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Saturday, 27 September 2014

Day 1108 - "BRS lives again"

It's been a funny old third birthday for FTM. Despite my denunciation of AlfsButton, the whole phenomenal story of MorrisseysWorld looked to be at an end when Broken posted this crushing comment on FTM yesterday afternoon:

It's too late now. MW will never reappear. BRS is dead. It's over.
Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 13:44




Luckily for us MorrisseysWorlders/BlueRosers, Broken isn't the one who calls the shots, he is just OM's lackey, and eight hours after he had posted his comment, he was put in his place by his boss, who posted this via his secretary 'R':

Our Mozzer said, while nibbling on Moroccan honey-and-cumin-glazed almonds, "I notice that Broken s**ding c*** is at it again, distressing my online followers with the truth, old son..."

Our Mozzer then swigged some gin and tonic and let out an almost imperceptible belch, which rendered his voice clearer, more precise.

"...At least that dreadful blogger bod has finally cottoned on to the fact one's latest imposter is a boring b*******d..."

"Rat?" I asked.

"...That's the c***. If he issues a full apology and a retraction of his previous comments giving the oxygen of publicity to my dreary copyist, I might consider sending Old Broken Record part 2 of the parody by email... that ought to put the punk amongst the mods..."

"You're resurrecting MorrisseysWorld?" I asked.

"...Of course not... just prolonging its death. Assuming they manage 100 comments on the 'fraud' post and commit to leaving part 2 of the parody up for a minimum of one week, a certain iconic star might just ejaculate his wit once again, all over the most undeserving site on the world weary web."

Signed,

'R'

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 21:54

Our Mozzer himself then posted this:

Thank you for causing the car to swerve at the last minute, Broken old friend. You preserved the life of a tedious rodent, who might, now he's finally realised the error of his ways, live to spend another day swimming gladly in one's online sewage, in the underground pipe of one's imagination.

That Rat almost got his torso crushed by your Michelins.

OM

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 21:59


Broken then returned to FTM, to post this regarding the forthcoming Part 2B of the Concert Bans and  Ejections Committee parody piece:

I like to think I was the star of part 1, but now OM is in the building, I will, of course, fade into the background.

Incidentally, those of you who couldn't tell Alf Button wasn't OM should be banned in my opinion. Are you with me, Rat?

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 22:22




I of course concurred with Broken regarding Alf Button, after all, I would sell my own grand mother to have MorrisseysWorld back..... but then again, she wouldn't fetch much, she's been dead for thirty years, and the other grandmother for forty years. If I'm blatantly honest, I don't think I'd have got much for them even if they were still alive!

And that was it for yesterday, so today, on this thIrd birthday of FTM, I set about rallying what is left of the BRS/MW troops to leave comments on yesterday's blog piece, in an attempt to reach 100 comments.

The 100 comments were quickly achieved, but Broken once again returned to the comments section of FTM to inform us that OM had moved the goalposts. Broken also offered up some uncustomary praise for FTM:

You shouldn't imagine that the blog isn't popular; it is. There are countless others who read but don't write, including the unwelcome, and the positively leprous (GOB).

OM's frustration set in when you began following a fake OM, rather than the fake Morrissey that is OM, which, ironically, he was terribly upset about and wept on several occasions while dining on fresh falafel. You didn't even take his clearly expressed concerns on board; I do hope this isn't repeated.

Special mention must go to Rat for creating this blog and running it so avidly, to Heather for being utterly loyal and fair, to EARS for being the moral conscience of MW - and at times pricking my own conscience with her transcendent humanity - to Jjaz and Astrea for being 'the star dust' in the community, and to President Kyle, VP Ang and, of course, Manclad for changing his mind almost as often as he gets on to, and then falls off, the wagon.

BRS lives again.

Today I received a brief text message from OM. It states simply:

"I accidentally hit the one key with my finger - s***ing keys on this phone are still too small; I actually meant to stipulate two hundred comments, rather than one hundred. Do inform the bods on that blog, old friend. BW, OM. "

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 12:51


"BRS LIVES ON"

As I strove to try and get the comments up to 200, Astra appeared, and left this message:

Often late to the party - but always on my game.

What can I add? I could perhaps add that I in turn, adore everyone and nobody at all, all in equal measure, and seven times as much as each other. The former because I have to, the latter because I must, and both because of nature - not nurture. My gift and my curse, my song and my verse. My burden and light.

Insomnia was my only lover last night, but I come and bring with me two lessons to share. The first is this. Strangely apropos of this blog entry, but in fact my comment on the wider kitchen sink that we find ourselves in.

Always denounce fake Art. Wherever you see it, whenever you recognise it. Fling it back from whence it came. Fling it hard, and fling it without hesitation.

You have to be MERCILESS. Life will demand it from you. Art will demand it from you. And I demand it.

The second is this.

People like myself are very adept at drawing invisible lines.
Some invisible lines however, were always meant to be crossed.

Ah, but which ones, you wonder. And which ones are we only meant to read in between?

Not everyone knows how to read in between the lines, and while I won’t do a roll call right now, I would recommend to those people who don’t know how to read in between my lines, perhaps reading a bit less, and snoozing even more. Some people will always need more sleep than others.

Words are a dangerous business. This business is a dangerous game. But games of any kind bring smiles, and this was always going to be the best game of all.

