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Wednesday, 2 May 2018

Wednesday May 2 2018 (The real and proper Day 2422) -The rover returns

Yesterday evening, at 8.20pm UK time, the doors of The Wrong Arms were flung open and in walked a sputtering Morrissey - The Mozziah has returned.

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Members of the Dreary Deluded Dozen started to interact with him immediately, but although Mozzer was using the Twitter handle 'Seminal Artiste' with the account name @Alfsbutton,  I was sceptical as to whether or not this was the real Mozzer or an imposter. My doubt was quickly laid to rest when the seminal artist dragged me into the cloakroom and showed me his credentials. It was him all right!

And now that I know I am writing about the real deal, here are his Twitter offerings from last night:

In reply to Dan Abnormal (@nothappysad75) (who probably isn't Ricky Gervais, but who knows) asking, "Are you ill?": "Forever, lamentably"  

"In truth we find falsehoods and in falsehoods we find ourselves."

In reply to Jesse Nothing (@MozFiend) tweeting, "I can't believe I have this opportunity to talk to you and yet I don't. My phone is dying and I am in a bad situation": "My phone is in a bad situation and I am dying"

In reply to Nat (@HoarselyCry) tweeting, "Good to see you back": "Are you sure?"

In reply to Nat enquiring as to whether this was a ghost from the past in the same body: "I wouldn't describe myself as having a body. It is more akin to a bin bag stuffed with lard."

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"You were not supposed to agree with the lard comment."

"I once confused France with a sewage system. That was extremely insensitive of me. A sewage system has less odour problems."

"Kanye West states slavery was a choice. Somebody should choose to emancipate Kanye West from the burden of being Kanye West."

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"Nephews latest photomontage"

It's great to have Our Mozzer back, and even greater when he is laying into the likes of Kanye West and the French. Hopefully we will get more of this, and perhaps we may even get to see OM laying into clubs on Twitter, just like he did in the old days.

Whilst I was in the toilets inspecting OM's credentials, we also had a little chat. I asked what had happened to the email that he was going to send me, that was to be published on FTM. He explained that the content had been posted on Morrissey Central instead i.e., the article titled I've Been Dreaming of A Time When - it was obviously decided that the article deserved a wider audience than FTM could give it.

OM also informed me that, "the lighthouse keeper is lost at sea once again", which I presume means that he has lost the password for the Dawn Mist/Dawn the Second Twitter account.

I asked Mozzer where he had been of late, and he replied, "I have been turning the clock back." I asked, "Hair transplant? Face lift? Tummy tuck", and got the reply, "Gender reassignment."

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The new Morrissey Twitter account has so far amassed 22 followers.


  1. there are sooo many misconceptions about morrissey, but i'd say his humour is the most underappreciated. great to have him back!

    unfortunately, won't be here much (not that i have anyway recently), i've got my gcses in 2 weeks. don't enjoy yourselves too much without me.

  2. Such a lovely surprise to see Alf return! (Yes, I’m sure!) Hope he’ll stick around for awhile!

  3. Oh yes I would agreed, humor under appreciated and undervalued we are blessed to have him here. Now say 10 Hail Marys or he won’t return.

    1. I think Hail Mozzers might be more effective. Yes, the humor is priceless. I got quite a chuckle out of the photomontages. Life is so much more enjoyable when M is around.

  4. nice to see you writing again, let us hope for a tour soon I have been looking at hotels/destinations.. weird I know because we have no idea where Moz and the boys will pop up

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