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Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Day 1071 - Bollocks!

I am having the shittiest day that I have had in months, so I won't linger or I will no doubt end up upsetting somebody or other. It may help my black mood if I have a quick swearing session..... fuck bollocks twat cunt arseholes wanky fuck wank bollocks shit toss fuck shit twat bollocky cunt knob shit..... hmm, a slight help, but not much.

St.Ill Morrissey (@stillMozsworld) made a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms last night, but the b*****d closed his account before I had time to screen shot all of his words, so I am therefore only able to report a snippet of the action here on the Worlds's Number 1 Mozziah Following Blog, FollowingTheMozziah. Here is what I did manage to grab:

"The energy has drained from legs. Soon my body will be defunct and all I will have is a head. A head with dire hair." In response to this, @geniussteals replied, "Your hair is quite lovely. Your choice  in labels however...", to which SMW replied, "I simply take what I am given. Do I spot a quiff in your picture there? Get your own style. I kid, imitation is flattery."



@MozFiend also responded to St.Ill M's opening tweet, pointing out, "@stillmozsworld All of us will sooner or later be dust and bones. Death makes us all equals in the end", to which Moz replied, "Death is the great equaliser. Rattle my bones all over the stones."



@MadAlix14 was another to respond to Morrissey's "drained legs" tweet, suggesting, "@stillMozsworld have a cup of tea and a digestive", to which he replied, "Can I not have a scone and a Vodka?"

@Bunnygal833 chipped in to the above by saying, "Vodka goes with anything", to which St.Ill Morrissey replied, "Except happiness."

When @MozFiend pointed out that Morrissey had "beautiful hair", he replied, "I find my hairline quite depressing."  (Ed - On this subject, His Mozzness will get no sympathy from me!)


MORRISSEY - STILL HIRSUTE

In response to @MozFiend saying, "@stillmozsworld You bring happiness and joy to my life": "I never meant to but that is quite lovely." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I hear Moz give somebody the "I never meant to" line. Morrissey's self-deprecation is my favourite trait of his.... for the next 30 seconds at any rate.)

In response to @MozFiend tweeting, "@stillMozsworld I almost missed my stop on the train tweeting you. It would have been worth it": "I am worth missing entire towns for." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I hear Moz singing his own praises. Morrissey's egotism is my favourite trait of his.... for the next 30 seconds at any rate.)

In response to @MozFiend suggesting "alcohol and xanax will make you forget you are you": "I've never really known who I am." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I etc etc)

In response to @Mancladmozfan asking, "@stillmozsworld Ever thought of taking up togger?": "I once used to be quite nifty", but Moz then added, "I can barely walk without dislocating something. Walking and kicking could prove too much for me."


IN THOSE HALCYON "NIFTY" DAYS

In response to me asking, "@stillMozsworld Yo, Moz dude. How's your day been? Tour sorted? Label found? Novel written? Drummer dismissed?: "Dude? Why have you suddenly become twelve? But since you ask... Yes, No, No and how could I?"


MATTHEW WALKER - JOB SECURE

It is good to hear that the tour is sorted, so hopefully we will have an announcement soon. I went on to ask Moz if the tour would be a leisure centre, arena or pub tour, to which he replied, "Car parks", adding something along the lines of it "reflecting recent album sales", but I didn't manage to copy the exact quote.

There was more from Still.Ill Morrissey, but as I wrote at the beginning, I failed to copy it all, so I shall try and grab the best bits on his next appearance.

Whilst I have been writing this, Broken (@Broken1andonly) has turned up in The Arms. I should point out for any new readers of FTM (Ed - yeah, right, there aren't any new readers, in fact, there aren't any readers!) that it is my belief that Broken is a pessoa of Morrissey's, but if you try and engage with him on twitter, you should remember that he is NOT Morrissey, and be warned, he can bit...... oh, and he likes Justin Bieber.... A LOT!

 Here are Broken's highlights:

In response to @Jazissey asking if high school reunions happen outside the US: "They happen in England too. But over here, those without accomplishments of note usually denigrate those who have. Hash tag GreatBritain."

"Bored of life, but not bored enough to choose death."

"Is anything sexier than @justinbieber 's back? His front perhaps?"

Embedded image permalink


In response to me asking, "@Broken1andonly Why Bieber? WHY?": "The combination of charisma, beauty and masculinity."

In response to me asking, "@Broken1and only What do you think will become of him?": "Bankruptcy and early death."


"MW parody complete - but who cares? It's a soap with no audience; it's a car with no petrol. Hash tag BrooksideSaab"


"Intelligence is the enemy of good sleep."

"The virtue of the lonely is their dissatisfaction with themselves."

Having Broken back has lifted my spirits, and the possibility of a new MW parody is even more uplifting, although I won't hold my breath as Broken has promised parodies before and then not delivered.

