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Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Day 2150 - Gifts galore - 'lost' MW classics 'found' & another interview

MOZZER HAS GIVEN US ANOTHER INTERVIEW....but more about that in a paragraph or two.

In my blog entry of two days ago I made reference to Morfessa playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers's song Parallel Universe on the Wrong Arms jukebox. This in turn led to girlwithout (GWO) commenting, "Was 'Parallel Universe" the title of one of the MW blogs? Seem to recall a submarine. Or am I dreaming?"

Both myself and Heather replied to GWO, and we got reminiscing about a few of the other old MorrisseysWorld classics, including one about a Morrissey impersonator called Paul Freeyourself wearing speedos, and another about the same Paul Freeyourself in a clapped out Mercedes.  I mentioned how I regretted not having taken copies of those old MorrisseysWorld classics, and that their deletions were the equivalent of Van Gogh slashing his own paintings, or Beethoven setting fire to his scores, or the BBC wiping sit coms.

Image result for van gogh self portrait

Yesterday evening, at just before 8.30pm, Dawn Mist left the following comment on the reminiscing thread of the last FTM:

Back from the dead. Eyes wide. This will shock you sixty-nine times. 
Seeing is believing. 

For your viewing displeasure- 

I truly spoil you. 


To say that I was lost for words was an understatement! Those MW classics were not only alive and well, but had been re-published for the world to enjoy.... or at least the dozen or so who are still on this journey.

I would dearly love to republish the three MW classics here on FTM; for no other reason than they might disappear again one day, but I have been told by a certain someone in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to.

Image result for morrissey hand up

All three of the parody pieces that Dawn has shared with us are hilariously funny. The first is the one that GWO mentioned, about a parallel universe on a submarine. This was written following 'Houston-gate', a ridiculous few days in mid February 2012, in which Our Mozzer was accused of being racist for likening Whitney Houston to Oprah Winfrey. I wrote a very funny court scene parody about the situation on Day 156 of FTM, and at the same time, Our Mozzer wrote the Parallel Universe parody, which I drew reference to on Day 157.

The second of the parody pieces that Dawn has republished is entitled, 'The Day Morrissey met Freeyourself in Chile'. This was written when Morrissey was on tour in Chile, and I mentioned it briefly on Day 163 of FTM. It is the parody about the Morrissey impersonator and his band wearing speedos, whilst stalking Morrissey and his band. The humour of the writing is once again top drawer, with Boz in particular coming in for some right old ribbing. There are a couple of Wilde quotes thrown in for good measure, but my absolute favourite line is a throwaway one, where Morrissey refers to the impersonators as, "rum c*nts". The word 'rum' as an adjective is not used anywhere near enough in this modern society.


The final one of the parody pieces is the other one that included Paul the impersonator, and was a meeting between Morrissey and Our Mozzer, with Rosy Mires acting as the 'real' Morrissey's right hand man/woman. The story concludes with Our Mozzer turning out to actually be the real Morrissey, whilst the Morrissey that Rosy had thought was real, turned out to be Paul the impersonator. Another classic. I first mentioned this piece on Day 307 of FTM, with RosyMires's response to it also included. This response included Rosy throwing all evidence, logic and rationale out of the window, and accusing ME of being the author of MorrisseysWorld. You couldn't make this up...and yet still to this day...

Although I am not allowed to reproduce the parodies, I'm sure it will be fine to quote my favourite lines from the third of those three parodies:

ROSYMIRES: You see it's got that irony factor when you do it, Morrissey. NO one else could pull that off - certainly not a blogger. Also this use of the word c*nt - I mean, come on! For a man with a vocabulary like you to use that word would be ridiculous! It just wasn't Morrisseyesque at all -

THE TRUE ARTISTE: -Oh I beg to differ, my sweet. I use the word c*nt constantly in discussion with Boz Boorer. It's the only language the sorry c*nt understands, quite frankly-

ROSYMIRES: -Well yes of course when YOU use that word, Morrissey, it's very, very Morrisseyesque because you carry it off with certain aplomb. You wouldn't overuse it for example, unlike a certain person...

THE TRUE ARTISTE: Oh I call Boz a c*nt every five minutes. Call a c*nt a c*nt I say- 

ROSYMIRES: The irony is just... mesmerising.

Comedy gold!


And as if we hadn't been spoiled enough by Dawn posting those old MW classics, Our Mozzer popped into The Wrong Arms this morning and tweeted, "I will not self release an album but I will self publish an interview."

I immediately headed back to the True Morrissey blog, and there it was, a......


The interview consists of questions that were posted by members of the BRS last week, along with answers from Moz.

I don't have permission to reproduce the interview in full on FTM, so once again I will just mention a few bits. Quite a few of the answers are answered in a parody/jocular manner, but a number of them do seem to offer the thoughts of the real Moz....whoever the real Moz may be. Personally, I like to think that the Morrissey who comes into The Wrong Arms and chats candidly with us plebs is the real Moz, and the one who shows his face to the outside world is the public Moz.

So here we go, some of the highlights of this latest interview:

When asked what Oscar would say about this era, Mozzer tells us:

"Oscar would not have a voice in this current era. He would write, as he could exist doing nothing else, however the audience would not be there. His dinner party witticisms would be practiced in private for a public that would not exist. The only way Wilde would gain any sort of notoriety in this current climate would be to lower himself to big Brother or Made in Chelsea or become a hollow chat show host. As Wilde would surely note, "Why was I born with such contemporaries?""

