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Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Day 1912 - No real scandal

Mystery still surrounds the authorship of 'My Tour Diary 2016', with no explanation having come from the OM camp as to the lumpiness of it all.

As the new MorrisseysWord blog is being promoted by Our Mozzer (OM) himself on Twitter, it is definitely not the work of a fraudster, but similarly it is not of a high enough standard to have been the work of Morrissey.... although we are talking about a man who wrote both the classic, There is a Light That Never Goes Out and the not so classic, Oh Phoney, so perhaps we are witnessing the work of a parody writing genius at a low ebb.

There are certainly enough references in 'My Tour Diary 2016' to link it to the original works of the MorrisseysWorld parodies; such as the mention of the tour tombola, and the inclusion of Solomon - which is an ongoing joke to suggest that Morrissey has no idea who is currently in the rhythm section of his band. There is also a very funny bit about getting Gustavo to the front so that Moz can, "rest my eyebrows", but there is also the misspelling of Stavanger, lots of poor punctuation, and the other bits and pieces that I mentioned yesterday; which incidentally, have now been corrected. It is all very confusing, but maybe it is supposed to be. Here for the record is the piece in it's entirety:

My Tour Diary 2016

4th - 6th August 2016

Oh Bergen, so much to answer for, and this is where all the pain started. Boz forgot the 'tour tombola', which forced us to carry on with the 2014-15 set list. Although this is a classic set which no-one can tire from, it would have been nice to dust off the old classics; who wouldn't die to hear Journalists who Lie? I myself was quite looking forward to playing Dear God Please Help Me, alas my kegs remain private. For now. *Note: I always thought Boz's weight gain was from him constantly carrying the 'tour tombola' on his front. I'm paying him too much if his frontal weight gain is down to beer and food.

The comments over at that so-low place were predicted by the tour crew several weeks in advance of the first show. Come to think of it some of the comments are verbatim what was said. I hope someone is not leaking information. They will have to be dealt with. Solomon are you listening?

I retired to my room only venturing out once all week, mainly due to the constant drizzle. But also the threat of bumping into any audience members is always apparent, much worse still is my Norwegian fan base, which I have always avoided.

During the 'dress rehearsal' of 5th August, I am met with the horror that none of my DvN zip-up classical shirts fit me. This is mainly due to me having consumed 4-5 Pina Coladas each day on my pre tour vacation in M**ritius. The old acid reflux has suffered from this too. So I was forced to borrow a loose fitting shirt from Boz, much to my shame. I casually threw on a cardigan which was quickly sourced from a Norwegian factory outlet store. And voilà, with a few jewellery tweaks l looked classically and effortlessly iconic.

7th - 8th August 2016

A new interview has worked its way onto the Internet from someone who was in awe of my very existence. Who can blame them really? But it's nice to know that Mozza has still got it.

Spent the morning watching the diving highlights of the Olympics. That Tom Daley does look a nice young man. I feel he would look very fetching as part of my entourage. But then again he does have quite defined abs and chiselled features. I'm not jealous of course, I mean have you seen Old Mozza's face and body recently? No, no, but I can't have him upstaging poor Gustavo, who is reluctant to come forward during Speedway these days, in case someone says something nasty about his gut. Stop being a cry baby Gus and get to the front so I can rest my eyebrows. *Note: Not sure if Tom Daley is a vegetarian, he does look like he enjoys a bit of meat on a Sunday. Doesn't he know he cannot be a crew member if he even looks at a piece of meat? Regrettably another dream falls and dies.

Stavenger apparently became a city in 1125, and judging by what I saw it has not been updated or renovated since then. Perhaps this is where Mike Joyce would feel at home? It is also one of the most populous parts of Norway which, of course, is no claim to fame as I only saw 4 stylish people in my whole stay, and one of them was Boz. Really we should not care how many people live in a city, but judge this city on the style of its inhabitants, therefore Manchester ceases to be a city but instead a giant industrial complex north of Watford.
The above was confirmed with the lacklustre audience, all with confused pale faces and stinking breath. What can be done?

Our Mozzer appeared in The Wrong Arms yesterday evening and announced, "The past. The past. The past. It has cheated the blood from my body." He reappeared three hours later to add, "Mystery still surrounds me. How many artists could survive this long with no real scandal?" How strange. Is a scandal from Morrissey's past just about to break?

And finally, with no connection whatsoever to Morrissey, having watched the Simon & Garfunkel Story at the theatre the other evening, I cannot stop listening to the excellent song, Richard Cory. Where would we be without genius song writers?

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Day 1911 - LumpyWords

Yesterday, due to the arrival of the new MorrisseysWord blog,  I took FTM into 'Private Mode', but today I am taking it back into 'Public Mode', as I don't believe that the content on the new MW blog is being written by Morrissey.

A new article arrived today on the MW blog entitled, 'My Tour Diary 2016', but it is not only littered with grammatical errors, it is nowhere near the standard of writing that we are used to from Our Mozzer. It's as though Kerry 'the cocktail' Messenger has written it... perhaps she has. There are sentences such as the following:

"I retired to my room only venturing out once all week, mainly due to the constant drizzle, but the threat of bumping into any audience members is always apparent, but much worse still, my Norwegian fan base which I have always avoided." No semi colons being used, and the word 'but' appearing twice in one sentence. Dreadful.

There is also this:

"The old acid reflux has suffered from this too. So I was forced to borrow a loose fitting shirt off Boz, much to my shame." Starting a sentence with "so" and using the word "off" instead of "from" are schoolboy/girl errors. If Morrissey were dead, he would be turning in his grave.
Image result for morrissey head in hands

I beckoned Dawn Mist into the toilets of The Wrong Arms to point out all the errors and she had this to say:

"I know you have nothing better to do but my lighthouse and I do not care over these things. You are lucky to get a thing. One more petulant outburst like this and we will end it. You will have to go back to your fat wife and dreadful children."

I immediately pointed out that Mrs Whiskers doesn't have an ounce of fat on her... I didn't bother trying to defend the dreadful children.

A few of the regular MorrisseysWorlders also took to the loos of The Arms to discuss this new MW blog article, and they too are confused by the lumpy clumsiness of it all.

My only conclusion is that the article was written by someone else in the Morrissey camp. Damon? Jesse? Boz? Rustle Bland? Wossy? Morrissey's mum? I guess we'll never know, but Mikey Bracewell  is obviously no longer editing, and Dawn's secretarial skills aren't a patch on 'R's.... and the author of My Tour Diary 2016 is NOT Morrissey.

Monday, 29 August 2016

Day 1910 - The New Dawn - MorrisseysWord

At 2.46pm this afternoon, a new MorrisseysWorld style blog arrived on the internet; it is called, - a very subtle change from the original - there is no 'L' in place for me and my friends.... I'll get my coat. It's arrival has prompted me to take FTM back into 'Private Mode', solely because a number of people blamed my constant blogging as being the reason that MorrisseysWorld didn't take off five years ago. Personally, I don't believe MW would have been accepted by the masses anyway, but let us see if things develop differently this time around without me reporting everything publicly. At least I shouldn't be accused of being the one behind it all this time... what am I saying, of course I will!

The first entry on this new MW blog is entitled, A Very Quick Welcome From OM - Typed by Dawn, and has the following wording:

Welcome to the New Dawn *OM did not actually say this but sometimes it is hard to tell what he saying after a few bottles of the expensive stuff*

Whilst I am officially on a much needed holiday I thought it would be rather entertaining, to restart this old blog of mine. Entertaining for me, not for you. Now before you start your bellyaching and saying “why does he need a holiday, he only works two hours a night on tour”, let me just say that do you know the mental breakdown I suffer when I have to change the setlist?

Talking of mental breakdowns today on so-low I saw that the c**t T***g had gone to the trouble of typing out a fake technical rider. Dear god that man is beyond help. He missed off the Bolly and the Grey Goose for starters. It is an outrage that he doesn't feel that a man of my stature (seminal artiste/iconic singer/poet/independently wealthy political commentator), would request such mundane commodities. *OM walks away muttering something profound about sticky chest lingerie* 

So we are back here again. Can we take so-low down?

And before you all ask, the b*****d tour diary is in production. Between that and playing Pokemon Go I am rather busy at the moment. I hope I don't burn myself out. But Riot Festival would be fine to cancel I suppose... Well it won't affect the old insurance and I will still get paid without having to reschedule. 

