Total Pageviews

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Day 1011 - BRS AGM

The setting is a dimly lit room upstairs in The Twitterdilly Arms. Loughton Lil is sat at the head of a table and is looking at a piece of paper. Also around the table are Rat, HeatherCat, EARS, Broken, Astraea, MancLad, GWO, Romina, Comrade Harps, Fancy, Jon the Con, Poetic Luke, Jazissey, Vulgar Angie, Moz Fiend and two Anons. Fluff is in a corner, sorting through some records. It is present day.

HEATHER: Can we have some lights on, it's awfully dark in here.

LOUGHTON: I'm afraid not, Heather, the lecky's been cut off. With nobody currently drinking in The Twitterdilly Arms, we haven't had any money coming in through the till to pay the bill. I'll light another candle if that helps. (Loughton Lil lights a candle and then addresses the room) Right then, if everybody is ready, let me bring to order the 2014 Annual General Meeting of The Blue Rose Society. You should all have a copy of the Agenda in front of you, so let's start with item 1, 'Apologies for Absence'.

(There is silence)

EARS: What about Our Mozzer? (Everybody looks towards Broken who is looking at pictures of Justin Bieber in a magazine, whilst simultaneously defacing anybody who is in the pictures with JB. Broken has drawn a beard and moustache on Selena Gomez, whilst Lil Wayne now sports a large ring through the septum of his nose, and has the words 'UGLY TWAT' written across his cheek in capital letters.)

BROKEN: (Not looking up, and continuing to deface Lil Wayne) OM told me that he couldn't be bothered; not only with this meeting, but with anything. I know how he feels. I'm not really sure why I've come here, but I've got nothing else to do, so I thought fuck it, why not! Don't mark OM down as an apology, he wouldn't like that.

LOUGHTON: (to Heather) Can you please take notes Heather until we have officially appointed a secretary?

HEATHER: Yes, of course. Broken, can I borrow your pen please?

BROKEN: No, sod off.

ROMINA: He say that to me the other day too. His beehiveur is getting out off hand. Can nobody stop this, he is breaking up the family!

BROKEN: (To Romina) I thought I'd banned you? You're the one who was standing up for that dreadful GOB woman.

ROMINA: I stand up for GOB because you are a bully and you are driving everybody away. You may be a broken person, but that is no excuse for treating people like you treat them. Look how few people are here for our Annual Major Meeting.

RAT: It's general meeting, Romina, not major.

ROMINA: Oh, Rat. You know me, always getting thins mixed up. I knew it was an army officer of some kind. My 'usband's brother was a major in the Italian army, which is why I make this mistake. Please forgive me. (Addressing the whole table) Has anybody got any aspirin? I have a terrible headache, and the only tablet I have is my 'usband's iPad.

(EARS opens her handbag, and then passes Romina two paracetamols, and gives Heather a pen)

ROMINA: Thank you dear EARS. (Romina crunches the paracetamols with her teeth and swallows them without a drink. Everybody winces).

HEATHER: (To Loughton Lil) What shall I write under apologies for absence?

LOUGHTON: Write "none received", but also a note saying "Our Mozzer not in attendance." (Addressing the whole table) I'll move onto Item 2 on the Agenda, 'Election of Officers'. Let's start with Chairman. I have obviously taken on the role temporarily to get this meeting started, but can I please take formal nominations.

GWO: I'd like to propose you Lil. The role suits you.

MANCLAD: Seconded.

RAT: I'd quite like to be Chairman. Can I propose myself?

LOUGHTON: Er, no, not really. Are there any proposals for Rat?

BROKEN: I doubt it, he's a cunt.

ROMINA: There yew go again, always calling the names. It is no wonder that you have no friends.

BROKEN: I don't want any friends.

LOUGHTON: Do we have any other nominations for Chairman? (There is silence) OK, in that case, I am duly elected Chairman, and I shall continue to chair this meeting. (There is a ripple of applause.) May I have nominations for Vice Chairman?

ASTRAEA: I propose Harrison. Such a lovely sweet boy.

RAT: Er, he's joined the other lot.

ASTRAEA: Other lot? What other lot?

MANCLAD: It's a BRS splinter group. They've apparently got a Facebook group, Twitter account and all sorts. They look well organised.

LOUGHTON: How many followers does the Twitter account have?