Image result for oscar wilde rare

In reply to my question, 'Which 8 songs would you choose if you were to go on Desert Island Discs again today', Moz (eventually) replied:

If Love were all - Alma Cogan
Backwater - Brian Eno
Lonesome Traveller - Marianne Faithfull
Sally - Gracie Fields
Mr Personality Man - Foundations
You Think You're a Man - Divine
About the Weather - Magazine
The Last of the Secret Agents - Nancy Sinatra

Image result for divine singer

In reply to my question, 'In May 1987 you were recording Work is a Four Letter Word and I Keep Mine Hidden, so the Smiths were still very much a thing. Was your 28th birthday the last 'happy one' before finding contentment in your forties?':

"I've never been happy. I was content recording these songs but little did I know Johnny felt above it all and would soon pull the plug. I'm sure he thought he would become renowned as a genius and Morrissey would have to retire in shame to a bedsit in Runcorn. Time was not on his side."
Related image

In reply to the question, 'Who is your favourite photographer':

"Currently William Mortensen"

In reply to my question, 'In 2012 you berated Manchester council for not having honoured you in any way. Do you think they just don't realise your cultural importance yet?':

"They would rather give Bez the key to the city than give me the key to Debenhams."


In reply to the question, 'You've had many people in your inner circle leave and well publicised fall-outs. For someone who has had a career as long as yours I guess it's the norm. But do you regret any of the fall outs or do you just feel it's the natural way of life?':

"People use the exposure I give them to further their own careers. It is startling how loyal Boz has been and recently Matt and Jesse. I treat them as friends and they treat me like a friend. They defend me when I am defenceless. Do I regret fallouts? No, I cut people out of my life when they bore me, which happens with regularity these days."
Image result for boz boorer jesse

In reply to the question, 'Do you have any unfulfilled dreams?':

"To care less and to live more."  (Ed - this is a mantra that I too have adopted in recent years)

We really have been spoilt lately, what with the posting of the classic parody pieces, this new interview, and not forgetting of course the INCREDIBLE INTERVIEW THAT MORRISSEY EXCLUSIVELY GAVE TO ME LAST WEEK.

In other news, it has been revealed that The Boy With the Thorn in His Side/Rubber Ring was the second best selling record on Record Store Day, with Bowie's, No Tune EP (Ear piercing) being at Number 1.... as predicted by moi last Thursday. I still haven't actually bought the single yet, as the desperadoes are still paying too much for it on ebay. I shall bide my time and purchase it in 2021... it's the Glamorous Glue promo all over again!

And finally, finally, after fifteen months of wondering whether or not 'Not Astra's Derriere' is a Morrissey pessoa or not, I have now discovered that it is....NOT! 

I managed to finally put two and two together on Saturday, when, following a vicious attack on my good name by some fat ugly woman from Bridlington (@KissMyShades); who likened me on Twitter to, "bad AIDS", I was gallantly defended by Bitchy Bobby Neville (@geniussteals) and then moments later Not Astra's Derrière left a supportive comment on Day 2051 of FTM and then another comment on Day 2144, mentioning the "bad AIDS". A silly schoolboy error, and Bitchy Bobby's cover was blown.

Bitchy Bobby wasn't really gallant towards me, what he actually tweeted was, "he's a complete cunt of that there's no question but let's not compare him to AIDS shall we...".

Bitchy Bob is hereby banned from posting on FTM as 'Not Astra's Derrière'. Impersonating Morrissey is an unforgivable, heinous crime, and it puts Bitchy Bobby in the same category as Chuck. It is hard enough trying to unravel things around here, without having some smart arse confuse things. As for cunts, it takes one to know one, and BBN is Grade 'A'.


  1. That picture of Moz as Popeye tickles me.
    What a 24 hours we've had.
    I was rather struck by "To care less and to live more"
    Thanks again to OM & you Rats for your work. I only wish there was more response & appreciation.

  2. thanks guys, I too look forward to reading them all over again

    1. Me too, I need more time to read. Ratty dear, please, no more litigation...💙😘👏🏼

  3. whiskers you could have been a detective

    1. Perhaps I was. Or perhaps I am in a parallel universe.

  4. OM & Morfessa (who was basically Dawn!) have now left the building.
    The final words that I received were, "See you oh so soon".

    1. Farewell to them, they will be missed - but at least we still have the blog to enjoy. It will take me a while to fully digest all of the new offerings.

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  5. I'm still in shock from receiving so many delightful gifts at once. 'Care less, live more' has officially become my mantra to live by. The parody excerpt that's included here is absolutely priceless, and I've really enjoyed listening to the Desert Island selections.

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  7. Couldn't have asked for a better three MW classics to be retrieved from the vaults if we had tried.

  8. BTW how do you ban someone from posting on your blog?

    1. I delete their comments - simple.

      I quite like Bitchy Bob, but having someone pretend to be Moz is too much of a mind fuck for me. Ironically, the reason the fat ugly AIDS woman hates me so much, is because she believes I am a faker who has been misleading people by pretending to be Morrissey, whereas her friend, Bitchy Bob, has, er, been pretending to be Moz. You couldn't make this up.

    2. Simples. And there was me thinking you had found some super techy way to ban people.

  9. It is interesting to note that Simple Sabine aka GOB, has been going back through the comment sections of past FTMs and deleting all her comments. This is exactly what both RosyMires & Chuck did. It is as though they try to wipe themselves out of the story, or perhaps they see that it is a punishment for me. It's fascinating to observe such behaviour.

    1. you missed me, I have also done that (for reasons that I shall take to the grave with me)

  10. Funny how M's fave Brian Eno songs are the ones I can't stand (I'm more of an ambient Eno fan).


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