Dawn's typing skills aren't up to much, as she missed out the word 'is' in the very first sentence. Bring back 'R' I say.

The new blog was brought to the world's attention by Our Mozzer, who has changed his Twitter name. He is no longer BRSChairman (@BRSChairman), he has become OM (@SeminalArtiste).

Here are OM's recent tweets:

SUNDAY 4.11pm: "Another denial you say?" - Does this tweet mean that we are set to see a TTY  denial about Morrissey having "no connection" with the new MW blog, or perhaps a denial about the 'Tour Rider' being real? Will there even be a denial at all, or is OM just toying with us? He was certainly just toying with us with those tweets from Dawn Mist suggesting that the new site was already up and running, and that some had already found it, and it was right under my "ratty nose". Lying blogger!

SUNDAY 5.26pm: "Lonely is personal terrorism."

5.35pm: "The loneliness of the long distance stunner"

MONDAY 3.03pm: "There is something profound out there. That is my final word."

OM's only other recent tweet of note came in the early hours of Sunday, and was in response to the fact that at Morrissey's recent concert in Manchester, Moz paid tribute to some of those who had died this year - as I reported in my blog entry of Day 1908  - but didn't mention David Bowie, which led to some fans accusing him of being petty, and the NME even using a headline to say he'd been labelled a cunt. Our Mozzer took to Twitter to clarify why he hadn't mentioned Bowie:

"You wish to know why I didn't mention Bowie? It's because Bowie had been living off his legend for far too long." It would seem that as far as Moz is concerned, the legend burned out long before the candle, and when you take a close look at Bowie's career; as I did back in January, Moz has a point - Bowie didn't release anything that could be considered legendary past the age of about 32/33... although his deathbed album was a fairly clever way to check out.

[linked image]

Here for the record, are Broken's latest tweets of note:

SUNDAY 12.28am: "This is no time for enigmatic otherness. So let me say just one more thing. Fuck you all."

1.30pm: "On behalf of everyone associated, you have all been terribly dull."

1.32pm: "Before I'm arrested for verbal murder allow me to say that it has been a terrible five years. Boredom is a plague."

5.09pm: "There are those who make their apparent pain into attention seeking. Those truly in pain keep it within themselves."

And here are Dawn Mist's tweets of note:

SATURDAY 11.23pm: "The mind wonders. The habit falls. The failure feels the pain and disappointment. I've taken it all."

11.52pm: "Tonight I watched. Today I watched. Tomorrow I will skip. Skip with shallow steps of unfounded glee. Welcome. To nothing. Vice."

SUNDAY 3.43pm: "The reissue, may or may not have new bonus material. Don't say I NEVER predict anything."

Dawn also posted the song, Somewhere Else by Razorlight.

Right then, let's see what happens next. OM currently has 292 Twitter followers, but his account is locked. Will there be a TTY denial regarding MorrisseysWord? If there is, will anyone have the brain capacity to work out this time around exactly what is going on? Time, as ever...

*Foot Note* - I pointed out the missing 'IS' to Dawn, and it has now been added.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Day 1909 - Riders on the storm

I ended my blog entry of yesterday with the Morrissey pessoa, Dawn Mist, saying that she may have a "trick up my SLEEVE" to bring the "New Dawn" website to the attention of Morrissey fans. This morning I awoke to find that the Solow website was abuzz with a supposed leaked 'Rider' from Morrissey's 2016 tour, but having read it, it looks to me like a parody; especially as it reads, "2 Bunches of Nice Flowers (no roses) in nice vases". WHAT THE FUCK IS A "NICE" VASE? I have spent my whole life in ruins... because of vases that are "nice"!

Is this the "trick" that Dawn spoke of? It still doesn't help us find the new MorrisseysWorld!

There has also been another bizarre occurrence. Yesterday morning, at 11.08am UK time, a rather odd comment was left on my blog as follows:

"Ain't Nancy Sinatra tweeting godspeed an awful lot recently?



I haven't been following @NancySinatra on Twitter lately, and didn't give any thought to the comment, but this morning I awoke to see that Morrissey had posted a TTY piece to offer a "loving goodbye" to Nancy Sinatra's daughter's dog, Sunny.

I took a quick peak at Nancy Sinatra's twitter feed, and discovered that last night, at  9.52pm UK time, Nancy tweeted, "We've lost family member Sunny Erlinger. 'If love could have saved you you would have lived forever.' godspeed Sunny". A coincidence that someone had left a comment on my blog about Nancy tweeting godspeed, and then 11 hours later, Nancy tweeting "godspeed"? Nancy KNOWS, you know.


Our Mozzer, Dawn and Broken all appeared in The Wrong Arms late last night, and again earlier this afternoon, but I don't have time to report their words now, as I am just about to go out to dinner with friends, and then onto the theatre to watch The Simon & Garfunkel Story. I shall return tomorrow.


Saturday, 27 August 2016

Day 1908 - Hidden in the mist

Lighthouse keeping tweeter, Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist), spent yesterday evening in the public bar of The Wrong Arms, interacting with a number of her 34 followers and playing the jukebox.

Dawn arrived at 5.30pm (UK time) and immediately headed to the jukebox, playing Prince's cover version of Creep and Joan Jett's cover of Personality Crisis. Dawn later played No More 'I Love You's' by Annie Lennox.

When I tweeted to Dawn that Creep was one of my favourite songs of all time, she replied, "One of your favourite songs of all time? Tut Tut. Like a dagger to my heart". As to why some scatty old lighthouse keeper would be so upset at me liking a Radiohead song, I have no idea. I suggested to Dawn that she cover it, to which she replied, "It'll be on the b side to Boredom Is A Plague." (Ed - for those who haven't been reading this blog of mine from the very beginning, Bordeom Is A Plague is a fictitious(?) song title that has been mentioned a number of times during the MorrisseysWorld journey.

I responded to Dawn's tweet about Boredom being a future b side by saying, "Oh good, that means it's a vinyl release", to which Dawn came back with, "Now, now. Don't get too carried away. I presume even a cover of 'Creep' wouldn't chart." Dawn is mistaken of course, a Morrissey cover of Creep would DEFINITELY chart, especially in the Official UK Vinyl Singles Chart, where David Brent is currently Number 1 with the highly amusing song, Lady Gypsy. And on the subject of Brent, this week I went to the cinema to watch the Ricky Gervais/David Brent film, Life on the Road, which is absolutely hilarious. There is one song, Ooh La La, that for some reason reminds me of Boz Boorer's new song, El Camino Real. I shall say no more on the subject.

I hadn't previously heard Prince's version of Creep - which was performed at the Coachella Festival in 2008 - and although I wasn't instantly grabbed by it when Dawn put it on the jukebox, I have been playing it on repeat this morning, and I now absolutely love it. I was lucky enough to see Prince play live at his 3121 club in Las Vegas in 2007, and it he truly was an unbelievable live experience. Morrissey took the time to pay tribute to Prince last Saturday at his concert in Manchester saying, "In this year of the reaper, we would like to remember Victoria Wood, we would like to remember Caroline Aherne, we would like to remember Muhammad Ali, we would like to remember Prince; too soon, too soon, too soon." This was followed by the singing of Oboe Concerto.
Image result for prince blue rose singer

Here are Dawn's highlights from her session in the bar:

"The New Dawn appears to be gathering momentum. A comment has been received."

This was obviously a reference to the, "new dawn for MW" which Dawn first told me about on August 8th. I replied by telling Dawn she was a tease, and I asked for a clue to help me find the website. She replied, "It really is right under your ratty nose" and added, "Some have managed to find from the clues already provided. No more. It's to grow organically like the original MW. No one is excluded." Heather pointed out that perhaps a TTY denial might help us find it, to which Dawn replied, "Well that barely worked last time. Maybe I have another trick up my SLEEVE."

"@sadglamour You may or may not have missed a recent cardigan. Keep your eyes peeled and your feet skipping."

If there really is a new MorrisseysWorld style website out there, then no doubt we will find in at some time, and then of course, I will have the dilemma as to whether to blog about it or not. I will probably resort to 'Private Mode' and see if this time around, the masses actually realise that it really IS Morrissey.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Day 1907 - Tour legs, legacies and the continuation of the BRS

Morrissey's mini tour of Europe and Israel came to an end in Caesarea on Wednesday night at the stunning Roman Amphitheatre, and there were a few pleasant surprises in the set.

