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Friday, 27 June 2014

Day 1017 - "The older generation have tried, sighed and died which pushes me to their place in the queue"

There is one good thing to have come out of all the people abandoning the BRS; my empty Twitter timeline. I no longer have to trawl through endless drivel to find the relevant tweets regarding MorrisseysWorld, although more often than not, if Morrissey has been on twitter whilst I sleep, the account is usually gone by the morning, and I am left not knowing what was said.

I awoke this morning to find that Our Mozzer had made a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms at around midnight last night. He had Broken with him.

It was a short visit, but here are OM's highlights:

"A late night tour of the prison..."

In response to @sorcha69 tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody the way you described seeing bowie is how i feel when i'm lost and listen to u or fake u either way it soothes": "Time drifts by like pouring Manchester rain in a storm. Then suddenly - a car hits you."

In response to @Broken1andonly tweeting, "@sorcha69 @MorrisseyParody Our Mozzer is our hero. Despite the betrayal of a small number, he remains our idol": "Your affection for that pathetic R n B singer is despicable."

"Justin Bieber's one great achievement was fitting into the zeitgeist without dumbing down. That is not a compliment. Hash tag KnowsNothing"


In response to @Broken1andonly tweeting, "@MorrisseyParody Good evening squire. Your album is mesmerizing!": "My album is getting good reviews in the music press. Which is not a good sign."

The good album reviews that OM was referring to, included those in Rolling Stone, Uncut, Q and Mojo. I particularly enjoyed Victoria Segal's review in Q, although I don't necessarily agree with her when she states that it is a "relief" to see "Morrissey looking beyond the confines of his own skull." As I have previously written, I LOVE Morrissey's songs about himself, but he I do agree with Segal that Moz is an excellent story teller.

Unlike many reviewers, Segal goes into detail regarding the individual songs on the album, and writes:

 "the oppressively romantic Kiss Me A Lot sounds like it was written for somebody else altogether, perhaps a doomed '60's starlet, or maybe a young Gene Pitney. Staircase At The University, brilliantly fusing The Boy With The Thorn In His Side with Reader Meet Author, archly dictates the morbid story of a student forced to conform. Mountjoy's sombre strum explores the Dublin prison where Republican writer Brendan Behan did time and Smiler With Knife has a Gauloises-smoking theatricality.... an erotic surrender that seems close to murder, or self annihilation. Full of jarring raptures and sudden haunting delicacy, it demands greasepaint, a proscenium arch, a stage-front stool for the singer. Meanwhile, Oboe Concerto starts with a sample from '50's "dame comedian" Rex Jameson: "And he spoke with his voice while he talked with his mouth" - a suggestion the following song is not ventriloquism. "The older generation have tried, sighed and died which pushes me to their place in the queue," Morrissey sings, beautifully before the song ends with a husky, almost valedictory mantra: "Round round the rhythm of life goes round." That might be true, but it's hard to think who could take his place in turn. He might not want to be a man or trust humans, but he remains an endlessly fascinating and complex living creature. A pop star, perhaps. The story of his life.****"

Victoria Segal, we salute you.

The fact that Oboe Concerto contains a sample from Rex Jameson, explains the use of the Mrs Shufflewick imagery on the last tour:

I just cannot wait to get my hands on WPINOYB; which hopefully will be next week as the record company have promised that a promo copy is on the way. I would dearly love Our Mozzer to write a 'WPINOYB Review of the Reviewers', just as he did for the reviewers of Autobiography. Perhaps OM is waiting for Alexis Petridis to write his review first; although we all know what Petridis's review will be like before he's even written it. I am even tempted to write the review for Petridis as a parody.... but I just don't have the time at present.


There was no more from Our Mozzer yesterday, but here are the rest of Broken's offerings:

"Mad in Madrid. Lonely in Barcelona. Hooray, Morrissey's tour is cancelled. Nobody cries-hies-hies because we all want Moz to dry. Hash tag tour2014"

"I've heard the new album now - and it's bloody good. In his top 5 solo or smiths. Hash tag shocker Hash tag welldonemoz"

"Who'd have thunk Jesse Tobias could help craft such a lush album?"

