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Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Day 1104 - A traveller to the grave

Morrissey (@AlfsButton) returned to The Twitterdilly Arms yesterday, and I can officially announce that not only has his MorrisseysWorld like wit returned, but so has his ability to say things that cause shock and outrage...... shout it out loud, MORRISSEY IS BACK!

As sick as Morrissey's first tweet was yesterday, it had me howling with laughter, and it warmed me to the centre of my old rat bones. For me, a sick sense of humour is probably the most attractive trait in a human being's personality, and as Ricky Gervais pointed out in a tweet on Sept 1st, "Jokes don't portray your true serious feelings on a subject". Here we go:

" #vamps4teenagecancer We can only hope."

BOY BAND, THE VAMPS

Putting aside Morrissey's hilariously sick tweet, one has to ask WHY are The Vamps using the hashtag vamps4teenagecancer and not vamps4teenagecancerresearch or vamps4teenagecancertrust instead? Thick c***s!

I wasn't around to interact with Moz yesterday, but he wasn't in The Arms for long. Here are his highlights from last night:

In response to GOB asking if he was a Vamps fan: "I'd rather have hot coals shoved in my pants."

"You can control the future but only regrets control the past."

"Today I am 'Morrissey - life coach'."

"I find it quite funny that there is a red line under my name when I type."

"I wish Piers Morgan would go and gargle Turpentine"

In response to being asked by @aikeaguinea1 if he had ever met Piers Morgan: "I have never had the displeasure. If I have, I have clearly forgotten the forgettable man."

"Emma Watson actually speaks sense. I must go and put a wet sponge to my head after that statement."



I have also managed to take a copy of some of Alf's tweets from Sunday:

"I am the female Beyoncé."

"Or the male Justin Bieber."

"Every stressful situation shows itself on my forehead."

"What date am I looking forward to playing? An unannounced one."

"Obama is just like the rest. We were all fooled. No hope."

"Victoria Peckham has taught David his first words today. Let us all rejoice at this miracle."

In response to MozFiend asking what the words were: "Business plan."

BRAND BECKHAM

The tweet about an "unannounced" date, has reminded me of a tweet that AlfsButton sent in a DM to me last Wednesday. I probably shouldn't share it, but as nobody believes a word I write, then I don't suppose it matters:

"A London date before the o2."

Alf has previously mentioned to me that that the Hammersmith Apollo is still on his "Wilde Wish List", so could Morrissey be playing there, or perhaps he will be playing a Sunday afternoon slot at Vinyl Boutique?



It has just dawned on me that I haven't published any of Alf's tweets from the first week of his account being active. I won't post them all at once, but to start off, here are Alf's tweets from last Tuesday:

"You don't like me but you love me. Either way you're wrong. You will miss me when I'm gone."

"Savage beast."

"I will not change and I will not be nice."

"I've many things to sell. Loneliness is one."

"It has come to the point that I could walk onto the stage dressed as a blue rose and people would still not believe."

"Are you aware, wherever you are, that you have just died?"

"Why do you come here? When you KNOW it makes things hard for me."

"And when Ricky Gervais introduces me at the 02..."

"Today's personal hero is Radcliffe Hall" (The misspelling of Radclyffe was subsequently blamed on autocorrect.)

"Gold varnish in Dublin?"


RADCLYFFE HALL

That will do for today. I will publish some of Alf's other tweets from last week tomorrow. It is great to see that Morrissey's humour has returned, and also interesting to note that AlfsButton has started laying into the likes of Piers Morgan, the Beckham's and Obama. It's beginning to feel like the old MorrisseysWorld days.

*Goes off singing* Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveller to the grave, I would never be you. I would never be you.


TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 40 CHART:

1. KISS ME A LOT - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SutsRPLFeFY



2. THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRASHING BORES - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry5mfwxYdb0

3. GIRL LEAST LIKELY TO (LIVE IN EL PASO 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4maruiJDt5o

4. I'LL BE YOUR MIRROR - NICO (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sKzMEQ6MUo&feature=youtu.be



5. BABY LOVER - PETULA CLARK (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEhL07UCkb4

6. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT - PATTI SMITH (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcAerhkRfiQ&feature=youtu.be



7. LITTLE DREAMER - JOBRIATH (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYtjM9BjbBE&feature=youtu.be


8. MOUNTJOY (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVJLaAyoZg

9. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm3VTNQj4Bo

10. STRIFE -SAVAGES (UP 13): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj73dyyCPIc

11. STAIRCASE AT THE UNIVERSITY - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEsFCscYRcU

12. ONE OF OUR OWN - MORRISSEY (DOWN 4): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLNl6Qn-LWc

13. ACCEPT YOURSELF - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNrCBtyr8po

14. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE - MORRISSEY (UP 7): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fogANLvEZtY

15. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING (LIVE IN 1983) - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zB2rb64YWY

16. SMILER WITH KNIFE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGbv8JR8x0s

17. HUSBANDS (LIVE ON LATER WITH JOOLS HOLLAND 2012) - SAVAGES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neRGpHLj1EQ

18. ART-HOUNDS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-dDNsNU2_E

19. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN SANTA ANA 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sTDWGqBdfo




20. ALMA MATTERS (TOTP 1997) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9IwyscFxFw

21. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE (LIVE IN BOSTON 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DtmRyYipdc

22. MY INSATIABLE ONE (LIVE IN SWITZERLAND 1992) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPWo_bDVkc

23. WILLIAM (IT WAS REALLY NOTHING) (TOTP 1984) - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvpMV0UiJfM

24. STONE IS VERY VERY COLD - PRISCILLA PARIS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdP4vIpLfHs&feature=youtu.be



25. NOVEMBER SPAWNED A MONSTER (LIVE AT HOLLYWOOD HIGH) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_d327ZGko0&feature=youtu.be




26. TRÄUME - FRANÇOISE HARDY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tk58mNstoY

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27. ROLLER GIRL - ANNA KARINA (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo4hPTIXY4E

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28. PEARL OF A GIRL - KRISTEEN YOUNG (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_Nn1p1P7jg&feature=youtu.be

29. GERM FREE ADOLESCENCE - X RAY SPEX (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGROSJbCPV8



30. SUNDAY BRUNCH - JOBRIATH (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZCwSbTmnEU#t=134

31. HAIRDRESSER ON FIRE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPRVXTytJQ0

32. OBOE CONCERTO - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs

33. ISTANBUL - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWn5iqSdJUs

34. ALL YOU NEED IS ME (LIVE IN VEGAS 2007) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y22G_sgsZ_s

35. JE SUIS VENU TE DIRE QUE JE M'EN VAIS - COEUR DE PIRATE (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIOysMmfEIE&feature=youtu.be




36. FUCKERS (LIVE IN PORTO 2014) - SAVAGES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-c20y7tjtE

37. WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY - THE RAMONES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xIC1r-cl4Y&feature=youtu.be

38. SUZANNE - NINA SIMONE (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pscDRqkFro

39. WHAM RAP! (ENJOY WHAT YOU DO) - WHAM! (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsyHQgiem8c

40. BAD BOYS - WHAM! (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqEy1F8lrfU

11 comments:

  1. Two Wham songs in the chart?! This is not acceptable, Ratty (but admittedly gave me a laugh).

    Very nice to see Moz's humor returning. Hopefully it's a sign that he's in good health and spirits and in fine form for the start of the tour.

    ReplyDelete
  2. the vamps is a boy band!now i get it.i had no idea what he was talking about.that was a funny tweet from our life coach.lol.
    thank you for your blog today.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice to see Kurt Cobain made the chart even if he snuck in through Patti Smith. If people around here can like Justin Beiber and Wham! I can bloody well like Kurt Cobain. And yes, I from New York and I just wrote bloody.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I echo Heathers comment: Kick the bride (twice?) Nice to see that Kiss Me a lot has stayed on top for now.
    I'm so excited for this tour, and I'm not even going. Haha

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dearest Rat (a bit too forward for a first comment perhaps).

    Thank you for documenting this whole adventure. I am pretty new to it but I do intend to read FTM and make up my own mind.

    Long live Morrissey.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How can they hear me say those words
    And still they don't believe me
    And if they don't believe me now
    Will they ever believe me?
    And if they don't believe me now
    Will they ever believe me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No Alf tonight, but he kept it open through the early hours of tiday/yesterday...
      Looking forward to this Swedish TV interview.
      Moz still has the quiff, when I'm his age to have a wig (like rat) that suits I'll be grateful!!
      *snigger*
      "Joking"

      Delete
    2. Tiday, is Scandinavian for today....
      Keeping the lingo going...

      Delete
  7. PS this is why I dont comment...
    Obviously...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Another great count down, even with Wham! It was nice to see 'Kick the Bride' went up 7-- right before my eyes. Also, some nice pictures, I had half expected to see the girl with 3 breasts, as it's been posted all over the internet. Seems she wanted publicity so she would get her own TV show. Also, wise that you did not recommend, as Moz's opening act, throat singer, Tanya Tagag, who just won the Polaris award in Canada, as she told everyone to eat seal in her acceptance speech. Did not think this would sit we'll with him. Well, hope your week is great, I have been cleaning my garage, so actually anything you do will be better than what I'm doing. Glad to see OM's wit returning on twitter.

    ReplyDelete

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