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Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Day 1063 - As I climb into an empty bed. Enough said.

The comedian Robin Williams has taken his own life. This is not a shock to me in the slightest, as in every photograph you could see the lost look in his eyes. Although it is incredibly sad news, at least those close to Robin Williams will have comfort in the knowledge that he has at last freed himself from his demons. There is nothing anybody could have EVER said or done to stop Robin Williams doing what he did, he simply didn't have enough reason to remain on this lonely planet. He was probably unable to live the perfect life that he wanted; the one trapped inside his mind.


Morrissey once again returned to The Twitterdilly Arms last night, and no doubt historians will one day ask,  "what on earth was a genius like Morrissey doing, wasting endless hours online with a handful of fans?" My answer to those historians, would be to take a look at the likes of Robin Williams, or Tony Hancock, or Kenneth Williams, or Kurt Cobain, or Alexander McQueen, or Ernest Hemmingway, or Marilyn Monroe, or..... the list is endless.

One of the most poignant things I have read this morning regarding Williams, is a tweeted conversation he had earlier this year with a fan. The fan (@edkurluk) had tweeted, "Thank you @robinwilliams for making me laugh so fucking hard. I needed that", to which Williams replied, "I needed your tweet. Thank you!".

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If Robin Williams had created his own MorrisseysWorld, although not called MorrisseysWorld, obviously, then he may well have found the oxygen he needed to keep breathing. When Morrissey is on stage, he has oxygen in abundance; it is fed to him by adoring fans, but when away from the stage and the adulation, there is just loneliness, and this is where life becomes a challenge.

Morrissey's interaction with us few in MorrisseysWorld is probably a greater tonic for him than either he or we could ever realise, or for him to ever admit. By creating MorrisseysWorld, Morrissey may well have helped save his own life, and we dreary deluded dozen might just be playing our part in his survival. Likewise, Morrissey continues to save our lives too. God, I'm good!

Here are Morrissey's highlights from yesterday's visit:

In response to @BlueRoseSociety asking, "@stillMozsworld Will you be inviting your fans to bring you blue roses on the next tour?": "I thought this would go without saying."

In response to @BlueRoseSociety tweeting, "@stillMozsworld There are 1,113 people following @BlueRoseSociety, so if they all bring you a blue rose, your concerts will be in bloom": "I could possibly drown in blue roses. Much better than drowning in self pity. Or vinegar."

ME: "Do you write a diary entry every day? What sort of things do you write; observations on life, or simply events of the day?"

MOZ: "Suicide notes."

(And if anybody is wondering, NO, the news of Robin Williams death had NOT broken at this point in time.)

ME: "I might've known I would get a response like that. Will you allow your diaries to be published upon your death?"

MOZ: "They will be buried with me. Along with the truth."

ME: "Nooooo! You owe to to history to leave your diaries. I implore you to reconsider."

MOZ: "2014 will be a massive question mark"

ME: "Written in crayon?"

MOZ: "How else do you want me to write it? With a fountain pen?"

ME: "DO you use a fountain pen? PLEASE give me an insight into your diary writing, I'm genuinely VERY interested."

MOZ: "I will never use a pencil because what if I do die and somebody finds them and erases what I have written and praises Joyce?


In response to @IngeKersten1980 tweeting @stillMozsworld The diaries will be needed for 'Morrissey the movie'": "A box office flop."

In response to @mozzamad tweeting, "@stillMozsworld I highly doubt this is Morrissey's account": "People will believe whatever they want to. I cannot change their mind. I am here if you wish to talk."

"Je suis Morrissey"

As I have previously written, @stillMozsworld is NOT pretending to be a parody Mozzer, i.e. Our Mozzer (OM), but is openly being Morrissey. Many people are finding it hard to grasp this, although their confusion is understandable, particularly as @stillMozsworld uses the MW photo as his profile picture, and has the twitter handle of 'Still Moz's World', but there is a VERY obvious difference in the tweets. The person currently interacting with us in the Twitterdilly Arms is an open and relaxed Morrissey, and NOT a 'Broken Morrissey', or a 'Parody Morrissey'.

Even the regulars like Heather and JG have gotten confused, and yesterday they both left comment on my blog referring to @stillMozsworld as OM. This prompted OM, who deludedly calls himself 'Morrissey', to leave the following message on my blog:

I can assure you the individual on twitter is not Our Mozzer. I believe Broken has already told you as much.

Until you refrain from calling him OM, I shall never return.

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 11 August 2014 19:41

Back to yesterday's highlights:

The first tweet is in response to @geniussteals pointing out that the above comment had been left on FTM, and my subsequent explanation of it's meaning:

"Some times I forget who I am. I usually blame it on the gin."