"@KristeenYoung Will you ever re-enter MorrisseysWorld? Shall we feature you on a new parody piece? Did you secretly suspect M was behind it?"

In response to me tweeting, "@KristeenYoung Come on KY, spill the beans": "@KristeenYoung KY is an apt name for Kristeen @TheRatsBack. Spends a lot of time up Moz's bum. Always embarrassing to be seen w her in public"

"Haha I just paid her back for her lewd comments about M's sexual prowess!"

"My soul is broken. That's why I'm sad."

"Jimmy Savile is trending on twitter, but it's actually misspelled as Jimmy Saville. Hash tag Irony"

I am quite shocked that Broken made such a lewd comment about KY, but then again, I guess Moz was shocked when Kristeen made such a lewd comment on stage about him.

That is all for today. I was going to mention a website article that has mentioned MorrisseysWorld, but the article, which is written by somebody called Helen Bach (@HelenRockNYC), is SO badly researched that I have sent her off to read FTM from the very beginning. Bach thinks that I am the author of MorrisseysWorld! Why are these journalists so lazy? And WHY are the only things ever written about MorrisseysWorld negative things?

*Goes off singing* Yes, I am blind, no, I can't see the good things, just the bad things...


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Reality check. Alex Petridis doesn't exist. He is a creation of the music business. The picture you have there is a photo of a well known Greek waiter from a restaurant on Charlotte Street in London. The actor often works as an extra and bit part actor - often playing enforcers for dodgy olive oil importers. The 'writing' and 'reviewing' is done by self hating record companies who are looking to control and manipulate the stocks and shares of corporate entertainment businesses that you unwillingly support through your fandom. Good music will often be trashed by 'Alex Petridis' and rubbish work is often promoted. Honestly, the best thing you can get from a 'Petridis' review is a thumbs down. It means the self hating record labels fear they may be putting something of worth into the world.

  3. Only the dedicated will survive in MorrisseysWorld. Back in the heyday of the blog, some of the finest articles in 2011 received three or four comments, of which approximately half were by Boz or me. So you're doing quite well, Rat.

    Far better to have the manclad humour and Anon E Mouse surrealist aspect than endless comments by 'anon' and the same comment every day from willow.

    Keep up the good work.


    1. I was slightly disappointed to have ANY comments, and even considered deleting the two. No doubt Heather & Ears will offer some fawning encouragement. *Smiley face* Hash tag Lol

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. EARS and Heather are simply beautiful human beings. And, of course, as the comments become more interesting and amusing, and less about delusional fandom, discussions might form... which would be fun.

      Manc, you are better than nothing; but you're also better than many other things. I like you a lot.


    4. I used to be the endless comments of Anon,
      I'm all of those comments rolled into one.
      I am your Anonymous Nemesis,
      Now Nemesisly Anon.

  4. We are Kleftiko
    Unfit to go
    Paper bags full of flesh and cheese
    Tekenu prisoners of grease, unease, disease and knees
    We wanna munch canapes atop the tallest trees
    (Well, only they know how it feels)

    We are Oxford coma
    Regurgitating Homer
    From an artificial stoma
    With an artificial puckered rim;
    We masturbate with phantom limbs,
    And punctuation is penetration

    We are testicular torsion
    Clinical distortion
    Untwisted and unbroken
    Counting truths unspoken
    We are ugly and yeah, all right, we care

    Three minds collide and make nine
    In the shade of Anonymity
    Three by three
    In the "plural of plurality"
    Lie down, hush, don't be down
    I swear down
    It's only me
    It's only the proneness of proclivity

    1. Your genius is always welcome.

    2. Fucking Brilliant!
      It's Zinctastic!
      That's fantastic,
      but with Zinc.

    3. I try to Zincorporate where possible

    4. Be careful... Rat will get upset if our parodies, poems and wit outdo his. Still, he can always fall back on his grammar and craven fandom.

  5. I find the creative flair from Anon E Mouse & Menipuss refreshing & a joy to read.
    Quite a contrast to the lackadaisical words from Helen Bach.
    Rats has his own style & MW he is not.

