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Thursday, 8 January 2015

Day 1211 - "Nobody noticed? Nobody knew?"

With MorrisseysWorld having disappeared some time ago, my days of daily blogging are now well and truly over, but still I continue to keep an eye out, and I shall write if anything relating to the MW story appears in front of that outed eye of mine. Here is my diary of recent events:

Dec 29th 2014: The first section of Part 1 of Our Mozzer's new parody piece is posted on Day 1091 of FTM. I request that I be allowed to add a little something and permission is granted as OM sends this comment via 'R':

"That Rat B******d can write a few lines, but a certain singing poet will of course retain complete artistic control. Tell the c*** he can post a few lines at the end and we'll rewrite them to get them into some sort of sensible order. We don't want TheRatsBack simply appearing out of contest once again, and causing one's readers to have to give up their suspension of disbelief. Honestly, you'd think the c*** would know about suspension of disbelief, what with having written that ridiculous blog for three years."

Morrissey said these words while downing a port and Christmas pudding with Damon.


Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 29 December 2014 at 12:38

Jan 1st 2015: The remainder of Part 1 arrives at FTM HQ, but I am told not to add anything, which I am rather frustrated about, as I wanted to have Boz Boorer referring to me as a c***, and I wanted to then insert a photo of my recently gained Boz Boorer autograph:


Broken returns to The Twitterdilly Arms and mentions that he has recently contemplated suicide again. Broken takes the piss out of Fluff Rat (the TRB twitter account remains closed), and then declares his love to me.... although apparently, "not like that"! Broken then announces that, "twitter is dead", and leads his (very few) followers to the MW chat room, where not particularly heavy words are then lightly thrown, i.e. idle chit-chat.

Jan 2nd: Fluff counts down the Twit Arms Top 30 of 2014, and both Fifi and Kristeen Young favourite a couple of entries. The full Chart of 2014 (all 285 songs) is published by me on FTM, but not posted on the home page, so that the MW parody remains in poll position. Broken & Astra's twitter accounts disappear. Morrissey writes his first TTY piece of the year, expressing his "delight" at seeing "serial killer", Karla de los Angeles "justifiably gored in a bullring". Morrissey remains a voice for the voiceless.

View image on Twitter

Jan 3rd: Fifi returns to The Arms, and exchanges small talk with Willow (@smashingblouse7), George (@edgeindustphoto) and Nicole (now @lapinblanc9) about plimsolls and patios. Nobody else interacts with Fifi, which bearing in mind all that has been written here on FTM about who Fifi is, is quite bizarre.
A new twitter parody account of me appears, using the name @TheRatLsBack. It is very obviously the work of Chuck, but as I closed the @TheRatsBack account a month ago, the parody is a bit meaningless.

Jan 5th: Astra leaves the following comment on FTM:

To my current top three favourite men – Rat, Broken, and JB, in no particular order, as all three of you bring an entirely delightful kind of very particular NO order, to my everyday.

Rat, very good to see you and to have you back. My twitter, and perhaps other people's backs, have missed you, your yours, and all of your you'res.

Broken darling, the parody is a deliciously dangling carrot so far. In MW parody world, time and time again I feel if I were to admit which parts I truly find funniest I should be ashamed of myself for laughing at the most inappropriate things, blushing for my transgressions, and then turning scarlet red as my own beating heart for it. Does life always imitate Art? Maybe. May be. I always laugh at all inappropriate things but am never ashamed, and I wouldn't be caught dead blushing. The transgressions will remain of course, but they can only ever be paired with the insouciance that falls by my wayside, my wayward ways, and the playful guile that is the innate and facile barometer of my life. Is everyone following so far? Didn't think so. That's fine, this is how things go. Not all things are for everyone. And nothing interesting ever will be, or will want to be. Remember that.

The parody. The parody! The parodies' comments are always very appreciative, but they often don't say very much, so let me even out the scales that weigh.

I can show you all my better side. That would be my left side, which is a side without inhibition. So let me swathe you all right now in exactly none of the reserve that I surely ought to have. Ought? Ought not. Thought not.

For anyone who's already confused right now, this is your cue, don't miss it - stop thinking.
Thinking's not for everyone, and it's invariably not just for Christmas.

Broken, the parody is so very meta. I'm impressed, and I'm impressed that you managed to parody-dazzle whilst so seemingly parody low-key. What makes the parody so artistically meta are the layers of parody upon the layers of parody that are being parodied. Combined with layers of irony, and I do mean layers, and I see a return to MW form that I haven't sniffed in awhile around here.

It's the meta, baby. It's all the meta. Looking forward to Part Two.
Picture Parody Perfect. And I do love a hanging bar scene.

As for this comment? This comment was an exercise in demonstrating the correct way to spin a jeu de mots.

Oh, the magic I weave. The webs I spin. The board games I love, and the ways I love to win.

Last but never least, in fact, last and never enough.... JB, I can't wait for your new album. When is it coming out? Call me. Your creative insight eclipses anyone's and everyone's, and I know that in between your beautiful new blonde hair and your baseball caps, your deliciously gorgeous, delectable blonde head is trying to generate some serious mental heat up there, desperate like a wintertime Inuit family caught huddling without a fire. Star sexy. And stay SEXXXY. I know you can do it.

See you on Twitter. Or maybe not. On second thought, yes, we'll go with maybe, most definitely not.

Well done Broken, OM, 'R', and team. Still punk as fuck.


Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 5 January 2015 at 22:34

Jan 6th: The Twit Arms chart of 2014 replaces the parody piece on the front page, with the parody having received comments from just 14 people. One day, Morrissey fans will discover these comedy gems written by Morrissey, and will collectively ask themselves, "how the hell did we miss all this"?

