just don't!"

Wouldn't it just about be Morrissey's luck for Adele to release her "already completed and ready to release at a moment's notice" album in the same week as World Peace Is None Of Your Business? It won't happen.... it CAN'T happen. Three weeks today, WPINOYB will be released. Four weeks today, it will be Number 1, and the Twitterdilly Arms will have a party.... but perhaps not as large a party as it may have been!

The phenomenal MorrisseysWorld story continues.

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Day 1012 - An Essay On The Beginnings of a New Man by Morrissey

There has been no sign of Broken for a few days, and Our Mozzer hasn't been seen for weeks, so unless one of them appears, this will be my last blog entry, as I really am only here for the MorrisseysWorld phenomenon.

I shall sign off with one of the best pieces to come from the MW blog, An Essay On The Beginnings of a New Man. It was published on Sunday, 21 August 2011, and was signed Morrissey. So the question is, who wrote it? Was it: A) Me, a full three weeks before I discovered MorrisseysWorld, B) Banjaxer, who despite claiming to be a journalist, struggles to put two sentences together, C) Morrissey or D) The Unknown author of MW; who has not only managed to remain unidentified for seven years, but has also managed to get Morrissey to do many, many things, as catalogued here: There is NO E).

Sunday, 21 August 2011
An Essay On The Beginnings of a New Man

The nineteen eighties were passing me by. Snarling androgyny, the dullish glamour of those sickly pale-thin creatures in scarlet lippy and girlish belts juxtaposed with crunching guitars - T Rex, The Dolls and Ziggy Stardust - had faded gracelessly into handfuls of black earth, rock 'n’roll retirement, and tie-wearing early 80s chic respectively. The cheaply-assembled but eagerly-deployed scud missile that was British punk seemed to detonate unexpectedly in mid-air, causing chaos, panic and the odd ill-advised trip to the barber’s, but surprisingly little lasting structural damage. As the ash clouds of punk spilled over and fell, gathering like anti-snowflakes on Manchester’s light-absorbing grey paving stones, bringing down as they fell over weeks and then months our studiedly vague aspirations for a slightly different world, the two-up two-downs remained indignant. They seemed to peer up over the brutal urban wasteland – all ersatz municipal parkland, stubborn decaying semis and that mild, nauseating smog that was the Manchester air - wondering what might come next. What would come next? Nothing at all.

Winter 1982. Manchester seemed glassier than ever, all pale angries, and pale sads, and pale cruelties. The death of punk had informed me of the true power of music – which is that it means absolutely nothing. Aestheticism as pure as any Wildean short story, utterly devoid of a moral; music is about beauty and - Being a Pop Star-? Being a pop star is about being fascinating. If you cannot be fascinating, then be handsome. If you cannot be handsome, may I suggest The X Factor Auditions?

In 1982, intention was all that I had. Wintriness breeds wintriness, as a writer once wrote. When the soul lives in a glum rock box and the air is frostier than any half-remembered June day-excursion to Scarborough, the beauty of the freezing cold is all that one possesses. Sycamore tree leafless and crippled leans, like stag antlers bored into frozen top soil; green frog-eye Wellington boots scurry for grip on un-gritted roads; small bluish hand enshrined in fuliginous fingers, glinting under raw sodium lights; the Arndale centre like some oafish soul-cemetery, sucking in the human spirit like coke through a straw, and twisting it into a walking, breathing, cacophonous death. Snow fell that winter. And I made my plans.

The room was probably not as small as I remember. It had that lived-in smell which is inevitable when one never leaves: this I did my best to disguise with scattered rose petals – roses were an undeserved gift from one to oneself, or otherwise nicked from innumerable tiny-but-prim front gardens on the estate. Of course in winter the gardens were as barren as the singer who filled my ears and tugged at my tear ducts like lovelessness itself: Nico. In the absence of red rose petals or white rose petals, orange peel – always in good supply in our house – would adorn the radiator for days, even when, as was more often than not the case, they were switched off. Me? I stayed in and wrote furiously. The New York Dolls thing; the James Dean thing: they passed effortlessly by and yet without any real sense of destiny. Milky, embattled, frozen prose followed. It drifted imperceptibly from the pen, just like one of the many snowstorms that murky Thatcherite November-December, until it no longer resembled prose at all. The first songs were born entirely by accident. This I have always put down to fate.

