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Friday, 4 May 2018

Friday May 4 2018 (The real and proper Day 2424) - This Charming Man

I was just about to go to sleep last night, when I saw in my Twitter timeline one of those silly and utterly pointless questionnaire thingies that you sometimes just can't ignore. This particular one on and was titled, 'Which The Smiths Song Are You Based On These Random Questions?', and they really are random questions that can't possibly give any indication of anything. None the less, I am apparently The Headmaster Ritual:

Although there had been no sign of Mozzer (@AlfsButton) on Twitter, I decided to tweet him a link to the questionnaire thingy and asked him which Smiths song he was. Five minutes later, I rather unexpectedly got a reply:

"This Charming Man of course"

We then had the following conversation:

ME:  Did you actually take the quiz?

MOZ: Do I actually need to answer that?

ME: It would be fairly amusing if you were to take the quiz. A screenshot of the result it gives would also be amusing. Will you amuse me?

MOZ: You have over six years of me amusing and abusing you on your very own blog. I suggest you read that.

ME: Oh go on, humour me. You know you want to take the quiz. You actually might get This Charming Man. What are your current Top 3 favourite Smiths songs?

MOZ: I Want the One I Can't Have, Reel Around the Fountain and Ask

To my surprise and utter delight, I then received a DM with a screen shot showing that Morrissey really DID get This Charming Man on the quiz. He also wrote, "Happy now?"

I decided to post the screenshot on Twitter, which resulted in old Mozzer tweeting:

"That was for your eyes only. I do not sit around partaking in quizzes on the Internet all day. I have no time what with spider solitaire and Candy Crush Saga."

(Cut to the Statler and Waldorf of the Morrissey world, aka Uncle Skinny and his Solow chum, Charlie Cheswick)

SKINNY: FRAUD, FRAUD, FRAUD - The real Morrissey wouldn't know what Candy Crush Saga is, let alone play it. This fraudster who has been pretending to be Morrissey for the past seven years will soon be tripped up and exposed.

CHARLIE: Yeah, I agree with you.

SKINNY: And anyway, I have no interest in Morrissey anymore, he's a racist, and I should know because I'm right about everything, always.

CHARLIE: Yeah, I hate Morrissey too, and want nothing to do with him, the racist.

Poor old Skinny and co. They really don't have a clue about ANYTHING, and despite what they would like to think, their obsession with Morrissey is stronger than ever.

And yes, it really is now SEVEN YEARS since Morrissey started MorrisseysWorld.

Back to my Twitter conversation of last night with Morrissey.... YES, the REAL Morrissey.

ME: Do you ever listen to your songs and wish you had changed a lyric or added something else/taken something out?

MOZ: No never. Added a drum machine. Taken drummer out.

ME: As you write new songs and change lyrics, do you keep original notes or do you throw any workings away once you have the finished article?

MOZ: I archive and hoard everything. I have quite an accumulation. This will no doubt fall into the wrong hands of those that disowned me. They must make their fortune upon my death.

ME: I wouldn't be too concerned about those wrong hands - you'll outlive them all. You'll be in that care home aged 103, banging out requests for the other residents.

MOZ: Banging out requests? I'm not Elton John.

ME: Not yet, but you might in 40 years time.You archive? Do you have ring binders?

MOZ: And you were doing so well. End of the Spanish inquisition.

ME: Bugger it! Thank you for humouring me. Goodnight.

MOZ: I think you humoured me more...

Image result for residents singing care home

Along with that screenshot of This Charming Man, I also had another DM from Mozzer last night which read, "I've been here for over 48 hours. No one bothers to speak to me except you. What's the point?"

AlfsButton currently has 33 followers. As to why all these people aren't all taking this incredible opportunity to converse with Morrissey, I really don't know. Perhaps the cat has got their thumb.

*Goes off singing* Punc_tured bi_sick_all on a hillside desoo_let, will nature make a man of me yet? And in this charming car, this charrr_ming man


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. OHHHHH a double bed and a.....

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  4. How can it possibly have been seven years already? Regarding the lack of conversing, it can be somewhat discouraging to continue trying when one is often ignored (and shy). Oh, to be in that care home...

  5. I laughed when I saw the tamberine -he will be shaking his hips from his chair(as will we all :) You’ll Be Gone will be on replay and the
    great great great grand kids will ask...why does the same song keep coming on is it broken? In the future a song will only need to be listened to once. But there still will be no cure for Alzheimer’s as it’s a money maker. Off to dream my goals and cry for those not met.

  6. Took the quiz and got I dreamt that somebody loved me...seems legit accurate. Take care Rat and co

  7. I am conscious of becoming more insular and I hope it's not perceived as my ambivalent or rude. It's not helped by still having no reliable internet at home.
    Anyhow I hope Moz & all of you here are doing Ok.

  8. Hi Ratty dear, seven years are passed, I can't believe it! Anyway it was a great time and, maybe, the best still has to come! Have a nice week end!😘

  9. The questions I want to ask are not the same questions he is willing to answer.


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