And finally, Phil Collins has announced his first concert in four years..... the crowd went mild!


PHIL COLLINS - TAKE A LOOK AT HIM NOW, HE LOOKS LIKE JACKIE WRIGHT

72 comments:

  1. Here's hoping (yet again) for a new MW parody - that would really lift my spirits. Glad that Broken has helped to lift yours, Ratty.

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  2. maybe you were right (two readers)

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  3. Sorry to read about your shitty day Rat I had a shitty day myself yesterday but I'll keep the details to myself.
    I was happy to see Broken back in the arms today, his wit and charm never fail to make me smile, he just gets me ya know
    C'mon guys I'm sure we can muster a measly 50 comments!

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  4. 4 readers if you include me!
    46 to go!!

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  5. Let's make it 45.i always read the blog.love it.

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  6. I have not yet read this your blog yet fully but im here to leave a comment ONLY another 44 to go xxx

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  7. Good news that the tour is sorted. Hopefully that means it's actually happening and not called off. The world needs to see Morrissey sOOn.

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  8. That quiff photo is quite lovely - nice choice, Rats! (Yes, I'm shamelessly trying to boost the number of comments. Will we even make it to 10?)

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  9. I have read the blog and I cannot wait to see our hero treading the boards where he belongs, singing his life.

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  10. Sorry to be big headed- but I've constantly played At Last I Am Born- and he said it on TTY.
    Sign or not I'm having it!

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  11. Morrissey has posted a TTY statement about the Harvest fiasco, just like SMW said he would. Wonderful to have an explanation, as frustrating as the details are, and to hear that Lisbon is definitely happening - hooray! How can Harvest be so inept??

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  12. Another sign- rats blog 2 weeks ago mentioned if he was clean shaven or not...,.
    Just mentioned...

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    Replies
    1. Well remembered - I had forgotten that. I like how he mentions having 38 people in the audience, the same number from the Hot Press interview; Rat asked him if it referred to his twitter followers.

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    2. Yes and Ratster asked him that after the interview.
      I thought it as I read it- thanks to you heather!

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  13. I hope to finish this statement whilst I'm still clean-shaven, so I will jump to the final curtain:

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  14. Sorry you are having a shitty day Rat. I am also not happy today. Well, I'm rarely blissful but I'm more morose than usual. Every day can't be golden. Wait, can any day EVER be? Not in my world. (I'm rambling. Not at my best and brightest today.)

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  15. Nice to see my name mentioned in the blog so many times.

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  16. I am also very pleased to hear that tour dates have been sorted out. I get to follow along on twit and youtube, God bless social media indeed

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  17. Nearly halfway regular readers!
    Pls comment!!!

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  18. If we could... No.23 is Jesse tobias playing ouija ouija board-at vina it's stunning!

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  19. Such love shown I've never known

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  20. I'm still here
    I do read
    And miss you all

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  21. I'm still here where I always was...

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  22. Loughton? EARS? Romina? Father Brian? Mademoiselle Stale-bread? Willow? Edge? Rosy Mires? Still.I.Cling? Astraea? Stacey? Jack Shet? Lizzy Cat? GOB? Girl Without? Jon the Con? Poetic Luke? comrade harps? Rudger? Hector? That doolally Duchess? Where are they all now? And who else could I have listed? President Kyle? Devan's dad Jimi? Kate Ryan? Marcus the Greek? Are there any more?

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    Replies
    1. Mad Alix? Old Willoughby? Chuck? Jo (from right at the beginning)? Monti? Fancy123? Disgruntled Human?(Maybe not!) Surely SOME of these people dip in occasionally, just to see if that one definitive piece of proof has emerged, ie, the selfie! I can't believe that all these people have completely walked away.

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    2. Yes, Yunara! Well remembered. I wonder whatever happened to her! Kirky? Sorcha? Harrison?

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    3. I'm here, I'm here, stop hassling, I'm old and feeble

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    4. Hey, why do I get mentioned? My little orange blob is always here.

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    5. Still here. Late as usual. Crumbs.

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    6. Good day Sir,

      I'm writing to you again on behalf of my secretary. She stormed in the other day and threw a massive harangue into my face, obviously directed at someone with the funny name Rat or "Whiskers". She actually made a huge fuzz, she even destroyed the typewriter in the process, that revengeful little monster, but that's another story.
      That was before she stomped out, strepitously. It was difficult to pick up a clear message from her tirade, but I'd ask you kindly to do whatever she asked you for. Like all women she's already unbearable when she's in a good temper, but as you probably know, absolutely bothersome when she's annoyed. The coffee tastes awful when she's in that mood, it's undrinkable. And I have to work with that thing every day, which clearly affects my marvellous skin and thus my most enigmatical aura of success. The extra costs for that wellness center to get rid of those nasty little dryness lines are already enormous. If it's not too much to ask, I'd be most grateful if you could just do what she wants.
      Thank you kindly. Greetings from Miami. Just in case you're interested, I have some very lucrative business here with a truly illustrious celebrity, but I'm afraid I can't say more. I'm a professional after all.