Fifi briefly reappears in The Arms to interact with the same three as before, and the twitter account, @AlfsButton returns to interact with Jesse (@MozFiend), Daz (@springheeleddaz), Kirky (@southkirk), Nathalie (@HoarsleyCry), Inge (@IngeKersten1980) & Kerry (@AmIMoving2Fast). Alf, who still claims to be Morrissey, offered the following:

"I have built a career despite blatant self-sabotage"
"If such a thing were possible I would remove 1997-2004"
"@AmIMoving2Fast @MozFiend Did you give up faith after Maladjusted? I nearly did myself"
"Trouble Loves Me is the jewel in a diseased crown"
"Oscar believed people to be in the gutters however I am in the sewers."
"If you take one thing from me it is that you should keep your summer of 2015 somewhat free"
"Life teaches us lessons that are entirely useless"
"Gin is my personal drink of choice. I must be a mother in ruin"
"Dullness is a crime"
"Cling onto hope. Nothing is more attainable than hope."

Bearing in mind all of Alf's very false predictions from last year, I would say the summer of 2015 looks a good time to do your own thing!

An interesting documentary about Morrissey fans from 1995 appears on Youtube.

Jan 7th: A new Calvin Klein advertising campaign is launched, starring Justin Bieber with Mrs David Walliams, Lara Stone. Could this be the start of the process of Bieber finding Morrissey?

Fifi leaves me a message in the filthy Twit Arms toilets, saying, "I saw the chart. I am surprised. Wasn't the Paris interlude song played in the Arms? Nobody noticed? Nobody knew?"

Jan 8th: I reply to Fifi saying, "How was this missed?" I inform her that I will instantly check-out Youtube, and she adds, "While you're at it, look for the French mix of One of our own... Oh wait...No, never mind."

A search of Youtube reveals that during the Speedway pause in Paris, Morrissey sang, "I will change my whole life, and I'll admit, until I met you, that I was all.... wrong". This line is from Françoise Hardy's I Will Change My Life (Je Changerais D'Avis). I have no idea how NOBODY noticed this was sung, and disastrously, neither Morrissey's nor Françoise's versions, made the Chart of 2014!

It is revealed that Bradley Steyn has dropped his lawsuit against Morrissey. The world remains full of crashing bores.

We now await the next part to the parody piece, and what does Fifi mean about a French mix of One of Our Own?

STOP PRESS: Added at 14:00hrs (Original blog entry posted at 12:49) - The following statement has been posted on True-To-You:

8 January 2015

The Bullfighter Dies / single

The 45 pictured below was scheduled for global release by Harvest, but scrapped by Steve Barnett at the last minute. The b-side was the original French mix of the song One of Our Own.
The Bullfighter Dies (1)
The Bullfighter Dies (2)

Fifi's message saying,  "While you're at it, look for the French mix of One of our own... Oh wait...No, never mind", was sent to me at 10:17 this morning. Make of it what you will. In fact, DON'T make of it what you will, let me spell it out...... actually, in the words of the great KW, what's the bloody point?

*Goes off singing* debut à la pierre de l'un des notre propre.


  1. Replies
    1. Oh, and the French mix:
      8 January 2015

      The Bullfighter Dies / single

      The 45 pictured below was scheduled for global release by Harvest, but scrapped by Steve Barnett at the last minute. The b-side was the original French mix of the song One of Our Own.

  2. Glad you have time to keep up with all the developments. I can't, and am magically attracted to the candy written on the FTM again and again - N

  3. Didn't Banjaxer tweet the pic of the 45 earlier today?

  4. Hello Ratty dear, I saw the documentary on you tube and I enjoyed it very much, another good news is the dropped-settled lawsuit: this means that the bodyguard can't give proof about Morrissey's desire to hurt TzeTze and,of course, he mudt avoid any kind of bad publicity if he wants to find another job soon and, last but not least, maybe Morrissey will be too busy touring and can't waste his time in a dusty court. Have a nice evening, ciao.

  5. Nice to see you blogging today, Rats. That autograph from Boz is priceless! It's a shame that we missed the Francoise reference in Speedway. My time online is so limited these days that I regrettably miss a lot of things, such as when certain people appear on twit or in the chatroom, so I thank you for filling us in. As I tweeted earlier, the TTY announcement was mentioned on Solow at 10:29 this morning, so it's hard to know whether or not it appeared before Fifi alluded to it, but the timing presumably must have been very close. It certainly would be nice if there happened to be a reason for us to keep our schedules free this summer. We can dream...

  6. Oh fancy us missing Francoise in Speedway. She was played so often in The Arms last year. Actually, after Morrissey she was my most listened to singer of last year. Astra & Fifi often spring to mind when I listen.

    Cheers for filling us in on recent events Rats

  7. Great autograph! Why is it on such a tatty piece of paper? You should have asked Boz to autograph your arm - you could then have had it tattooed.

  8. Why is Scandinavia mentioned on the back cover of the single?

  9. Something not in your diary of events so it may have passed you by from 7 January was Boz’s announcement on twitter/facebook that his Vinyl Boutique pop up shop that was to accompany his DJ sets in the States will no longer be popping up. The merchandise was arranged to go by air but it was shipped by sea instead (apparently) so won’t arrive in the States on time.

    1. Let's hope BB's records weren't aboard Hough Osaka; they could be floating in The Solent! Apparently Vinyl Boutique is relocating in Camden, which is great news.

  10. Finally, if anyone wants to try it, Wallpaper published Linder’s reviving Ayurvedic elixir – made with rose petals @-'-,-


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