HEATHER: Twenty so far.

LOUGHTON: That's more than us! Who's in it?

HEATHER: There's Willow, George Edge, Harrison, Roberto Ferdenzi, Southkirk, GOB, Yunara-

LOUGHTON: (Sounding surprised) -We've lost Yunara?

BROKEN: Who the fuck's Yunara?

HEATHER: We've also lost Clover Dean, Nicole, Sorcha, Mad Alix and Inge Kersten to them.

BROKEN: Good riddance to the lot of 'em. It would appear that the tree prunes itself.

HEATHER: Romina is on their list too!

RAT: But Romina is here! (To Romina) What are you doing joining the other BRS, Romina?

ROMINA: Well, I thought I was banned from this BRS, and I still wanted to be in a BRS, so I joined the other BRS so that I am not without a BRS.

LOUGHTON: It's very confusing that the other BRS have called themselves the BRS. How are people going to know what BRS they are in?

EARS: Perhaps we should change our name?

RAT: We can't do that, we're the BRS! They'll have to change their name.

GWO: I very much doubt they'll be up for changing, and anyway, it's quite funny having two BRS's. Perhaps the whole thing will go full circle, and one day the two BRS's will unite.

RAT: Am I in a dream? Am I watching Life of Brian? Will somebody pinch me?

BROKEN: Gladly. I'll give you a good kick in the knackers too, you self-righteous prick.

LOUGHTON: Can we please get back to the Agenda. We still need to elect a Vice Chairman.

BROKEN: Bollocks to a Vice Chairman. Move on.

LOUGHTON: OK, let's move on to the 'Election of President'. The current President; as elected by Our Mozzer, is Kyle, so I'd like to propose that as it was originally the wish of Our Mozzer to have Kyle as President, we formally elect him. Do I have a seconder?

COMRADE HARPS: I'll second Kyle. I think it's great that there is a younger generation of Moz fans coming through.

LOUGHTON: Any other nominations for President? NO? Then Kyle is duly elected President of the BRS.

ROMINA: Is that the official BRS or the unofficial one?

LOUGHTON: Official. We are the official BRS.

RAT: Hmm, I'm not sure Our Mozzer would want us having any sort of official tag, I think we'd better be the Unofficial BRS.

ROMINA: But surely the other group that I have joined are the unofficial ones? I am very confused.

RAT: We have another problem too.

LOUGHTON: What problem, Rat?

RAT: Kyle's dad resigned from the BRS two days ago, so does that mean Kyle has gone too?

JAZISSEY: IS there anybody left?

FANCY: I'm still here.

MOZ FIEND: And me.

JON THE CON: Me too.

POETIC LUKE: Yep.

VULGAR ANGIE: And me, I'm still here. Am I still the Vice President?

LOUGHTON: Funnily enough that's up next. As Kyle has officially been elected as President, he retains his position; whether his father remains in the BRS or not, so let's move on to the 'Election of Vice President'. I would like to propose Vulgar Angie.

RAT: Seconded.

LOUGHTON: Any other nominations? (There is silence). OK, Vulgar Angie is duly elected as Vice president of the BRS.

ROMINA: But wheech BRS?

LOUGHTON: Well, this one of course.

ROMINA: I am still confused.

BROKEN: This is all bollocks. I've had enough of this. If Our Mozzer doesn't return, this whole thing is over, so I don't know why you are bothering with all these officer elections. (Broken picks up his magazine, takes one last lingering look at Biebs, rolls the magazine up, and then leaves.)

ANON 1: The 'Our Mozzer' character is Rat; everybody knows that. This whole thing is just a scam made up by him to trick Morrissey fans.

ANON 2: No, no, no, you are wrong my anonymous friend. Our Mozzer really is Moz, and Rat will do anything to get his attention and show him that he is his number one fan. He would sell his children just for a pat on the head from Moz.

ANON 1: No, you are the wrong one, and I am NOT your friend. The whole MorrisseysWorld bollocks has been made up by Rat. He is Our Mozzer, Broken, Fifi, plus a load of other characters, some of whom are sat around this table.

ANON 2: Look, I don't want to fall out with you, we anons have much in common, but you are obviously fairly new around here. I can absolutely assure you that Rat isn't the person behind MorrisseysWorld, that really, really is Morrissey, but as I said, Rat would do anything, and I do mean anything if he thought it would make him Morrissey's friend.

