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Friday, 24 February 2017

Day 2089 - Ear, Ear

Yesterday evening, I went to see my latest 'favourite new band', The Sherlocks. Before leaving, I popped into The Wrong Arms for a pre-concert half, and bumped into both Dawn Mist and Our Mozzer. For the record, here is our conversation:

RAT: Guess who I'm going to see tonight? *Puts Will You Be There by The Sherlocks on the jukebox*

DAWN: Dreary

RAT: I'd expect no less from you

DAWN: You expect too much from me. You all do

RAT: I expect nothing; although a thrown together blog piece would've been nice, but I'll live without it...I have The Sherlocks!

DAWN: My creative juices are otherwise occupied. Deciding which table runner to buy is exhausting.

RAT: Is this what it's come too?..... go with the black one!

DAWN: I shall not take your advice on such important matters.

OUR MOZZER (or SEMINAL BULLY as he is now labelled on his Twitter profile): One does not simply throw together a blog piece. I know that works for you but some of us have higher standards

RAT: Really? Some might say you've not written a decent blog piece since 2011

OUR MOZZER: And you would be a sad old man without me to fill your evenings

RAT: I AM a sad old man, even WITH you filling my evenings....and you're a sad old man with nothing better to do than fill my...

OUR MOZZER: Why are you still here then? You should surrender yourself to the blackness of your life.

RAT: I like it here. Would I have turned down the opportunity to sit with Oscar on those Parisian nights of 1898/99? Of course not!

OUR MOZZER: One doubts you would have been invited. Not even to clean his ears

Dawn had been in The Arms since 11am. She was presumably bored. Here are her offerings:

"One must decide on how to waste the rest of one's day."

"NationalToastDay Champagne? This early? I shall toast to that."

Dawn then retweeted a photo tweet that OM had posted on January 20th, and added, "Oh, what a coincidence. The first official photo of 2017 in similar attire."



Dawn continued:

"Perhaps I shall sign up for snap chat?"

Our Mozzer later tweeted, "My debut novel was met with scorn. Will the second one be better received?"
Image result for LIST OF LOST

On my return from seeing The Sherlocks; who incidentally are a very capable live band, I was lured into the toilets of The Arms by OM, who informed me, "there has been a blog post since the 14th of February." I immediately checked the True Morrissey blog, and there was indeed a new post, dated Feb 14th, although it certainly wasn't posted on the 14th, as I have checked the blog daily. I can categorically say that it was posted yesterday evening!

Here is the new piece, entitled Twenty Years of Sorrow

The hateful place run by the hateful face of Tseng reached the milestone of twenty years of false accusations, false news, and dreary threads recounting my relationships with any old b******. Its milestone is the millstone around my neck. Apparently So-Low has been through "several major redesigns" although the last one appears to have been in 1999 I have maintained one iconic image throughout my public existence and I have become a seminal artiste. So-Low will forever be remembered as the place that even Angela Merkel wouldn't accept a refugee from. Approximately 50% of the posts are from Joyce or Joyce-affiliated human dregs.

One only has to look at the illiterate clowns who post on this site. Anonymous commented, Anonymous comments too much I find - they should probably get a job or an illness, "wasn't morrissey taller and skinnier? these shoulders don't look very steven," They use steven, yes steven not Steven, as an adjective. For what were they trying to say? These big shoulders don't look very iconic? Big shoulders they say, well I was carrying the weight of the world and my under appreciated genius even back then.

I wish David Tseng and Uncle Fatty the very worst for the rest of their days.

OM's list of personal hate figures





The parents of Joyce

The test-tube of Tseng


Elizabeth the Lizard


Sudden illness

Boring Twitter accounts



Dust created by Joyce

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Day 2087 - Because we must

All has been fairly quiet on the Moz front, which is just as well as I have been busy pounding the streets of Manhattan. I visited a couple of record shops during my three day trip, including In Living Stereo in NoHo's Great Jones Street, where I bought Johnny Marr's The Messenger for 11 bucks (reduced from 20). I also got to see the brilliant Gregory Porter play at The Town Hall on West 43rd Street - a venue that would be absolutely perfect for Morrissey, although I expect that he's already played it.

