JESSICA BROWN FINDLAY - DISAPPOINTED MORRISSEY
I knew for two reasons that Morrissey would have watched the Jessica B F video clip because: A) Disappointed is the b side of Everyday Is Like Sunday (EILS) and B) he really does observe EVERYTHING, although he did add, "For the record I do not watch EVERYTHING. Don't keep a dog and bark yourself...". I replied to this by tweeting, "I bet even when the dog points something out to you, 9/10 you'd have already seen it", to which I got the hilarious reply, "That is what is known as seminal wisdom".
I responded to the "seminal wisdom" comment by saying, "Now I've heard it all. I am genuinely laughing here", to which M retorted, "Oh? I have plenty more...". I then said, "Frank Carson eat your heart out. And on that subject, who are your Top 3 favourite comedians?". The reply:
I asked Moz if he had ever featured Ken Dodd in a pre-concert montage, but got no reply.
Morrissey then paid my blog a compliment by tweeting, "For unofficial representation of Steven Patrick Morrissey watch England is Mine. Official representation can be found on FTM."
We then had a conversation in the toilet of The Arms, with M deciding to answer a question I had asked last Tuesday, about whether Justin Bieber would be featuring on the new LP. He replied, "No chance. My days of being a die-hard Belieber are over".
And then the mood suddenly swung, as Morfessa asked, "Have you nothing better to do with your time?", before then adding, "Quite frankly I am bored by you and this whole situation. If I were an alcoholic I would not be here at all."
I have no idea what prompted the swing in mood, but decided to return to the main bar, where Heather was suggesting that someone should make a film based on FTM. I joked that I would never give the rights, and that I was going to delete the whole blog. Morfessa picked up on this and tweeted, "Bluff and bluster. Delete it and free everyone. It's been a waste anyway.". I said that he didn't really mean that, but he replied, "I do. Waste and waste again. Waste. Waste. Waste." I disagreed and was met with, "Fuck you. Fuck your hairline. Fuck FTM. Fuck the BRS. Fuck off. How can I make this clearer?"
With the hairline under attack, I decided to leave.
Does Morrissey really want me to delete this blog of mine, to "free everyone"? Am I really the holder of the key to this Hotel California? I don't think so. Our Mozzer started all this, and it will only end if he ends it.
In other news, England is Mine had it's premiere yesterday in Edinburgh, and has received mixed reviews - doesn't everything get mixed reviews? Morrissey's friend, James Maker has criticised the film, particularly on the grounds that: A) there is no Morrisseyean wit B) The curtains of Morrissey's house are misrepresented and C) He (Maker) isn't in it! Maker has also taken the opportunity to mention his autobiography, AutoFellatio, which is out this week.
And finally, The Smiths remain at Number 1 in the Official UK Vinyl Singles Chart. And now I have just one last thing to do...