      Víctor M. Blanco

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  23. Come on people. Comment. You know you want to. It's easy and fun too!

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  24. A great statement on TTY 'This would not have happened to the Teletubbies', made me smile.
    A trip to Lisbon sounds enticing........


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  25. I wonder what Morrissey boot camp would be like, any thoughts?

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  26. I have been lurking behind the curtain and I adore Morrissey's statement on TTY.

    Just a coincidence but I tweeted to SMW the other day " please close the door on your way out. "
    Quite similar to the title of the new TTY posting.

    Harvest, you wasted and threw away a wonderful talent and album.

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    Replies
    1. I never even tweaked but of course!

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  27. ok here is a second comment..

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  28. What have I missed (again!)? The promise of a parody eh? I had a dream last night about a parody set in Vinyl Boutique, it had some promise, I might try to flesh it out over the Bank Holiday weekend.

    Anyway, absolutely love the TTY statement - it feels as if the colour is returning to TRM's cheeks and his loins are about to be girded.

    Really need to know if there are going to be UK dates - I have too much stuff coming up and I just know there will be schedule clashes somewhere. If anybody cares I have got Ray Davies, Chris Rea, Inspiral Carpets, Culture Club, Imelda May, Paul Rodgers, James and The Who between now and the end of the year. Plus the Cork Jazz Festival and Weyfest in Surrey.

    So come on TRM, I'll give you my dates and we can work something out.

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    Replies
    1. Damn - I could have made four comments out of the above. I am not worthy to be here.

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    2. A list of dates & venues would be gratefully received. Hopefully including some for UK.

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    3. Of course you're worthy, JG. And you have quite a busy concert schedule!

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  29. Is there a venue for the Lisbon show? Can't see one anywhere

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  30. I wonder who the eloquently named Maurice E. Maher was that got blocked by Skinny on the latest thread. He must have been doing something right to get blocked by the angry one.

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  31. Comment 46: bring on a new MW parody.

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  32. Comment 47: If anyone's in Frankston on Saturday night, I'm "performing" "poetry" in a glass studio (at least that's indoors and not heated, unlike a car park): http://anywherefest.com/soapbox - and no, I'm not actually in the photo on the linked page.

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  33. Comment 48: "This would not have happened to the Teletubbies." is a bit like "You couldn't make this stuff up".

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    Replies
    1. I took it to be a swipe at Uncle Skinny who quite often criticise Moz on SoLow by posting a video of the Teletubbies.

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    2. Ah, but I don't pry that deeply into the Hateful Creche. Best not to (for there are brighter sides to life, and I have seen them, oh, but not often)

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. Comment 50: Bring on the parody, please!!!

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  36. 51! Just to secure the number
    I am also still here; following, reading and not so much commenting, but love it all the same. :)

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  37. 52.. what are you lunatics on about now, oh yeah and been shopping for my new gear, bring on the tour

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  38. Chrissie Hynde had lovely things to say about Moz when she was on Tracks Of My Years
    this week, including mentioning his sense of humour.
    He doesn't often get credit for that, except by those in the know !!

    * drums fingers waiting for tour dates in the UK *

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  39. Replies
    1. But I haven't given him my other dates yet . . .

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    2. oh well. lets hope his crystal ball is good for you JG

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  40. Phil Collins looks like Gregg ( Masterchef ) Wallace in that photo !!

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  41. WPINOYB was no.1 in Morrisons pop music chart. Well it was after I put it there.

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  42. Christ. Who'd have thought it possible? FTM gets more than 50 comments in 24 hours? And a shirtless JB pic - AND no homophobic comments by the ladies!

    Does this mean I have, at least, to post the parody piece?

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    Replies
    1. The floor is all yours. No more FTM until you do!

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  43. Still right here where I always was
    Ignored
    Though stillmozsworld chats occasionally with me

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    Replies
    1. you made it Stu .... on the THIRD mention albeit

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  44. Where am I going? Where have I been? I have been here, there, everywhere. Here, there, nowhere. (Mostly Nowhere) I still read FTM but I can't read, summer's over and I've gone to seed. I've never learned nothin' that l'll ever need.... Harrison :-)

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  45. Comment time is over, but as I was unable to post on FTM until now, I'm going to do it now. My tablet crashed a few days ago and I had to start all over with entering my info, after I and the repair person(s) corrected what needed to be. (And who knows where the repair person was, the one in December was in the Philippines). Looking forward to the new parody piece.

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