Image result for in living stereo new york record shop

Image result for new york town hall

And whilst I left these shores for America, Morrissey left America for Blighty. He has been photographed this week with a very tall bloke called Craig at the BMG office in London, but as to why he was there; Morrissey that is, not Craig, who apparently works there, I do not know. I guess Morrissey may have attended with his friends Ron & Russell Mael, who have just signed to BMG.


Sparks BMG 1

With regards to Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist, there have been the occasional visits to The Wrong Arms, but not many, and not much was said when they did visit. Here are the offerings of Dawn:

Feb 14
"The bored seminal lighthouse keeper"

Feb 18
"You're so hollow."

Feb 20
"If I could mention my love life. I wouldn't." I replied to this with, "I bet that lighthouse has seen some action!", to which Dawn responded, "the action or non-action of the lighthouse is none of your concern. A lighthouse keeper must have some secrets. This you know."

"The calendar is full."

Dawn played the song Under the Milky Way by The Church on the jukebox. Sari (@EnoughSari) then told Dawn, "I love this song", to which Dawn replied, "I love that you love. Does it remind you of another band perhaps? You hear what I hear?" I jumped in with, "Never heard this before, nor heard of the band. The lead singer sounds very Lou Reed to me." Dawn took umbrage to me sticking my nose into her conversation, and replied, "You can fuck off.".... so I did. Dawn then fucked off too. Sari hasn't yet replied to Dawn's question.

And here are Our Mozzer's offerings:

Feb 12
"Find beauty in ugly things"

Feb 14
"If you're lonely then you will be alone in a room full of other humans. Loneliness attacks the scraps."

In response to me posting a photo of an ebay listing of a terribly forged Morrissey autograph: "Joyce looking to make extra money for that garage extension"

Feb 20
"We move on from personal tragedies because we must."

As to whether or not this personal tragedy is the same as the personal sadness that was engulfing Our Mozzer on February 5th, I cannot say, but I am pleased to see that he has found the capability to move on - there is always something to move on to....because we must!

Image result for morrissey

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Day 2079 - "Peas in a pod" - Dawn opens up

What I didn't report on my last blog entry of Saturday, was the Friday night conversation that I had with Dawn in the private confines of Twitter's 'Direct Message' (DM) aka the toilets of The Wrong Arms. This was a private conversation, that isn't for public consumption, but for the record, here it is as an unpublished blog entry - just in case one day this becomes a book....although by the time it does become a book, books probably won't exist anymore....could books really die out? It's unthinkable, just as it was unthinkable that records would one day die out, but they very nearly did, and they could again. Where was I? Oh yes, my private conversation with Dawn Mist, which she instigated at 10.15pm (2.15pm in LA).

DAWN: C****! The USA dates - announced scheduled. Mexico weren't confirmed. Mexico actually happened first.

ME: Are you saying the USA dates aren't confirmed? Why announce as 'scheduled'? I don't know what you mean.

DAWN: Eventually you will. However, when do I announce my schedule?

ME: You don't!

DAWN: I wonder...are they my cancelled shows from 1986? Who knows...

ME: I know, and no, they're not! Those shows were: Miami, Atlanta, Nashville, New York.

DAWN: How astute.

ME: This country needs stutes.

DAWN: But overrun with rats.

ME: So, will you tell me why the Smiths reformation isn't happening?


ME: Fairy nuff.

DAWN: JM pulled out.

ME: I never know when to believe you. Were you too demanding?

DAWN: Why am I telling you this?

ME: Because we are friends. I have a good ear...or eye in this case.

DAWN: I never know why I tell such things on here. Least of all to you. 

ME: Perhaps it's because for some strange reason you actually quite like me.

DAWN: I know I can request you to keep quiet? I assume?

ME: You know you can trust me. All you ever have to do is tell me.

DAWN: I have a big mouth. Like you. Peas in a pod.

ME: Excitable puppies. Still 15 at heart.

DAWN: Can I tell you, I really thought it would, it would be right. JM wants to market the unmarketable. Wants the glory. I do not. I want the magic. The true-ness. The unbelievable.

