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Friday, 22 December 2017

Day 2390 - "The construction of genius"

As I counted down the 'Most Watched Morrissey Video Chart 2017' in The Wrong Arms yesterday afternoon, we were joined by the man himself (as Morfessa), although it was only very briefly. He tweeted, "I am not staying. I have people to offend", to which I replied, "Your full time occupation...you're good at it too!", and subsequently got the response, "I offended twenty people by the time I had gargled this morning."

Before he disappeared, old Mozzer left this message for me via DM:

"Stop your chart immediately. Good. The interview questions are being answered. Now continue. From Alf."

He then added, "Would you like a sneak peak of an answer?"

As I was counting down the chart, I hadn't seen the message, so didn't reply immediately. Two minutes later I got a, "Far too slow." Bloody impatient lyrical geniuses! They're all prima donnas.

The interview questions that Morrissey was referring to, were ones emailed to him by me on November 30th. I had been instructed to send the questions by Dawn Mist via the comments section of Day 833 of FTM  -  I blogged about this on December 8th, but as I was sworn to secrecy, that blog of December 8th went unpublished, just as this one will go unpublished too!

Morfessa relented on me being, "too slow", and gave me a sneak answer after all:

"Put Together" makes me sound like I have just purchased the latest IKEA death apparatus. Please refer to my process as the construction of genius in future. I constantly write and constantly find myself trying to fit in a nice line into the un-working and unforgiving melody."

He then added, "You're welcome", before then also adding, "I have just noticed a word that does not need to be there, Please excuse that. Or don't. I frankly don't care."

I replied that I hadn't noticed, and that I looked forward to the rest of the interview. I added. "I thought you'd forgotten. Or died. Or something", to which Morrissey came back with, "I've been dead for years etc etc etc".

I thought that perhaps the rest of the interview would arrive later yesterday evening, but when it hadn't turned up by 11pm I sent a message via Twitter DM asking if he had answered the rest of the questions. He replied, "I have a life other than pretending to be myself." His response made me laugh, but I didn't let on, and replied, "That may be so, but this other life that you speak of can't be anywhere near as entertaining as pretending to be you....at least not for me." Morrissey came back with, "Life is never entertaining", before then adding, "It's your birthday very soon. I advise death before my age."

I am touched and quite flabbergasted that Morrissey has remembered my birthday....not that he has bothered to send a card! At this age, it's nothing to celebrate anyway.

*FOOT NOTE* This blog entry was eventually published on December 24th 2017 after it had become evident that no interview would be forthcoming.



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