As I wrote, I would gaze up at the Marc Bolan poster over my bed, pore over the horribly cream-coloured wood chip and wish it would simply disappear; I would crank up the volume on my plasticky record player; it cost £11.30 from a second hand shop in Moss Side called Andy’s (I still have the receipt). And as the stylus hopped over the worn groove, I would sink into Diana Dors, Johnny Rotten, Ziggy Stardust and The Sparks. The natural ageing process of those scratchy records implored me to listen in a way that no horse-throated geography teacher ever could.

The joy of music is that it allows one to dream, which in turn allows one to find that grain of hope. Hope is not a moral; it is a life-force. A good song is as abstract as a dream or nightmare, tethered to reality by frayed threads, liable to snap at any given moment. The song drags one out of bed, it pushes one back into bed and it fills the short period in between. The song – to the true lover of music – is birth, death, and that other part we bravely call ‘life.’ Most people cannot live. They are immobilized: by the fear of rejection, by the self-loathing they endure, by a slim conviction that they are unable to love another; and more than anything else by a crippling sense of devaluation imposed by this world on all of us, unless we fit the idealized notion of what a human being should – these days, must - be. These poor souls shuffle, mumble and crumble through the years like shadows. I knew very, very early on that I was one of those souls.

Well, what could I do? I could spend my life with the shadows, pretending to live: a man with a life-sentence to serve, which never quite materializes. Or I could transform myself into a symbol and give up entirely on real life, as they call it. The song becomes the living; the singing becomes the life; the haircut becomes the material body – fading over the years but never quite leaving. And I began just then to write about life the way it really is. I began to write songs for those who cannot live – which is almost everybody. At least in England it is. While the rest of the world at least attempts to live life, we English apologise and queue politely. This – girls and boys – is why we’re so good at the old art thing. Art is nothing but a survival instinct for the English.

When one is desperate and cold, the hardest thing to feel is hope; and yet precisely – and only - when one is desperate and cold, hope is utterly life-transforming. To have absolutely nothing except hope was what sustained me through those nights. When you’re young, tears are precious. They seem to contain the very essence of life. As my tears landed on that newish pine desk, slipping into the cracks in the useless veneer, in that bland, desolate box room, the Manchester rain pattered on the windows and the roof tiles. The flowing motion of water, of rain, of tears is something that can be found in those early songs, as real to me as blood itself. And just as essential.

By Christmas 1982 I was a jobless waif in my mid-20s possessed of the frankly ludicrous hope of becoming a singer. In the grimness of day, of course, I had no real prospect of becoming one. My hair was all wrong, my clothes were all wrong, my skin, and - my face? As I set about willing into existence the pop star whose name I did not yet know, I gathered up every mossy pebble of a death-wish, each vocal hook I had ever murmured, fewer than five literary influences, and my eternally shattered faith in love. I would sing-whisper in those days, which I pretended was in honour of my beloved Nico but in truth was probably to avoid being overheard by Mam in the room downstairs. I did not breathe a breath of fresh air for more than two months. The windows rarely opened and the curtains never twitched. I had lost weight; my family members were worried for my wellbeing; over my shoulders hung the clothes of an anorexic teenage girl. And then finally out of that bedroom wobbled, and then stumbled, and then fell a singer called Morrissey without a record deal, without a band and without a decent pair of shoes.


Day 1011 - BRS AGM

The setting is a dimly lit room upstairs in The Twitterdilly Arms. Loughton Lil is sat at the head of a table and is looking at a piece of paper. Also around the table are Rat, HeatherCat, EARS, Broken, Astraea, MancLad, GWO, Romina, Comrade Harps, Fancy, Jon the Con, Poetic Luke, Jazissey, Vulgar Angie, Moz Fiend and two Anons. Fluff is in a corner, sorting through some records. It is present day.

HEATHER: Can we have some lights on, it's awfully dark in here.

LOUGHTON: I'm afraid not, Heather, the lecky's been cut off. With nobody currently drinking in The Twitterdilly Arms, we haven't had any money coming in through the till to pay the bill. I'll light another candle if that helps. (Loughton Lil lights a candle and then addresses the room) Right then, if everybody is ready, let me bring to order the 2014 Annual General Meeting of The Blue Rose Society. You should all have a copy of the Agenda in front of you, so let's start with item 1, 'Apologies for Absence'.

(There is silence)

EARS: What about Our Mozzer? (Everybody looks towards Broken who is looking at pictures of Justin Bieber in a magazine, whilst simultaneously defacing anybody who is in the pictures with JB. Broken has drawn a beard and moustache on Selena Gomez, whilst Lil Wayne now sports a large ring through the septum of his nose, and has the words 'UGLY TWAT' written across his cheek in capital letters.)