ME: You always were the romantic one. Why unmarketable? What does he want?

DAWN: He wants airplay I presume. I want to tour - Uk. 

ME: I'm sure you have always had your image of how it would happen, and JM's image is different. There is always a compromise. You should sit down with him and tell him how you picture it. A new Smiths LP would be huge. Having a hit single would be impossible - Airplay only on Radio 2 - JM must know that. And what do you mean by 'presume'? You need to meet up and talk it through properly.

DAWN: The possibilities are endless. JM is a closed shop. We spoke about Patti. Then silence.

ME: Closed shops can be reopened, you just need a key. The door might not even be locked. You really should just meet up. Ask him, he won't say no. Goodnight, friend.

DAWN: Good Sorrow. 

*This blog entry was eventually made public on April 14th 2017 with the permission of Morrissey*

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Day 2076 - Brockmans' island

A rather tipsy Dawn Mist showed up in The Wrong Arms last night, clutching a black bottle. Here are her offerings:

"The lighthouse shines brighter on the island."

"One may return back to the lighthouse of hopelessness."

"The lighthouse has found a new gin. Brockmans is quintessentially exquisite."

Image result for brockmans

When I enquired if the lighthouse referred to might be on Long Island, the reply was:

"Alas, not this year. EC only for reformation"

The reformation referred to is the one which had been hinted at last month. I asked, "No ref this year then?", to which Dawn replied, "*blows cheeks* apparently not".

I now think I know what the "death" and "personal sadness" that Our Mozzer referred to the other day was all about.

Image result for smiths is dead

Dawn often speaks in riddles, and I am wondering if the lighthouse on the island could refer to there being a forthcoming concert in Hawaii; the place where Morrissey gave me an interview in 2012 - an interview which included a quote about What Difference Does it Make, which now quote as gospel.
Image result for lighthouse hawaii

And finally, something that could mean something, or could mean nothing. On True-To-You website last week, Morrissey announced a 'schedule' for concerts in the US, whereas the dates for Mexico were listed as 'confirmed'. Despite some of these US shows having already sold out, will they actually go ahead?

And now, I am off for a pint in The Spice Island Inn, and then to watch my football team play against Accrington Stanley.... no Brockmans in the surroundings of luxury lighthouses for little old me.

Image result for spice island portsmouth

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Day 2072 - Tours from the lighthouse

I wrote in my previous blog entry that it was to be presumed that Morrissey's headline slot at the Roxy festival on 1st April will begin at Midnight. This was confirmed to me by Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist) in the filthy toilets of The Wrong Arms - i.e. the Twitter DM - last Wednesday evening, although how a lighthouse keeper with 47 seagull followers on Twitter can possibly know this, I cannot say....well actually I can say, and I often do, but no one believes me.

Dawn also took to the comments section of my last blog entry to write:

"I believe I also tweeted- "Tours from the lighthouse", which Dawn had indeed tweeted on January 29th, although I didn't bother to report it in my last blog entry, because no tour had been announced.

This morning I have awoken to find that a new Morrissey tour has been announced.... Dawn knows EVERYTHING!
Image result for fog lighthouse  needles

The announcement of the mini-tour came via True-To-You, with the 5 dates being in the USA in April. Accompanying the announcement was a photoshopped picture by 'nephew Sam' of Black Panther founder, Huey Newton, holding a copy of Morrissey's (soon to be released???) World Peace LP - the original photo had Newton holding Bob Dylan's Highway 61 Revisited. Newton's taste in music has obviously improved with death!

That previous blog entry of mine ended with me asking if Morrissey had now returned to LA - as mentioned in a tweet by Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste). It has now emerged that Moz was spotted by a fan at Hollywood's ArcLight cinema last Thursday evening; watching I Am Not Your Negro, so the answer to my question is 'yes'!

There has been very little seen in The Arms this past week of Dawn Mist or OM, although Dawn did pop her head in on Saturday to correct me on my assumption that a story and photo about Moz signing for some medicines must have been fake because it showed Morrissey signing for a package with his left hand - Morrissey being right handed. Dawn simply tested to me, "Ambidextrous".


