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Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Day 1181 - Bonnie and Clyde (unpublished)

December 9th 2014

There is still no sign of the new MW parody piece, and unless it arrives by tomorrow, it won't be published until at least Christmas Eve, as I am off to Mehico.

Morrissey cancelled last Friday's concert in Athens due to missing a flight from Heathrow. Alf took to twitter on Saturday with the following:

"Airports are not the place for an artist of my standing. Who do they think I am? Daniel Bedingfield?"

Alf has also returned to twitter today, and also my DM box. Here are his twitterisms:

"Ignorance is not necessarily a bad thing."

"There are many things I wish to be ignorant of. Jamie Oliver for one."

"Christmas is not a time to trade slaps or turkey."

The "slaps" quote was a reference to Morrissey turning down Channel 4's invitation for him to give an alternative Queens Speech on Christmas day:

8 December 2014

Alternative Christmas Speech

Morrissey has politely declined an invitation from Channel 4 Television to deliver an Alternative Christmas Day Speech which would be transmitted at the same time that the Queen delivers her Christmas Day speech for the BBC.

Morrissey has commented:

"My view that the monarchy should be quietly dismantled for the good of England is reasonably well-known, but I don't think Christmas Day is quite the time to be trading slaps. The Queen should be allowed the impassioned trance of her annual address to the British people, if only to once again prove that, in her frozen posture, she has nothing to offer and nothing to say, and she has no place in modern Britain except as a figure of repression; no independent thought required. The Queen very well might be the most powerful woman in England, but she lacks the power to make herself loved, and the phony inflation of her family attacks all rational intellect.
All over the world highly civilized peoples exist without the automatic condescension of a 'royal' family. England can do the same, and will find more respect for doing so."

"We are all morphing into parodies."

"There is no such thing as life. We merely exist."

"Michael McIntyre is an odious oaf. I've seen funnier Germans." I asked him to name one, to which he replied, "Fritz Gunter."

"In another world I'd have been called Clive and work in accounts." I told him it was never too late to change, to which he replied, "I would but the application form would be too strenuous. Champagne and studios are the life for me now."

On the DM front, here is our conversation:

ALF: How did you enjoy the o2?

ME: Marvellous. You?

ALF: Extraordinary. It did not sell out though. Although that is the number of people who bought my latest masterpiece.

ME: It was still a remarkable achievement to attract so many.

ALF: Justin would have attracted more.

ME: How many nights do you think JB could sell out?

ALF: 365 and I would be at everyone.

ME: Every one, not everyone. *Tuts* You wouldn't go to any, you fibber.

ALF: The modern world has crushed my ability to construct sentences. I could barely speak on stage. I'd be backstage. Me and Justin are like Bonnie and Clyde. I'd rather we were The Kray Twins.

ME: More like Butch & Sundance. When is Oboe coming to a stage? Mind you, I don't know why I'm asking you, EVRY prediction of yours has been wrong!

ALF: Almost like it was done on purpose.

ME: Yes, almost. Was the rejection by the Savages true? Whether true or not, you introduced me to them, and for that I am grateful.

ALF: That's all I was trying to do. Could you imagine if Jenny Beth is on my next record. Did I not say once that I would record a new album? It is your job to remember these things Ratty.

And that was it.

*Eventually published Nov 9th 2015

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