Instead of opening with Suedehead; as has been the tradition, Morrissey kicked off with You're the One For Me, Fatty, followed by Bigmouth Strikes Again and then First of the Gang To Die. My vanity immediately made me wonder if Fatty and Bigmouth were added due to my blog returning, but having listened to YTOFM,F all the way through, there are certainly no 'Ratty's'; just like there were probably none that time in Rio, so I can make no such claim. What is more, despite Dawn Mist telling me that I speak too much, and me ending my blog entry of Wednesday by singing Bigmouth, I really can't claim that Bigmouth Strikes Again was played for me either, and therefore conclude that it's appearance in the set was nothing other than a genuine coincidence - in fact, it's appearance is just as likely to have been triggered by the headline in Wednesday's Jerusalem post that accompanied Sarah Levi's review of the concert in Tel Aviv.

From the footage that I have seen, the concert in Caesarea looked incredible. Bigmouth brought a lyric change of "and her breastplate started to melt", and the song was certainly well received by the audience; with even the front row leaping around full of passion, which you don't see from the poseur front rows in Europe and the USA.

Interestingly, the image of Renée Jeanne Falconetti playing Joan of Arc; that is set to be used on the WPINOYB re-issue, wasn't used as a backdrop during Bigmouth.

Image result for passion joan arc

And whilst on the subject of that Joan of Arc image, I have been racking my brain to try and think who it reminds me of, and it has come to me - Lol - played by the wonderful Vicky McClure - from Shane Meadows's brilliant drama, This is England.
Image result for lol this is england

The undoubted highlight of Wednesday's show was another surprise song, All The Lazy Dykes. I've said it before, and I will say it again, WHAT A SONG!

Despite the various plasters being worn on the 8 date, 19 day tour, there were no cancellations. There were also no blue roses accepted, but that was mainly because only a couple of us offered them, and NO ONE even attempted to get on stage with one. I had a really good opportunity in Bergen when Morrissey arrived on stage for the encore dressed in a jacket with a top pocket and said, "get on with it", but I bottled it. I am kicking myself for not at least attempting to get on stage, and others should be kicking themselves too. The European members of the BRS have failed Morrissey, so now we look to America.

The next leg of the tour will see Morrissey play 26 dates in 7 different countries over a 2 month period. It starts on September 17th in Chicago and concludes in El Paso on November 23rd. And then onto Scotland?

At 11.15pm lat night, Our Mozzer, Broken and Dawn Mist all entered The Wrong Arms. It may have been that they had just arrived back home and were popping in to catch last orders, but if they had, then they were in no mood for chit chat, and they didn't appear very jolly. They stayed just long enough to post one tweet each:

BROKEN: "Money and love are not the same"

DAWN MIST: "I find the "love" of the pretend excruciating. Pass me the sick bucket. The reviews... abysmal!"

OUR MOZZER/BRS CHAIRMAN: "Perhaps if I had killed myself like Ian Curtis then my legacy would have been secured after Meat is Murder."

Image result for morrissey 1985

I think OM could well be right about the legacy thing, but if Moz had checked out in 1985, the world would then never have had songs such as I Know It's Over, Death of a Disco Dancer, Everyday is Like Sunday, Trouble Loves Me, All the Lazy Dykes, Life is a Pigsty, Ganglord or WPINOYB. Morrissey's legacy will come in good time, and with a far greater body of work to be remembered by than that of Ian 'One song' Curtis.

Broken made another visit to The Arms earlier this afternoon, merely to answer a question MerryAnne had asked him about concert reviews. He cuttingly said of her review of Berlin, "I'd rather read the court documents from the Joyce trial." He really can be quite brutal... but hilarious with it.

That's all for today. I haven't been asked to migrate to a grave again yet, so for now, I'll hang around. Where does the story go next? The fact that OM is still using the twitter name BRS Chairman tends to suggest that the Blue Rose Society DOES continue to live on, so will one of the US members of the BRS get a blue rose to Morrissey, and if so, will he then wear it, making it FIVE calendar years in a row? Time, as ever...

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Day 1905 - Still playing our game

I have decided to come out of exile, and go back to publishing my blog in 'Public Mode'. The only reason I entered exile and started writing in 'Private Mode' was because on Tuesday 9th August, Our Mozzer told me to "migrate to a grave" and announced that it was all over... and yet the wheels keep rolling, and signs continue to be given. MorrisseysWorld is still happening, and what is more, the hardcore members of the Blue Rose Society just don't seem ready to give up on their mission to take roses for Morrissey; with Vulgar Angie, Jaz and even laid back comrade herpes all stating that they will be taking blue roses to upcoming concerts. Vulgar Angie has also been reminiscing in The Wrong Arms about the time Morrissey accepted her bunch of blue roses in San Diego in 2013. As to whether or not Morrissey wants the Blue Rose Society that he formed to keep going, we shall have to wait and see. The song New Rose by The Damned has apparently been added to the pre-concert montage - is this a sign?

Last night Morrissey took to the stage in Tel Aviv; the place where he was given the key to the city whilst sporting a blue rose tie in July 2012... FOUR YEARS AGO!!! Where has the time gone?
   Morrissey once again wore a large plaster on his chest last night, but also had a plaster on his finger, which instantly reminded BRS members of a MorrisseysWorld article from October 6th 2011, in which Our Mozzer wrote, "Consider leaving plaster on finger long after healing or alternatively wearing cosmetic finger plaster to emphasise personal suffering on my journey". Whilst others are wondering if Morrissey has hurt his finger, we KNOW what is really going on.



Following on from singing The World is Full of Crashing Bores last night, Morrissey explained a lyric from Suedehead, telling the audience, "while I'm on the very dull subject of correcting certain things, in the song Suedehead there is the line, 'it was a good lay, it was a good lay, it was a good lay', people titter like that because they think it's S-E-X, but a good lai was originally a beautiful poem, and I'm afraid in Suedehead, that's what I meant." So there we have it!

Tonight, Morrissey and his band will play the jaw dropping ancient Roman amphitheater in Israel's Caesarea. I meanwhile shall wait to see if I am welcomed from my return from exile. If Our Mozzer, Broken or Dawn Mist ask me to leave, then I shall leave for good. I'm not really sure what I did to upset The Mozfather, but unlike a certain other Morrissey fan site owner, I have no bitterness towards The Mozziah, and instead of turning on him, I continue to worship at the alter....although not in The Wrong Arms if he bans me.

*Goes off singing* Oh yes, you can kick me, and you can punch me, and you can break my face but you won't change the way I feel... 'cause I love you.

*Changes song* And now I know how David Tseng felt, as the flames rose to his pug shaped nose and his Star Wars figures started to melt.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Day 1904 - Oh Morguechester, so much to answer for

I continue to write in 'Private Mode' whilst in exile. It surely can't be too much longer before Our Mozzer realises how much he misses me, and calls for my return... or not, as the case may be.

The reason that I continue to write is that; despite Our Mozzer (@BRSChairman) announcing two weeks ago today that our journey was over, he, along with Broken (@broken1andonly) and Dawn Mist (@slighdawnmist), continues to appear in The Wrong Arms (a make belief internet pub frequented by a deluded dozen or so Morrissey fans on Twitter). Here are the highlights of the past few days:

BROKEN: "The queen remains dead"

Broken posted a picture of the Scottish flag followed by, "December".  Our Mozzer did something similar to this in May, when he tweeted a picture of the Australian flag; which in July turned into the announcement of tour dates. No one made anything of that May tweet, and if Scottish dates get announced for December, no one will make anything of Broken's tweet... but here I am, keeping record, and perhaps one day in the future, people will read this little blog of mine and go, "WOW!"

When @mancladmozfan replied to Broken to say that it can be quite cold in Scotland in December, Broken responded with, "as cold as the Manchester audience? I don't think so."


When @girlwithout sarcastically asked, "Scottish flag and December. What can it mean?", Broken replied, "There is no time to be cryptic. Our time is running out." WHAT can that mean?

OUR MOZZER (4.45pm Tel Aviv time - 2.45pm UK): "The mayor of Manchester makes his return and the silence was palpable. Why do I even bother?" The tweet brought no responses, which probably makes him wonder why OM bothers either!