ANON 1: I don't care how long you've been around, if you really believe that Morrissey is involved in all this, you are as deluded as the rest of them. Can you please change your name, as I don't want anything to do with you.

ROMINA: And now the Anons are splitting into two separate groups, I just cannot keep up.

LOUGHTON: I think I'd better bring this meeting to a close. The date of the next BRS AGM is set for June 21 2015; if there is still a BRS, and if we aren't closed down. Before we finish, is there any other business?

FLUFF: Yes, please don't forget the Twitterdilly Arms Chart countdown on Tuesday at 12.45. Should be a good 'un. Not 'arf.


49 comments:

  1. Oh this was unexpected.
    Thank you Rats for brightening my day!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good one Rat its always useful to take stock of who's still around even if there are few let's just say we are now as intimate as ever lol
    I do think Lil Wayne has got "ugly C***" tattooed on his face however it may be written in Sanskrit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Is that true Jaz? If it's not true, it's definitely why I love you. But if it's not true he should think about making that dream happen, and get it done! So far he definitely has "I am a pimp" tattooed on face.

      But 'ugly c***' tattooed in Sansskrit on his forehead is exactly the kind of inspiration that has been missing in his life until now.

      Delete
    2. Another fraud.

      Anon

      Delete
    3. Give it up, Astraea. We know you aren't anyone important.

      Delete
    4. The anons in here are like sour grapes (face squishingly hard to swallow)

      Without them though we cannot have wine, so let us suffer their bitter poison for it has no effect on myself or Astraea
      Or anyone else left here
      JJaz

      Delete
  3. Hah! That really is quite funny having two BRS’s. Definitely think we should be the unofficial BRS. That way we can let the other group take all the crap for the Blue Rose Society malarkey that has gone on for the last few years. See how they like being ridiculed by Solow and loathed by the MozArmy.
    I don’t do Faceache, but what is this Twitter account? And what are the all sorts that Manc knows about?

    ReplyDelete
  4. The BRS lives on with more members than one assumed. Impressive. More fun and games in the offing. This could still continue to get messy! Who's next for the very special BRS treatment? Fresh meat for the sociopaths who pull the strings. It's okay... Rat's just recording it all... A mere scribe. Humble Rat. Think of him as your friendly Catholic priest with a large quill and a welcoming smile. Fancy a wine gum? He'll be your friend. You can trust him.

    Anon No 5

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon No 5, Are you from the group of anons who thinks the whole MW thing is a hoax written by Rat, or are you one of the anons who thinks MW really is Moz, but thinks Rat would sell his kids just for the possibility of half a glance in his direction from His Mozzness? Your comment would suggest you are from the latter group of anons, which would therefore also suggest that you are one of the banned BRS members, and are only here because you are desperately wishing that you were still part of the (now unofficial) BRS, even though you've managed to convince yourself that you're over it.

      I would like to state that I am from neither of the two afore mentioned anon groups, which therefore means there are at least three seperate groups of Anons. I can also think of another group of anons, which you could also belong to.

      Anon. I have no number. I refuse to be numbered.

      Delete
    2. Ha! I'm laughing here. I am the second group of Anons. But don't wish to be part of the BRS. Actually, trying to save the remaining few from their folly.

      We Anons must stick together until the war is won. After, we can turn on each other in final cataclysm of Anon warfare.

      Until then, peace be with you.

      Anon No 5, bodyguard to King of Anons

      Delete
  5. My god you people are thick. Banjaxer ran the blog, Rat was in on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Google Banjaxer Solo this is the first thing you see about him; "He has a long history of pretending to be Morrissey. He managed to convince a long time poster here that he was Morrissey, in private messages, which eventually led to the gullible one basically stalking Moz on tour thinking they were planning meetings together. The very idea is of course laughable, but honestly what kind of pathetic person spends his life trolling desperate housewives on the internet? He must have very little to live for..."

      Delete
    2. It was nearly the Rock and Roll swindle Part 2. Hey... We were played for fools but the biggest fool was Rat cos I don't think he was in on it.

      Delete
    3. Aahhh ha hah.. ever get the feelin you've been cheated?

      Delete
    4. No future.

      Delete
    5. Great pistols references. But how sad can you be spending years pretending to be Morrissey? Find a hobby!