BROKEN: (Not looking up, and continuing to deface Lil Wayne) OM told me that he couldn't be bothered; not only with this meeting, but with anything. I know how he feels. I'm not really sure why I've come here, but I've got nothing else to do, so I thought fuck it, why not! Don't mark OM down as an apology, he wouldn't like that.

LOUGHTON: (to Heather) Can you please take notes Heather until we have officially appointed a secretary?

HEATHER: Yes, of course. Broken, can I borrow your pen please?

BROKEN: No, sod off.

ROMINA: He say that to me the other day too. His beehiveur is getting out off hand. Can nobody stop this, he is breaking up the family!

BROKEN: (To Romina) I thought I'd banned you? You're the one who was standing up for that dreadful GOB woman.

ROMINA: I stand up for GOB because you are a bully and you are driving everybody away. You may be a broken person, but that is no excuse for treating people like you treat them. Look how few people are here for our Annual Major Meeting.

RAT: It's general meeting, Romina, not major.

ROMINA: Oh, Rat. You know me, always getting thins mixed up. I knew it was an army officer of some kind. My 'usband's brother was a major in the Italian army, which is why I make this mistake. Please forgive me. (Addressing the whole table) Has anybody got any aspirin? I have a terrible headache, and the only tablet I have is my 'usband's iPad.

(EARS opens her handbag, and then passes Romina two paracetamols, and gives Heather a pen)

ROMINA: Thank you dear EARS. (Romina crunches the paracetamols with her teeth and swallows them without a drink. Everybody winces).

HEATHER: (To Loughton Lil) What shall I write under apologies for absence?

LOUGHTON: Write "none received", but also a note saying "Our Mozzer not in attendance." (Addressing the whole table) I'll move onto Item 2 on the Agenda, 'Election of Officers'. Let's start with Chairman. I have obviously taken on the role temporarily to get this meeting started, but can I please take formal nominations.

GWO: I'd like to propose you Lil. The role suits you.

MANCLAD: Seconded.

RAT: I'd quite like to be Chairman. Can I propose myself?

LOUGHTON: Er, no, not really. Are there any proposals for Rat?

BROKEN: I doubt it, he's a cunt.

ROMINA: There yew go again, always calling the names. It is no wonder that you have no friends.

BROKEN: I don't want any friends.

LOUGHTON: Do we have any other nominations for Chairman? (There is silence) OK, in that case, I am duly elected Chairman, and I shall continue to chair this meeting. (There is a ripple of applause.) May I have nominations for Vice Chairman?

ASTRAEA: I propose Harrison. Such a lovely sweet boy.

RAT: Er, he's joined the other lot.

ASTRAEA: Other lot? What other lot?

MANCLAD: It's a BRS splinter group. They've apparently got a Facebook group, Twitter account and all sorts. They look well organised.

LOUGHTON: How many followers does the Twitter account have?

HEATHER: Twenty so far.

LOUGHTON: That's more than us! Who's in it?

HEATHER: There's Willow, George Edge, Harrison, Roberto Ferdenzi, Southkirk, GOB, Yunara-

LOUGHTON: (Sounding surprised) -We've lost Yunara?

BROKEN: Who the fuck's Yunara?

HEATHER: We've also lost Clover Dean, Nicole, Sorcha, Mad Alix and Inge Kersten to them.

BROKEN: Good riddance to the lot of 'em. It would appear that the tree prunes itself.

HEATHER: Romina is on their list too!

RAT: But Romina is here! (To Romina) What are you doing joining the other BRS, Romina?

ROMINA: Well, I thought I was banned from this BRS, and I still wanted to be in a BRS, so I joined the other BRS so that I am not without a BRS.

LOUGHTON: It's very confusing that the other BRS have called themselves the BRS. How are people going to know what BRS they are in?

EARS: Perhaps we should change our name?

RAT: We can't do that, we're the BRS! They'll have to change their name.

GWO: I very much doubt they'll be up for changing, and anyway, it's quite funny having two BRS's. Perhaps the whole thing will go full circle, and one day the two BRS's will unite.

RAT: Am I in a dream? Am I watching Life of Brian? Will somebody pinch me?

BROKEN: Gladly. I'll give you a good kick in the knackers too, you self-righteous prick.

LOUGHTON: Can we please get back to the Agenda. We still need to elect a Vice Chairman.

BROKEN: Bollocks to a Vice Chairman. Move on.