I won't bother reporting Dawn Mists's tweets, apart from one yesterday to @GlamCityRocker which said, "Twitter is my escapism. Without twitter I simply would not exist at all."

In other news, Dave Simpson has reported in The Guardian that Morrissey's plaster was blood soaked on Saturday in Manchester, which just isn't true. Simpson's whole report is mixed up, with him saying that the plaster came off during Speedway, and that Moz pulled his jacket lapels together to hide the blood. The plaster actually came off during Istanbul, and Morrissey had been pulling his lapels together throughout the song, as he often does. Simpson is a twat. More Guardian lies, but that is what we have come to expect from this rag of a paper. Sean Stanley writes a far more accurate piece for the Independent, calling Morrissey one of the greatest; although Stanley does make the mistake of calling Morrissey a performer. Only seals...

Oh, if only the MorrisseysWorld blog was still around, I'm sure Our Mozzer would have written a great parody piece about this. How I miss the MW parodies.

Sunday, 21 August 2016

Day 1902 - No more barking

*This blog entry is written in 'Private Mode' as I remain in exile*

I was completely barking up the wrong tree in my blog entry of yesterday; there was NO Art-hounds in Manchester. In fact, since I stopped blogging publicly, the only 'coincidence' or thing of any note or interest is Morrissey's mention of Hitler in Berlin, following on from Broken offering odds of 1/50 on it happening. Dawn Mist has actually brought nothing to the party whatsoever, other than seagull shit... no, I mustn't get bitter about Dawn, just because she banished me, but she certainly isn't giving any MorrisseysWorld type signs, so there seems no point in me recording the tweets of Dawn Mist... in fact, I don't think I will blog at all any more, unless something of note happens.




Saturday, 20 August 2016

Day 1901 - Art-hounds in Mancfester?

I continue to write my blog in 'Private Mode', as I remain in exile.

Dawn Mist yesterday posted a Youtube clip on Twitter entitled, 'French Quarter Hounds - Music is Art Battle of the Bands'. I have a feeling that this is a sign that Art-hounds will be played tonight in Manchester - it has only ever been performed once live in the past, and that was 5 years ago.

Maybe this is why Morrissey no longer wants me publishing my blog, because I ruin his games. One thing is for sure, if I were to publish this blog entry prior to the concert, then Art-hounds definitely wouldn't be played tonight; although I don't really see what difference it makes that a blogger with a readership of about 20 writes about signs being given, after all, no one ever believed a word I wrote anyway, and dismissed all the 'coincidences' as, er, coincidences.

I guess I should be flattered that my blog had such an influence on Morrissey's thinking. It will certainly be interesting to see if Art-hounds does get played in Manchester, and then to see if anyone makes reference to Dawn's tweet. Nobody questioned Dawn as to why she posted the French Quarter Hounds clip; although both Heather and MerryAnne 'favourited' it after I DM'd them to suggest that I thought it was a sign. Art-hounds was also one of the songs requested by MerryAnne last month, when Our Mozzer asked for set list requests, so perhaps that doubles the chances of it being played tonight, especially as MerryAnne has flown all the way from Canada to see these shows.

Dawn's other tweets of yesterday were as follows:

"To (sic) we deny ourselves to remain safe in our comfort and freedom?"

"Should we fly out of our realm of comfort. Dare we take risks? Are you a real seagull?"

"Do we swallow everything we hear and see?"

"A seagull should dare to befree (sic) from what the world expects it to be. Fly high my sweeties. Reach. Reach. Reach."

And now, as the seagulls flock to Manchester, I shall migrate to Winchester to play cricket.


Friday, 19 August 2016

Day 1900 - The new dawn

I still continue to write this little old blog of mine in 'Private Mode', no longer having any readership.

Dawn Mist arrived in The Wrong Arms yesterday afternoon and exchanged tweets (and songs) with her new bezzie mate, Lizzy (@LizzyCatMoz) and GOB (@girlonbike1102); who Dawn congratulated in response to GOB tweeting that her son had achieved 3 As in his A levels. Here is the interaction between Dawn and Lizzy, which was all about me!:

DAWN: "There is an tremendous improvement in seagull interaction! I believe it's because the seagull with missing feathers on its head has gone?"

LIZZY: "Got it in one..."

DAWN: "It's been very hard to shake that seagull off. You do understand?"

LIZZY: "That is the trouble with seagulls. Feed them and then you can never get rid of them."

DAWN: "Very true."

Dawn also added these tweets:

"This is the new dawn."

In reply to a tweet posted by @BRSChairman on July 31st; in which OM had tweeted, "Paperwork only exists to drag us down even if what's what's written on the paper is what you long for": "This tweet obviously fell on 'death' ears sweetie."

This prompted OM to suddenly appear, and he replied, "Death is no excuse for ignorance." Could this be some sort of reference to a record deal that fell through? It seems odd that Dawn should suddenly rake this up.

OM's only other tweet of yesterday came later in the evening, as a reply to Rob (@geniussteals) who had posted a picture of his 'Johnny Fuckin Marr' t-shirt, along with the caption, "Got my gig t shirt ready for Saturday". OM tweeted, "I expected better from you..."

Dawn appeared again at lunchtime today to tweet, "I'm undecided what to wear. Frills or sparkles?"

I won't be at the Manchester concert tomorrow; which is probably just as well considering how I have been ostracized by The Mozziah. Bergen already feels like a lifetime ago... as does my involvement in MorrisseysWorld. This new dawn doesn't include me, but it is hardly like the old MW, and so far the so called "tremendous seagull interaction" has been dull, dull, dull, so I guess I'm not exactly missing out. There is still no sign of a new blog/website either.

With nothing much going on, I may as well go back to playing the video machine.

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Day 1899 - Bandaged

I awoke this morning with the song Staircase At The University floating around my head; which as it was A level results day, was a little sadistic. As it happens, my genius elder son scored better than the 3 As mentioned in the song (2 A*s and 2 As), and has decided to head off to Durham University in October; which ironically is, according to Mademoiselle Fifi, the place that inspired the lyrics for the Staircase ATU song.


For now at least, I continue to blog in 'Private Mode', but as Broken, Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist all appeared in The Wrong Arms yesterday, it would appear that the MorrisseysWorld journey continues after all.

Broken and Our Mozzer turned up together at just after 3.30pm. Broken tweeted, "This is me. Take me. Leave me. I no longer care."

OM's first appearance in The Arms since he said his "farewell, forever" on Tuesday 9th , saw him post just one tweet, and retweet these two of Broken's recent tweets:
"Germany would be lovely if it wasn't for the History" and "I offer odds of 1/50 of Hitler being mentioned on stage."

OM's one tweet was a reply to his own tweet of July 31st, in which he had written, "If illness does not leave my body I will just have to cancel all the upcoming appearances" with, "Well no cancellations so far.. I will assume you've all seen the bandage however." OM is currently following just 4 people: BRS member, Harrison, Dawn Mist, Kerry the Cocktail and Stephen Fry!


Dawn Mist entered The Arms just after 6pm and played two songs on the pub jukebox: I'm Like A Bird (Live on Letterman) by Nelly Furtado and One Of Us (live on Harald Schmidt) by Joan Osborne. I certainly preferred Astra's taste in songs.

Dawn reappeared again just after 11pm, and was later joined by Broken. Here are their tweets:

DAWN: "I feel like part of the furniture in my current lighthouse."

DAWN: (to Broken) "Sweetie, what are the odds for Joyce being mentioned on stage this upcoming Saturday?"

BROKEN: (to Dawn) "I should imagine it's almost a guarantee. But only if the dreary front row changes."

DAWN: (to Broken) "Maybe it's time for a set list revamp?"

BROKEN: (to Dawn) "No."


Broken then left, but Dawn stayed. She retweeted some tweets from Brigitte Darlington (@GlamCityRocker) and also tweeted, "An ex lighthouse keeper must no longer keep. An ex blogging seagull must no longer blog." Well, what a seagull does in the privacy of his own nest, is up to him!

When asked by @dotdotdot_dot why I was no longer allowed to blog, Dawn replied, "I don't make the rules sweetie. I simply break them."

Dawn's final two tweets of the evening were:

"@brokenlandonly The beacon has sent a request. The following seagull @SoStarkSoHaunt needs to have 12 lifetime bans. Is this possible?"

