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Monday, 25 July 2016

Day 1876 - Go to waste in The Wrong Arms

As FTM went to print last night, Our Mozzer was still holding court at the bar of The Wrong Arms;  cradling a bottle of virtual Smirnoff for company. Shyness and coyness once again held most people back from interacting with OM, and saying all the things in life they'd like to, so he introduced a new pessoa called Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist), to give himself someone to talk to... or if it isn't a pessoa, then it is certainly someone very close to him.

The tweeting went on until just before 1am UK time, at which point OM became particularly tired of me, and left. If only I had a filter to keep me in check, and to remind me that Morrissey is the Wildean genius, whilst I am just a mange ridden rat hanging off his coat tails, and NOT his equal in any way, shape or form. Either Chuck or GWO should act as my filter, as neither of them care if they offend me... not that I am easily offended.

Here is the edited version of last night's bar room talk:

OUR MOZZER: Why I'm not regarded as an international sex symbol I shall never know.

JESSE MOZ FIEND: It's because you haven't slipped out any sex tapes or had enough salacious sex stories about you in the tabloids.

OM: The only thing I ever slip on is fabulous floral shirts with fetching cardigans.

DAWN MIST: You are more regarded for your hand symbols I fear.

RAT:  *producing a photo from his wallet* I blame this lady

OM: The floor needs a good hoover. Do people not employ cleaners these days?

OM: *addressing Dawn Mist* Hello my beautiful enigma. How did you find us? Will you engulf us?

DAWN: Oui. I can engulf your racing pulse with serious consequences.

OM: My pulse has not raced since 1998.

DAWN: I worry then darling. I cannot be the blame for causing you a mischief.

OM: Well I did not mean to cause you alarm. The only mischief here is my own. Blame is the name.

DAWN: An alarm is something I neither possess or have any need for.

RAT: Astra, is that you that I can see emerging from the mist?

DAWN: I'm afraid I am not she. The disappointment will be frequent. The dancing will be less than adequate. And dank desperation. I live in a lighthouse on a very BIG rock. I watch seagulls. I'm an avid reader of horoscopes. I dine on my own. My lighthouse is white. As white as my skin. As white as my teeth. But not as white as my hair.

OM: *addressing the room* Where do you go to when all of the men are dressing like sailors?

OM: My tweets will now have the same effort put into them as rats blog, therefore my next tweet is... I never iron my shirts.

OM: Tour is cancelled as I am now headlining Celebrity Big Brother.

RAT: *putting November Spawned a Monster (Live at Hammersmith Odeon 1991) on the jukebox - in which Moz wears his glasses on stage* Morrissey should wear his glasses more often.

OM: hmmm...


RAT: I will be here 24/8 whilst you tweet. Your twilight years shall be better documented than Oscar's.

OM: I will next tweet then whilst you are watching George Michael in Bergen.

(Ed - the George Michael reference is a personal joke, as on Friday night OM told me in the toilets of The Wrong Arms that he was sending GM to Bergen as his replacement.)


RAT: What is your favourite George song?

OM: That's a shit question.... I may consider answering it.

RAT: It worked for that Dr Who bod.

OM: I Knew You Were Waiting... Peter Cushing was actually an interesting answer.

RAT: It was. And also would have been a better answer to my question!

OM: On FTM tomorrow I demand you write an essay on Peter Cushing's career.

RAT: I'm washing my hair... but I'll happily publish it if you write it. I do so hope you are joking about I Knew You Were Waiting being your favourite... Yes, you're joking... or vodka fuelled again.

OM: I shall not answer that. But alas it was a shit question.

RAT: It wasn't shit. I, along with many many other people, would be interested in knowing what Morrissey's fav GM song is.

OM: Pull the other one. People only want to know what my favourite Smiths song is.

RAT: Well, the dullards do. The thinking man's crumpet is far more interested in your favourite George song.

OM: F*** ***.

HEATHER: Rat, you're assuming there actually is a fave GM song!

OM: He's always assuming. One does find it very tiresome.

HEATHER: *addressing OM* Might you possibly answer any of the recent interview questions on FTM?

OM: If rat publishes them in one place tomorrow I'll have a look. No promises though. I'd like everyone to post their questions to ratbags on today's pitiful FTM entry.

DAWN: The sea is wild tonight. The water is murky with the unseen. My hair is wild from the suffocating heat. My feet are completely clean.

OM: You are heavily my darling. And shameless.

RAT: Heavily? Oh fuck, this is worse than I imagined.

OM: I didn't even notice! Good night.

The only person who has bothered to post a question on my blog entry of yesterday, as requested by Our Mozzer, is Heather. What this shows, is that NO ONE is bothering to trawl through OM's tweets like they did in the old days. WE HAVE MORRISSEY IN OUR PRESENCE, TWEETING LIKE WILDE, AND EVEN INVITING US TO ASK HIM QUESTIONS, AND YET NO ONE IS TAKING ANY NOTICE. You honestly could NOT make this up. I just DO NOT GET IT.

In the absence of any other questions, here are some of my original ones, plus the most interesting of the others that were posted 2 weeks ago, and Heather's from yesterday's blog entry. We can but hope that Moz gives us his answers.

HEATHER: Why the change of heart about appearing in the UK? Does this signify a new record deal?

JAZ: How do you feel about your audience of present day? Have they surpassed your expectations of what an audience should be?