LOUGHTON: OK, let's move on to the 'Election of President'. The current President; as elected by Our Mozzer, is Kyle, so I'd like to propose that as it was originally the wish of Our Mozzer to have Kyle as President, we formally elect him. Do I have a seconder?

COMRADE HARPS: I'll second Kyle. I think it's great that there is a younger generation of Moz fans coming through.

LOUGHTON: Any other nominations for President? NO? Then Kyle is duly elected President of the BRS.

ROMINA: Is that the official BRS or the unofficial one?

LOUGHTON: Official. We are the official BRS.

RAT: Hmm, I'm not sure Our Mozzer would want us having any sort of official tag, I think we'd better be the Unofficial BRS.

ROMINA: But surely the other group that I have joined are the unofficial ones? I am very confused.

RAT: We have another problem too.

LOUGHTON: What problem, Rat?

RAT: Kyle's dad resigned from the BRS two days ago, so does that mean Kyle has gone too?

JAZISSEY: IS there anybody left?

FANCY: I'm still here.

MOZ FIEND: And me.

JON THE CON: Me too.


VULGAR ANGIE: And me, I'm still here. Am I still the Vice President?

LOUGHTON: Funnily enough that's up next. As Kyle has officially been elected as President, he retains his position; whether his father remains in the BRS or not, so let's move on to the 'Election of Vice President'. I would like to propose Vulgar Angie.

RAT: Seconded.

LOUGHTON: Any other nominations? (There is silence). OK, Vulgar Angie is duly elected as Vice president of the BRS.

ROMINA: But wheech BRS?

LOUGHTON: Well, this one of course.

ROMINA: I am still confused.

BROKEN: This is all bollocks. I've had enough of this. If Our Mozzer doesn't return, this whole thing is over, so I don't know why you are bothering with all these officer elections. (Broken picks up his magazine, takes one last lingering look at Biebs, rolls the magazine up, and then leaves.)

ANON 1: The 'Our Mozzer' character is Rat; everybody knows that. This whole thing is just a scam made up by him to trick Morrissey fans.

ANON 2: No, no, no, you are wrong my anonymous friend. Our Mozzer really is Moz, and Rat will do anything to get his attention and show him that he is his number one fan. He would sell his children just for a pat on the head from Moz.

ANON 1: No, you are the wrong one, and I am NOT your friend. The whole MorrisseysWorld bollocks has been made up by Rat. He is Our Mozzer, Broken, Fifi, plus a load of other characters, some of whom are sat around this table.

ANON 2: Look, I don't want to fall out with you, we anons have much in common, but you are obviously fairly new around here. I can absolutely assure you that Rat isn't the person behind MorrisseysWorld, that really, really is Morrissey, but as I said, Rat would do anything, and I do mean anything if he thought it would make him Morrissey's friend.

ANON 1: I don't care how long you've been around, if you really believe that Morrissey is involved in all this, you are as deluded as the rest of them. Can you please change your name, as I don't want anything to do with you.

ROMINA: And now the Anons are splitting into two separate groups, I just cannot keep up.

LOUGHTON: I think I'd better bring this meeting to a close. The date of the next BRS AGM is set for June 21 2015; if there is still a BRS, and if we aren't closed down. Before we finish, is there any other business?

FLUFF: Yes, please don't forget the Twitterdilly Arms Chart countdown on Tuesday at 12.45. Should be a good 'un. Not 'arf.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Day 1010 - 'Armless in The Arms

It has now been one week since Morrissey lumped me in with the "false friends" and dumped me. Rather than lash out and write things that I might later regret, I closed my blog and twitter accounts, and took myself up into the hills to lick my wounds and reflect. After three days, I was able to see that Morrissey was deeply, deeply hurting from all the latest crap in his life, i.e. the cancellation of his tour, the fallout with longtime friends Kristeen Young and Tony Visconti, and the poor promotion of his latest records by Harvest. I reopened my blog to offer support. My twitter account remains closed but Cousin Fluff remains in The Twitterdilly Arms looking out for Morrissey pessoa's so that I can report events in MorrisseysWorld.

The Twit Arms is currently rather empty since Broken had a clear out of the BRS members, although Broken himself pops in from time to time, usually with Astraea.

All the cleared out BRS members took to posting dozens of anonymous posts on FTM yesterday, attacking myself, Broken, Heather, EARS, Jazissey and others. They have taken NO time to reflect and think about how Morrissey must be feeling, and how broken he is; all they are interested in is themselves. They have even formed a breakaway group, which they have rather imaginatively called.... The Blue Rose Society. This gets more like Life of Brian every day (everyday?), but at least the Judean People's Front had the good grace not to call themselves the People's Front of Judea!