"Tonight's adventures are over. See you in the new dawn."

Rather strangely, the first of those two tweets was sent to a fake Broken account! I have no idea what is going on anymore... not that I ever really understood what was going on!

*Goes off singing to self* If you don't get three As, her sweet daddy said

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Day 1898 - A certain Adolf person

I continue to write my blog in 'Private Mode' due to Our Mozzer directing me to my grave last Tuesday, and announcing that the MorrisseysWorld/BRS journey was over.

Despite me no longer being welcome, and the journey supposedly being over, it would appear that games are still being played, and signs still being given. Yesterday I wrote how Broken had taken to Twitter in the early hours of Tuesday to tweet about Germany's history, labour camps, death being the German mantra and most notably, "I offer you odds of 1/50 of Hitler being mentioned on stage."

Last night in Berlin, Morrissey not only took up Broken's military theme by introducing his band as a fine "platoon", but also said, "I know that Germany has the heritage of having conceived a certain Adof person, who I won't mention, but you shouldn't worry that much because England has Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher, the US has George W Bush. Politicians are the real criminals." It would appear that Broken the Bookie's 1/50 odds were too generous; although he would no doubt refuse to pay out on a technicality, i.e. Morrissey referred to Hitler as "Adolf person" and didn't actually use the word Hitler. He's a clever swine, old Broken.


There will be those (Rosy Mires etc) who would say that it is just a coincidence that Broken and Morrissey both mentioned Hitler, and that it is even very likely that he would mention him, but Hitler certainly didn't get a mention in Berlin in 2011, when Morrissey's topics of conversation then were: art, travelling, speaking fluent German, words to Julia and McDonalds.

Anyway, there won't be a debate between the non believers and the believers, because as we've been told, it is all over... except it obviously isn't! There were no blue roses on show in Berlin last night, no  Let Me Kiss You, no shirt toss, but there was a very large white chest plaster - much bigger and more obvious than the one he wore in Bergen.

In other news, Morrissey has given a recent interview to an Israeli website in which he condemns the BBC for refusing to accept Brexit vote by the Brits. This is the first time that Morrissey has made it plain that he was pro Brexit; although he did recently call Nigel Farage a"liberal educator", but Our Mozzer DID of course let it be known prior to the British EU referendum that he was pro Brexit. FTM really was SO informative. Oh well, back to the video game...

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Day 1897 - Still out in the cold

Both Broken and Dawn Mist strolled into The Wrong Arms at midnight last night (1am Berlin time - which is where Morrissey currently is) but I was A) Not around at the time and B) Still not welcome. I continue to write this blog of mine in 'Private Mode'. Dawn Mist had actually tweeted earlier in the day (4.30pm Berlin time), exchanging tweets with Kerry the Cocktail (@Boozelette), but as I am blocked on Twitter by Kerry, I have no idea what they spoke about.

Here are Dawn's tweets, which came between 1am to 4am :

"I am the leader of the seagulls. And there is only one leader. Seagulls that pretend to be the leader shall be de-featured." I presume this is aimed at @sorry_semi, but who knows! That particular account seems to have gone quiet for now. In reply to this tweet of Dawn's, Broken tweeted, "You have been warned." So many games are being played.

"In order to be part of the future. One must leave those in the past behind."

"The seagulls that see the truth, rather than rally and aide the impostors will be rewarded."Again, I presume this is aimed at me writing the other day about @sorry_semi, but I really don't know. It is all riddles.

"There is more. But not for those that try to force what is no more." I would guess that this means there is a new blog, but it is no longer MorrisseysWorld, which I presume really is dead. I'm pretty sure the BRS is also dead, and even though EARS, MerryAnne and Chuck are all going to the concert tonight in Berlin, there will be no blue roses offered to Moz, and neither would he want them! It all seems quite sad, but he started the BRS, so it is his to kill as he wishes.

"The ending on this journey has been and gone. The lighthouse seeks and will be found." More riddles!

"The seagulls are not expected to flock. For those that flock the hardest have been the downfall." I interpret this to mean that there is a new secret website, but once again, just as with MorrisseysWorld, Morrissey isn't expecting the masses to believe it to be him. The hard flocking bit is no doubt a dig at me.

"The light has gone out now. The seagulls are dissatisfied. And why? Their game is up. Stupidity took the crestfallen. Game over." More riddles. No idea what it means, but again, probably a dig at me.

In response to Harrison (@OdysseyNumber5) tweeting that he was worried about "a certain Beacon's health" and asking if the lighthouse has the answers, "The lighthouse has all the answers. Hidden. Under wraps. Under written. Under water."

"I feel nothing. I saw words, but no meaning. I saw incoherence. I felt nothing. To understand, is not the answer."

Here are the words of Broken:

"@SoStarkSoHaunt Would you do me the courtesy of dropping off the face of the earth and the next one?" When So Stark aka Not Astra's Derrière aka Not Bot replied that Broken must be "confusing me with someone else again", Broken replied, "Goodbye @Jazissey". Jaz protested her innocence, and So Stark tweeted, "I have absolutely zero desire to be part of a conversation that I know nothing about. Dawn Mist then chirped in, "I have zero desire", to which Jaz tweeted, "I have too much, blame Jesus for that", to which Dawn responded, "I did forgive him. In the golden years." I have no idea what to make of the little exchange, and have no idea if So Stark is a pessoa or not.

Broken's tweets continued:

"Germany would be lovely if it wasn't for the History" (This tweet was retweeted by Dawn Mist)

"Those queuing will be sent to a labour camp. Or to build the autobahns. They have a choice. I'm not a despot."

"Death for no reason is the German mantra"

"I offer you odds of 1/50 of Hitler being mentioned on stage."


Broken signed off by having a pop at MerryAnne (@sadglamour), who had tweeted, "And you can shoot me, and you can throw me off a train", to which Broken replied, "I hear there is already a queue of willing volunteers. Your followers." When MerryAnne pointed out that she had many followers, Broken responded with, "I've never understood public taste or the delusions of the masses." You have to love him.

There would have been a time when I would be excited about tonight's concert in Berlin - wondering if one of the BRS would get a rose to Moz - but that is now all gone. I really want to find the new secret website - if it exists - but having googled everything I can possibly think of; including Morrissey/tour diary/seagull/lighthouse/dawn mist etc, I have found nothing, so for now it is back to playing This Beautiful Creature Must Die. My current high score is now 291 - I have nothing else to do.

Monday, 15 August 2016

Day 1896 - Out in the cold

Although there is no sign of Our Mozzer, both Broken and Dawn Mist have made returns to Twitter, but they have made it very obvious that I am no longer welcome, so for now at least, FTM has been switched onto 'Private mode', and I write this for my own amusement only.

As soon as I had published my blog entry of Friday; in which I mused as to whether Semi-Sorry could be a new Morrissey pessoa, Broken appeared in my Twitter message box to say, "It's over. This fraud you have written so lovingly about is no more than a member of the dead society playing games. Take your latest blog post down now."

I have no idea if Broken was telling the truth about S-S not being Morrissey, but I had only asked the question - just as I have asked MANY questions over the past 5 years - so goodness only knows why Broken wanted the blog post taken down. Broken has since closed his Twitter account again.

Dawn's reappearance came about yesterday afternoon. Here are the tweets:

"The beacon has spoken. The seagulls are semi aware. The only explanation can be the seagull with missing feathers on its head."

The seagull with the missing feathers on it's head is me, but I had no idea what the tweet meant, so replied, "You speak in code. The bald seagull knows nothing and is not even semi aware", to which Dawn responded with, "You speak too much." God knows what it is I have said/written which has offended Dawn. I tucked my tail between my legs and tweeted, "then I shall stay silent", to which Dawn replied, "If only you'd chosen to do that 5 years ago." Blimey, I really have fallen out of favour!

"The lighthouse looks enchanting tonight. The seagulls have decorated it with photographs and skateboards."

"I have a voice and accounts. I do not need to leave anonymous comments."

