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Saturday, 21 January 2017

Day 2055 - Competitive hair

Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste) made a visit to The Wrong Arms yesterday evening, bringing with him a photograph of himself, in which he looked rather 'overly' tanned. He was accompanied by Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist)

DAWN: Is that a Damart vest I see?

OM: Pure Gucci as you are well aware.

RAT: Lies, lies, lies. Gucci don't do thermals!

DAWN: I noticed he's learnt to apply the "fake bake" rather well.

OM: One does not apply these things themselves. Boz tried. Although not before he tasted a whole bottle. I'm not entirely sure it was even vegetarian.

RAT: Surely a breech (sic) of contract. You should've docked his wages - just to be on the safe side.

DAWN: If he did that Boz would refuse to bed bath OM again.

OM: He still owes me £3000 for the meeting with Gwen Stefani.

RAT: You had to pay to meet her?

OM: I was under the impression it was Lady Gaga.

Image result for morrissey stefani gwen justin

Earlier in the evening, Dawn had entered The Arms to invite people to join OM in the lighthouse (the TM chat room), where he was "hoovering".

Unfortunately I was not online at the time of the invite, so have no idea which of the regulars joined M in the lighthouse, nor know what was discussed. If anyone reading this was there, then please feel free to leave a report in the comments section below.

Heather also didn't make it, but later replied to Dawn's invite to offer her apologies. Dawn replied, "OM was mainly hoovering the cobwebs from his quiff".
I asked, "Where does he keep his quiff these days - is it in a box?", to which Dawn answered, "It's currently at Raouls being tweaked to perfection. Competition is pending - JM."

Image result for raoul's london wig

Image result for JOHNNY MARR

I also enjoyed a brief chat with OM in the toilets of The Arms last night. He informed me that he has written a new Bans Committee parody piece, but doesn't think we deserve to have it yet. He also said that he wished he could start his blogging/tweeting career all over again, but would it have worked out any differently? Those original TTY denials were just too subtle. I actually think M is quite content with how the past 6 years have panned out.

I shared with OM my news that I have just been employed on a local basis as a writer/journalist - I have always wanted to write professionally. M offered me a few 'pen names', and said that he thinks he would have made a good journalist - I think he's right, although with his tendency to lie, he might have ended up being the subject of one of his own songs!


  1. Evening Ratty, I'm very leased to read our Mozzer is,somehow, on line, I think it's a good sign! Have a nice week end and long life to Moz and BRS😘

  2. I'm curious to know what OM would do differently if he had the chance to start things all over again. Congrats on the new writing gig, Rats!

  3. The three of you bounce so well off each other well. I enjoyed the banter last night, especially the Gucci thermals!
    All the best with your new venture Rats.
    I'm going away for a while tomorrow. Will try to keep up with any news.

  4. I just happened to find the MW Gaga piece in the MW articles I have saved. Not surprisingly, OM's memory is spot on. Here's an excerpt:
    "Had to pretend to be her number one fan to get past security; still didn't work so I paid them £3000. Everyone has their price, so I've always said. I paid for Boz to get in too. He promised to pay me back on the next tour. Bastard will probably forget."

    1. I don't remember the £3000 reference at all - well done for remembering and well done for finding the article. I don't have that one saved, so it has never been re-published on FTM. Perhaps you could post the whole article here?

    2. I asked OM's permission to post & this was his reply, which he asked me to post:
      "There shall be no re-posting of that classic you have been requested to post.
      It is a frightful worry that I have been disturbed.
      How will I return to tending to my parsnips now?
      I will have to talk to them to console them now.
      I hope Rat is pleased with himself."

    3. Oh, Heather, you have committed a schoolgirl error - NEVER ask OM permission! His default answer will always be no. I have come to learn that it is best to just do what you want, and then be prepared to accept a little wrath - he eventually forgives; or rather, he forgets...or bears (bares?) a grudge, but hey ho.
      I don't believe for one minute that he his tending to his parsnips; it is the wrong season - yet another of his lies.
      Just post the piece, and I'll happily take the rap. Believe you me, he'll admire you far more for having the audacity to defy him - he has made it blatently obvious that he hates yes men/women. Go on, do it.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Rat -- Seminal Artiste, Broken and Dawnmist have all gone


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