  6. Ratty, if you get your hands on the album next week, I won't be able to contain my envy. The reviews have made me more eager than ever to hear it, including Broken's unexpectedly high praise. As for Helen's article, I made my comment about that on yesterday's entry. Was this sufficiently fawning and encouraging? ;)

  7. This afternoon OM emailed me, advising he might invite Menippus to co-author the forthcoming 'Concerts Bans and Ejections Committee Part Two.' That is all.


    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. We were so spoilt by the first Bans and Concert Ejections Committee, with the tea stain and signatures. If it is going to feature on FTM rather than in it's rightful place on MW, I think you should insist on the odd food or wine stain.

    3. Manc: I'm from Runcorn! I grew up navigating between identical council estate playgrounds by the light of the Spars

      GWO: I take advance responsibility for any bitter oolong stains, ASDA Extra Special Fruit & Oat Cookies crumbs and out-of-context references to ancient Egypt dirtying the page

  8. Interesting that Mrs Shufflewick appears on Oboe Concerto. And just how are you getting a promo copy of WPINOYB from the record company? I hope they don’t know that you have been slagging them off for the lack of promotion.
    As to Helen’s article – surprised that she did not have a little peek at Wesley’s twitter timeline where he suggests that Rats is the author of MorrisseysWorld and then identifies him via a re-engineered photo as Owen Jones. Hilarious, but bonkers.

  9. Unfortunately I have nothing brilliant or mesmerizing nor witty or insightful to say, and I'm not in the mood for fawning, so I shall merely survive.

  10. How does one go about getting a promo copy!? I'm generally a very patient person but I'm not sure I can take the wait much longer I'll restrain myself long enough to finish this comment tho...
    I read that Helens article and was kinda disappointed by it, I mean if the ex-patriots want to go around telling sob stories thats great whatever but when you catagorize the lot of us as bullies thats not cool -we had differences, we couldn't agree, they were asked to leave- Honestly it reads like a post break-up letter written by a friend of a friend...Oh well I'm just glad its over and we can move on..I'd love to read Mennipus's writing Of course I'll need google close at hand just to understand him nevertheless I find him fascinating.

  11. Menippus is cordially invited to submit material for the forthcoming article. The concerts bans and ejections committee will be meeting at his home in Runcorn. Therefore OM requests Menippus submits a couple of paragraphs setting the scene and some typically surreal and idiosyncratic dialogue for Menippus making reference to current candidates to be banned, ejected and re-banned (namely THAT MAN, Willow, Edge, GOB, Lizzy or others). The dialogue can be addressed to OM, Boz Boorer, Mikey Bracewell, Broken or Mam.

    This should be submitted by Menippus to and will be considered for inclusion in the piece. The deadline is Monday.


    1. This is exciting news. Much as though I would be honoured to house the new parody piece on FTM, I share GWO's viewpoint, that it should be posted on the MorrisseysWorld site. Either way, we await with some sort of breath.

    2. I'd urgently like to request that my useless secretary will be included in that list of banned people, too. She still wastes her time on twitter, while she's supposed to serve me coffee, massage my feet, and promote my glorious book instead (I'm sure you have bought it by now, please leave your laudation on amazon). These women are just of no worth at all, who invented them anyway? Must have been the devil in a sleepless night. If she wasn't so talented in scaring off unwanted customers with her eloquent swearing and bored-to-death voice, I'd be tempted to fire her, to employ someone adequately compliant and obedient regarding my genius. I'm not one to boast, but I got a call from Johnny Wujek lately, and if that sorry excuse for a secretary (I hope you read this, you little monster, bring me my inflatable neck pillow NOW, and bring it INFLATED) hadn't sabotaged my calendar, I would've gone out for lunch with him, which would've given my already legendary career that vital boost. I'm sure she did it on purpose. Can you believe that she threw the typewriter at me when I called her out on it? Needless to say that I banned her to Hotel Loony Bin for now, and if she comes back, I'd like to see her blocked by the entirety of MorrisseysWorld characters. I'm not paying that little brat for pestering you with her pessoas.

      Thank you kindly,

      Víctor M. Blanco

    3. Dear Mr Blanco,

      I write this to you with a heavy heart and I beseech that you find the goodwill in yours to forgive me.