I am presuming the above tweet is a reference to an anonymous comment left on Day1891 of FTM, which a few people thought may have come from Morrissey. Here is the comment:

Anonymous10 August 2016 at 16:01
There is only the end. There will be no new beginnings. You do not deserve them. The entire journey is over. There are no ifs, no buts, no maybes. The end means the end. No new dawn, no new horizon. The shop is closed. For five years I put up with conversing with my intellectual inferiors to give you hope in your dreary bedsits and your dreary life. The members of the BRS are dreary beyond all human comprehension. I would rather take tea with Mike Joyce than speak to any of you again. What could have been special and, dare I say, even global was lowered to the level it is currently at. I weep at this.

Goodbye. Farewell. 

As to whether the anonymous comment was Moz or not, who knows!

"The secret diary has been a triumph. We've amassed 24 readers and 2 comments." Is there really a new secret website? If there is, then I certainly am being left in the dark.

The only other tweet was a retweet of a Bieber fan tweeting about Bieber being upset with the hate he had received following him posting a photo of a girlfriend. Dawn had not previously tweeted about Bieber. It would appear that the lighthouse keeper has something in common with Astra and Broken.

Dawn reappeared just after midnight to post a photo of Brigitte Bardot in the film Manina - The Lighthouse Keeper's Daughter. If Dawn has a love of Bardot, it is another thing in common with Astra.

I have missed the Bardot pictures and videos that Astra used to tweet. I haven't missed the Bieber tosh. I shall have a quick Bardot moment of my own:

Semi-sorry has also posted some new tweets, but they seem to be trying a little too hard to look like they are Morrissey, so I am inclined to believe that Broken was telling the truth about them being a fraud. Kevin 'Banjaxer' Marinan perhaps? My money is still on Chuck, or Maren to use her real name, who has reappeared in The Arms as @FanOfWallpaper.

And now, back to the addictive video game, This Beautiful Creature Must Die - my high score currently stands at 226.

Friday, 12 August 2016

Day 1893 - There are people on the pitch... they think it's all over ... but is it?

It is now three days since I was directed to an early grave, and Our Mozzer, Broken and Dawn Mist all said their final farewells to the BRS members who were gathered in The Wrong Arms. Since publishing what I thought would be my final ever blog entry on Wednesday, I, along with other members of the BRS, have moped about in the bar, with our collective heads on the bar, not really knowing what to do with ourselves. Everyone has been asking the same question, 'is the journey really over for good this time, or were Tuesday's actions just another of Mozzer's diva hissy fits?'


I have to admit, I personally believed that this time it really was all over for good; and that still may be the case, but there are a couple of signs to suggest that maybe, just maybe, he isn't finished with us just yet.

Yesterday, as I unconsciously pulled the labels off my virtual bottle of Budweiser, and played maudlin songs such as I Know It's Over on The Wrong Arms jukebox, a newcomer by the name of Semi-Sorry (@sorry_semi) walked into the bar, and addressed me saying, "Even Jesus arose after 2 days". I didn't respond, and instead rolled my eyes and tutted to myself. Someone had obviously decided to entertain themselves by trying to convince me that they were Our Mozzer. This newbie was anything but new - so was it Marcus the Greek, Chuck the Deceiver or Kerry the Cocktail? Or could this semi-sorry sod actually be Morrissey?

Semi-Sorry then added, "The chairman has abdicated and quietly walked through the door." I again chose to ignore this attention seeker, as did all the other BRS regulars. S-S went on, "If you close your eyes, no lighthouse can help you."  Yawn. Still no one was biting.

Then S-S decided to copy one of the put downs that Our Mozzer had issued to Marcus a few weeks ago, this time aiming it at @realDonaldTrump, "The only thing you intrigue is my itch to be a murderer." Still ignored.

With the time being 7.30pm in Gothenburg, and Morrissey waiting to headline the Way Out West Festival, S-S decided to add a Swedish tint to their tweets, to see if that would get any takers: "Swedes don't like to ask favours of each other, they keep their problems to themselves and suffer in silence." Still none of the BRS were interested in a conversation, so S-S decided to throw in a picture, tweeting, "Better than Oscar Wilde's Complete Works?" whilst adding a photo of the cover of a book entitled, Paddle Your Own Canoe by Nick Offerman - a reference to a quote Morrissey has made a couple of times recently, about paddling his own canoe, i.e. going it alone.

This morning at 9am, S-S was back again, this time tweeting, "No death for sale. No pain for sale. No torture for sale. No meat for sale. Apart from... ME." Now this DID grab my attention, because a similar quote by Morrissey from the Way Out West Festival had earlier been reported on Twitter and Solow, although not with the "no meat for sale" line. Was S-S correcting the quote from the festival? Could S-S actually be Morrissey after all?

Half an hour later, S-S tweeted to me directly, "So we ignore each other, and pretend the other person doesn't exist. Deep down, we know it wasn't supposed to end like this." I replied that, "existence is only a game", and put I'm Not Sorry onto the jukebox.

This afternoon, S-S responded with a tweet in French, "La plus belle des ruses du dibble set de vows persuader qu'il n'existe pas", which according to bing, translates to, "The most beautiful of the wiles of the Devil is to persuade you that he does not exist." I replied, "But I don't believe in a devil... or a god... or the tooth fairy! So where does that leave me?" S-S came back with, "Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am a gibbering moron." Could this semi-sorry gibbering moron really be Morrissey? This certainly isn't any Morrissey that I have ever encountered before - Morrissey is NEVER sorry for anything, not even semi-sorry. I retorted with, "You certainly look the part", to which S-S mildly replied, "I've live with myself for a very long time, So I'm aware of what I look like. I'm under no false pre tense that I'm a stunner." If this is the new Our Mozzer, you can keep him - I come here to be insulted, not to read words of woe.

The other sign that may suggest that our journey continues, came in the form of a photograph that HeatherCat tweeted into my timeline from Way Out West. It is a picture of Moz giving a MorrisseysWorld 'O'.

Maybe Morrissey really is semi-sorry for his actions of Tuesday, and perhaps the wheels on the MW wagon do keep rolling. Time, as ever, will tell.

And now I shall return to playing the new PETA Meat is Murder video game that has been installed in The Wrong Arms. My high score so far is 121. I may be some time.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Day 1891 - A traveller to the grave

There is a saying that 24 hours is a long time in politics, well, the same can be said for life in MorrisseysWorld and the Blue Rose Society.

When I published my last blog entry on Monday afternoon, there was much excitement afoot; with both an impending Morrissey concert in Stavanger that was to be attended by three rose bearing BRS members, plus news of the impending rebirth of the MorrisseysWorld blog. 24 hours later, the Twitter accounts of Our Mozzer, Broken and Dawn Mist have all been closed, and both MorrisseysWorld and the Blue Rose Society are dead. What is more, Morrissey has directed me to an early grave.

Everything started to change after the concert on Monday, when Our Mozzer appeared in The Wrong Arms to say that the front row needed to be changed at concerts. I can't remember the exact quote, and as the BRS Chairman's Twitter account has now gone, I have no way of finding it, but it was obvious that he wasn't happy. Reports then started to filter back from those attending the concert in Stavanger that the audience had been rather lukewarm.

I awoke yesterday morning to find a tweet in my timeline from Jaz saying, "MorrisseysWorld is coming", with a link to My excitement was quickly quashed when I realised that Jaz had been fooled by whoever it is that stole the MW blog address in 2014, and now uses it just to mock the MorrisseysWorlders. I have always presumed the owner of that site to be Fabien aka @HoldenMorrissey - a homophobic Moz fan from West Coast America - but it could well be owned by Chuck, pretending to be Fabien; especially in light of Chuck's recent confession about being behind the BRS tumblr site, coupled with the Twin Peakesque tag on the MW blogsite of, 'The Lighthouse is not what it seems'. Either way, the site has NOTHING whatsoever to do with Morrissey or MorrisseysWorld, so I tweeted Jaz to tell her it was a 'false Dawn', as opposed to our slight lighthouse keeping, Dawn Mist.

At 11.23am, things really started to go downhill rapidly. Our Mozzer beckoned me into the toilets of The Wrong Arms and announced, "the redundancy in my life is being felt particularly badly." It would seem that the black dog was biting.

OM then went on to request something of me, which I found incredibly flattering, but for personal reasons, had to decline. The response I got to my declension was, "I am extremely hurt." 

I tried to offer a workable alternative, but got a curt, "no". I now felt absolutely shit, I would NEVER want to hurt my hero. I tucked my ratty tail between my legs and headed for the door, saying, "I shall migrate to a cricket pitch", to which Morrissey replied, "migrate to a grave." You have to hand it to him, he certainly knows how to absolutely break someone with one sentence - he can kill sitting still.