JAZ: How do you feel when you see yourself (image, lyrics, fashion) portrayed by younger people who hold you in such high esteem - do you feel comforted by the thought of this generation immortalizing you somehow?

JAZ: "List of the Lost" was such a grand diversion from song writing and met with mixed reviews - have you entertained the idea of seeing your novel on the screen or stage?

JAZ: What is it about Bruce Lee that allures you? For myself it is his incredible power restrained by self control, do you recognize similar qualities in yourself?

RAT: Many artists either died young or become destitute. As you didn't die young, do you ever fantasise about losing everything and becoming destitute as some sort of self-destruct legacy?

RAT: Do you think anything will radically change in Britain if we do leave the EU as promised?

RAT: Do you believe the British monarchy will be a thing of history by the year 2116?

EARS: I've always felt you've got a strong sense of self. I remember you saying you are your own best friend, which I found inspiring. What do you do to achieve this? What are the greatest challenges? What/whom, if anything helps?

RAT: Why has the audio book version of List of the Lost been abandoned?

MERRYANNE: I've seen you say in interviews that the poet-types are never the ones who run for political positions like president, prime minister, etc, which is quite true. Why do you think that is, and how would you envision the world if more people of this type were to attain such roles?

MERRYANNE: In Neal Cassady Drops Dead, you sing "Victim, or life's adventurer, which of the two are you?"
Do you believe life experiences (negative or positive) or externally-imposed social roles form us into one of these two options, or do we perhaps ourselves perpetuate our own state as one? Are we free to choose, or do you feel it is more complicated than that?

MERRYANNE: Do you believe in happiness?

RAT: It is criminal that Warner UK were not interested in doing anything to mark the 30th anniversary of The Queen is Dead. Will you bother asking them to do anything for Strangeways 30th? A vinyl release of the original version of Death of a DD would be nice.

RAT: Any chance of you singing I've Changed My Plea To Guilty on the upcoming tour - for EARS?

MERRYANNE: If you could go back in time 130 years (or so?) and meet Oscar Wilde in person, would you want to?

RAT: As far as we are aware, animals don't believe or pray in any kind of God, so why do we?

RAT: There are pros and cons to religions; do you think the world would be a worse place without them?

RAT: Was it easy to get the band members to do that naked 7 inch photo shoot in 2009? Whose record collection did you use?

GIRL WITHOUT: Do you have anything tucked up your sleeve for your upcoming tour?

RAT: What is your favourite George Michael song?

And finally, this morning I gave a lift in my car to three of my 16 year old sons' male friends, and one female friend. As we were driving along, one of the boys asked me if Morrissey had a new recording contract yet? I informed him that, criminally, he did not. The female friend then asked, "who is Morrissey?" The boys; who have all had Morrissey thrust at them by me in the past, insisted that I play her a song, so I put on There is a Light That Never Goes Out - always a good place to start someone off. I honestly thought that she was going to cry, as she whispered, "that is just beautiful." She didn't want to get out of the car. Moments like that are worth the world.

*Goes off singing* Take me out, to-niiight


  1. Hmph! I thought mine were interesting Rat! :/
    I can imagine your son's friend is off to search for all the Moz/Smiths songs she can find now.

    1. Not sure why my nothing of a question slipped into the 'interesting' list whilst yours remained on the shelf. Would gladly stand down and allow yours and Jjaz's to take my place. (That's an exchange of my little one for 6 or so others, but I'm sure no one will notice).

    2. aw no your question was great as we really are all excited for the upcoming tour and are wondering what's next! I agree in remembering Jaz had a really good question also.

    3. I'm not quite sure why Jaz's questions got missed from the list; I will add them in later on, when I have my laptop. I will also add MerryAnne's too... not that any questions are likely to be answered.

    4. Thanks Rat. I especially like some of the ones Jaz asked.

  2. Flaming hell Rat! I didn't post any more questions because I assumed the previous ones would be considered.
    You appear frustrated with some of us. I don't expect you, or anyone else to understand, because most of the time I don't either.

  3. hi Ratty dear, you remembered me about my young neighbour who loves to listen to Morrissey and The Smiths just because I use too and the wall between my home and his home is very tiny! Have a nice evening, ciao!

  4. Most times I prefer to be an Observer, as I am not quite witty enough to engage O.M. in clever repartee. Not a question but a semi-uninteresting aside. I dreamt last night O.M. and I played tennis then had a glass of lemonade on his front porch. When I finished my lemonade, I bid adieu. I proceeded to walk down the porch steps, cross the road and then got hit by a train as I crossed the train tracks next to the road.

  5. Ratty, well done in sharing the gospel of the Mozziah. It always warms my heart to hear about a new convert.

  6. Just thought of another one...
    If you could go back in time 130 years (or so?) and meet Oscar Wilde in person, would you want to?

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. on a serious note can someone, anyone, tell me why that out of the blue Moz announced that he will not sing I Know It's Over live again, one of my faves with so much passion put in to it.. just asking like

  9. Please can I add this one too - I think loneliness is the sharpest emotional pain I've experienced. How do you try to deal with it when it can feel so overwhelming?

    Thank you.

  10. If you could interview anyone at all who would you interview & what would you ask them?

    If List Of The Lost was to be made into a film or play who would you choose to play each of the main characters?

  11. Q: Why did you redact the start of Late Night, Maudlin Street for the Viva Hate re-master?

    Not profound I know, but it's important to me.

  12. good blog Rats must of missed this one x


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