In response to @mozzamad tweeting, "@stillMozsworld Starting to be convinced with the way the tweets are worded but still surprised your (sic... a VERY common sic) following Johnny": "People are surprised by the weirdest things. I once caught sight of my genitals and collapsed in shock."

In response to @mozzamad asking, "@stillMozsworld So what made you start using twitter?": "Somebody placed a gun to my head."

If my theory about Morrissey starting MorrisseysWorld is correct, then his joining twitter was actually himself removing the gun from his own hand!.... God, I'm VERY good!

Highlights Continued:

"Je Ne Suis Pas Morrissey" (*Tuts and rolls eyes*)

KRISTEEN YOUNG: "Friday, Aug 22 at Union Pool in Bklyn"

ME: "@KRISTEENYOUNG Come back to the UK, and make up with @stillMozsworld Life is too short."

MOZ: "@KRISTEEN YOUNG Please do not sneeze whilst you type or I may ask you to leave the internet."


"Personality crisis."

In response to @Jazissey tweeting, "Boredom makes one question everything": "It will make you claw out your eyes. This is why I sing. I also sing because what else could I possibly do."

ME: "How far south will the UK tour be going?"

MOZ: "You'll see. TTY."

INGE: "When?"

MOZ: "November/December. Or at least this was the plan before Harvest pulled the plug."

ME: "Do you not self fund your tours?"

MOZ: "When there is no label. So yes for the past 30 years."

ME: "Lol. EXACTLY, so it's onwards and upwards then... or more like round and round."

MOZ: "As my "good" friend Pete Burns said.. I'm sure you know what he said."

ME: "Can he still speak with those lips?"

MOZ: "He mumbles a lot. But all I see is the murder around his shoulders."
Pete Burns (© © PA)

KERRY RICHARDS (@AmIMoving2Fast) "I'm really pleased you will tour again, but I do worry about your health."

MOZ: "I worry that you will leave within one song. This year I am locking all the exits."

KERRY: "NEVER!! I'll be locking all the backstage exits to stop you from leaving."

MOZ: "You may regret this when I begin with a cover of One Direction."

KERRY: "Hmmm, but maybe that cover would get to no.1 if released? Worth a punt?"

MOZ: "Could you imagine the criticism. Although if @Harry_Styles wishes to cover Suedehead I would be honoured."

KERRY: "I think Harry should cover hairdresser on fire- his needs burning."

MOZ: "Now now. Let us all remember Little Man, What Now. Harry darling, save your money."

KERRY: "Moz and Harry 2 piece?"

MOZ: "I am more than willing. I will teach him to dance."

KERRY: "And sing?"

MOZ: "Is what I do singing? Some may debate that."

ME: "I like Harry Styles. He looks like he doesn't care. He won't fade away, he's the only one who will have longevity."

MOZ: "Well once we release our covers album he will be remembered forever. The man who ended my career.... much to everyone's delight."

MOZ: "Perhaps I will enter the stage and say 'You light up my world' instead of singing a song."

ME: "I was there when you announced "Welcome to my world"... but only @kittyempire noticed, and she didn't follow up."

MOZ: "And the Palladium fell silent."

ME: "Nobody knew what it meant. I only found out later."

MOZ: "I knew. Is that not enough?"

ME: "I'm sure it made you smile... just as "toothbrush" made my jaw drop."

If Morrissey were to walk out on stage at one of his next concerts and announce "You light up my world", I think I might just wet myself laughing. For anybody who may be new to the phenomenal MorrisseysWorld story, let me explain the HUGE significance of "Welcome to my World" and "toothbrush". On the original MorrisseysWorld blog, on August 3rd 2011, Our Mozzer wrote a parody article in which Morrissey and Boz Boorer reviewed Justin Bieber's live DVD, 'Never Say Never'. In Bieber's concert footage, he uses the words, 'Welcome to my World".

Five days later, Morrissey walked out onto the stage at the London Palladium and his very first words to the audience were, "Welcome to my World". Even as I type this now, it STILL amazes me how NOBODY put the two together. It's INCREDIBLE, just INCREDIBLE. The "toothbrush" reference is even more personal to me. On Wednesday January 9th 2013, the day after I had written on my blog how I had lost my toothbrush whilst in New York, Morrissey walked out on stage, and as I stood there watching, he said, "I've been looking for someone to share my toothbrush with, which is why I came here. All in vain." ...... And people say that I make this all up!



There is more to report from yesterday, and I still haven't reported on Morrissey's Friday night visit to The Arms, but I have run out of time. I am off to play cricket, because unlike Robin Williams, I still have reasons to live, and playing cricket in August with my youngest son is one of them.

Morrissey's final words on twitter last night were, "As I climb into an empty bed. Enough said." For our sakes, let us hope not.

This week's Twitterdilly Arms Chart will be published tomorrow.