With the writing on the wall, I decided to say farewell to the regulars of The Wrong Arms, and then trotted off to play cricket.

After my game, I popped my head around the doors of The Arms, and was informed that OM, Broken and Dawn had all been in to say their goodbyes, and were gone for good. One of the regulars was kind enough to send me a transcript of OM's & Broken's parting words:

BROKEN: "Attention-seeking, self-centred, cry babies. Fuck off the lot of you. The BRS died because of you. You ungrateful, boring, spineless, ugly cunts. This is it. You've ruined it. Back to your pathetic existence. No-one cares about your life. The tweets that appear on timelines and profiles makes us sick."

OUR MOZZER: "A malady has befallen me. You could have had it all. Now you have nothing. This is goodbye. Farewell, forever."

I don't think I have ever felt quite this small, and as I now trudge back to my pathetic existence and ultimate grave, I am finding it virtually impossible to stand, let alone walk tall.

Thank you Morrissey for 5 wonderful years; to a few, it meant the world - far more than you could ever begin to realise.

Monday, 8 August 2016

Day 1889 - Walking tall in Bergen

There is so much I could write about today, but I would need all day to write it, and I haven't got all day, so somehow I need to summarise. The most important thing I need to write about, funnily enough ISN'T my trip to Bergen, it's about a new MorrisseysWorld website, but more about that later.

Let me start by saying, "unprotesting I'll die in Scandinavia". Bergen is just beautiful. Norway is beautiful. Scandinavia is beautiful.

I left home early on Friday mourning and drove to Gatwick with my companion from my New York trip of 2013, Midlife Matt. The cd's of choice (my choice, of course) were Strangeways Here We Come followed by Live at Earls Court. We sang all the way at the top of our voices.

Flying over the fjords was quite breathtaking, and not since flying into Venice have I been so drawn to the window of an aeroplane.

A short bus journey took us to Bergen, and we checked in to our hotel; which was virtually next door to Grieg Hall, and then hit the town; walking past the concrete and rusted metal concert hall.


After a pizza, we had a drink in Apollon; which is the perfect concept of a bar and record shop all in one, and then went upstairs at Henrik's, where I took a photo of the sun setting, and tweeted it. My tweet was rather unexpectedly replied to by my favourite Morrissey pessoa, Mademoiselle Fifi, who wrote, "Oh... You're there." According to the bar tender in Apollon, Morrissey had been in Bergen for the past week, and was hiring a cottage nearby, so it is more than feasible that Mlle Fifi frequented Henrik's.


Whilst in Henrik's, we got talking to a group of locals, who decided to take us under their collective wing, and lead us on a night out to the best bars in town. At 2.30am, having danced our legs down to our knees to songs including This Charming Man, we left our final watering hole, a bar called Rock & Roll, and headed home to the Scandic Ørnen.

After not much sleep, I awoke to find the Morrissey section of the internet abuzz with talk of World Peace Is None of Your Business being re-released in November on Étienne records. Étienne is the French word for Steven, so it isn't rocket science to work out that this is a self release - how exciting. The cover picture is of French actress Renée Jeanne Falconetti from the 1928 silent film, The Passion of Joan of Arc.

A quick breakfast, and then myself and Midlife Matt headed towards Mount Fløyen, which Erik - one of our newfound Norwegian friends from the night before - had told us we should climb. We again walked past the industrial looking Grieg Hall, which now had 4 Morrissey Band tour buses parked outside - the 2016 tour was officially up and running. Also outside the Hall, is a life-size statue of Edvard Grieg, all 5'1" of him. I decided to present him with a blue rose, and then took some photos of  the genius who composed the beautiful Peer Gynt. I tweeted one of the photos with the caption, "It's hard to walk tall when you're small... and dead. Grieg."


If I ever see that cunt Erik again, I swear I'll cut his nuts off. Needless to say, having sweated out all the remains of Friday's lager, plus every other ounce of fluid in my body, I didn't enjoy my mountain climb. Actually, it was rather fulfilling in a perverse way, but we decided to descend in the funicular.


I've already written far too much, and I haven't even got to the concert yet, let alone the news about a new MorrisseysWorld website, so I need to start summarising a little better:

1. Went back to hotel & got ready for concert

2. Incredibly, managed to find a real blue rose (which is actually pinky/purple in colour) in the bar of my hotel. Pinned it to my jacket & took two silk blue roses in my pocket.

3. Entered the venue to be confronted with a large picture of the aforementioned Renée Jeanne Falconetti and easy access to the front. I needn't have worried about having a seat in the back row.

4. Watched pre-concert video montage, which included: Ramones (can't remember which song), Elected by Alice C, Make-up by Lou Reed, Baby Workout by Jackie Wilson, All Over by Chiddy Bang, Nut bush City Limits by Ike & Tina, God Save the Queen by Sex Pistols, some Scottish bloke saying something like, "If someone's being a twat, they're out the door, Wanting to Die by Anne Sexton, The Show Must Go On by Leo Sayer, the flamenco dancing bloke, Mrs Shufflewick, (spoiler alert... not that Morrissey bothered) Alain Delon dying at the end of L'Insoumis , Looking For a Kiss by New York Dolls and Lypsinka. During the montage, a few rounds of Morr-ee-say, Morr-ee-say, Morr-ee-say rang out from the audience.

5. The Show
The intro to the song Operation played out and then Morrissey and the band entered the stage wearing a spangly cardigan, which to those of us in the know, was a very obvious nod to BRS member, MerryAnne, who obsessively goes on about the damn things. And then it was straight into Suedehead, a song that you could never tire of if you heard it eight days a week. The lyrics were changed to, "you had to sneak into my room, just to smell the utter gloom". This was followed by the ever popular Alma Matters, which always reminds me of the blue rose of Hollywood High.

Following Alma was You Have Killed Me, which also has a permanent connection to the whole MorrisseysWorld story thanks to the white/red rose of Bogata.

The cardy was cast aside after Killed Me, and we were into the HUGELY underrated Ganglord, which should definitely have been included on Ringleaders. Perhaps it will make the 20th anniversary reissue in 2026. Next up was Speedway, with the band once again changing instruments during the pause, and by now it was becoming obvious that the concert set was taking on a similar look to the previous couple of tours. At this point I noticed that there was a ditherydoo on stage, so knew we would be getting the title track from World Peace. I also noticed that Morrissey was wearing a plaster (band aid for all you Yanks) on his chest. Was this a sign of suffering, or had he cut himself shaving his chest hair?

The first of a number of WPINOYB songs came next, the very popular Staircase at the University, and following that, for the first time since 1995, the superb Have-A-Go Merchant, which got the crowd rather excited to say the least. An Albert Finney backdrop accompanied the song (thanks to GWO for finding the picture. From the audience, it looked like Oliver Reed).

Paris was then played, and a sweat heart started to appear on the back of Morrissey's red shirt, along with what looked to be two eyes 'OO'!

After Paris, Morrissey gave a speech about an experiment that he had carried out, whereby he had stopped watching BBC and CNN for a month, and it had made him happier. WPINOYB, Kiss Me A Lot and Istanbul followed, and then we were into Meat is Murder with it's horrifying video for accompaniment.

And then came the long piano intro that once led to Trouble Loves Me, but now serves to tease, as we wait to see which classic it brings. Initially I thought we were getting Will Never Marry, but soon realised it was in fact the debut concert performance of the 1997 ballad version of It's Hard to Walk Tall When You're Small. WOW, simply WOW! What a song, what a song, what a song - in my opinion, a far better version than the one that eventually ended up on the deluxe version of You Are The Quarry. As I drank it in, I suddenly remembered my Grieg tweet of earlier in the day... surely a genuine coincidence? Morrissey can't have changed the set to throw that in for me... could he? Morrissey even announced the name of the song, which he very rarely does. Hmm. The memory of hearing this ballad will last with me forever, and that one song alone was worth every penny of the whole trip.

I really am running out of time now, so I can only add that Sunday, Bullfighter, Scandinavia, All You Need Is Me, Crashing Bores, Jack the Ripper, Far-off Places and Oboe Concerto followed before the band left the stage. Each and every one of those songs were just incredible, but for me, hearing Scandi whilst in Norway was extremely special, Ripper was sublime, Far-off Places moving and Oboe just, well, just perfect.