      About two years ago I met your secretary in a frozen yogurt franchise located alongside a gas station and convenience store outside Oxnard.

      I had just stopped ahead of a lengthy and tedious drive towards Eugene in Oregon, where I was visiting my elderly Aunt, who had taken a turn for the worse in her health.

      Please understand that the lengthy and tedious nature of this journey is in fact reflected in the way I am actually writing this apology to you now.

      It is my hope that this way of describing events will illicit in you the milk of human kindness that I seek from you, that it will somehow bore you into a submission of empathy.

      To cut a long story short, your secretary and I started flirting and one thing led to another. It was a hot day and lust overcame us, quite spontaneously.

      It is with great regret to inform you that an indiscretion of the flesh took place with the Yogun Frozen lavatories with your secretary.

      Still flush from the joys of a casual encounter we decided to follow each other on Twitter. This is how I was able to discover Morrissey’s World, the parodies and collection of characters, most of whom I found to be quite charming.

      We desperately tried to put the experience of the Yogun Frozen lavatory outside Oxnard behind us but something had been ignited and Twitter seemed to be the most natural channel by which to give rebirth to the excitement of our brief consummation.

      Please know that I am responsible for many of your secretary’s regular absences. Please accept my apologies and please be lenient with her.


      Anon E Mouse

    4. Dear Mr. Mouse,

      your apology is truly touching, forgive me that my answer will be less poetic, I'm a busy man and don't have time for an equally, may I say, dulcet reply. I'm assuring you that it's not necessary to inform me further on the piquant details of your relationship, I'm surprised to hear that you're fond of her, I'm not a chauvinist but these women are all the same useless creatures, aren't they, anyway, you will be delighted to hear that I decided to show mercy and I won't let her retype wikipedia when she comes back, or only those articles beginning with consonants, that would depend on her behavior. She very much enjoys her vacation by the way, she sent me a postcard from Tenerife, that mean little monster, knowing that I'm currently trapped in rainy and cold Moscow to make Kseniya Sobchak look like Carla Bruni.
      It's not easy, being so successful.

      Fondest regards,

      Víctor M. Blanco

    5. Dear Mr Blanco,

      I am equally touched by your kindness regarding this rather embarrassing situation.

      I am sorry to hear that Moscow and its inclement weather is treating you so badly. She can be rather beastly.

      Please do seek out the "Kitezh Town Restaurant" on Petrovka St. I have contacted the owner, Yuri - a good friend and loyal confidant whenever I am there. He is expecting you and will be at your service.

      Kindest regards,

      Mr Mouse

  12. I am still here and remember MW in 2011. I happened to stumble upon it and will admit, I was one who did not leave comments. Not that I did not enjoy it, but I was new to posting on blogs and did not realize it was something you did. Actually, MW was unique for a fan site and I was not sure at first if it was real enough to comment on. I remember one of the first times I did there was a discussion over JB's newly released film and Boz's review of it. I suggested Moz should get action figures, like JB and other artists had. This idea came about while I watched my granddaughter play with her JB action figure. OM could sell the singing one, as well as the mute one, then we fans could use them to enhance our experience listening to his music. That he could make extra money selling clothing for the action figure, which fans could rip off at their leisure. About that time, it was also debated by the fans on who would play Moz when his autobiography came out. It was a fun time with humorous parody pieces and news of his tour. We branched out to twitter when FTM started. At the moment, I find it funny for the followers, who have just followed for a few months, declare that they have figure it all out. I do not think anyone actually will, but that has been part of the mystery and fun of MW, FTM, and BRS. It has been a journey that has had it's ups and downs, good times and bad, which is what one expects from life, but unusual to find on a blog--where fans have banded together over their love for Moz. Hope Moz is healing and keeping his spirits up, which he should be able to as he has been getting good reviews. I look at my life as some what like Moz's as when the going gets good, God looks at you and pulls the rug out from under you(my niece claims he gives her a push), but often, the afterwards turns out better. Get Well Soon.

  13. It would appear that Helen Bach has spent the past 24 hours tweeting mundane drivel on Twitter. She didn't bother reading FTM to try and discover the truth regarding MW, but then again, we all knew she wouldn't. It is much easier to be told what to believe than find out for yourself.


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