I deleted all of the anonymous messages from yesterday, as they were all totally irrelevant, but I awoke to find even more, which I couldn't even be bothered to read, let alone delete. One particular troll kept posting a link to, so I have added it today today to save them the effort.

Before I report on Broken's tweets from yesterday, here is a little bit of other news:

There have been three new TTY statements:

18 June 2014
Istanbul by Morrissey is #1 this week on college radio in Germany.

The above statement would appear to be a dig at Harvest, or it could of course just be a little self deprecation. If it is a dig at Harvest, the digs were started not by Morrissey, but by Our Mozzer three weeks ago, as reported here:


Boz Boorer statement

19 June 2014
I have just returned from 5 days in the mountains of Portugal where I am cut off from the internet. It appears I have missed an awful lot. Search as I have I can only find snippets of Tony Visconti's postings and I am very shocked and disappointed at what I have read and can only wonder why he immediately withdrew the postings with no explanation. Kristeen has been a constant companion on the road for so long and I am also bewildered by her actions also immediately withdrawn from view. I hate to throw wood on an already blazing fire but I am afraid I cannot sit back and watch this slander.
Boz Boorer


19 June 2014
Music Week
Morrissey Week Cover
The British music industry media magazine Music Week has, for this week, been rebranded Morrissey Week.

MOJO magazine are also asking if WPINOYB is Morrissey's best album in 20 years:

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And now for Broken's highlights:

"Now blundering Boz wades in to defend 'His Mozness' from the existential threat of Young/Visconti."

"Moz wheels out two of the least articulate musicians he's ever had to defend his honour and impugn the integrity of his latest foe."

"How sad that Morrissey feels the need to bully his subordinates into this kind of nonsense. One can imagine the email from his PA... "Write an email telling your side of the story please and email Julia." By your side, of course it means Morrissey's side."

"Freedom of speech was abolished in the MorrisseyBand the day Spencer left."

Astraea was by Broken's side admiring Biebs, but also took time to post some songs:

That is all for today. I continue to mourn the events of recent weeks, and offer support to the BrokenMorrissey. I remain up in the hills and will only reopen my twitter account if Our Mozzer returns. The one good thing going on in the world of Morrissey is the music. I have been listening to The Bullfighter Dies on repeat, and it is definitely my favourite track from the album. The accordion gives it a real continental feel. The recorded version seems slower than the live version, but it is still a rip roaring 2 minute pop song. The new LP is now just 25 days away. Exciting and good times lay ahead.

Right then, back up to those hills, although today's hills are actually two cricket matches, at these venues:

The anons will no doubt leave another load of abuse today, but I won't see it, and it means nothing. They will tire soon..... or reflect. Morrissey is broken, and needs support.

*Goes off singing* I don't like cricket, oh no.....

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Day 1009 - "It's not QUITE over"

I signed off my blog yesterday with these words:

"It has now been thirteen days since Morrissey's fallout with Kristeen Young, and there is still no sign that Morrissey is anything but broken. Hopefully BRS members will put aside their own feelings, and show support for BrokenMorrissey, but what I expect will happen, is that the comments section of this blog entry will fill with those saying "Broken said this, and Broken said that, and Broken's not very nice." Human nature."

I was of course right, but not only was the comments section filled with hatred aimed at a Broken Morrissey, it was also filled with a load of abuse for me, and the same old accusations that I am Broken, which therefore means that not only have I spent the last three years writing about myself, but it also means that for the whole of yesterday evening, when a Broken Morrissey was once again in The Twitterdilly Arms, I must have been posting all the tweets whilst I stood umpiring a cricket match.... in an area with no phone signal.

Anyway, before I report on the events of last night, here is a resume of the (phenomenal) story so far:

A blog and Twitter account called MorrisseysWorld were created by two characters known as Our Mozzer and BrokenMorrissey; both of whom I believe to be pessoa's of the former lead singer of the 80s pop group the Smiths, Morrissey. From MW came the Blue Rose Society (BRS), a society created by Our Mozzer for those fans of his who were interested in irony, comedy, mystery and Morrissey. Our Mozzer is currently away in the hills licking his wounds following yet another load of shit in the life of Morrissey. Currently propping up the bar of The Twitterdilly Arms; a make belief online drinking house run by the BRS, is the pessoa BrokenMorrissey (@Broken1andonly). Broken is, as he describes in his own words, "a fat c*nt with no life", who is also "a pointless phobic gay virgin in his late 30s", and "a human being in deep, deep shit"... and they are his good points. BrokenMorrissey is full of self hatred, loathing, and is in desperate need of being loved, especially in light of recent events in the life of Morrissey. Instead of receiving love and understanding, the Broken Morrissey is currently being prodded with a stick by a number of the regulars of The Twitterdilly Arms.