So on this third birthday of the blog it is also fitting that I should also say thank you to Rat for his kind words to me, both publicly and privately. I am more touched than I know how to say. Rat is also deserving of a resounding thank you from all for the task he has undertaken in keeping this blog, which I think is appreciated with a far deeper fondness by those who matter than he even realises. It might be less than 12 though, so again, please let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

My biggest thank you I extend to Broken, for taking one look at me and clenching me to his jagged bosom. Jags and crags upon which I rested my head, because jags and crags are the only pillow I have ever known.

But she would die if we heard her sing from the heart
Which is hurt…

I was never going to be here forever. But MW will be. And on the day that I bow out, I want it only to be known that when I am gone, the largest piece of my heart will forever be left behind here, and will never leave.

Sing it. Live it. SWAG IT. And never forget JB.

Astra

Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 15:47




I replied to Astra's post by thanking her for her beautiful words, and telling her that she would be greatly missed. I also reminded everybody that it was Astra who introduced Fifi, St Ill and Alf into the whole story, whilst also being Broken's best friend. This small fact is often overlooked. I finished by adding that JB couldn't hold a candle to Astra. I was soon shot down in flames as Astra replied with this:

Hold your cunting horses for a single fucking minute Rat, would you? When I said on THE day, I didn't mean quite today. Also, I'm not sure that I agree with too much of the above.

Apart from possibly the part about JB, the candle, and me.

But he can definitely try and hold that candle to me. He can most definitely still try.

You never know. After all, I'm sure he's not half bad with his hands.

Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 17:52




As the comments being left on FTM reached 130, OM appeared on the scene, just before 7pm this evening:

OM: " 130 comments? Those soapy b*****ds aren't as bored with the old blog magic as we all thought. Perhaps there is still time for a certain iconic star to become the middle aged middle class and middle brow Justin Bieber, after all."

R: "We need a gimmick to promote part 2 of the bans and ejections committee... something very... visible"

OM: *spluttering on his stuffed olives* "Part 2? There is no b******d part 2, old son. Do you think we could push it up to three hundred comments? Could we get away with that?"

R: "You might upset your most committed bloggists..."

OM: "Serves them right - they might gain just a chard of insight into how I feel.... c***s."

R: "Well if you lose the FTM community, they'll be straight back into the hands of so-low"

OM: "The old Tories/UKIP dilemma. Damage limitation - call Broken and Russell; have them write something mesmerizingly witty and playful for me to sign off on... plenty of nonsense from that Menippus bod... and make sure the tour cat makes an appearance-"

R: "-The cat we can do. Russell is unavailable, Morr-ee-say..."

OM: *eyes closing slightly*

R:"....of course I could assist Broken..."

OM: "Very kind of you to offer, old son. I'm off to an emergency meeting of the MorrisseyBand this evening. Jesse beat me at Monopoly last week, and the c*** is for it tonight; I'll be in Mayfair with a hotel by 10 pm... don't forget to fax me a copy of the final article for approval. And don't send it later than midnight. That b*****d fax makes a sound like a Boeing 747 when it receives... I should sue the c***s for compo... Actually, old friend - buy me a new one. A silent fax machine. Can't risk ending up run down and terribly sick with double pneumonia again... or that awful and almost lethal necrotising septic flu, or black death, or whatever it was..."

R: "We'll send you the final article as soon as-"

OM: "-Boz...! Boz...!"

B: "Sire...?"

OM: "Order me an aubergine bhuna old friend. There's a good fellow."


B: "But I have no money, sir..."

OM: "That's OK, old son. You can pay me back later."

B: "Very kind sir. You're all heart. A true gent..."

R: *smiles thinly*

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 18:56

JESSE - CURRENT MORRISSEYBAND MONOPOLY CHAMPION

That is it for today; we now await R faxing over the new parody piece to OM. Incidentally, AlfsButton has made a return to twitter this evening, and it is disappointing to see Lizzy interacting with him, whilst at the same time being nasty about Astra. Will people NEVER learn?

16 comments:

  1. gotta love 'r' as admin hahaha the sod has gareth and others to dae his but he does love moz well his cat moz ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YyoOOf-45k xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's been quite a birthday celebration for FTM. As long as the BRS is still alive and there is a potential parody on the way, life is looking much brighter. I'm pleased to hear the tour cat will be making an appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hurrah for BRS.let the Moz tour begin.

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  4. Lizzycat is an ignorant, petty-minded and thoroughly tedious individual.

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  5. Maybe you could show some action shots of the tour cat and/or do interview with it. It's name doesn't happen to be Heather or Lizzy?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sorry to be so negative there, but I'm truly bored with the negative sniping, bitching and divisiveness of GOB and Lizzy. Both are hereby banned for life from FTM.

    Let's return to positivity and MW fandom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will that be in the new parody piece or is that just concentrating on concert bans?

      From here on in, I will delete ANY negative comments or dreary dross that has nothing to do with MorrisseysWorld.

      Delete
    2. Still 57 comments required on the last article, 'old son.'

      Delete
    3. Best I remove this piece from the front page then.

      Delete
  7. hang on, I'm just changing a wheel on this bleedin' covered wagon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Manc lad, you are BANNED from FTM. All further comments you place will be deleted.

      Delete
  8. Long live BRS.
    Great to hear a parody may be winging its way to us soon.
    I am really looking forward to the tour starting, not too long to wait now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good to see you both EARS and manc. Praise be to Our Mozzer!

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    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. Its grand to have you back with us again Broken.
      Praise be indeed!

      Delete
    3. it most certainly is NOT "good" to see manc lad, he has joined the lowlife at SoLow. He is not welcome here.

      Delete

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