For Robin:


  1. Rat, your words about Robin Williams were very touching.
    Very sad to hear that his demons eventually got the better of him,
    a waste of a life. I thought he was a wonderful actor.

    I hope that interacting with Morrissey as we are lucky to do, is
    a two-way street, with both sides benefiting from the experience.
    I know that I do.

  2. Great blog today, Rats. The news of RW deeply saddens me - it hits all too close to home, as I've been struggling with depression lately, although thankfully not to the serious degree that he did. I have the utmost sympathy for everyone who must face this devestating affliction.

    It's hard for me to imagine that we're capable of helping Moz in any way, but it's nice to think that it may be possible. I'm greatly distressed that I haven't been able to do my part in twit interaction lately, but I've been too busy with real-life duties and too deeply confined by depression to be able to tweet much when he's online. It's a joy to have him around, of course, and at least I've still been able to enjoy his presence from afar. Here's hoping that he sticks around for a while, if it helps to lift his spirits in any way.

  3. shame about RW.. it appears that a lot of comedians have tortured minds, hope i dont go the same way (being serious).. as for the toothbrush saga, i remember it well

  4. First off, apologies for my lack of commenting lately, My heads been spinning like mad trying to figure this out for myself at first I was suspicious, I wouldn't want to follow and play along just because I'm told to, there are instances that make me question things. I might possibly never make my mind up, which is okay, it just means my options are open to believe what I will.
    The death of Robin Williams has really effected me, he was one of my favorite actors. Its often said that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do, but after giving so much of himself and not publicising his depression just to maintain his persona, I wouldn't call that selfish at all in fact I forgive him, I thank him, and I will miss him.

    1. Typically oblique and touching words, Jjaz. Robin Williams was a charming and talented human being who lived in darkness, yet brought light to others. Suicide is always a tragedy, but at least his suffering is now at an end.

      An elderly Robin Williams would have been an entirely fitting character - perhaps the charm and humanity he embodied would have found their true voice only as senility crept ever closer.

      But we don't know the whole truth. Perhaps he suspected dementia was descending over him like a veil; perhaps he didn't want to live out his days being patronised by people half his age and with a quarter of his talent.

      I hope you're well.

  5. I have enjoyed the interactions with 'TRM' on twitter. He seems to enjoy the exchanges and I hope it at least provides him with a little light relief from the day-to-day tribulations.

  6. Fitting choice of songs Rats, a nice touch.
    Feeling depressed can be utterly disabling. The darkness makes you feel baron, hopeless & detached. The oneliness is hard to describe.
    The stigma & shame attached to having mental health issues is still a massive problem.
    Mental health services are stretched to the limits.
    A work colleague took his life last summer & he is very much in my thoughts as I write this.

    Thanks to those of you who have sent me messages.
    Despite my leaving twitter Morrissey & BRS remain very much in my heart.

  7. aaw ears, you're never alone really. we are a click away xx

  8. I can always forgive Morrissey (when I'm not totally balmy myself), because I can relate to his depression and anxiety.

    Btw, Morrissey's observations about psychiatric medication in the Hot Press interview are intriguingly similar to those expressed in the MW chat room last year.

  9. Nobody ever knows another man's heart and mind.


    We are given eyes to look with and mouths to smile with, but the profound emptiness and desolation that creeps into a person's mind is a tortuous monster who knows only how to crush, how to suffocate, and how to never let go.

    Gentle souls who never deserved suffering of an immensity others cannot even begin to imagine. Everyone tries their best to smile and pretend it will go away. Because the scales of justice sway one way.

    Blackness consumes, until the heart itself becomes too heavy to bear.
    Some people understand this. Some people know this. And some people never will.
    And because it won't stop, because every beat is pain, sometimes people take it into their own hands to stop this pain.

    A finality that many balk from, and a finality that many would not have the courage for, is a finality born of unspeakable anguish. And still, there is so little sympathy and understanding. People paying lip service nothing more, because in 2014 it's now trending on their phones.

    It is true that we come into this world alone, and that we go out of this world alone. For some of us however, we travel through this time and place alone as well, and no outward smile will ever be able to change that, or to fool anyone.

    Perhaps we were only ever given eyes to cry with, and nothing more.

    With the blackness of a thousand nights, and with the heaviness and anguished misery of a thousand broken souls,

    My heart is stark
    because I know no other way

    I hold it in my hand
    because I know no other way

    I look inwards
    because I know no other way

    And my quiet, gentle sighs are love
    because I know no other way

    With my eyes, with my body, and with my being

    And with a tenderness with no home and with no anchor, because no one ever warned us that this is what it would be like.

    1. What lovely words, and such an understanding. Thank you for sharing.

  10. This is so beautiful. Thank you Astraea x


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