Here are Broken's comments from my blog entry of yesterday:

In response to this comment left by George Edge:
"for me the blue rose society was about acceptance,
love and friendship. it was not about hate. I don't care
*who* THAT person is/was and of their importance
to this whole *journey* ... I will not allow Willow to be
treated in such a vile manner ... and if you make excuses
for their behaviour then you are just as despicable as
they are. if this is what the Blue Rose Society represents,
then I no longer want to be a part of it. GOODBYE."

"Thank goodness that trivial diva has gone. I know he's probably a lovely guy, and he's been so much a part of BRS, but the triviality of his posts and the petty two-facedness irked me somewhat. Sometimes the dead wood doesn't need cutting away; it simply falls."

In response to this comment left by Father Brian:
"The Soil is falling.....
Morrissey Swords is Louder than Bombs.
Maybe in the next World?
Very sad that this entire great thing collapsed so quickly. Maybe something greater will come?

"It's not QUITE over."

In response to this comment left by Willow:
"Thank you George. That means a lot to me. I'm not sure what I did to provoke Broken's attack yesterday, but I was genuinely extremely upset at the things he said about me. I don't care how much pain he is in, I'm not his whipping boy. If that makes me selfish & self-centred, then I am. It also mean I have self-respect, & won't be treated like shit by anyone for whatever reason."

"Are you sure you're not chuck? You demonstrate all the same traits. You're also very good at playing the victim.
Feel free to leave - there's the door."

"I have it from OM that if you ban the following, MW may return - as a members only club.
George (edge)
... and let there be peace"

And here are Broken's Twitter offering's from yesterday:

"I notice the pathetic individual called GOB is using the opportunity once again to claim she WASN'T int he wrong... so if you follow her, unfollow me, and never post on FTM again."

In response to @caterita2008 posting: "@Broken1and only GOB is a nice person and if you dont like her dont look at her": "Ban @caterita2008 from FTM. It's up to rat what he does. If he bans her, fine. if he doesn't, MW will never return."

"If there are only three MWers left after today, no matter. We will start again and open the blog only for those on the approved list."

"OM has signalled his intention to return, but his refusal to be part of such an unpleasant and compromised community."

So there we have it, the lack of compassion all round has led to another round of bannings from the BRS, although Romina (@caterita2008) is not on the above list, so I wait for clarification from the Broken Morrissey as to whether she is banned or not. I also wait for clarification of the length if the bans. Perhaps we might even get a BRS Bans Committee parody piece!

Yesterday I allowed the trolls to leave a load of anonymous abuse, today I won't. Today is the rebirth of the BRS. This society belongs to Morrissey, whether that be a happy Morrissey or a broken one, and if you don't show support when he needs support, then this is NOT the place for you. I shall sign off for today with an anonymous posting from yesterday that I actually quite liked. I have no idea if it is an original piece, perhaps the anon who wrote it could let me know:

Trouble is a poor substitute for great art.
Self harm alleviates pain in the heart.
Your best days are behind you,
Your worst are a waking fear.
The slow descent to darkness,
Soothed in the sewer with Rats.
A smile breaks across your ageing face,
Like the opening of an old wound.

*Goes back up the hill singing* It wasn't me either, I'm just his mate, he told me to stand here and watch the gate.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Day 1008 - BrokenMorrissey

Yesterday morning, I decided to put my blog to bed, and head back into the hills to continue licking my wounds. I was so convinced that the MorrisseysWorld story had come to an end that I took down all of my blog entries, and posted this message on my now empty blog:

"In September 2011, I stumbled upon a blog called MorrisseysWorld. As unlikely as it seemed, it appeared to me that Morrissey himself might be the person behind the blog, so I started blogging my findings. What happened over the next 33 months was phenomenal, including the formation of Morrissey's Blue Rose Society. In June 2014 MorrisseysWorld ended. The BRS lives on."

Yesterday afternoon, whilst I was away in the hills (actually I was on a cricket pitch, but you get the idea), BrokenMorrissey (@Broken1andonly) strolled back into The Twitterdilly Arms. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, but it would appear that Broken lit a few touch papers, told a few home truths, and once again he managed to get under people's skin to such an extent that some of the BRS members were apparently in tears. When will they ever learn? If you go near a wounded animal, expect to be bitten.