I replied to Dawn that, from what I had seen of Morrissey's handwriting, he could barely write with one hand, let alone both. For this insubordination, I received a tweet back saying, "blocked", but thankfully I haven't been!

Later on Saturday, Dawn invited the seagulls to join her and OM in the lighthouse i.e. the chatroom on the True Morrissey blogsite, but on arrival neither OM nor Dawn were very chatty, and they soon left without really discussing anything.

Our Mozzer's only appearance this week in The Arms was on Sunday evening, when he tweeted, "The lighthouse attracts as personal sadness engulfs me. Join in." 
I wasn't online at the time, so I was unable to attend. Goodness only knows what that personal sadness could be, but hopefully it is nothing too serious.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Day 2066 - NEVER start at midnight

Our Mozzer has returned to Twitter, a Smiths single is soon to be released and the Morrissey band are heading back to the stage...the wheels are back on the wagon, and we're rolling!

Having closed his Twitter account following his defeat in the Moz Army quiz of Friday night, Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste) returned to The Wrong Arms on Monday afternoon and announced, "I have licked my wounds and devised my own quiz. 9pm, Friday. Be there." However, when Andy B (@TonyMerchison) asked him this evening if his quiz was prepared, OM replied, "the quiz is cancelled due to an illness in the quizzing party. Deep sadness." - Why should public appearances on Twitter be any different to the outside world? At least this time Kristeen Young can't be blamed; who incidentally is set to play four nights in London during February to promote her forthcoming album Live At the Witch's Tit, which has to be the greatest album title EVER. Unfortunately the four nights in London are all Tuesdays, which means I cannot get to go, which is disappointing to say the least.


The new Smiths single; which looks set to be released at some time soon, is a 12" vinyl of The Queen is Dead - the song Morrissey had wanted Warner Bros to release last year to mark the 30th anniversary of the LP - I guess better late than never.


There hasn't actually been an official announcement about this new Smiths release, unlike the announcement made on TTY at the end of November regarding a forthcoming 7" release of The Boy With The Thorn In His Side - which two months on, still hasn't seen the light of day.

I am guessing that both singles will be released on Record Store Day in April; although I hope not because hundreds of other records get released at the same time, which means that reaching Number 1 in the Official UK vinyl chart for either of these two singles would become a lottery. If the records were to be released during any other week of the year, it only needs approximately 200 sales to achieve a No.1; and although charts may not matter to many people these days, they do matter to Morrissey.

And Morrissey isn't the only artist to be concerned with charts, if you read the excited tweets of artists who have reached No.1 in the Vinyl Chart; such as my current favourite band The Sherlocks  (who I am going to see live in Feb), then you can see what a buzz it can bring.

Image result for the sherlocks

Anyway, enough about the Smiths...for now, let me briefly return to the tweets of both Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist), which although not many in number, hold secrets to be told.

On Sunday at 5.30pm, Dawn tweeted, "Peru, Peru - my heart's lighthouse", which tended to suggest that a concert may well have been booked for, er, Peru, but on Monday evening, OM turned up in The Arms to announce, "Peril in Peru", which now tends to suggest, it's over before it began.

However, even if Peru isn't happening, it has just been announced that a headline slot at a Mexican festival IS. This announcement doesn't come as a complete surprise, because a tweet from Dawn on Monday evening looks to have been a HUGE hint.

At 10.40pm, Dawn entered The Wrong Arms and played the Killers song Midnight Show on the jukebox, before adding, "I'd NEVER start at midnight". Dawn then followed this up with, "You'd do well to NEVER remember that". One presumes that Morrissey's Mexican headline slot is a midnight kick off....but how could an unknown, unofficial Twitter account with just 47 followers possibly know that?


And finally, earlier on Tuesday; after I had tweeted a picture of a lighthouse that I had only just seen on the Dawn Mist blogsite, Our Mozzer took to Twitter to berate my slackness in observation, tweeting, "one does not laze around LA all day and expect to hear that his staff are being incompetent." He's back in LA?

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