Morrissey and the band arrived back on stage for the encore, and I threw my wilted Norwegian blue rose onto the stage along with one of the silk ones. Mozzer looked down at them, but a stage hand appeared as quick as a flash, and they were gone. The first encore song was Let Me Kiss You, with the traditional shirt toss, that brought about the traditional bun fight. A quick change of shirt and Moz was back, wearing a jacket with a top pocket. I immediately thought of Santa Ana, when he wore the jacket especially to wear a blue rose. I thought, Oh God, my chance has come at last.  Moz then announced, "get on with it" before launching into Irish Blood. I saw this as my cue to get on stage with my rose, but a strange fear gripped me... or at least a high barrier and a thuggy looking security man... and I just couldn't ask... or at least wasn't prepared to risk my pretty features getting over the barrier to ask him to take it. I wafted it under his nose, but once again, it was refused. Maybe next time.


And now to the news of a new MorrisseysWorld. At midday today, the lighthouse keeper, Dawn Mist, pulled me into the toilets of The Wrong Arms to say, "the seagulls have told me that quills have been set to paper and keyboards attached to computers." I asked for an explanation, to which Dawn replied, "I can say no more. Accept there is a new dawn for MW." It has been two long years since MorrisseysWorld closed its doors for the last time, but with the re-incarnation of WPINOYB, it looks as though we are about to see the rebirth of Morrissey as a blogger. Will anyone believe it this time around? Time, as ever, will reveal all.

I don't really have time to report the tweets of the various pessoas from the weekend, but here are some brief highlights:


SATURDAY NIGHT: "Same ugly cunts in the front row. Apart from a usual suspect..."


FRIDAY: "We cannot see the educated nor see the poor"
                 "Well I WAS bored. Norway is like 1962 Manchester"

SATURDAY: "I have forgiven Norway"

                      to the trending hash tag of first seven jobs: "Poet, Author, Lawyer, Seminal artist, Blogger, Internet sensation, Genius"

After the concert: "Tonight you saw the doors of perception. Soon through that door you will see heaven or hell. The perception is yours."


SATURDAY - After the concert: "Back to the Lighthouse. The seagulls have been fed."

In response to GOB saying that she hoped the seagulls hadn't been too aggressive: "I kept my eye on one in particular. You can never be too careful. This one had feathers missing on its head." Cunty lighthouse keepers!

TODAY: "Should we spice things up a bit?"
               "It's just a case of when, Not if."

Is the "when" a reference to the new MorrisseysWorld blog, or the acceptance of a blue rose? If it's a reference to accepting a rose, then perhaps it will happen tonight, when three BRS members, EARS, Nathalie Hoarse and Ewa will all attempt to offer a rose.

Thursday, 4 August 2016

Day 1885 - Bergen bound

I have just returned from a mini cricket tour of East Sussex, and tomorrow will be heading to Bergen to watch Morrissey on Saturday. I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it... although there is but one concern, Morrissey's health. More about that later.

Morrissey's crew and various band members have tweeted during the past few days to say they are already in Bergen, and Moz himself has been spotted there.


Whilst I was away playing with my length of willow, one of the members of the BRS, Chuck the mechanical orange, decided to delete her Twitter accounts and walk away. As she left, Chuck confessed that despite many, many, many denials, the Blue Rose Society tumblr account HAD been her doing after all, and informed us that she would no longer be updating it. I have no idea why Chuck has decided to leave, but I hope she reconsiders as she has been an integral part of the BRS. In case Chuck has forgotten exactly what she and the rest of us are are involved in, here is 'Our Graham' with a reminder:

MORRISSEY IS SECRETLY AMONG US (IN FULL VIEW), HAS FORMED A SOCIETY THAT MIRRORS OSCAR WILDE'S GREEN CARNATION, AND WE FEW ARE PART OF IT. THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING AND WE ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.  I dearly hope that Chuck doesn't become another Rosy Mires, and that she also keeps updating the BRS tumblr site; which is both beautiful and good... who cares about the truth!

There has been no further sign of Broken in the past few days, but Our Mozzer has made the odd appearance in The Wrong Arms. On Sunday he rather worryingly tweeted, "If this illness does not leave my body I will just have to cancel all the upcoming appearances." There was further concern for Mozzer's health when on Monday afternoon OM played the song Cemetry Gates on the jukebox.... or perhaps it was merely a clue to the upcoming set list, but I don't think so.


OM returned again to The Arms just after midnight on Monday night and interacted with a few BRS members. MerryAnne asked OM his thoughts on Jamie Oliver announcing that he wants to be cremated in a pizza oven when he dies, to which she got the reply, "Let the animals he so wilfully slaughters massacre him. Now. Let's not wait."

OM latched onto a Twitter hashtag entitled 'Why I can't leave Twitter', tweeting, "It is the place I come to where I know I'll be the smartest person there. Well compared with my 283 followers that is". Jesse Moz Fiend responded to this with, "I'm happy to see your ego is healthy", to which OM replied, "It's about the only thing that is."

Hopefully these mentions of ill health are nothing too serious. If Morrissey does have any genuine health concerns, he mustn't push himself. Concerts and tours can always be rearranged. Health ALWAYS has to come first.

The mysterious white haired lighthouse keeper, Dawn Mist, also responded to OM's tweet about him being smarter than his twitter followers by bizarrely asking, "Have there been "Slippery Forces" at work again?", to which OM replied, "Is that a reference to Boz's next album? The cheek of him asking me to do backing vocals. The desperation as I accepted."

Could it really be true that Morrissey has added some backing vocals to Boz's next LP? I guess we will find out on September 23rd, when Age of Boom is released. BB has announced that the album features the likes of Eddie Argos, Georgina Baillie and Morrissey's old mucker, James Maker, but there has been no official mention of any Morrissey backing vocals.


And finally, despite ignoring the BRS interview questions, Morrissey has given an interview to some Australian rag. In the interview Mozzer is asked about a record deal, but brushes over it. Could we get an announcement soon, and will we have any new songs on the tour?

Right then, off to Bergen. Blue roses packed. Mozziah t-shirt packed. TOOTHBRUSH packed. Have I mentioned... I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. I have just one dilemma - how do I get a blue rose to Morrissey from row Z? Hmm...


NB - I am not taking a laptop to Bergen, so there will be no updates until my return... if I do return.

9.20PM - STOP PRESS: Our Mozzer has popped into The Arms this evening and tweeted, "What does it mean?" Could it be that Moz has returned from rehearsals and still has Art-hounds running around his head? Oh, I DO hope I get to see/hear it on Saturday night - the only time it has ever been sung live was 5 years ago in London.

9.50PM - ANOTHER STOP PRESS: Broken has popped into The Arms to state, "Due to dullness of interactions and depressing nature of tweets on timeline OM has called it a day. Blame yourselves. And each other. Cunts."

And there we have it.

5.30AM THE NEXT DAY - YET ANOTHER STOP PRESS: Despite Broken's claim that OM had decided to call it a day, OM popped, no, not popped, I always write popped... er, OM reappeared, no, that makes him sound like a magician's assistant, er, oh fuck it, it's too early to try and think of words... OM returned to The Wrong Arms at 10.30 last night and tweeted, "London is full of art hounds these days. It depresses me even from another country."

I am presuming OM's comment was in relation to YET ANOTHER Guardian journalist writing lies about him; this time, a nonentity called Hadley Freeman, who yesterday jumped onto the racism bandwagon by calling Morrissey a racist because he dared to criticise the new darling of the 'London Left', Mayor Sadiq Khan. According to Freeman, Morrissey is racist for saying in his recent interview with Australia's News.Com, that Khan eats Halal meat. Am I a racist for eating Weetabix? Does the Guardian not have an editor these days, who could stop such poor, poor journalistic comment? Oh, it's Katherine Viner. Enough said.

OM added these additional comments in conversation with MerryAnne, who was equally bemused by Freeman's piece:
"Talking about the Holocaust does not make someone Hitler."
"Wait until the Chinese are apparently called a subspecies.. Oh wait."

Incidentally, OM is now just following 1 person on Twitter, Dawn Mist.

Right then, time to head to Gatwick.

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