I'm not sure how many times I have to spell it out to the BRS members, but BrokenMorrissey is literally just that, a Morrissey who is broken, and why wouldn't he be? Let's look at the facts, Morrissey has just had to abandon yet another tour due to poor health, he has fallen out with longtime friends Kristeen Young & Tony Visconti, he is witnessing yet another record company failing to promote him properly.... need I go on? Morrissey is hurting. He HAS to be hurting, and I would guess that he is currently in self destruct mode. I took a kicking from him last Friday, and it is now the turn of other members of the BRS to get their kicking, although if they left him alone to wallow in his own self pity and look at Bieber pictures, then they would be ok.

If people seriously think that Morrissey is going to stroll into the Twit Arms and be the life and soul of the party with all the shit that is currently going on in his life, then they really don't know about life. From what I have seen of yesterday's session in The Twit Arms, there are a lot of selfish self centred people in the BRS, and they only seem to care about their own feelings, and not the feelings of the one person that they are here for. The best thing these people can do, is head to the hills, lick their wounds, scratch in the dirt, and then see the bigger picture; it worked for me.

Here are some of Broken's highlights from yesterday:

"This is not the BRS anymore. There are few of us left now. It meant something more than a silly clique of trivial people. We didn't need another twitter clique. This was so much more - a group of like-minded ironists on the prowl."

"BRS is dead. It means nothing now. No more signs, no more dreams. BRS turned into a wing of So-Low. I blame Fifi, willow, GOB and Lizzy."

"As much as some of you dislike me, and Justin Bieber, I was half of MorrisseysWorld, so I don't think one can blame me."

"Art is beautiful. Artists are often ugly."

"Sometimes even bloggers can be ugly - especially bloggers!"

"Ultimately I don't pretend to like dreary types. If you're dreary, I don't want to know."

"...Sorry if that offends your bourgeois sensibility."

"Writing is just a hobby for me. I'm a professional by trade."

"I've already had 3 books of poetry published, despite the running joke on the blog. I'm writing my second novel now."

This is probably a good point to once again remind people that Broken is a pessoa, i.e., he is a character with his own identity. Broken isn't a real person that you could meet in the street, but he is a real person on the internet, with his own personality. For those who don't know, Broken is a doctor by profession, and also takes great pleasure in telling people that he is a meat eater. He also has a penchant for good looking footballers and, er, Justin Bieber.

"Fifi is not, will not be, was never anything to do with MW."

"This world is big enough for all of us, but my world isn't even big enough for those I care about and find interesting."

"If we can trim away the dead wood, who knows? Perhaps BRS can return."

"I've unfollowed a number of vacuous people today - from Willow to the utterly trivial George. Any more vacuous followers, just insult me please - I promise I'll block you."

"I believe Justin will one day play Morrissey in a biopic."

"The meat is smelling good. The proteins have broken down; there's a crispy sweet coating. Now I'm slowly cooking in a low oven. Brown and tasty on the outside, bloody and tender in the middle. Perfect steak."

"@Jazissey Those who liked Essay on the Beginnings of a New Man, largely written by me, probably find it difficult to hate me. BRS."

"@Heathercat222 Sometimes nothing means anything if we're too nice to everybody. At least you know when I say something nice I mean it."

"@kie123star @RFerdenzi Why should you be surprised to meet prats no twitter who like Moz? Twitter's full of prats and Moz is prince of prats."

From @RFerdenzi: "@Broken1andonly Why don't you FUCK OFF! You're the biggest prat on here, by far. Go fuck yourself with a Beiber (sic) doll!" (Retweeted by George aka @Edgeindust)

At this stage, Astraea (@fadinggoldLeaf) joined her friend Broken in The Arms.

"@FadingGoldLeaf The idiots are out in force today. George is only retweeting insults, his usual pathetic passive-aggressive style."

"@FadingGoldLeaf Have you met @scooterbraun ? He made Justin Bieber famous."

From @FadingGoldLeaf: "@Broken1andonly Scooter should be just as famous as MY BABY is!"

"@FadingGoldLeaf OK you're sounding like Kate Ryan now!"

(Ed - It's been a while since we've heard Kate Ryan's name mentioned in these parts!)

I should mention that Astraea once again played the role yesterday of a Bieber lover yesterday, but did manage to post some songs too, and her song choices would suggest that she too is currently 'broken'.... well, she would be wouldn't she! Here are the songs:

My cousin Fluff (@UpthePier) arrived in The Arms late yesterday afternoon, after most of the bombs had gone off.