      Delete
    6. I'm the Anon that's dropped a few pistols references. I'm not pretending to be Morrissey, I'm just making Pistols references. Can we, at least for once, just leave Morrissey out of it. This is great fun without him or even the prospect of a 'could be' him. This is so Life of Brian.

      King of the Anons

      Delete
    7. You ARE posting on a blog about a bloke pretending to be Morrissey.. oh wait..

      Delete
    8. I found a hobby!!!!

      Delete
    9. Sorry, I'm totally confused. What am I doing here? Oh God. I'm about to have an existential identity crisis.

      King of the Anons

      Delete
  6. It looks like Kyle's dad started the other BRS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That could be awkward with his son president of this one!

      Delete
    2. Awkward for Rat too. The great schism.

      Delete
  7. Wasn't their talk in January after the big bust up then about the deluded deluded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There talk.... It's 'there'... Please get Morrissey back to teach this lot some basic grammar. I propose that if the BRS is to survive we all take rudimentary classes with Morrissey. It could be the remake of 'Mind Your Language'.

      Delete
    2. I is shit at grammar

      Delete
    3. Lies! Lies! Lies! You're a perfecksionist!

      Anon in waiting

      Delete
  8. Just putting it out there... But do we even need a fictional Morrissey as part of this journey? Or even a real Morrissey? Frankly, this place works as a piece of exlermintal story telling without him. Non?

    Morrissey (Eh! Good little twist with how I signed that...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jesus! It's 'experimental'. At this rate without the iconic one's perfect execution of grammar then the answer is no!

      Delete
    2. This all has nothing to do with Morrissey. Just some nuts fawning over vile Justin bieber

      Delete
    3. When will ypu realise... The greatest trick Morrissey ever played was to convince people he doesn't exist. And just like that, he was gone.

      The Best Anon

      Delete
    4. Please. Even if he was here at some point most of us don't have time for these silly mind games.

      Delete
    5. For fuck's sake! Look at your typo for 'you'. Cretin. Proof read it!

      Anon No 23

      Delete
  9. Germany just scored, I'm assuming no one is watching it apart from the sports and pop memorabilia obsessed Rat.

    Anon No 7

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ghana just equalised.

      Non Believing Anon

      Delete
    2. You wont believe this.... Theyve only taken the lead! 2 - 1 to Ghana!

      Delete
    3. Fuck. Level.

      Brother Michael

      Delete
  10. Gig is up, no one believes anymore that you corresponded with Morrissey. Should have known better, people would have come here like Mecca if this was real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who cares about that! Germany just equalised. And so what if this was a hoax or real? It's been hilarious, apart from the trashing and bulldozing of ordinary innocent people. Morrissey certainly played along with it too. Fun for him too until... Well, until things got messy.

      Delete
    2. You Brits know how to run for the hills when things get messy #Getsomeballs

      Delete
  11. Look on the bright side, at least Rat posted a semi amusing parody. We may have had to sit through a Cocteau essay.

    Anon No 36

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey... I've got a theory about Cocteau....

      Delete
  12. That image of Rat as a 'friendly' monk in a habit with a pocket full of wine gums has freaked me out.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I still dont understand if I'm banned or not....lol...:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people are unbanable. You're one of them. If you were single, we would date you in a heartbeat.

      Anons 2, 4, 5, 9, etc etc

      Delete
  14. MW has always said it was a parody site, a very humorous one and one that happened to join together a group of Morrissey fans--fans who'd been looking for a fan site for Moz, one that did not have the hate shown at other sites. A bonus was that Moz himself may have known about it and occasionally fueled the flames of speculation of him being involved--the roses and songs for example. It and then FTM helped the fans feel at times to being actively involved with Moz on his tours and news releases. I may add that I do not think any other artist has a site like this. The fans themselves have become friends over this journey. They may now be splintered into 2 groups(3 if you include the anons), but I look at it as 2 branches, maybe the London branch and the Isle of Wight. The journey was most enjoyable and I am glad to have been included. Hope Moz is feeling better health wise and that reports of good reviews on his new releases cheer him.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Typical me. Can barely get a word in edge-ways to a conversation.

    How did you know?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Did you consider using the best Bitcoin exchange company: YoBit.

    ReplyDelete

Mozziah Archive