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Thursday, 10 September 2015

Day 1460 - BEYOND BELIEF... and other gothic romances

My request of Tuesday that we get our long awaited parody piece has been answered, but not in full, and certainly not as expected. Instead of actually posting a parody piece on FTM, a snippet of a parody has been posted on.... wait for it.... TRUE TO YOU! Here it is:

9 September 2015

Michael Bracewell comments on Morrissey being without a record label

"The situation is BEYOND BELIEF..... not wishing to be facile, but this is like Hockney being unable to get a gallery, only slightly worse and even more baffling... How very odd that the cost of being an icon is isolation..."

It is written in exactly the same style that all MorrisseysWorld pieces involving Mikey Bracewell are written, such as this one on Day 767 of FTM: Reviewing the Reviewers, but of course the brainless meatheads over at So-low have NO IDEA that this is a parody piece, having collectively turned their backs on MorrisseysWorld from the very start, when their commander-in-chief, Uncle Sweaty, TOLD THEM ALL to. Sweaty himself has taken this TTY statement at face value, and has left a comment on So-low   to say that Morrissey won't get a record deal unless he changes his band members - the same band members that helped him reach No.2 with World Peace Is None of Your Business! You couldn't make this up!

I would be VERY surprised if Michael Bracewell had anything to do with the TTY quote, and it instantly reminded me of a quote on twitter by some old OM or other, which read, "Washing my own hair is tiresome beyond belief. I mean, I cannot imagine Alan Bennett washing his own hair."

Hopefully we will get the new parody piece, in full, within the next few days.


Another TTY statement has also been posted today, entitled List of the Lost, number one, which points out that Morrissey's soon to be released novel is positioned at Number 1 in four different Gothic Romance Amazon charts. Morrissey has commented, "I am either too nervous to be excited or too excited to be nervous."

It has been suggested by some that the four mentions of the book being in the Gothic Romance section is a little bit overkill, which may mean Morrissey finds it highly amusing to have been registered as a Gothic Romance novelist.

I actually got the opportunity to ask the man himself about it this morning, as he was loitering around the Twitterdilly Arms toilets in his French tart guise. I don't usually share my private conversations any more, but this one is of public interest, and our favourite French maid is very funny, so here it is:


FIFI: Oui, gothic romance. Do you like it? It's about pale people with too much eye make-up falling in love. So gothic romance. Honestly, I have no idea.

ME: Typical that you couldn't be categorised, so they plonked you in with Buffy the Vampire Slayer... you aren't Buffy, are you?

FIFI: I wish I was. But I am only Fifi the record company slayer.

ME: Ain't that the truth. The question is, are there any left to slay?

FIFI: Oui but I am considering retiring my slayer career. I may become a full-time gothic romance writer.

Fifi also noticed that I had tweeted this morning to say that I was dancing around my kitchen dancing to Jobriath. She informed me that she too was dancing in her kitchen, and challenged me to a "shirt-throwing face-off". (ED - The real Morrissey would NEVER use the word face-off!) I accepted the challenge, but was later informed by Mlle on twitter that I had lost! No surprises there.

(Gif taken from The World of Moz blogsite)

As excuses go for being late for work, having a shirt-throwing face-off with Morrissey in the toilets of an imaginary internet pub must be right up there. In fact, has anyone else in the world EVER used the excuse that they were late for work because they were chatting to Morrissey on twitter? I didn't use either of the above two excuses, but if I ever write an autobiography, poetic licence will be enforced.

In other news, the Blue Rose Society has picked up a Youtube blogger called Jenni, who has noticed Morrissey's various hand signals on stage. Jenni has published a video on YT entitled, Morrissey Likes Blue Roses, although NOBODY will take notice, they never do! Welcome aboard Jenni, who incidentally I previously featured on Day 1368, singing along to Tomorrow - a classic.

And as we gain Jenni, it looks like we have lost Father Brian, whose son Kyle is currently the BRS President. Brian tweeted yesterday, "Never thought I'd give up after 25 years, but it feels great to shake the obsession. That night opened my eyes! Ignored. Done. Out. TY."

I can only guess that perhaps Morrissey didn't invite Kyle on stage at Madison Square Gardens, but Brian surely must know by now that everything Morrissey does is on HIS terms. It has to be - that's why he is Morrissey. All references to Morrissey and the BRS have been removed from Father Brian's profile, but hopefully, one day, he will find his way back.

And finally, Morrissey may well be Number 1 in the Gothic Romance Charts, but in the UK Hit Parade, this week's Number 1, for the first time ever, is none other than Justin Bieber, with his song, What Do You Mean? As with most singles these days, there is no physical release, so technically, even Justin Bieber hasn't got a record label. Now that is BEYOND BELIEF. Perhaps Biebs will turn to writing Gothic Romances too.


  1. Beautiful baby's gone back to blonde. Deliciousness.

  2. It is a dreadful thought that Morrissey could be compared to some of the true literary giants of Romance novels, Mimi Jean Pamfiloff and Mary J. McCoy-Dressel. Hello Astraea, you are always delightful, delectable and the epitome of deliciousness.

    1. Ever the sweetest of all the gentlest sweetlings. Thank you darling. If I knew how to spell “modesty” or even how to blush, I should probably blush right now.

      But as I know neither, let me just say instead that if you find me delicious - your taste in me is absolutely exquisite.

  3. No idea what the novella is about, but it certainly isn't a gothic romance with that cover picture. The TTY post is just having fun with Amazon's listing of List of the Lost as a gothic romance, whilst trumpeting the number 1 position.

    1. I try not to judge a book by its cover and, of course, have no idea what to expect, but I do expect that the novel won't neatly fit into any standard categories.

  4. You couldn't make this stuff up...

  5. I have to admit that I chuckled beyond belief when I read the Bracewell quote, even though the lack of a record deal is no laughing matter. The only way it could be more MW-esque would be if Michael was actually referred to as 'Mikey'.

    Welcome to Jenni, and I'm sorry to see Brian go, if that is indeed what he has decided to do.

  6. I thought at first that the parody-bearing email had been sent to Julia in error instead of Ratskins. Comedy gold of the highest order. Perhaps TTY can publish another snippet soon. The Solowers gaze and gaze and still don't see the trees.

  7. Aww whh , IF ONLY you could see howwwww readddding this post me smile! Happiee to be hererererererere, at last, At Last, AT LAST! . Did you REALLY post that video? Ugh, looking back so embarrassing! Hearing his novel is listed as GOTHIC ROMANCE, has me afraid to read it, and to be honest, wasn't expecting it. confused. The title, the cover, the genre, I was thinking his book was going to speak about the lost generation of this world... . . . . BUT also how enlightened people are lost themseleves, in that, they walk alone in this world b/c no one else seems to see things the way they do... So hence, the long distance runner, and his walk through life (much like the book, Notes from underground). . . . .and how EVERYONE is really lost.. like his song "lost". . but some more so than others. And how the world operates backwards .. . and relating to the message on TTY, how the cost of being an icon is isolation... which reminds me.. I had googled that statement... FOUND NOTHING. Didn't realize it was a parody. but THE THING IS, Fi-Fi is ALREADY a full-time romance writer.


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