From @UpthePier: "Cousin Rat was going to close FTM, but whilst @Broken1andonly is in The Arms, the MW story continues. Rat is chewing fruit gums up his hill."

"@UpthePier I might ask OM to return. But only if the dead wood is cut away."

"@southkirk Intelligence is most unwelcome on twitter - just as twitter is most unwelcome in MENSA meetings."

"@southkirk You're interesting and unique. And you don't give a **** what people think. That's why OM and I adore you."

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"@southkirk I wrote  a parody piece in which you assumed a major part. The new series was best yet, but didn't get published when OM shut MW. Southkirk assumed the role of M's favourite online twitter fawner in the last series. M kept quoting you back-stage and over tea." (Ed - this tweet made me piss myself. Sorry!) (Ps. I would LOVE to read that parody piece.... even though I don't believe for one minute that such piece exists.) (Carry on.)

"I'm part of an elite on twitter - men who have Bieber pics on their profile."

"Each of the new songs has no detectable melody. So Moz's wonderful voice and his band's *ahem* best efforts can't quite disguise the fact."

"Mental in Valencia... is Morrissey running out of things to say?"

"Still, I hated the first two singles from YOR and it turned out to be a magnificent record. THPGU was ok but a bit Moz-by-numbers and AYNIM was laughable. But the record was wonderful... except for those last two songs."

"Istanbul sounds like Chris Rea covering Meatloaf. 'Bullfighter' sounds like Moz covering Lambada. World Peace sounds like Gene."

Broken has now disappeared once again, no doubt back up his hill to lick his wounds. It has now been thirteen days since Morrissey's fallout with Kristeen Young, and there is still no sign that Morrissey is anything but broken. Hopefully BRS members will put aside their own feelings, and show support for BrokenMorrissey, but what I expect will happen, is that the comments section of this blog entry will fill with those saying "Broken said this, and Broken said that, and Broken's not very nice." Human nature.

I shall sign off today with an MW archive piece, "Why I Created MorrisseysWorld by 'Broken', but first, here is the send off that GOB (@GirlOnBike1102) gave to a BrokenMorrissey as he headed out of The Twitterdilly Arms last night: "I just hope that some of the people who jumped on Broken's bandwagon of calling me homophobic, have realised that he is a manipulative c**t!" Touching words for a broken man.

*Heads back up the hill singing* Don't rake up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are, and what do you do? Well you just sit there....

FRIDAY, 26 JULY 2013

Why I Created MorrisseysWorld by 'Broken'

I don't know why I created MorrisseysWorld Blog really. Maybe it's because I'm a fat c*nt with no life, so I thought it would be fun to make fun of Morrissey's life. Maybe it's because I'm a pointless and social phobic gay virgin in his mid-late 30s. Maybe it's because I'm f***ing bored and KFC lost that edge it once had.

I'm certainly a human being in deep, deep shit. I made that pathetic ringleader blog too, and tried to pass it off as an interview with Morrissey. Tseng didn't fall for it. Why, oh why, did I send it from all the same old internet cafes in the student area of London, instead of leaving to others to post?

God knows why Morrissey made all those pledges come true. I didn't expect him to take his shirt off at the Palladium... didn't expect white rose, or red rose, or blue rose, or the blue rose ring, or the owl eye sign, or the V-signs, or the tour announcements tallying with mine, or the white rose on linder's article, or... well... f***ing hey, you don't actually think those were anything more than coincidence, do you?

Look, it's coincidence, you moron. Peter Skinny'll tell you, if you ask him and he hasn't already blocked you.

Fifteen or twenty coincidences out of the thirty or forty things the blogger implied might happen... cold reading,... big deal. F***.

Same thing happens at solo, I mean look when they predicted Morrissey would ban david steng and, well, wear those f*** solo t-shirts, and they predicted the roses too, and the tour dates and morrisseysmum, now there's a f***ing clairyoyant.

Anyway, bollocks to this. I'm sick of it.

Surely my life amounts to more than this steam of homoerotic poo?

TRB, go on, post one more of your obsequious blog articles, mae me feel like a man!! Go on!!

God, I love the attention, I love it.

Shame I'm in a bedsit with a hairy back and bunions.

B*****d Morrissey with all that money, fame, acclaim, and here I am... f*cked.. not literally.

Anyway, the blog's over, it's finished. What's the point?

Uncle skinny exposed me long ago.

Yours apologetically 


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